So, I was reading the Are you having fun in Standard? thread, and thought it would be full of examples of people having fun playing Magic, but mostly it was just complaining about why Standard isn't fun.
I submit that Magic is a game, and in games, you get out of them what you put into them. Nobody wants to play the sullen guy who is butthurt because he would've won if he got his landdrops; at least I don't. I wanna play the guys who are having fun, win or lose. The guys who come to FNM to see friends, hang out, and play some games.
It isn't your opponent's fault you're hoping to place Top 8 at a PTQ.
So, I decided to write up 10 ways to make FNM fun again!
For now, let's get the ball rolling.
10. The Supercop.
You start by developing a tendency to say everything twice, and back it up with a poker face that could chip boulders. You call searching 'investigating', and when you tutor for a card, you're 'bringing it in'. Baneslayer and Cruel Ultimatum 'is a killer'.
Key is remembering tactical use of shades. If you must double-bolt a Rhox War Monk, for instance, the phrase "I guess this time <puts on shades> lightning DID strike twice."
Some would call having 'Won't Get Fooled Again' on standby for such instances overkill; I call it apropos.
9. Brick House
If you can't say anything sarcastic, don't say anything at all. Psyching your opponent out by smirking whenever they tap out or glancing at the land in your hand whenever they play a card will only help your cause. You already know what they're playing, and wht they're going to sideboard. And you don't mind telling them; if you think they'll change their plans just to throw you off. You live to spread doubt in your opponent. You are happy taking advantage of a weaker player, or making a veteran unsure of himself.
And if all else fails: punch them out.
Now I know you're thinking this is a joke thread, but these are strategies I've employed to help me have more fun at FNM, win or lose.
And you know what? The less I stress about winning, the more I win. Ironic, no?
So, while you're waiting for the rest of 'em, what are some ways you folks can think of to bring life into your drab cardshops?
Treat your FNM like it's the World Championship. Get a group of friends together (3 ~ 4) to be your "field crew". One friend should have a video camera and boom mic (doesn't matter if it's fake, or even plugged in - appearance is all that matters). Have the other friends clap, ooh, and ahh at both you and your opponent's plays. Frequently jot down plays in a notebook.
If you can get more people together, have one of them run up mid-match and ask your opponent to autograph a card for them. They should look at the tournament bracket before doing so, so they know your opponent's name and can be like "are you so-and-so? Oh my god will you autograph my card?". Call over the judge and have them ask your "rowdy" audience to step back.
Bonus points if you can get a fake announcer to pitch commentary to your "audience".
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7. The Manic Depressive Emo Fratboy
On your opponent's turn, sit listlessly in your chair, slouch, frown, look depressed, and speak as slowly as possible. Whenever possible, make a depressed comment about life, for example, if your opponent says "Bloodbraid elf hits you for 3 damage" say "my father used to hit me... but it's not so bad... at least I felt something".
On your turn, move as quickly as possible, excitedly drawing cards, tapping mana, etc... It can help to add excited chatter to anything you do. For example, when you tap lands, yell "oh hell yah, I'm tapping you, that's GREEN MANA, green, YAH! HELL YAH!"
Be sure to consult your opponent as though you were a frat boy on how "good" your card was. "Oh hell yah, right man? That's a serious land... you know what I'm talking about... yeah this guy here, he's a forest, he's my MAIN MAN, you know? Yeah, you know".
Treat your FNM like it's the World Championship. Get a group of friends together (3 ~ 4) to be your "field crew". One friend should have a video camera and boom mic (doesn't matter if it's fake, or even plugged in - appearance is all that matters). Have the other friends clap, ooh, and ahh at both you and your opponent's plays. Frequently jot down plays in a notebook.
If you can get more people together, have one of them run up mid-match and ask your opponent to autograph a card for them. They should look at the tournament bracket before doing so, so they know your opponent's name and can be like "are you so-and-so? Oh my god will you autograph my card?". Call over the judge and have them ask your "rowdy" audience to step back.
Bonus points if you can get a fake announcer to pitch commentary to your "audience".
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7. The Manic Depressive Emo Fratboy
On your opponent's turn, sit listlessly in your chair, slouch, frown, look depressed, and speak as slowly as possible. Whenever possible, make a depressed comment about life, for example, if your opponent says "Bloodbraid elf hits you for 3 damage" say "my father used to hit me... but it's not so bad... at least I felt something".
On your turn, move as quickly as possible, excitedly drawing cards, tapping mana, etc... It can help to add excited chatter to anything you do. For example, when you tap lands, yell "oh hell yah, I'm tapping you, that's GREEN MANA, green, YAH! HELL YAH!"
