I went up to her as she was doing some of the notes in class during lecture, and as I asked if i might sit there she said (without looking up) "I already have a boyfriend".
Man, that's rude. I've got some names for her, but they'd all get censored. Chances are, if that's the response she gave and the manner in which she gave it, going out with her would probably result in a letdown, etc. But I digress, and I'm sure other people would tell/have told you the same thing.
Well i tried the direct approach today... I think i made a huge mistake.
I don't think you did at all. It's possible you might have conveyed nervousness or something else in your manner when you asked, but either way, you took a big step. The next time it'll be easier, and you'll be more confident.
Now, she isnt the only girl i seem interested in, just the only one i felt talking to was a good idea, i have 1 or 2 friends i sit with during lunch and a couple other people in the classroom i talk to, but i think my age plays a factor with some and im the kind of person that likes older, more mature women (despite what they may read or talk about).
Like i said, i know other women i go to class with, but my heads all outta whack.
Its been a while...
Now, on the other hand, there HAS been another girl i've known for years back home, and she liked me at one point in time, as did I to her. The thing is, shes a, er, how do i put this, "looser" type of girl, which we were great friends, nothing other than that though.
The only thing is that I have enlisted in the Air Force. Now shes lived with a few guys like this and shes hated it, and another thing is we got along so great, we had alot of the same interests, she was extremely low maintenance (world of warcraft player and fellow ramen lover) BUT I WAS TOO SCARED TO ASK HER OUT. But when i moved out here and asked if she would have gone out with me if i would have stayed, she said absolutly if she wasnt with someone at the time.
Now that im going to the Air Force and ill be in for a while, probably transfering bases alot (she and her boyfriend broke up), should i try with this one?
Or is her looseness signaling a no go?
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What do you mean looseness? Does she sleep around on her boyfriends? Has she had a lot of past sexual partners? (They're not the same question.) I think the only person it matters to, is you. If you like her, you like her. Don't ask us for our opinions on things that don't matter to you. Be a man.
These threads are a lot of fun to read. Man, I could give a LOT of advice, being 33 and all. Some of it would be incredibly wise and useful, some would be very out of touch (dude, you're old, stop giving 17 year olds dating advice!), and some would be both. So I'll just stay quiet. Mostly.
Correction: you don't want to lie, at all. It's even worse to successfully lie to a potential girlfriend/boyfriend than it is to get caught lying. Lying hurts everybody in the relationship.
If she doesn't even want to give you the time to talk to her than forget it. She won't change. I have a few friends like her, they just need to grow up a little. I am 18 and a female, I think she is just being rude :/
Her: I have a boyfriend
You: You are vain aren't you? *then sit down*
Thats my usual line whenever I get that response. Works really well actually.
Honestly dude, you just enlisted in the air force and from what you've said the girl you've known for a while isn't really into that. Keep things light and fun with this girl who you've known for a while and don't rush anything before (I'm assuming here) you head off to basic. If it doesn't work out, keep your head up and see what happens in the rest of your life.
Asking out a girl is like trying to cast a first turn Necropotence. Sometimes the other player will have the Force of Will to say no. You shouldn't let that stop you from trying it.
Honestly dude, you just enlisted in the air force and from what you've said the girl you've known for a while isn't really into that. Keep things light and fun with this girl who you've known for a while and don't rush anything before (I'm assuming here) you head off to basic. If it doesn't work out, keep your head up and see what happens in the rest of your life.
I see, well i didnt' have many problems with her, we used to play on the same WoW server a good while and i kinda figured a while she liked me. The reason why she didnt like living with these guys is because these guys were total jerks and worried about bossing her around / cleaning the house. Now, i like a clean house, but im the one to do it... im picky about being clean.
One among the fence, with that kind of atitude you won't do very well. Puting people in stereotypes just because they do something is very stupid atleast for me. If she reads a book that doesn't mean she's single, or a dork, if she plays pc games that doesn't meen she's a looser or a geek. I think you are doing these things to protect yourself if they say no, because then you can say "That nerdy girl doesn't want to go out with me, so what? I don't care, because she's a nerd". Stop doing that and I think that you will do much fine with the next girl you ask
What are you talking about?
I like this girl, and I really like nerdy/geeky girls... alot. We also played on the same server and i had a lot of fun with her when we hung out and things like that.
