MTG Salvation

I bid 5 cans of telemarketer-away, the only brand that's proven to get rid of telemarketers, big and small.

In an update bid to keep my soul, I offer a Static-x window cling, two pounds of molten peanut butter, a molten peanut butter volcano, and a bright purple cummerbund.

I bid Ashnod's actual coupon. Not the card, but the actual coupon. Full access to R&D's Secret Lair Your own private slave Auriok Salvagers to do your artifact recurring bidding. And of course, your own Black Lotus. With limitless free drinks you'll never be thirsty again.

I bid yours and Chimpanzee's greatest desires. I will also throw in your own tribe of crazed, sadistic, canabalistic, homicidal, midget clowns to do your bidding.

Just so you know, if you include my desires in your bid that means that I win the soul if you would win, since winning everything is one of my greatest desires.

I bid:
A) A set of invisible underpants: boxers, briefs, or boxer briefs... your choice. Fashionable too don't forget.
B) A donut, :birthday::birthday:, and :cookie::cookie::cookie:
C) The city of Elvandar.
D) The ability to stop time. If you want to restart it you'll have to figure that out yourself. It's in there somewhere tho.
E) Three wishes from a genie.
and finally F) an F to give to whomever you want.

I up my bid to include the ability to post in every thread at once and thus be the ultimate poster!

I'll bid season tickets to the baseball, football, basketball, and/or hockey team of your choice.



HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I don't think that anybody can top THAT! Unless I'm an untrue M:TG player. Then I'm screwed.

Quote from Vimesy »

-17 assasin Guinia Pigs
-The ability to crap useful things.
-The amazing power to make someone forget what they were saying by pointing at them.("You are fired, do you understand? and for another thing... wait a second...what was I saying?)
-A miniuture Albert Einstein.
-Ownership of Sesame Street. Nobody's looking...do what you like.
-A big ol' bottle of asprin

Crap useful things......sound more painful than helpful
Although I would like to own Sesame Street, put all those jerks out on the street and give a house to Oscar so everyone else knows how he's felt for years living in a trash can.

Quote from Static »

I bid the secrets to the universe like why a pair of underwear is one item and yet called a pair. I will also stop the not funny underwear related bids if you want. People are insulting you by implying that underwear is all you care about.

I doubt the underpants jokes will ever stop. I don't really want to know about the bra and underwear thing....just as long as they are easy to get off.

Quote from Deadly Budah »

I offer to expose you to pure cosmic radiation siphoned from the proto-reality that existed before the big bang havrested throgh quantum tax refunds. This will give you, among other things, super strength, super sight, super bigness, super beer brewing powers, super DCI ratings, and best of all it will grant you the power to use the awe inspiring ***** Slap For Cosmic Justice.

A pair of Darkersteel Boxers, now with 30% more indestructable.

The Nuclear Option, The Vast Right Wing Conspieracy, The Liberal Media, The Gay Agenda, and the Catholic Church. They're all yours.

Your own slave race of gnomes, a giant diamond/platinum mine in which they can toil away their meeningless existances, and a fully trained and certified team of task masters to make sure that they do.

Radiation---bah
I am Darksteel Underpants........I don't need Boxers
I really don't want to control any of those conspiracies though.
As much as I would like my own slave race of Gnomes (That would make them Underpants Gnomes......Step 1: Collect Underpants, Step 2: ????, Step 3: PROFIT!!! Time to go to work, work all day......), that's Gnomeslaver's gig. He already lost TFE, if I took that from him, that would kill him. I couldn't live with that on my conscience.

Quote from Slavan K. Guiser »

As I've already sold my soul once, I know exactly what it is worth. 1.5 bars of Twix. I was young and I was hungry. But they were really, really good Twix...........In an update bid to keep my soul, I offer a Static-x window cling, two pounds of molten peanut butter, a molten peanut butter volcano, and a bright purple cummerbund.

You're supposed to buy low and sell high.....YOU'RE TRYING TO BUY HIGH AFTER SELLING LOW!!! That's just bad business.

Quote from Istanbul »

Can somebody tell me what the heck happened to TFE? One moment he was here, the next he was gone.

Quote from Alex »

He left the forum to go write books for a living. I think the post is in special occasions.

I have no idea what either of you were bidding, but I don't accept either.

Quote from Pibbly »

1: 4 plastic cups filled with tap water
2: A squishy stress relief toy shaped like a banana
3: To convert any country, of your choice, to communism
4: Fresh Tapica (possibly in ball shape)
5: A deck of cards missing the 4 of diamonds and the Queen of Clubs and has been run through a shredder.

I'm drinking tap water now........and I hate commies. Unfortunately, I need a deck missing a 4 of diamonds and a queen of spades...not clubs.

Quote from Kenji »

I lost??? How could I lose, I bid the number 3!

Ah, whatever.... I say this is rigged... I shall no longer be part of this mockery of a sham...... good bye sir.

Dumbass, you should've bet the numbers 2, 6, or 132,090,214....then you would've won. Don't bid them now, I don't want them anymore.

Quote from Kankennon »

A lifetime supply of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese
A FOIL Black Lotus (You thought Mint Alpha Black Lotuses were valuable?)
The shards of Narcil
Advance beta versions of the XBOX 360 and the Sony PS3

SWEET..........I LOVE MAC + CHEESE!!! And I already plan on getting the PS3 when it arrives.

Quote from dragyn mage »

I bid a rod of *****-slapping, an amulet of supermodel attracting, a video of LJustus getting butt-raped by a 500-pound gorilla (using the darksteel condom enchanted with armor of thorns), and the ultimate remote control with special powers such as the ability to mute any object, to turn on or off any target, the ability to change any targets mind, and the ability to change the physical characteristics of any target. Limited only by the capacity of your imagination.

edit- i'll throw in a date with Paris Hilton and 2 rufies (you do the math).