Be sure to consult your opponent as though you were a frat boy on how "good" your card was. "Oh hell yah, right man? That's a serious land... you know what I'm talking about... yeah this guy here, he's a forest, he's my MAIN MAN, you know? Yeah, you know".
You have inspired a few scenarios.
6. THE MANAS
On the play
"I add the Forrests manas to my green manas pool and the Mountains manas to my red manas pools... and mix them."
On the defense
"Wait...so your adding the Mountains manas and the Islands manas to cast swerve? You didn't mix your manas. My turn."
End of Turn
"I tap down all my lands at the end of your turn...."
(don't do anything, just stare at them.)
Then say, "HaHa's... the mountains manas and the forrests manas don't manas burnthsss. My turn!"
On your opponent's turn, sit listlessly in your chair, slouch, frown, look depressed, and speak as slowly as possible. Whenever possible, make a depressed comment about life, for example, if your opponent says "Bloodbraid elf hits you for 3 damage" say "my father used to hit me... but it's not so bad... at least I felt something".
On your turn, move as quickly as possible, excitedly drawing cards, tapping mana, etc... It can help to add excited chatter to anything you do. For example, when you tap lands, yell "oh hell yah, I'm tapping you, that's GREEN MANA, green, YAH! HELL YAH!"
Be sure to consult your opponent as though you were a frat boy on how "good" your card was. "Oh hell yah, right man? That's a serious land... you know what I'm talking about... yeah this guy here, he's a forest, he's my MAIN MAN, you know? Yeah, you know".
LOL~! Although this does remind me of people I know.
5. "Infinitely delay the game" or "spontaneous amnesia" guy
Whenever ur opp plays something, say in the most stern and self assured, deep booming tone you can summon, "wait". Then look up, look down, look at the shop, check out the fengshui, ask questions like "how many cards do u have in ur hand", "what's the time", "did we just eat" etc. Then after a few more moments of serious contemplating, say very very slowly, "In response to that... while that is on the stack... before that resolves... now that priority is mine... etc". Then "forget" whatever it is that you were trying to do and say "oh well nevermind".
LOL~! Although this does remind me of people I know.
5. "Infinitely delay the game" or "spontaneous amnesia" guy
Whenever ur opp plays something, say in the most stern and self assured, deep booming tone you can summon, "wait". Then look up, look down, look at the shop, check out the fengshui, ask questions like "how many cards do u have in ur hand", "what's the time", "did we just eat" etc. Then after a few more moments of serious contemplating, say very very slowly, "In response to that... while that is on the stack... before that resolves... now that priority is mine... etc". Then "forget" whatever it is that you were trying to do and say "oh well nevermind".
That's called the Brain Maxwell where I come from.
aka Never being able to decide if I'm going to Path your creature or not with this plains...
Refer to the five colors of mana (red, blue, black, green, and white) as the five types of energy (fire, water, darkness, grass, and lightning respectfully) at all times.
"I add a grass, a darkness, and a fire to my energy pool. I choose you, Sprouting Thrinax!"
3. THE CHEERLEADER
Talk to your creature cards and encourage them to do well whenever you cast them, talk to your deck when you need a good top deck, and scold a particular card when it is even slightly mediocre.
"Welcome to the team, Garruk! Let's go!" ~ Supportive Cheerleader
"C'mon, deck! I've been so good to you...you OWE me!" ~ Topdecking Cheerleader
"What the hell, Garruk? You just die like that? By golly, some hunter you are!" ~ Disappointed Cheerleader
Whenever you are about to play a spell, take a deep breath, straighten your spine, then tap each land one by one with both of your hands slowly. Then throw the card onto the battlefield as fast as you can and close your eyes and slowly take another deep breath. Then stand up slowly until they respond or say "no response". Look at them with a disappointed face and sit back down slowly.
Whenever you attack, put your attacking creatures far into his side of the table. When he declares blockers ask: "why?"
Whenever a creature of your dies, slowly stroke the card and kiss it goodbye, then put it into your graveyard sideways.
During your opponent's turn, when he declares attackers, if you have even one creature to block with, ask for a moment then close your eyes. Make a cross with your right hand on your shoulders, head and stomach. Tap slowly on the creature seven times. Ask your opponent how many times you tapped on the creature, then act disappointed when he can't answer.
Always play with one hand over your lands with your fingers fidgeting.
During your draw step, put the top card of your library face down into the middle of the field, and ask your opponent whether he wants to see it. Ask him why/why not. Go into an existential rant about perception, then suddenly shut up, quickly take the card into your hand and stare at it intently for 34 second, counting down aloud.
In a deep and booming voice, announce each play you make as though it were the most creative/important thing to happen in any game of Magic ever. Be sure to say something about the heart of the cards whenever you need a specific topdeck, and bonus points for laying your trap cards face-down on the table until they are triggered.