I dont "not" like her because shes nerdy or geeky.
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Correction: you don't want to lie, at all. It's even worse to successfully lie to a potential girlfriend/boyfriend than it is to get caught lying. Lying hurts everybody in the relationship.
R_E is quite right, and that's actually backed by empirical data. People who lie in relationships tend to become less trusting after the fact, even if their partner is perfectly innocent of any deception. Moral of the story: lying is bad, m'kay?
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So for the past 1-2 months there is a girl in my English 101 class whom is really attractive and barely talks, which i sort of like (I do not know why, i just do)
So even though I dont know her name i'd really like some advice on how to approach her.
NOTE:
1.) I have the biggest fear of Denial (i have a feeling its almost a phobia)
2.) It's been 3 years since i've even been interested in a woman or had the time to per say
3.) Im not sure if i look good enough to even talk to her (like i said, she is very attractive.) I have a link to my Myspace in my sig to show pictures of me
4.) I wouldn't have the slightest clue what to talk about. She reads that "Twilight" garbage (Which i do not like or dislike cause reading is for the weak) in which pretty much tells me shes single.
5.) Im a geek, a huge geek, even if i don't look like it (Myspace provided)
And i haven't the slightlest about who she is...
I don't really see any point in you talking to her. You know nothing about her except that she reads 'that Twilight garbage', which you don't know anything about..except that reading is for the weak. I guess all of your D&D books and/or tech manuals don't count.
Seriously, don't waste her time or yours.
I guess the subject has moved onto some other girl.
Regardless, my answer is the same. You can't expect to get anywhere, with any girl, with an attitude as negative and judgmental as yours appears to be. You have to be a man to satisfy a woman.
Well i tried the direct approach today... I think i made a huge mistake.
I went up to her as she was doing some of the notes in class during lecture, and as I asked if i might sit there she said (without looking up) "I already have a boyfriend".
Well, at least you made a move. That's a good thing.
However, you can't let responses like that phase you. My friend taught me that "I already have a boyfriend" when you haven't even asked her out is best answered with, "That's nice, I'm very proud of you...but for most of us that's not a big deal...so you might want to keep that to yourself." It completely throws a girl off.
Now, to be blunt. It appears that she was really quick to fend you off, so you probably did something that could have propelled her from you.
Just a few possibilities:
- The voice tone you used was high-pitched and not masculine.
- The way you walk and present yourself displays a lack of confidence.
- You smell bad.
- The way you dress and present yourself suggests that you have no self-respect.
- The way you talk to people suggests that you have no self-confidence.
I have no idea if any of those things apply because I don't know you personally, but just realize it's so hard to find a girl if you don't have a good amount of self-confidence. If you don't love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to love you? You need to actually believe that you can have success with girls.
"Reading is for the weak" ?!
Thats one of the most sophomoric things I've ever heard. What, does eating cheetos and watching southpark make you strong?
Anyways, unless you just exude masculine pheromones to the likes of Brad Pitt, expect to get turned down a lot. But you should see it as a good thing. You dont want a pushover girl anyway.
And on your 2nd and 3rd attempts, this is very important, dont nag her. If you arent witty, maybe move on to someone else. Girls like a challenge, if you're easy, she wont be.
Asking out a girl is like trying to cast a first turn Necropotence. Sometimes the other player will have the Force of Will to say no. You shouldn't let that stop you from trying it.
To continue the analogy, it takes some setup and some preparation to actually accomplish it (this is the hygiene and/or confidence posted above). You have to prepare ahead of time for what you want to accomplish and take every step you can to maximize success and minimize failure while simultaneously understanding that failure is a possible outcome.
After that, you've done what you can do, don't obsess about the end result. Too many of life's problems are caused by people not letting go of things that are out of their control. Getting the knack for learning when to let go is a great skill to acquire as young as possible.
Some general thoughts about wooing said scrumpet. Compliments are good. If she's smart enough to see through false flattery then don't just compliment randomly. Actually think about what you like about her and figure out a way to compliment it that is sincere. i.e. You like her hair. Tell her something to effect of "I like the way you're wearing your hair today, that <whatever> really looks nice.". If she wants to talk about it, great, let her talk about whatever conditioner she's using, or the leave-in she just tried... whatever. Be attentive, try to remember the details. For flattery/compliments to work though you also have to be confident (as mentioned above). You have to be calm, you have to stay composed. She might just say thanks and ignore you, if that happens, move along and try again another time. Persistance is good, but don't over do it. That will do more damage than pretty much anything else.
