MTG Salvation

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may say "Ach Hans, run It's the . . ." and the name of a creature card. If you do, search your library for a card with that name, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle your library. That creature gains haste. Exile it at the beginning of the next end step.

1: This card's name becomes the card name of your choice. Activate this ability anywhere, anytime.

Choose an artist. Exile the top six cards of your library, then reveal cards from the top of your library until you reveal a card with art by the chosen artist. Put that card in your hand and exile all other cards revealed this way.

Whenever a player plays a spell that counters a spell that has been played or a player plays a spell that comes into play with counters, that player may counter the next spell played or put an additional counter on a permanent that has already been played, but not countered.

T: Draw a card, then discard a card.

Whenever a permanent that shares an artist with another permanent you control enters the battlefield, untap Artful Looter.

Destroy target silver-bordered permanent in any game you can see from your seat.

Each other Donkey gets +1½/+1½.

Whenever another Donkey enters the battlefield, untap target creature and gain control of it until end of turn. That creature gains haste until end of turn.

Oubleday ikestray

Enwhay ouyay eakspay ay onnay-igpay-atinlay ordway, acrificesay Atinlay Igpay.

This spell costs 1 more to cast for each ten years you've been alive.

Avatar of Me's power is equal to your height in feet and its toughness is equal to your American shoe size. Round to the nearest ½.

Avatar of Me is the color of your eyes.

Exile target attacking creature. Then remove it from the game. Then put it into the absolutely-removed-from-the-freaking-game-forever zone.

1B, Growl: Regenerate Bad Ass.

Trample

Whenever a player casts a spell, put a chip counter on its converted mana cost.

B-I-N-G-O gets +9/+9 for each set of three numbers in a row with chip counters on them.

Madness R, cycling 1R, kicker 2R, flashback 3R, buyback 4R

Blast from the Past deals 2 damage to any target. If this spell was kicked, create a 1/1 red Goblin creature token.

When the names of three or more nonland permanents begin with the same letter, sacrifice Bloodletter. If you do, it deals 2 damage to each creature and each player.

Open a sealed Magic booster pack, reveal the cards, and put one of those cards into your hand. (Remove that card from your deck before beginning a new game.)

Whenever you cast a spell, you may gain ½ life for each word in that spell's name.

T: Target permanent's artist becomes the artist of your choice until end of turn.

Bursting Beebles can't be blocked as long as defending player controls two or more nonland permanents that share an artist.

Flying

Gotcha — If an opponent touches the table with their hand, you may say "Gotcha" When you do, return Cardpecker from your graveyard to your hand.

Flying

At the beginning of your upkeep, sacrifice Carnivorous Death-Parrot unless you say its flavor text.

Spells you cast cost o½ less to cast.

If Cheatyface is in your hand, you may sneak Cheatyface onto the battlefield. If an opponent catches you right away, that player may exile Cheatyface.

Flying

As Circle of Protection: Art enters the battlefield, choose an artist.

1W: The next time a source of your choice with art by the chosen artist would deal damage to you this turn, prevent that damage.

1W: Return Circle of Protection: Art to its owner's hand.

City of Ass enters the battlefield tapped.

T: Add one and one-half mana of any one color.

W, Give an opponent a nonland card you own from outside the game: Prevent the next 1 damage that would be dealt to you or Collector Protector this turn.

Gotcha — If an opponent says "creature" or "guy," you may say "Gotcha" When you do, return Creature Guy from your graveyard to your hand.

Trample

When this creature dies, return Curse of the Fire Penguin to the battlefield.

Deal Damage deals 4 damage to any target.

Gotcha — If an opponent says "deal" or "damage," you may say "Gotcha" When you do, return Deal Damage from your graveyard to your hand.

Flying

When Double Header enters the battlefield, you may return target permanent with a two-word name to its owner's hand.

As Drawn Together enters the battlefield, choose an artist.

Creatures with art by the chosen artist get +2/+2.

Destroy target creature with reminder text. (Reminder text is any italicized text in parentheses that explains rules you already know.)

At the beginning of your upkeep, flip a coin. If you lose the flip, target opponent chooses whether Dumb Ass attacks this turn.

Elvish House Party's power and toughness are each equal to the current hour, using the twelve-hour system.