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Death Vish | High on Crackblade | Ooze the Boss | Long Live the King | Fomori Face Fister
Brunal Legend | Hazezon First | Cirrhosis of the Sliver | Animar Planet | The Joy of Pain-ting
In a deep and booming voice, announce each play you make as though it were the most creative/important thing to happen in any game of Magic ever. Be sure to say something about the heart of the cards whenever you need a specific topdeck, and bonus points for laying your trap cards face-down on the table until they are triggered.
When talking about life, power and toughness, multiply every number by a thousand.
In a deep and booming voice, announce each play you make as though it were the most creative/important thing to happen in any game of Magic ever. Be sure to say something about the heart of the cards whenever you need a specific topdeck, and bonus points for laying your trap cards face-down on the table until they are triggered.
This is always fun. I loved doing this when I played Progenitor, so I could announce it as I slapped ol' Pro-Everything on the battlefield.
In a deep and booming voice, announce each play you make as though it were the most creative/important thing to happen in any game of Magic ever. Be sure to say something about the heart of the cards whenever you need a specific topdeck, and bonus points for laying your trap cards face-down on the table until they are triggered.
0. The Seto Kaiba
Build a deck around playing creatures without paying their casting costs (Polymorph, etc...). Whenever you lay out a "free" creature, yell "yes, I did just play a bunch of creatures without paying their casting costs. Screw the rules, I have money!".
For years, people at our venue would use Pokemon energy cards instead of lands, to hilarious effect.
We also went out of our way to find cards in other CCG's which had the same name as a commonly used Magic card: Misdirection and for instance. (Neopets)
The TO's attitude can also inject a lot of fun into an otherwise low level, humdrum bareknuckle event. Offering a first prize of a terrible bad card, and the winner must build his or her next deck around it for FNM. Offering a trophy that previous winners have defaced or added to, or that challenges your bravery - like a golem made out of Mentos or a foul tasting soft drink. Sanctioning tournaments with wacky formats, or offering free admission to sanctioned tournaments as prizes for winning a wacky unsanctioned event.
In order to get away with this, your playgroup has to be mature, know the cards and the rules fairly well, and be willing to have a bit of fun while staying within the bounds of good taste, and the floor rules. Your judging staff or TO have to be aware of the limits of this sort of behavior and observe them, while guiding players to observe them.
The main problem with this sort of antic is it assumes everyone is in on the joke. New players and players traveling from different areas are not always going to get the joke, and it may cause rules problems or hard feelings, like being cheated or made fun of. A newbie who lost because he didn't understand there were 3 Forest in play when all you had were Grass energy cards, may legitimately complain to the DCI about the conduct or anything else related to it.
Unless and until you can get that sort of level at your shop or venue, you may need to keep everything SO SERIOUS for just a little while longer.
Note: this requires you to completely not care about your record, as each of these will get you some game losses.
a. Every time you draw a card, look at the next one on the top of your deck. If the opponent calls you on it, say "oops," and shuffle, pointing out that it doesn't matter since the cards are randomized and you're simply re-randomizing it to no net effect. Do this every time for as long as you can get away with it.
b. Find the opponent's cell phone number and call them. When they look away, sneak three big creatures (not from your deck!) on the battlefield and pretend that they were already there.
c. Bring a play mat with a large circle on it. Whenever you play a modal card, cast bones to determine what choice to make. Hint: play lots of modal cards. (Yeah, this isn't technically cheating, but it's still fun).
d. If you're winning draw out the game the full 50 minutes, just to get a game loss for stalling.
e. Play one old, restricted card (such as Force of Will) in your standard deck. Then, when your opponent casts their game winning spell while you're tapped out, you can FOW it. Corrolary: play eight or nine of the same card until the opponent figures it out.
Trust me, this one works. I've done it before and this thread has inspired me to start doing it again. Wear the craziest hat you have to your next FNM and see how many comments it generates.
I have a Tilley Hat, a wide brimmed, jungle explorer hat. Very comfortable and perfect for a day of hiking. Looks crazy in the middle of 40 people playing MtG!
Wear something unique: your roughest worn out piece of crap, cowboy up with a Resistol, or bust out a beret! Everyone will love it!
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"Come not between the dragon, and his wrath." Shakespeare, King Lear
Key is remembering tactical use of shades. If you must double-bolt a Rhox War Monk, for instance, the phrase "I guess this time <puts on shades> lightning DID strike twice.
OMG that just made my day. That is awesome made me lol so hard.