And always, always, always be willing to laugh at yourself if things go 'weird'. Things might crash and burn, things might get awkward, but be prepared for that and realize that if she's not into you she's not into you and that there's nothing to be done for it.
I wish I thought to ask this advice when I was younger.... it would have saved me a lot of headaches.
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^^
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If you have questions about MTGO PM me, I'm all up ons, as it were.
Check out my articles on http://puremtgo.com/ I'm the nerd you see there... wait, not that one. Nope, not that one either... yeah. That one.
Asking out a girl is like trying to cast a first turn Necropotence. Sometimes the other player will have the Force of Will to say no. You shouldn't let that stop you from trying it.
Can I sig this? that is the best dating magic analogy I've ever heard!:D
Some general thoughts about wooing said scrumpet. Compliments are good. If she's smart enough to see through false flattery then don't just compliment randomly. Actually think about what you like about her and figure out a way to compliment it that is sincere. i.e. You like her hair. Tell her something to effect of "I like the way you're wearing your hair today, that <whatever> really looks nice.". If she wants to talk about it, great, let her talk about whatever conditioner she's using, or the leave-in she just tried... whatever. Be attentive, try to remember the details. For flattery/compliments to work though you also have to be confident (as mentioned above). You have to be calm, you have to stay composed. She might just say thanks and ignore you, if that happens, move along and try again another time. Persistance is good, but don't over do it. That will do more damage than pretty much anything else.
Compliments can be good, depends on the girl. If for example its the cute twilight reader with a boyfriend (actually the fact that she reads twilight likely means she's unhappy with her relationship or a conformist with no opinions of her own) complementing her is likely a bad idea. Forgive me my momentary misogyny but using a rating system of 1-10 with 10 being the hottest girls, never complement the 9 pluses. What they get from that is hey I'm a pushover. Complement them when they deserve it, but never on looks. The less attractive ones (ie the 7-9s) [who are usually more fun than the 10s] feel free to compliment them occasionally on looks but mostly on personality and subject matter. It shows you don't just want the booty. /misogyny
And always, always, always be willing to laugh at yourself if things go 'weird'. Things might crash and burn, things might get awkward, but be prepared for that and realize that if she's not into you she's not into you and that there's nothing to be done for it.
Again, great advice. Hamtastic where do you live, I'm currently looking for a good wing.
Asking out a girl is like trying to cast a first turn Necropotence. Sometimes the other player will have the Force of Will to say no. You shouldn't let that stop you from trying it.
dude you seem like you look down on girls for reading, you call them losers. No wonder you dodnt have a GF. And I mean jeeze asking people to go to your myspace to see if your good looking enough. Before you start trying to date, I think you need to build up some self confidence, then I think you need to stop looking down on girls and start look at them.....as equals. I know its a radical consept but try it and maybe you'll have some better luck when asking for a seat in class
Ok this post is going to be a bit broad rather than a specific advice to the situation in question, but I think it will be worth something to someone, so let's go.
Fear of denial is produced by the human ego. The human ego is insecure by nature, it's constantly trying to prove to itself and to the ''other egos'' that it's worth something. It only joins a fight it knows it can win, which is why insecure people (which are simply people that are too vulnerable to their egos) are always looking for signs (subtle or no) that the other person is also interested. If there's the slightest chance that they'll hear a ''no thank you'' (ie that they'll be denied) they don't do anything. They don't go to the desired person to talk to him/her, to ask the person out, etc because they cringe at the possibility of being denied, and they take denial as a sign that they have no value. Ever wonder why timid people are usually insecure, and vice-versa? Because one thing naturally leads to the other.
The key thing is understanding two concepts:
A) Everyone has value, and value can't be measured. We are all worth something to a lot of people, it's just a matter of accepting that we can't please ALL the people, and that our value doesn't go down when a given someone isn't interested in us, nor goes up when someone is interested in us. It's locked, and we have to be selective and be around the people who do appreciate us, period. Attraction is natural and uncontrollable, which means there's basically nothing we can do to make a person like us if they don't already. If we like someone and that someone doesn't like us back, that's not the end of the world, that's not unfortunate, that doesn't mean we aren't likable, etc. None of that nonsense.
