2011: Best Mafia Performance (Individual) - Best Newcomer
2012: Best (False?) Role Claim - Worst Town Performance (Group) - Best Mafia Performance (Group) - Best SK Performance - Best Overall Player
2013: Best Non-SK Neutral Performance
2014: Best Town Performance (Individual) - Best Town Performance (Group) - Most Interesting Role - Best Game - Best Overall Player
2015: Worst Mafia Performance (Group) - Best Read
2016: Best Town Performance (Group) - Best Town Player - Best Overall Player
2011: Best Mafia Performance (Individual) - Best Newcomer
2012: Best (False?) Role Claim - Worst Town Performance (Group) - Best Mafia Performance (Group) - Best SK Performance - Best Overall Player
2013: Best Non-SK Neutral Performance
2014: Best Town Performance (Individual) - Best Town Performance (Group) - Most Interesting Role - Best Game - Best Overall Player
2015: Worst Mafia Performance (Group) - Best Read
2016: Best Town Performance (Group) - Best Town Player - Best Overall Player
It's the Rafville annual poker game today. All of the RafVille residents scurry up to the top of corporation incorporated, to the plushy room that they rented out for this special event.
This year, the theme is dogs playing poker. Except that, they aren't playing poker, they're the wait staff.
This enthuses some, and, predictably enough, incenses others.
Wrath of Dog and Seppel are the first ones to snap. Seeing Iso dancing the tango with a particularly striking Labrador waitress, crimson rose in mouth, they are inexplicably, and completely furious with him.
Armed with a pointy cocker spaniel, WoD makes to attach said spaniel to Iso's unmentionables.
Iso, turning quickly in time to the violin-playing Schnauzer quartet, expertly avoids the pointed pooch, and with one fluid motion, draws the thorns of the rose across WoD's exposed jugular. Wod chokes to death on his own iron(y).
Seppel, meanwhile, attempts to flank the swishing Iso with a large husky. As he bears down upon the dancer, something drops out of Iso's pocket. The husky gobbles it up and turns on its wielder, chewing out various Seppel-squishy bits, and then begins to hump the now very wounded Seppel's leg with a frenzy very rarely seen. Apparently viagra-flavored snausage can do that to a trusty hound.
Prophylaxis, meanwhile, sees Tane playing the game. PLAYING THE GAME. LIKE THIS WAS EVER ABOUT POKER.
He walks up to tane and shoves a small package down his throat while he isn't looking.
Tane begins to tick. Then, BOOM! a small explosion bursts open his digestive track, and glitter begins to fall out!
Glitterbomb used to excellent effect, Prophylaxis swiftly withdraws. Tane begins to vomit rainbow glitter, then, suddenly, disappears.
Tane has withdrawn from RAF. That'll teach me for letting players in after signups close.
Meanwhile, Artifice, dressed in a bright red cloak, armed with a deck of playing cards, proceeds to paper cut the badly wounded Seppel's tongue until he bleeds to death.
Tanarin, Kittycupcake, Jobie, and Wessel, seeing this, sit in a circle. Ceremonially, they each pick up a tiny poodle and eat it. It's a delicacy in Khazakstan, after all.
Three hours later, the janitors enter, and, seeing four dead people in a circle, pull out a notebook and add four marks to the tally. That's seventeen people, fallen afoul of the poodle-eating myth...
The Living
Iso
Prophylaxis
Artifice
(aside - yes, I have failed recently. My bro leaving combined with running a mafia game AND playing in a mafia game AND playing a lot of league of legends has sucked my time up. I'll really try to be more consistent now, guys!)
2011: Best Mafia Performance (Individual) - Best Newcomer
2012: Best (False?) Role Claim - Worst Town Performance (Group) - Best Mafia Performance (Group) - Best SK Performance - Best Overall Player
2013: Best Non-SK Neutral Performance
2014: Best Town Performance (Individual) - Best Town Performance (Group) - Most Interesting Role - Best Game - Best Overall Player
2015: Worst Mafia Performance (Group) - Best Read
2016: Best Town Performance (Group) - Best Town Player - Best Overall Player
A tumbleweed rolls through RAFville as the two titans face off.
Iso, dressed in an excellent imitation of John Wayne, sneers at Artifice as he cracks his fingers, perched half an inch from the unfastened gun holster at his side. His aviators reflect the sun, as he, eyes narrowed, looks his target up and down.
Artifice, dressed to match in an excellent imitation of Dame Edna, smacks its lips down its ridiculous pink-rimmed sunglasses at the cowboy, its fingers inside a large, wriggling purse, as it hungrily drinks the silouette of Iso in.
The blazing noon sun reflects off Iso's sunglasses as the two stand, frozen in time for a moment, evaluating their enemy.
Suddenly, their moment is interrupted by the sound of screaming from above. Prophylaxis falls from the sky, frantically flapping his arms and cawing like a boss. He clearly believed he could fly, which is why he just jumped from a plane two thousand feet up.