The BS er- this one requires some skill and a whole lot of confidence. Bring a vintage deck to a FNM and make sure you opening play is a lotus or mox or somehting of the like. When your opponent insists that those cards are illegal you must insist that you are currently in a Vintage tournament and that he should have read the rules of this particular FNM before entering. Bonus points if you get they guys next to you to be playing vintage decks to screw with his head). I was able to pull this off once and almost got my opponent to drop out before I stopped him because I felt bad
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Originally Posted by badjuju
As the Last of the Control Players, we are all part of a sacred brotherhood; a band of brothers who would rather die on their knees tapping islands and giving permission than live on our feet cascading into Blightning.
Oooooooh. The invalid deck idea seems like a blast.
T1 Mountain, Bolt you.
T2 Mountain, Bolt you, Bolt you.
T3 Bolt you, Bolt you
T4 Mountain, Bolt you
T5 Bolt you, Bolt you... HEY WHAT THE HELL MAN!
You could do the same thing for Duress, Essence Scatter, whatever. It would be hilarious to see how long it takes someone to catch on that you have 6 Llanwar Elves in play, and 4 in the graveyard =D Just make sure you talk to the judge/TO ahead of time so people don't think you are actively trying to cheat.
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Another idea I have actually seen done, is if your store holds drafts, walk around picking up the piles of discards, build a deck with them, and play it at FNM. A friend of mine did this, and ended up with a 5 color deck where he couldn't even cast half the spells, but it was hilarious. He actually won a match when his opponent got severely mana screwed.
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I like the slipping in an card from a set that has rotated idea.
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I've wanted to make a couple of really good Bainslayer proxies, and when I loose a casual match with it, pretend to go into a rage and rip it to shreds!
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This actually has me thinking... there are 6 standard legal walls, the frost/bone/fire/uh, the white one from M10, and then Reverence and Denial. There is nothing that says your deck actually needs to win matches, so running a deck with 24 walls, and maybe some Ajani Goldmanes, Swerves, and misc things would be hilariously confusing for your opponents.
Any similar "bad" theme deck could be a ton of fun. Rhino tribal anyone? I played a Hydra deck at FNM one week which was fun, Feral Hydra, Protean Hydra, and Apocalypse Hydra in a Naya ramp shell, using Ranger of Eos to fetch up the 1cc Hydras, and walkers and ramp to make them huge.
Have a back-up crew standing by during your matches to sing/freestyle based on the game, and to provide beats to dance to while you and your opponent beat each other's faces in. Much like the music video to Micheal Jackson's Beat it ...but with Magic.
The problem with FNM, is the people are either there to goof around and get reytarded, or there to beat their opponent's face in. It's like west-side story, only less lame.
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Easy Dude. You're being very un-Dude.
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Say this for every card you play in a 5-turn run, and it's funny. (To the tune of "Let's go flying, LET'S GO!")
"Let's go, Garruk! Let's go!"
"Let's go, Forest! Let's go!"
"Let's go, Putrid Leech! Let's go!"
"Let's go, Doom Blade! Let's go!"
"Let's go, O-ring! Let's go!"
Bonus: Start doing it on your opponents turn. "Let's go, Remand, let's go!" then play Remand on his game winning spell. Or, funnier yet, he plays his game-winning spell and you sing, "Let's go, Cruel Ultimatum, let's go!"
You have to both be pretty good-natured about it to get away with this. It's going to get annoying to your neighbors in a big hurry. So don't ride it all night long, or week after week. Just trot it out on occasion, like if it gets somewhat quiet in the tournament room.
A funny ringtone is also good. Get a friend to call you, or if you have it, use the ringtone selector/reviewer on your phone to set off a round of sidesplitting lawls once or twice throughout the evening. So you are getting pounded in the third round by another speed red deck? A quick audible sample from some cheesy 80's pop tune might do the trick. Got an artifact in your hand? Play it, then secretly hit up that sample of the Inspector Gadget theme. Do you play an online MMO or some other team game with chats and taunts? Sprinkle your silly favorites in a game...nobody likes losing, but if you can blurt out "FINISH HIM!!" or "I told ya not to touch that thing!" or "Sandvich!" you have it in the bag.
Other shenanigans:
Forgot a deck/too lazy to build/nobody to borrow from? Buy a precon. Sleeve it up. Add binder chaff till it's legal/60 cards. Do so in an obvious, theatrical way.
Binder or draft chaff also make a good Mini Master deck idea. YOu won the last FNM? Great, you must start the next one with this deck (hand them a pile of bad draft chaff and 24 lands)
After each round, if time permits, ask to swap decks with your opponent. Play a pickup game with each other's decks. No matter what happens, say "I don't get this deck. What does this do?"