B) To drive away the fear of rejection, we need to eliminate both ''fear'' and ''rejection'' out of our lives. That's the ego thinking and acting, and that doesn't help us. When we fear being rejected it's because we care more about whether or not the other person is interested in us than whether or not WE are interested in the other person. We care more about what the other person feels and thinks than about what WE feel and think, which is foolish. After all, do we live our own lives or do we live everyone else's lives? We only have control over ONE life, which is our own, so let's forget for a second that the other person may or may not think about us. The question we always need to ask ourselves is a simple one: "Am I interested in that person? Does the idea of talking and interacting to him/her excite and interest me, regardless of the outcome of the interaction?" If the answer is ''yes'', then go ahead and start an interaction with the person. Period. It's that simple. That's the first step, even if we are interested in developing a relationship with the person afterwards (be it a friendship, a fling, a commited relationship, a marriage, whatever). Because those things will come afterwards, if they ever do, not before or during the first interaction. Only when we start to know the other person better we'll be able to answer the second question: ''am I still interested in that person?'', and then go from there.
To the OP and everyone else who has difficulties going after people that interest them, simply try to forget for a second the outcome of the interaction, and just go there with a straight face and talk to the girl/guy. You have value, you are interesting, you certainly have cool things to talk about, so just go there and initiate something. You know what's the biggest complaint of beautiful women, specially celebrities? That men don't go and talk to them. They feel intimidated by their beauty or fame or whatever and just don't go there with an honest face and an interesting conversation. Some sit there and do nothing, and some try the usual stupid stuff like shouting ''heeey hottie!'' or the infamous ''can I buy you a drink?". Everyone has something to offer, it's just a matter of acknowledging the value of that and acting accordingly. If you don't think your life is interesting or that the person you are interested in won't find your life interesting, then how will any person be interested in what you have to offer? Follow your passions and be proud of them, so that the people who like the same things you do will want to be by your side.
So, OP, go there and talk to the girl. About anything. A TV show, a song, the weather, anything. Start asking questions and let the girl talk (girls like to talk). In the middle of the conversations, fill the dialogue with MORE questions and interesting comments. Forget the interjections ''ok'', ''really?'', ''nice!'', ''I see'', ''that's great!", throw some real comments in there, show some interest if you are truly interested, and just walk away back to your place if you're not interested. Never try to show interest when you don't feel that way, or vice-versa. Be honest and true to yourself and to the people you interact with, always. Confidence, integrity, honesty, that's the stuff real girls care about, the ones that are worth our time. Other girls care about other, possibly shallower things, but then are those girls worth it? Don't settle for mediocrity, ever.
You totally took the right approach. One of the things that ALOT of guys dont realize is that a women has to be interested in going out before you ask them, or you are 99% likely to get nowhere.
Congrats, and move on - there are PLENTY of hot smart women to ask out, and lots of them will say yes!
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So for the past 1-2 months there is a girl in my English 101 class whom is really attractive and barely talks, which i sort of like (I do not know why, i just do)
So even though I dont know her name i'd really like some advice on how to approach her.
NOTE:
1.) I have the biggest fear of Denial (i have a feeling its almost a phobia)
2.) It's been 3 years since i've even been interested in a woman or had the time to per say
3.) Im not sure if i look good enough to even talk to her (like i said, she is very attractive.) I have a link to my Myspace in my sig to show pictures of me
4.) I wouldn't have the slightest clue what to talk about. She reads that "Twilight" garbage (Which i do not like or dislike cause reading is for the weak) in which pretty much tells me shes single.
5.) Im a geek, a huge geek, even if i don't look like it (Myspace provided)
And i haven't the slightlest about who she is...
Why not try going out with a girl you don't like so you feel more comfortable. Hell, i hate everyone i talk to, yet i know that if i don't talk to people i'm only going to get more lonely.
Doing this might also ease your tension of going out with this total bomb shell your going on about because if you had really wanted to go out with her, you would have already. Sitting here talking about your relationship is just keeping you in your comfort zone because you want to stall.