OK, you're giving LJustus WAY TOO MUCH ATTENTION than that whore deserves........just iggy him and leave him out of the bids. (Although, you may continue with the several animal rapes he suffers)
As far as Paris goes......I follow the Jeff Foxworthy philosophy: Paris is like a used car. Anything that has been driven that hard that much.....you really don't want to put your key in it.

Quote from Salubrious »

I bid 5 cans of telemarketer-away, the only brand that's proven to get rid of telemarketers, big and small

I actually enjoy insulting them and pretending something is happening, like a robbery or sex. It's funny when they're still trying to sell me something. I turn it around on them. Unfortunately, they don't call anymore.

Quote from Chimpanzee »

I bid Ashnod's actual coupon. Not the card, but the actual coupon. Full access to R&D's Secret Lair Your own private slave Auriok Salvagers to do your artifact recurring bidding. And of course, your own Black Lotus. With limitless free drinks you'll never be thirsty again.

I don't drink alcohol............free drinks are cool though....

Quote from Static »

I bid yours and Chimpanzee's greatest desires. I will also throw in your own tribe of crazed, sadistic, canabalistic, homicidal, midget clowns to do your bidding.

I HATE CLOWNS!!!

Quote from Crimson Avatar »

I bid:
A) A set of invisible underpants: boxers, briefs, or boxer briefs... your choice. Fashionable too don't forget.
B) A donut, :birthday::birthday:, and :cookie::cookie::cookie:
C) The city of Elvandar.
D) The ability to stop time. If you want to restart it you'll have to figure that out yourself. It's in there somewhere tho.
E) Three wishes from a genie.
and finally F) an F to give to whomever you want.

The Time Stop thing is too scary. I saw an episode of The Twilight Zone where a guy got that ability using a watch, but then the watch broke and he couldn't restart it. It was scary. And I don't want invisible underwear..........if my wife wears it, it'll feel like steel wool being rubbed on my crotch if I don't know. If I wear them, it'll just seem :weird1:

Quote from draygn mage »

I up my bid to include the ability to post in every thread at once and thus be the ultimate poster!

It'll still take me two years to catch up to extremeicon.

Quote from StevieT92 »

I will give you Tubgirl's hot sister.

Ummm, no.

Quote from CrovaxtheCursed »

I'll bid season tickets to the baseball, football, basketball, and/or hockey team of your choice.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I don't think that anybody can top THAT! Unless I'm an untrue M:TG player. Then I'm screwed.

Hovkey doesn't exist anymore. The only football stadium near me is Giants Stadium and I'm a Vikes fan. Not really a basketball fan either...besides the Nets are moving to Brooklyn sooner or later (is that still on? I dunno...)


Because he appealed to my stomach with one of my favorite foods (DU can't resist MAC AND CHEESE), Kankennon gets the soul....

Souls Stolen and Recieved by...
Kijin --> AlphaInsidious
Slavan K. Guiser --> Kankennon

Time to get the fishbowl out to pick a soul.........

Soul #3:

Incinerated

START BIDDING NOW!!!

I bid a Psyduck and my Randy Johnson rookie card.

In my line of work I tend to like to have ownership of souls. I shall bid my giant two headed guard dog. The ability to project un fathomable fear in anothers heart. The ability to scare someone soo much that you could kill them regaurdless of extenuating circumstances. An unused peice of floss. And the MOST delicious stick of bubblegum EVER created. Also an evil angel to do your biding (such as fetching your slippers and making your peanut butter and jelly sandwiches)

I bid a pile of ashes, so you won't feel bad when you have to give Incinerated away.

Dinner for 2 at the Restraunt at the end of the Uinverse, 500+ assorted used card sleeves and the satisfaction of giving away souls.

Slavan K. Guiser. I stole the soul but it smells funny and I don't want it. Forget I said that. I'll send him through the car was first.

Cue Star Wars music! Free beer for all! We are going to Cuba! Man the harpoons! I bid my sanity.

I bid everything that Michael Jackson has lost in the past 20 years. Money, talent, dignity, international respect, a decent looking nose, and optional skin pigment.

Static gave me a really good idea...


I bid five first-row tickets to the Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith premire. In addition to that, I bid a compilation of all six Star Wars movies on DVD.

I bid the rights to use my avvy on other sites.

I bid:

One worn cueball possessed by Minnesota Fats, good to win any pool or billiards game you might compete in.
A copyright to the Cheerio's name. Anytime General Mills uses those letters, Ka-BAM! Instant profit for Darksteel Underpants.
Two hunks of granite from a Mormon temple. Kinda worthless I know, but sellable to the right collector.
A basket of Mozarella sticks straight from the deep-fat fryer. Really good Mozarella sticks. The home-made kid with large chunks of fresh-from-the-cellar Mozarella goodness in the middle.
The best damn cheeseburger you'll ever have.
Three dollars in tokens to an arcade in Idaho Falls, ID. They're bronze. And SHINY! OOOH SHINY!
Marvin the Paranoid Android and an Improbability Drive.
A pretty foil Chinese Alternate art Deathpits of Rath.

The kakurquro (sp?) and the utoshio. Me. My sig. My 36'' television. with io. also my familys souls. I also volunteer for my soul to be sold next.

Ummm...

OK, so you know how everyone says "The pen is mightier than the sword"? Well, the sword still has things the pen doesnt have, so I will give you...

THE PENSWORD!

Not only will you be able to write your memoirs, you can kill anyone who tries to read it as well! Whats not to like about it?

I also have a Highlighter Sword, but I'm using it right now, finals and zombie attacks.