COme in your work clothes. Not a great idea if you work in a level 4 biohazmat lab. But if you come in coveralls (especially without a shirt, just the Osh Kosh) it is funny.
Play matches in odd locations. Sit at bus stop or train station, play on a spread-out newspaper. Or take it to the washroom. People needing to use the washroom get a hassle but not a huge one. Invoke interference with the match. Play your match on a picnic table. Bring a picnic basket and a playmat made out of a cheap plastic table cloth. Spoons, forks, napkins, paper plates, and dice.
Funny deckboxes: hollowed-out desk dictionaries, pill boxes, cheese wheel containers, jewelry boxes, broken computer speakers with the guts taken out, plastic coffins, fishing tackle boxes, the large Altoids tins that could hold 100 cards in 2 piles, etc.
Funny dice/counter containers: Pill bottles for all variety of pills, cigarette cases, Altoids tins, chocolates boxes, plastic hollow easter eggs, tackle boxes, CD jewel cases, candy necklaces, hairpins, musical instrument cases, snuff tins, antique candy tins, Army ordnance casings with screw tops.
Funny life counters/tokens/creature counters: Beads, tiny plastic zombies, skulls, candies of any type that won't roll or become sticky, plastic farm animals, plastic cowboys and Indians, hand-sized Transformers models (lookin at you Carl), sharks' teeth, corn kernels, wing nuts and other hardware fiddly bits, bits from Warhammer games, foreign coins, subway tokens, Mardi Gras pirate coins, abacus, the 3-D cards/abacus counters that you see in Altered Art threads, memory sticks, chicken bones (cleaned and dried), plastic monkeys from Barrel of Monkeys toy sets, Homeboyz figurines, other gumball machine miniatures, Hello Kitty, Star Wars and D&D miniatures, plastic dinosaurs, rubber snakes and spiders, gummi worms, magnets, office supplies, sideboard cards, sports cards, anime stickers.
Note: all these visual, sound, and material gags are cute, but if your attitude is still "dick on wheels" at FNM, they won't be funny - they will be a complete and utter waste of time, and pathetic! You have to have the social skills to go along with the gags or it will ruin it for everyone else.
I submit that Magic is a game, and in games, you get out of them what you put into them. Nobody wants to play the sullen guy who is butthurt because he would've won if he got his landdrops; at least I don't. I wanna play the guys who are having fun, win or lose. The guys who come to FNM to see friends, hang out, and play some games.
It isn't your opponent's fault you're hoping to place Top 8 at a PTQ.
So, I decided to write up 10 ways to make FNM fun again!
For now, let's get the ball rolling.
You start by developing a tendency to say everything twice, and back it up with a poker face that could chip boulders. You call searching 'investigating', and when you tutor for a card, you're 'bringing it in'. Baneslayer and Cruel Ultimatum 'is a killer'.
Key is remembering tactical use of shades. If you must double-bolt a Rhox War Monk, for instance, the phrase "I guess this time <puts on shades> lightning DID strike twice."
Some would call having 'Won't Get Fooled Again' on standby for such instances overkill; I call it apropos.
If you can't say anything sarcastic, don't say anything at all. Psyching your opponent out by smirking whenever they tap out or glancing at the land in your hand whenever they play a card will only help your cause. You already know what they're playing, and wht they're going to sideboard. And you don't mind telling them; if you think they'll change their plans just to throw you off. You live to spread doubt in your opponent. You are happy taking advantage of a weaker player, or making a veteran unsure of himself.
And if all else fails: punch them out.
Now I know you're thinking this is a joke thread, but these are strategies I've employed to help me have more fun at FNM, win or lose.
And you know what? The less I stress about winning, the more I win. Ironic, no?
So, while you're waiting for the rest of 'em, what are some ways you folks can think of to bring life into your drab cardshops?
Treat your FNM like it's the World Championship. Get a group of friends together (3 ~ 4) to be your "field crew". One friend should have a video camera and boom mic (doesn't matter if it's fake, or even plugged in - appearance is all that matters). Have the other friends clap, ooh, and ahh at both you and your opponent's plays. Frequently jot down plays in a notebook.
If you can get more people together, have one of them run up mid-match and ask your opponent to autograph a card for them. They should look at the tournament bracket before doing so, so they know your opponent's name and can be like "are you so-and-so? Oh my god will you autograph my card?". Call over the judge and have them ask your "rowdy" audience to step back.
Bonus points if you can get a fake announcer to pitch commentary to your "audience".
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7. The Manic Depressive Emo Fratboy
On your opponent's turn, sit listlessly in your chair, slouch, frown, look depressed, and speak as slowly as possible. Whenever possible, make a depressed comment about life, for example, if your opponent says "Bloodbraid elf hits you for 3 damage" say "my father used to hit me... but it's not so bad... at least I felt something".