Hurry and do something, this is all about speed!
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Speaking of vampires, I think you could talk regarding True Blood series... it's quite trendy, like Twilight hehe
My old nickname was lockheart87.
Man, that's rude. I've got some names for her, but they'd all get censored. Chances are, if that's the response she gave and the manner in which she gave it, going out with her would probably result in a letdown, etc. But I digress, and I'm sure other people would tell/have told you the same thing.
I don't think you did at all. It's possible you might have conveyed nervousness or something else in your manner when you asked, but either way, you took a big step. The next time it'll be easier, and you'll be more confident.
Like i said, i know other women i go to class with, but my heads all outta whack.
Its been a while...
Now, on the other hand, there HAS been another girl i've known for years back home, and she liked me at one point in time, as did I to her. The thing is, shes a, er, how do i put this, "looser" type of girl, which we were great friends, nothing other than that though.
The only thing is that I have enlisted in the Air Force. Now shes lived with a few guys like this and shes hated it, and another thing is we got along so great, we had alot of the same interests, she was extremely low maintenance (world of warcraft player and fellow ramen lover) BUT I WAS TOO SCARED TO ASK HER OUT. But when i moved out here and asked if she would have gone out with me if i would have stayed, she said absolutly if she wasnt with someone at the time.
Now that im going to the Air Force and ill be in for a while, probably transfering bases alot (she and her boyfriend broke up), should i try with this one?
Or is her looseness signaling a no go?
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These threads are a lot of fun to read. Man, I could give a LOT of advice, being 33 and all. Some of it would be incredibly wise and useful, some would be very out of touch (dude, you're old, stop giving 17 year olds dating advice!), and some would be both. So I'll just stay quiet. Mostly.
Correction: you don't want to lie, at all. It's even worse to successfully lie to a potential girlfriend/boyfriend than it is to get caught lying. Lying hurts everybody in the relationship.
.
You: You are vain aren't you? *then sit down*
Thats my usual line whenever I get that response. Works really well actually.
Honestly dude, you just enlisted in the air force and from what you've said the girl you've known for a while isn't really into that. Keep things light and fun with this girl who you've known for a while and don't rush anything before (I'm assuming here) you head off to basic. If it doesn't work out, keep your head up and see what happens in the rest of your life.
I dont know if thats ok in threads like these, but id rather do this than make a whole new one on it...
I see, well i didnt' have many problems with her, we used to play on the same WoW server a good while and i kinda figured a while she liked me. The reason why she didnt like living with these guys is because these guys were total jerks and worried about bossing her around / cleaning the house. Now, i like a clean house, but im the one to do it... im picky about being clean.
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What are you talking about?
I like this girl, and I really like nerdy/geeky girls... alot. We also played on the same server and i had a lot of fun with her when we hung out and things like that.
I dont "not" like her because shes nerdy or geeky.
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R_E is quite right, and that's actually backed by empirical data. People who lie in relationships tend to become less trusting after the fact, even if their partner is perfectly innocent of any deception. Moral of the story: lying is bad, m'kay?
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I don't really see any point in you talking to her. You know nothing about her except that she reads 'that Twilight garbage', which you don't know anything about..except that reading is for the weak. I guess all of your D&D books and/or tech manuals don't count.
Seriously, don't waste her time or yours.
I guess the subject has moved onto some other girl.
Regardless, my answer is the same. You can't expect to get anywhere, with any girl, with an attitude as negative and judgmental as yours appears to be. You have to be a man to satisfy a woman.
Well, at least you made a move. That's a good thing.
However, you can't let responses like that phase you. My friend taught me that "I already have a boyfriend" when you haven't even asked her out is best answered with, "That's nice, I'm very proud of you...but for most of us that's not a big deal...so you might want to keep that to yourself." It completely throws a girl off.
Now, to be blunt. It appears that she was really quick to fend you off, so you probably did something that could have propelled her from you.
Just a few possibilities:
- The voice tone you used was high-pitched and not masculine.
- The way you walk and present yourself displays a lack of confidence.
- You smell bad.
- The way you dress and present yourself suggests that you have no self-respect.
- The way you talk to people suggests that you have no self-confidence.