Whenever another creature enters the battlefield, you may stand up and say in a deep, booming voice, "Presenting . . . " and that creature's name. If you do, put a +1/+1 counter on that creature.

Players play a Magic subgame under the table, starting at 5 life and using their libraries as their decks. The winner searches their library for two cards, puts those cards into their hand, then shuffles their library.

If you control two or more white permanents that share an artist, you may cast Erase (Not the Urza's Legacy One) without paying its mana cost.

Exile target enchantment.

You and target creature's controller have a staring contest. If you win, destroy that creature.

You and target opponent play a best two-out-of-three Rock, Paper, Scissors match. If you win, Face to Face deals 5 damage to that player.

As Farewell to Arms enters the battlefield, choose a hand attached to an opponent's arm.

When the chosen hand isn't behind its owner's back, sacrifice Farewell to Arms. If you do, that player discards their hand . . . of cards. (The lawyers wouldn't let us do it the other way.)

WW: Fascist Art Director gains protection from the artist of your choice until end of turn.

Fat Ass gets +2/+2 and has trample as long as you're eating. (Gum isn't food. We checked.)

Each attacking or blocking creature with the lowest collector number among attacking or blocking creatures has first strike.

Counter target spell unless its controller pays 3o½.

As Form of the Squirrel enters the battlefield, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token. You lose the game when that creature leaves the battlefield.

Creatures can't attack you.

You have shroud.

You can't cast spells.

G, T: Return target card with a ½ on it from your graveyard to your hand.

Choose an artist. Tap all untapped permanents with art by that artist or untap all tapped permanents with art by that artist.

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may ask target player a yes-or-no question. If you do, that player answers the question truthfully and abides by that answer if able until end of turn.

Protection from wordy (Something is wordy if it has four or more lines of rules text.)

You choose all targets for all spells and abilities.

As Gluetius Maximus enters the battlefield, an opponent chooses one of your fingers. (Thumbs are fingers, too.)

When the chosen finger isn't touching Gluetius Maximus, sacrifice Gluetius Maximus.

When you speak, sacrifice Goblin Mime.

Say "Goblin S.W.A.T. Team": Put a +1/+1 counter on Goblin S.W.A.T. Team unless an opponent swats the table within five seconds. Activate this ability only once each turn.

First strike

At the beginning of your upkeep, reveal a card from your hand at random.

You gain life equal to your age.

All creatures with art by the artist of your choice get +2/+2 and gain trample until end of turn.

2: Greater Morphling gains your choice of banding, bushido 1, double strike, fear, flying, first strike, haste, landwalk of your choice, protection from a color of your choice, provoke, rampage 1, shadow, or trample until end of turn.

2: Greater Morphling becomes the colors of your choice until end of turn.

2: Greater Morphling becomes the creature type of your choice until end of turn.

2: Greater Morphling's expansion symbol becomes the symbol of your choice until end of turn.

2: Greater Morphling's art becomes by the artist of your choice until end of turn.

2: Greater Morphling gets +2/-2 or -2/+2 until end of turn.

2: Untap Greater Morphling.

You and target opponent play Seven Questions with the top card of that player's library. If you win, prevent all damage that would be dealt this turn by a source of your choice. (To play Seven Questions, that player looks at the card, then you ask up to six yes-or-no questions about the card that they answer truthfully. You guess the card's name—that's question seven—then the player reveals the card.)

Flying, first strike, trample

Once each turn, while you're searching your library, you may pay 1B, reveal Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of Evil from your library and say "I'm coming, too" If you do, Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of Evil deals 2 damage to a player of your choice.

4: Search your library for a card, put that card into your hand, then shuffle your library.

As Keeper of the Sacred Word enters the battlefield, choose a word.

Whenever an opponent says the chosen word, Keeper of the Sacred Word gets +3/+3 until end of turn.

Destroy target nonblack creature.

Gotcha — If an opponent says "kill" or "destroy," you may say "Gotcha" When you do, return Kill Destroy from your graveyard to your hand.

Flying

Spells cast by players wearing at least one item of women's clothing cost 1 less to cast. (You can define women's clothing as you see fit. Be reasonable.)

Search your library for a basic land card, put that card onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle your library. If you sang a song the whole time you were searching and shuffling, you may untap that land.

Gotcha — If an opponent laughs, you may say "Gotcha" When you do, return Laughing Hyena from your graveyard to your hand.