On your turn, move as quickly as possible, excitedly drawing cards, tapping mana, etc... It can help to add excited chatter to anything you do. For example, when you tap lands, yell "oh hell yah, I'm tapping you, that's GREEN MANA, green, YAH! HELL YAH!"
Be sure to consult your opponent as though you were a frat boy on how "good" your card was. "Oh hell yah, right man? That's a serious land... you know what I'm talking about... yeah this guy here, he's a forest, he's my MAIN MAN, you know? Yeah, you know".
Spike School
Spike doesn't think. Spike doesn't feel. Spike doesn't laugh or cry. All Spike does from dusk till dawn is make the Johnnys die
You have inspired a few scenarios.
6. THE MANAS
On the play
"I add the Forrests manas to my green manas pool and the Mountains manas to my red manas pools... and mix them."
On the defense
"Wait...so your adding the Mountains manas and the Islands manas to cast swerve? You didn't mix your manas. My turn."
End of Turn
"I tap down all my lands at the end of your turn...."
(don't do anything, just stare at them.)
Then say, "HaHa's... the mountains manas and the forrests manas don't manas burnthsss. My turn!"
LOL~! Although this does remind me of people I know.
5. "Infinitely delay the game" or "spontaneous amnesia" guy
Whenever ur opp plays something, say in the most stern and self assured, deep booming tone you can summon, "wait". Then look up, look down, look at the shop, check out the fengshui, ask questions like "how many cards do u have in ur hand", "what's the time", "did we just eat" etc. Then after a few more moments of serious contemplating, say very very slowly, "In response to that... while that is on the stack... before that resolves... now that priority is mine... etc". Then "forget" whatever it is that you were trying to do and say "oh well nevermind".
That's called the Brain Maxwell where I come from.
aka Never being able to decide if I'm going to Path your creature or not with this plains...
Refer to the five colors of mana (red, blue, black, green, and white) as the five types of energy (fire, water, darkness, grass, and lightning respectfully) at all times.
"I add a grass, a darkness, and a fire to my energy pool. I choose you, Sprouting Thrinax!"
3. THE CHEERLEADER
Talk to your creature cards and encourage them to do well whenever you cast them, talk to your deck when you need a good top deck, and scold a particular card when it is even slightly mediocre.
"Welcome to the team, Garruk! Let's go!" ~ Supportive Cheerleader
"C'mon, deck! I've been so good to you...you OWE me!" ~ Topdecking Cheerleader
"What the hell, Garruk? You just die like that? By golly, some hunter you are!" ~ Disappointed Cheerleader
Whenever you are about to play a spell, take a deep breath, straighten your spine, then tap each land one by one with both of your hands slowly. Then throw the card onto the battlefield as fast as you can and close your eyes and slowly take another deep breath. Then stand up slowly until they respond or say "no response". Look at them with a disappointed face and sit back down slowly.
Whenever you attack, put your attacking creatures far into his side of the table. When he declares blockers ask: "why?"
Whenever a creature of your dies, slowly stroke the card and kiss it goodbye, then put it into your graveyard sideways.
During your opponent's turn, when he declares attackers, if you have even one creature to block with, ask for a moment then close your eyes. Make a cross with your right hand on your shoulders, head and stomach. Tap slowly on the creature seven times. Ask your opponent how many times you tapped on the creature, then act disappointed when he can't answer.
Always play with one hand over your lands with your fingers fidgeting.
During your draw step, put the top card of your library face down into the middle of the field, and ask your opponent whether he wants to see it. Ask him why/why not. Go into an existential rant about perception, then suddenly shut up, quickly take the card into your hand and stare at it intently for 34 second, counting down aloud.
Wear a black suit and tie to every match.
You can (somewhat) legitamately call this one bulbasaur.
In a deep and booming voice, announce each play you make as though it were the most creative/important thing to happen in any game of Magic ever. Be sure to say something about the heart of the cards whenever you need a specific topdeck, and bonus points for laying your trap cards face-down on the table until they are triggered.
When talking about life, power and toughness, multiply every number by a thousand.
This is always fun. I loved doing this when I played Progenitor, so I could announce it as I slapped ol' Pro-Everything on the battlefield.
that is hilarious. Im going to double bolt a creature next time i have the chance to just so i can say that
BONUS RULE-LANDFALL
Everytime you play a land and have a landfall card in play yell "LANDFALL!!" and then act like you didnt say anything, just spazz it out there
0. The Seto Kaiba
Build a deck around playing creatures without paying their casting costs (Polymorph, etc...). Whenever you lay out a "free" creature, yell "yes, I did just play a bunch of creatures without paying their casting costs. Screw the rules, I have money!".