I have no idea if any of those things apply because I don't know you personally, but just realize it's so hard to find a girl if you don't have a good amount of self-confidence. If you don't love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to love you? You need to actually believe that you can have success with girls.
Thats one of the most sophomoric things I've ever heard. What, does eating cheetos and watching southpark make you strong?
Anyways, unless you just exude masculine pheromones to the likes of Brad Pitt, expect to get turned down a lot. But you should see it as a good thing. You dont want a pushover girl anyway.
And on your 2nd and 3rd attempts, this is very important, dont nag her. If you arent witty, maybe move on to someone else. Girls like a challenge, if you're easy, she wont be.
To continue the analogy, it takes some setup and some preparation to actually accomplish it (this is the hygiene and/or confidence posted above). You have to prepare ahead of time for what you want to accomplish and take every step you can to maximize success and minimize failure while simultaneously understanding that failure is a possible outcome.
After that, you've done what you can do, don't obsess about the end result. Too many of life's problems are caused by people not letting go of things that are out of their control. Getting the knack for learning when to let go is a great skill to acquire as young as possible.
Some general thoughts about wooing said scrumpet. Compliments are good. If she's smart enough to see through false flattery then don't just compliment randomly. Actually think about what you like about her and figure out a way to compliment it that is sincere. i.e. You like her hair. Tell her something to effect of "I like the way you're wearing your hair today, that <whatever> really looks nice.". If she wants to talk about it, great, let her talk about whatever conditioner she's using, or the leave-in she just tried... whatever. Be attentive, try to remember the details. For flattery/compliments to work though you also have to be confident (as mentioned above). You have to be calm, you have to stay composed. She might just say thanks and ignore you, if that happens, move along and try again another time. Persistance is good, but don't over do it. That will do more damage than pretty much anything else.
And always, always, always be willing to laugh at yourself if things go 'weird'. Things might crash and burn, things might get awkward, but be prepared for that and realize that if she's not into you she's not into you and that there's nothing to be done for it.
I wish I thought to ask this advice when I was younger.... it would have saved me a lot of headaches.
MTGO Writer and Epic Time-Waster.
If you have questions about MTGO PM me, I'm all up ons, as it were.
Check out my articles on http://puremtgo.com/ I'm the nerd you see there... wait, not that one. Nope, not that one either... yeah. That one.
Yeah, I'd probably revise this advice a bit:
If she's NOT smart enough to see through false flattery, she's dumb. Unless your goal is to end up with someone stupid, move on.
And.
Don't give false flattery at all. It benefits nobody.
.
Can I sig this? that is the best dating magic analogy I've ever heard!:D
Compliments can be good, depends on the girl. If for example its the cute twilight reader with a boyfriend (actually the fact that she reads twilight likely means she's unhappy with her relationship or a conformist with no opinions of her own) complementing her is likely a bad idea. Forgive me my momentary misogyny but using a rating system of 1-10 with 10 being the hottest girls, never complement the 9 pluses. What they get from that is hey I'm a pushover. Complement them when they deserve it, but never on looks. The less attractive ones (ie the 7-9s) [who are usually more fun than the 10s] feel free to compliment them occasionally on looks but mostly on personality and subject matter. It shows you don't just want the booty. /misogyny
Again, great advice. Hamtastic where do you live, I'm currently looking for a good wing.
Agreed, i too would like to sig this.
iPhone users, if you use imtg or just want someone to play with on your iPhone, add me on the game center: Sgt black lotus.
Modern - WURG French Toast
Legacy - WURG Legacy Toast
EDH - UG Momir Vig, Simic Visionary
http://forums.mtgsalvation.com/showthread.php?t=151479
I would never both words come out of my mouth let alone the internet in one sentence.
I was raised in the south, raised to respect women no matter what or who they were or are.
iPhone users, if you use imtg or just want someone to play with on your iPhone, add me on the game center: Sgt black lotus.
Modern - WURG French Toast
Legacy - WURG Legacy Toast
EDH - UG Momir Vig, Simic Visionary
Fear of denial is produced by the human ego. The human ego is insecure by nature, it's constantly trying to prove to itself and to the ''other egos'' that it's worth something. It only joins a fight it knows it can win, which is why insecure people (which are simply people that are too vulnerable to their egos) are always looking for signs (subtle or no) that the other person is also interested. If there's the slightest chance that they'll hear a ''no thank you'' (ie that they'll be denied) they don't do anything. They don't go to the desired person to talk to him/her, to ask the person out, etc because they cringe at the possibility of being denied, and they take denial as a sign that they have no value. Ever wonder why timid people are usually insecure, and vice-versa? Because one thing naturally leads to the other.