An audible spine-breaking, organ-liquefying sound spurs the two duellists to action.
They reach for their weapons, Iso, a foot-long Magnum .44, and Artifice, a large eel.
Artifice hurls the eel at Iso, and at the same time iso fans the hammer, sending six bullets thudding into Artifice, who sings a single verse of a song, then, with a sigh of release, sinks to the ground, dead.
"When you're swimming in the creek, and an eel bites your cheek, THAT'S A MORAYYYY..."
The eel, meanwhile, latched onto Iso's cheek, eats him. Messily.
At five thirty in the morning, the populace of RAFville wakes up, falls out of bed, then, three-quarters asleep, drag themselves to the spicy new RAFville gym.
Well, everyone except Wessel, who falls out of bed a bit too hard and snaps his collarbone. Then, an anvil falls on his head.
Meanwhile, the rest of the collective gets to the gym.
However, working out creates certain...unsavoury urges, in the RAFville community.
Iso and Artifice, jogging merrily away on a pair of treadmills next to each other, keep giving sidelong glances at the other.
"He's more fit then I'll ever be!" thinks Artifice, looking at Iso cruising along.
"Dammit. I'm burning alive trying to keep up with this machine of a man!" thinks Iso, looking at Artifice, taking long strides on his mill.
Then the two of them have the same idea at the same time.
Each one reaches over and subtly turns up the other person's speed from "4" to "607". A whirring sound is heard, as the two begin sprinting as fast as they can.
Artifice is the first to fail. The treadmill sends him flying off into the distance. You think you hear the melodius CLANG-SNAP of his spine breaking as he hits a large set of weights over the other side of the gym.
Iso, meanwhile, is sprinting as fast as he can, turning various shades of blue and purple as his heart prepares to self-destruct, but then Jobie walks by.
"Man, look at Iso! He's so fit, I can't even compare..." Jobie thinks, seeing Iso, long blonde hair flowing as he bounds effortlessly along.
"Well, screw him," Jobie thinks, not even pausing to look at Iso as he draws a 4 KG dumbell and pulps Iso's face with it. At the same time, his heart explodes in his chest as the exertion grows too much.
Jobie, meanwhile, flees, screaming incoherently, from the blue-purple corpse, looking at it for the first time. Turns out he's only afraid of two things - Barney the dinosaur and smurfs. And Iso's corpse is a horrifying conglomeration of both...
Wod and Kittycupcake, meanwhile, swinging a large, piano-wire skipping rope, in the middle of which Seppel jumps, reciting 12-year-old girl skipping lyrics, see Jobie heading straight toward them, arms and hands flailing above his head, as he screams politely at them.
Wod and KCC, sharing a mutually bloodthirsty glance, stop swinging.
"OHMYGODDINOSMURFSWE'REALLGONNADIE" Jobie says, in an erudite and pleasant manner.
WoD and KCC proceed to carefully wrap the piano wire around him, then proceed to tie each end to random treadmills (which happen to be set to speed "607").
With a horrific slicing-sucking sounds, Jobie is cut, quartered, eight'thd, and sixteenth in a fraction of a second.
"HAY! WHY YOU STOP SKIPPING *****!" screams Seppel, as he picks up the bloody, jobie-dripping piano wire and feeds it to WOD.
The piano wire slices up his lung, his kidneys, a third of his intestines, and seven small kittens secreted on his person. Wod gurgles and dies from massive kitten failure.
Meanwhile, in the kickboxing class, Tanarin and Prophylaxis have stunned, smashed, concussed, and brutalized their way through the rest of the class. Nobody told them this class was an EXERCISE class, rather than a BRUTAL, MANLY FIGHT TO THE DEATH.
Tanarin, seeing Prophylaxis beating the bejeezus out of what appears to be the remains of Chuck Norris, seizes his moment to strike.
He goes for the knee-to-the-groin. However, Prophylaxis, done beating the unlucky norris to death (although, death is too afraid to tell him he's dead), turns around, and the pinpoint timing of the deadly strike goes awry.
Prophylaxis then performs the forbidden Dragon-eats-cake-on-cloud maneouver, pulling out Tanarin's legbones and inserting them into his scrotum. Nobody knows who named this maneouver. Nobody ever will. That's why it's forbidden.
* Artifice 101 resembles that remark
Johnny, born and raised. Always lookin' for the Next Level Combo. Thanks to Bornover of FHLS for the banner!
Mafia Results, Links, and Stats
Edit: I should have 3 Points there Wuffles. I survived R2 part 1 and 2 parts in round 3.
Come join us in the MTGSalvation chat ||| My trade thread. ||| My Personal Modern Blog: The Fetchlands
{мы, тьма}
2012: Best (False?) Role Claim - Worst Town Performance (Group) - Best Mafia Performance (Group) - Best SK Performance - Best Overall Player
2013: Best Non-SK Neutral Performance
2014: Best Town Performance (Individual) - Best Town Performance (Group) - Most Interesting Role - Best Game - Best Overall Player
2015: Worst Mafia Performance (Group) - Best Read
2016: Best Town Performance (Group) - Best Town Player - Best Overall Player
Johnny, born and raised. Always lookin' for the Next Level Combo. Thanks to Bornover of FHLS for the banner!