When Letter Bomb enters the battlefield, sign it and shuffle it into target player's library. That player reveals each card they draw until they draw Letter Bomb. When that player draws Letter Bomb, it deals 19½ damage to them.

As Look at Me, I'm R&D enters the battlefield, choose a number and a second number one higher or one lower than the first number.

All instances of the first chosen number in the full text of each permanent, spell, and card in any zone are changed to the second chosen number.

Enchant creature

As Loose Lips enters the battlefield, choose a sentence with eight or fewer words.

Enchanted creature has flying.

Whenever enchanted creature deals damage to an opponent, that player may say the chosen sentence. If they don't, you draw two cards.

U: Change the text of target spell or permanent by replacing all instances of + with -, and vice versa, until end of turn.

As long as you're shorter than an opponent, Man of Measure gets +0/+1 and has first strike.

As long as you're taller than an opponent, Man of Measure gets +1/+0.

Add R for each nonland permanent with art by the artist of your choice.

1: Flip a coin. If you win the flip, add CC. Activate this ability only any time you could cast an instant.

As Meddling Kids enters the battlefield, choose a word with four or more letters.

Spells with the chosen word in their text box can't be cast.

Choose a nonland card name, then reveal the top card of your library. If that card has the chosen name, you draw three cards.

U, Say your middle name: Moniker Mage gains shroud until end of turn.

U, Say an opponent's middle name: Moniker Mage gains flying until end of turn.

As Monkey Monkey Monkey enters the battlefield, choose a letter.

Monkey Monkey Monkey gets +1/+1 for each nonland permanent whose name begins with the chosen letter.

Sacrifice a creature or land: Add HalfaREd.

Whenever a creature an opponent controls dies, sacrifice Mother of Goons unless you insult that creature.

Choose target opponent and target creature they control. You and that player have a breath-holding contest. If you win, you gain control of that creature.

T: Add InfinitE.

100: Add one mana of any color.

1, T: Say the flavor text on a card in your hand. Target opponent guesses that card's name. You may reveal that card. If you do and they guessed wrong, you draw a card.

Gotcha — If an opponent says a word that's in the name of a card in your graveyard, you may say "Gotcha" When you do, return that card to your hand.

Skip your untap step.

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may pay X life. If you do, untap X permanents.

Pay ½ life: Exile the top card of your library face down. Put that card into your hand at the beginning of the next end step.

At the beginning of your upkeep, if you control permanents with names that include all twenty-six letters of the English alphabet, you win the game.

Return target permanent to its owner's hand.

Gotcha — If an opponent says a number, you may say "Gotcha" When you do, return Number Crunch from your graveyard to your hand.

Phasing, cumulative upkeep 1, echo GG, fading 3, bands with other Dinosaurs, protection from Homarids, snow-covered plainswalk, flanking, rampage 2

When Orcish Paratroopers enters the battlefield, flip it from a height of at least one foot. Sacrifice Orcish Paratroopers unless it turns over completely at least once during the flip and lands face up.

Art rampage 2 (Whenever this creature becomes blocked by a creature, it gets +2/+2 for each creature in the blocker's art beyond the first.)

Choose an artist other than Rebecca Guay. Target player reveals their hand and discards all nonland cards with art by the chosen artist.

Flying, trample

At the beginning of your upkeep, exile the top card of your library and balance it on your body.

When a balanced card falls or touches another balanced card, sacrifice Phyrexian Librarian.

3, T: Spin Pointy Finger of Doom in the middle of the table so that it rotates completely at least once, then destroy the closest permanent the finger points to.

Punctuate deals damage to target creature equal to half the number of punctuation marks in that creature's text box. (The punctuation marks are ? , ; : - — ( ) / " " ‘ ' & .)

R, T, Sacrifice a creature: Pygmy Giant deals X damage to target creature, where X is a number in the sacrificed creature's text box.

Did you know this creature has flying?

Are you aware that any time you say something that isn't a question, when a player points out this fact first, they gain control of Question Elemental?

Play cards as written. Ignore all errata.

T: Add C to your mana pool. (This mana is still added to your mana pool.)

Each player sacrifices all permanents that are rare or mythic rare, then each player reveals their hand and discards all cards that are rare or mythic rare.