Spike School
Spike doesn't think. Spike doesn't feel. Spike doesn't laugh or cry. All Spike does from dusk till dawn is make the Johnnys die
Follow around the judge, every time he makes a call follow it up with "That's right!"
We also went out of our way to find cards in other CCG's which had the same name as a commonly used Magic card: Misdirection and for instance. (Neopets)
The TO's attitude can also inject a lot of fun into an otherwise low level, humdrum bareknuckle event. Offering a first prize of a terrible bad card, and the winner must build his or her next deck around it for FNM. Offering a trophy that previous winners have defaced or added to, or that challenges your bravery - like a golem made out of Mentos or a foul tasting soft drink. Sanctioning tournaments with wacky formats, or offering free admission to sanctioned tournaments as prizes for winning a wacky unsanctioned event.
In order to get away with this, your playgroup has to be mature, know the cards and the rules fairly well, and be willing to have a bit of fun while staying within the bounds of good taste, and the floor rules. Your judging staff or TO have to be aware of the limits of this sort of behavior and observe them, while guiding players to observe them.
The main problem with this sort of antic is it assumes everyone is in on the joke. New players and players traveling from different areas are not always going to get the joke, and it may cause rules problems or hard feelings, like being cheated or made fun of. A newbie who lost because he didn't understand there were 3 Forest in play when all you had were Grass energy cards, may legitimately complain to the DCI about the conduct or anything else related to it.
Unless and until you can get that sort of level at your shop or venue, you may need to keep everything SO SERIOUS for just a little while longer.
Note: this requires you to completely not care about your record, as each of these will get you some game losses.
a. Every time you draw a card, look at the next one on the top of your deck. If the opponent calls you on it, say "oops," and shuffle, pointing out that it doesn't matter since the cards are randomized and you're simply re-randomizing it to no net effect. Do this every time for as long as you can get away with it.
b. Find the opponent's cell phone number and call them. When they look away, sneak three big creatures (not from your deck!) on the battlefield and pretend that they were already there.
c. Bring a play mat with a large circle on it. Whenever you play a modal card, cast bones to determine what choice to make. Hint: play lots of modal cards. (Yeah, this isn't technically cheating, but it's still fun).
d. If you're winning draw out the game the full 50 minutes, just to get a game loss for stalling.
e. Play one old, restricted card (such as Force of Will) in your standard deck. Then, when your opponent casts their game winning spell while you're tapped out, you can FOW it. Corrolary: play eight or nine of the same card until the opponent figures it out.
Trust me, this one works. I've done it before and this thread has inspired me to start doing it again. Wear the craziest hat you have to your next FNM and see how many comments it generates.
I have a Tilley Hat, a wide brimmed, jungle explorer hat. Very comfortable and perfect for a day of hiking. Looks crazy in the middle of 40 people playing MtG!
Wear something unique: your roughest worn out piece of crap, cowboy up with a Resistol, or bust out a beret! Everyone will love it!
OMG that just made my day. That is awesome made me lol so hard.
T1 Mountain, Bolt you.
T2 Mountain, Bolt you, Bolt you.
T3 Bolt you, Bolt you
T4 Mountain, Bolt you
T5 Bolt you, Bolt you... HEY WHAT THE HELL MAN!
You could do the same thing for Duress, Essence Scatter, whatever. It would be hilarious to see how long it takes someone to catch on that you have 6 Llanwar Elves in play, and 4 in the graveyard =D Just make sure you talk to the judge/TO ahead of time so people don't think you are actively trying to cheat.
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Another idea I have actually seen done, is if your store holds drafts, walk around picking up the piles of discards, build a deck with them, and play it at FNM. A friend of mine did this, and ended up with a 5 color deck where he couldn't even cast half the spells, but it was hilarious. He actually won a match when his opponent got severely mana screwed.
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I like the slipping in an card from a set that has rotated idea.
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I've wanted to make a couple of really good Bainslayer proxies, and when I loose a casual match with it, pretend to go into a rage and rip it to shreds!
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This actually has me thinking... there are 6 standard legal walls, the frost/bone/fire/uh, the white one from M10, and then Reverence and Denial. There is nothing that says your deck actually needs to win matches, so running a deck with 24 walls, and maybe some Ajani Goldmanes, Swerves, and misc things would be hilariously confusing for your opponents.
Any similar "bad" theme deck could be a ton of fun. Rhino tribal anyone? I played a Hydra deck at FNM one week which was fun, Feral Hydra, Protean Hydra, and Apocalypse Hydra in a Naya ramp shell, using Ranger of Eos to fetch up the 1cc Hydras, and walkers and ramp to make them huge.
