MTG Salvation

probation list

giant floating boobs 1W
creature - boob (U)
flying, nipple 2 (when this creature attacks, you may tap any number of target creatures with total power 2 or less)
1/1

iiw: boobs

ayup

(I'm just going to assume someone will fire the next round before the heat death of the universe)

----------

there is a button I can press.
when pressed, it does the oddest thing:
it turns my insides into maggots

each bone and muscle and sinew
each nerve and vein and node and cell
each one of them a wriggling maggot

ten-thousands of these pale larvae
squirm over, under, back, and forth;
a pile of anxious, hungry maggots

but that, good friend, does scare me not:
no more ill will is borne to me
than to the carcass of a pig,
or to neglected apples’ rot—
we find ourselves alike in that
beneath the undiscerning maggots

what frightens me, you understand,
is that I look within myself
and fail to see a single maggot

my eyes spot one and capture it,
but then they blink and lose it as
it crawls beneath the mass of maggots

ten-thousands of these pale larvae
identical in every way.
friend, that’s what scares me of these maggots.

and so you ask me now, dear friend,
“why do you keep the button?”
indeed, you know I’m not the sort
for sentiment, or folly.
you see, I’ve found the oddest thing
when pondering the button;
my finger floating over it,
awaiting whims to press it.
good friend, I’ve found my soul is trapped
within this curs-ed button.
by magic, witchcraft, sorcery,
cruel twists of fate or karma—
I’ve found myself become a lich,
my spirit bound to nothing.

Goblin Raider?

Djinn of Infinite Pecs

Zhur-Taa Hunter-Gatherer 1R
Creature - Viashino (C)
When Zhur-Taa Hunter-Gatherer enters the battlefield, you may forage RR. (You may discard a card. If you do, add RR to your mana pool.)
2/1

Harvest G
Sorcery (C)
Forage GG. (Discard a card. If you do, add GG to your mana pool.)
At the beginning of the end step, you may return Harvest from your graveyard to your hand.

Ghor-Clan Rummager 2R
Creature - Goblin Rogue (C)
T: Forage—Draw a card. (Discard a card. If you do, draw a card.)
1/1

Scavenge 2RG
Sorcery (U)
Choose one or both:

• Return target instant or sorcery card from your graveyard to your hand.
• Return target creature or land card from your graveyard to your hand.

Skarrgan Gardener 2G
Creature - Human Druid (U)
Whenever a land enters the battlefield under your control, you may forage GG. (You may discard a card. If you do, add GG to your mana pool.)
Whenever a land enters your graveyard, add G to your mana pool.
2/3

Pyrewild Maunderer 1R
Creature - Goblin Warrior (R)
T: Forage R. (Discard a card. If you do, add R to your mana pool.)
Whenever you discard a card, Pyrewild Maunderer deals 1 damage to target creature or player.
2/1

Requisitioned War Plow 4
Artifact (R)
X, T: Exile up to X target cards from your graveyard. Add 2 to your mana pool for each card exiled this way.

Borborygmos Pacified 3RRGG
Legendary Creature - Cyclops (M)
Whenever a creature enters the battlefield under your control, draw a card.
Creatures you control have "T: Forage RG."
5/7

iiw: love

Work Order 3RR
Enchantment - Aura (U)
You control enchanted creature.
When enchanted creature becomes tapped, return Work Order to your hand at end of turn.
Rubinia sighed as she stared down her watch. Too long a sigh for the double shot of espresso that should've kicked in twenty emails ago—"doppio," the barista called it. She'd forget the name by tomorrow morning. Whatever it was, it was caffeine, and it was running later than the 8:10 to Downtown Yavimaya. Thirty more emails. Christ, when did "team leader" become license to CC someone on every message every pencil pusher in this godforsaken company sends? Whatever, she knew she'd get more work done under this leaky overhang than in her actual office; here she didn't have to deal with sexual passes from career salarymen whose wives stopped fellating their every need ten missed mortgage payments ago. Pervs on the metro, now those she could deal with. Everything's easier when HR doesn't get involved. —Christ. Another thirty emails. Could anyone in the city fill out a job ticket without these incessant ******* mistakes? One managed to get a laugh out of her. It's 10376 A.R., Mr. Handwritten Resume; Urza was figuring out how to open PDFs while your ancestors were conspiring to give you the worst set of marketable skills this side of midtown. Sigh. She reached for a Parliament as the 8:10 decided its personal welfare was less important than the functioning of civilization. As she struck her lighter and reacquainted herself with the only colleague she didn't mind blowing smoke up her ass, the man packed next to her on the metro scowled. Surely, he cared as much about Rubinia's cardiovascular health as her doctor did. "**** you," she would say to both of them in just as many words. Doppio and cigarettes are a combination necessary for the functioning of the only people sane enough to keep society from dribbling over its collective self. These contracts weren't writing themselves. Christ, how did the world get like this?

it's actually a vintage-legal card

Reduce in Stature

edit: think of all the alternate dimensions equal to this one except for cythare spilling coffee in his lap 60 seconds ago

replacement for Augury Adept

Ballynock Balloonist 1
Creature - Kithkin Soldier (R)
Flying
Whenever Ballynock Balloonist attacks, you may tap or untap target creature.
2/2

iiw: love

Quote from admirableadmiral »

Is that three in a row? I must be on fire.

man it's too bad aa burned to death

the warning signs were there and everything

Niv-Mizzet, the Phoned-In 2UURR
Creature - Dragon Wizard (M)
Flying
Whenever a creature dealt damage by Niz-Mizzet this turn dies, draw a card.
T: Niv-Mizzet deals 3 damage to target creature or player.
5/5

iiw: love

Daydream U
Sorcery (C)
Draw a card, then discard a card.
Draw a card, then discard a card.
Draw a card, then discard a card.

iiw: love