The key thing is understanding two concepts:
A) Everyone has value, and value can't be measured. We are all worth something to a lot of people, it's just a matter of accepting that we can't please ALL the people, and that our value doesn't go down when a given someone isn't interested in us, nor goes up when someone is interested in us. It's locked, and we have to be selective and be around the people who do appreciate us, period. Attraction is natural and uncontrollable, which means there's basically nothing we can do to make a person like us if they don't already. If we like someone and that someone doesn't like us back, that's not the end of the world, that's not unfortunate, that doesn't mean we aren't likable, etc. None of that nonsense.
B) To drive away the fear of rejection, we need to eliminate both ''fear'' and ''rejection'' out of our lives. That's the ego thinking and acting, and that doesn't help us. When we fear being rejected it's because we care more about whether or not the other person is interested in us than whether or not WE are interested in the other person. We care more about what the other person feels and thinks than about what WE feel and think, which is foolish. After all, do we live our own lives or do we live everyone else's lives? We only have control over ONE life, which is our own, so let's forget for a second that the other person may or may not think about us. The question we always need to ask ourselves is a simple one: "Am I interested in that person? Does the idea of talking and interacting to him/her excite and interest me, regardless of the outcome of the interaction?" If the answer is ''yes'', then go ahead and start an interaction with the person. Period. It's that simple. That's the first step, even if we are interested in developing a relationship with the person afterwards (be it a friendship, a fling, a commited relationship, a marriage, whatever). Because those things will come afterwards, if they ever do, not before or during the first interaction. Only when we start to know the other person better we'll be able to answer the second question: ''am I still interested in that person?'', and then go from there.
To the OP and everyone else who has difficulties going after people that interest them, simply try to forget for a second the outcome of the interaction, and just go there with a straight face and talk to the girl/guy. You have value, you are interesting, you certainly have cool things to talk about, so just go there and initiate something. You know what's the biggest complaint of beautiful women, specially celebrities? That men don't go and talk to them. They feel intimidated by their beauty or fame or whatever and just don't go there with an honest face and an interesting conversation. Some sit there and do nothing, and some try the usual stupid stuff like shouting ''heeey hottie!'' or the infamous ''can I buy you a drink?". Everyone has something to offer, it's just a matter of acknowledging the value of that and acting accordingly. If you don't think your life is interesting or that the person you are interested in won't find your life interesting, then how will any person be interested in what you have to offer? Follow your passions and be proud of them, so that the people who like the same things you do will want to be by your side.
So, OP, go there and talk to the girl. About anything. A TV show, a song, the weather, anything. Start asking questions and let the girl talk (girls like to talk). In the middle of the conversations, fill the dialogue with MORE questions and interesting comments. Forget the interjections ''ok'', ''really?'', ''nice!'', ''I see'', ''that's great!", throw some real comments in there, show some interest if you are truly interested, and just walk away back to your place if you're not interested. Never try to show interest when you don't feel that way, or vice-versa. Be honest and true to yourself and to the people you interact with, always. Confidence, integrity, honesty, that's the stuff real girls care about, the ones that are worth our time. Other girls care about other, possibly shallower things, but then are those girls worth it? Don't settle for mediocrity, ever.
/end rant
MTGO Writer and Epic Time-Waster.
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Congrats, and move on - there are PLENTY of hot smart women to ask out, and lots of them will say yes!
Modern: Dominium Eminens
Legacy: UB Tezz (Check out My Primer at TheSource)
Vinitage: Oath
I used to judge alot.
Why not try going out with a girl you don't like so you feel more comfortable. Hell, i hate everyone i talk to, yet i know that if i don't talk to people i'm only going to get more lonely.
Doing this might also ease your tension of going out with this total bomb shell your going on about because if you had really wanted to go out with her, you would have already. Sitting here talking about your relationship is just keeping you in your comfort zone because you want to stall.
Hurry and do something, this is all about speed!