Have a back-up crew standing by during your matches to sing/freestyle based on the game, and to provide beats to dance to while you and your opponent beat each other's faces in. Much like the music video to Micheal Jackson's Beat it ...but with Magic.
The problem with FNM, is the people are either there to goof around and get reytarded, or there to beat their opponent's face in. It's like west-side story, only less lame.
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"Then my Baloth hits you and curb stomp you in the mouth, BOOM, your teeth are shattered..."
"My turn?"
"Oh? Yes, go on".
I'm a Spike Vorthos - I love lore and flavor, but only if the cards are competition worthy.
Say this for every card you play in a 5-turn run, and it's funny. (To the tune of "Let's go flying, LET'S GO!")
"Let's go, Garruk! Let's go!"
"Let's go, Forest! Let's go!"
"Let's go, Putrid Leech! Let's go!"
"Let's go, Doom Blade! Let's go!"
"Let's go, O-ring! Let's go!"
Bonus: Start doing it on your opponents turn. "Let's go, Remand, let's go!" then play Remand on his game winning spell. Or, funnier yet, he plays his game-winning spell and you sing, "Let's go, Cruel Ultimatum, let's go!"
You have to both be pretty good-natured about it to get away with this. It's going to get annoying to your neighbors in a big hurry. So don't ride it all night long, or week after week. Just trot it out on occasion, like if it gets somewhat quiet in the tournament room.
A funny ringtone is also good. Get a friend to call you, or if you have it, use the ringtone selector/reviewer on your phone to set off a round of sidesplitting lawls once or twice throughout the evening. So you are getting pounded in the third round by another speed red deck? A quick audible sample from some cheesy 80's pop tune might do the trick. Got an artifact in your hand? Play it, then secretly hit up that sample of the Inspector Gadget theme. Do you play an online MMO or some other team game with chats and taunts? Sprinkle your silly favorites in a game...nobody likes losing, but if you can blurt out "FINISH HIM!!" or "I told ya not to touch that thing!" or "Sandvich!" you have it in the bag.
Other shenanigans:
Forgot a deck/too lazy to build/nobody to borrow from? Buy a precon. Sleeve it up. Add binder chaff till it's legal/60 cards. Do so in an obvious, theatrical way.
Binder or draft chaff also make a good Mini Master deck idea. YOu won the last FNM? Great, you must start the next one with this deck (hand them a pile of bad draft chaff and 24 lands)
After each round, if time permits, ask to swap decks with your opponent. Play a pickup game with each other's decks. No matter what happens, say "I don't get this deck. What does this do?"
COme in your work clothes. Not a great idea if you work in a level 4 biohazmat lab. But if you come in coveralls (especially without a shirt, just the Osh Kosh) it is funny.
Play matches in odd locations. Sit at bus stop or train station, play on a spread-out newspaper. Or take it to the washroom. People needing to use the washroom get a hassle but not a huge one. Invoke interference with the match. Play your match on a picnic table. Bring a picnic basket and a playmat made out of a cheap plastic table cloth. Spoons, forks, napkins, paper plates, and dice.
Funny deckboxes: hollowed-out desk dictionaries, pill boxes, cheese wheel containers, jewelry boxes, broken computer speakers with the guts taken out, plastic coffins, fishing tackle boxes, the large Altoids tins that could hold 100 cards in 2 piles, etc.
Funny dice/counter containers: Pill bottles for all variety of pills, cigarette cases, Altoids tins, chocolates boxes, plastic hollow easter eggs, tackle boxes, CD jewel cases, candy necklaces, hairpins, musical instrument cases, snuff tins, antique candy tins, Army ordnance casings with screw tops.
Funny life counters/tokens/creature counters: Beads, tiny plastic zombies, skulls, candies of any type that won't roll or become sticky, plastic farm animals, plastic cowboys and Indians, hand-sized Transformers models (lookin at you Carl), sharks' teeth, corn kernels, wing nuts and other hardware fiddly bits, bits from Warhammer games, foreign coins, subway tokens, Mardi Gras pirate coins, abacus, the 3-D cards/abacus counters that you see in Altered Art threads, memory sticks, chicken bones (cleaned and dried), plastic monkeys from Barrel of Monkeys toy sets, Homeboyz figurines, other gumball machine miniatures, Hello Kitty, Star Wars and D&D miniatures, plastic dinosaurs, rubber snakes and spiders, gummi worms, magnets, office supplies, sideboard cards, sports cards, anime stickers.
Note: all these visual, sound, and material gags are cute, but if your attitude is still "dick on wheels" at FNM, they won't be funny - they will be a complete and utter waste of time, and pathetic! You have to have the social skills to go along with the gags or it will ruin it for everyone else.