Mafia Results, Links, and Stats
Oooooh ooooooh. I'ma guess......
SEPPEL!
Johnny, born and raised. Always lookin' for the Next Level Combo. Thanks to Bornover of FHLS for the banner!
Mafia Results, Links, and Stats
You would be correct, along with Tane and myself. Though I have proof that I submitted and the mod lost my action.
Come join us in the MTGSalvation chat ||| My trade thread. ||| My Personal Modern Blog: The Fetchlands
Wash your hands, after.
Johnny, born and raised. Always lookin' for the Next Level Combo. Thanks to Bornover of FHLS for the banner!
Mafia Results, Links, and Stats
Okay. 24 hour window to doing it, I swears. I got it all under wraps now, I swears.
Hey Wuffs.
You're...
...fired.
{мы, тьма}
2012: Best (False?) Role Claim - Worst Town Performance (Group) - Best Mafia Performance (Group) - Best SK Performance - Best Overall Player
2013: Best Non-SK Neutral Performance
2014: Best Town Performance (Individual) - Best Town Performance (Group) - Most Interesting Role - Best Game - Best Overall Player
2015: Worst Mafia Performance (Group) - Best Read
2016: Best Town Performance (Group) - Best Town Player - Best Overall Player
This year, the theme is dogs playing poker. Except that, they aren't playing poker, they're the wait staff.
This enthuses some, and, predictably enough, incenses others.
Wrath of Dog and Seppel are the first ones to snap. Seeing Iso dancing the tango with a particularly striking Labrador waitress, crimson rose in mouth, they are inexplicably, and completely furious with him.
Armed with a pointy cocker spaniel, WoD makes to attach said spaniel to Iso's unmentionables.
Iso, turning quickly in time to the violin-playing Schnauzer quartet, expertly avoids the pointed pooch, and with one fluid motion, draws the thorns of the rose across WoD's exposed jugular. Wod chokes to death on his own iron(y).
Seppel, meanwhile, attempts to flank the swishing Iso with a large husky. As he bears down upon the dancer, something drops out of Iso's pocket. The husky gobbles it up and turns on its wielder, chewing out various Seppel-squishy bits, and then begins to hump the now very wounded Seppel's leg with a frenzy very rarely seen. Apparently viagra-flavored snausage can do that to a trusty hound.
Prophylaxis, meanwhile, sees Tane playing the game. PLAYING THE GAME. LIKE THIS WAS EVER ABOUT POKER.
He walks up to tane and shoves a small package down his throat while he isn't looking.
Tane begins to tick. Then, BOOM! a small explosion bursts open his digestive track, and glitter begins to fall out!
Glitterbomb used to excellent effect, Prophylaxis swiftly withdraws. Tane begins to vomit rainbow glitter, then, suddenly, disappears.
Tane has withdrawn from RAF. That'll teach me for letting players in after signups close.
Meanwhile, Artifice, dressed in a bright red cloak, armed with a deck of playing cards, proceeds to paper cut the badly wounded Seppel's tongue until he bleeds to death.
Tanarin, Kittycupcake, Jobie, and Wessel, seeing this, sit in a circle. Ceremonially, they each pick up a tiny poodle and eat it. It's a delicacy in Khazakstan, after all.
Three hours later, the janitors enter, and, seeing four dead people in a circle, pull out a notebook and add four marks to the tally. That's seventeen people, fallen afoul of the poodle-eating myth...
The Living
Iso
Prophylaxis
Artifice
(aside - yes, I have failed recently. My bro leaving combined with running a mafia game AND playing in a mafia game AND playing a lot of league of legends has sucked my time up. I'll really try to be more consistent now, guys!)
{мы, тьма}
2012: Best (False?) Role Claim - Worst Town Performance (Group) - Best Mafia Performance (Group) - Best SK Performance - Best Overall Player
2013: Best Non-SK Neutral Performance
2014: Best Town Performance (Individual) - Best Town Performance (Group) - Most Interesting Role - Best Game - Best Overall Player
2015: Worst Mafia Performance (Group) - Best Read
2016: Best Town Performance (Group) - Best Town Player - Best Overall Player
Iso, dressed in an excellent imitation of John Wayne, sneers at Artifice as he cracks his fingers, perched half an inch from the unfastened gun holster at his side. His aviators reflect the sun, as he, eyes narrowed, looks his target up and down.
Artifice, dressed to match in an excellent imitation of Dame Edna, smacks its lips down its ridiculous pink-rimmed sunglasses at the cowboy, its fingers inside a large, wriggling purse, as it hungrily drinks the silouette of Iso in.
The blazing noon sun reflects off Iso's sunglasses as the two stand, frozen in time for a moment, evaluating their enemy.
Suddenly, their moment is interrupted by the sound of screaming from above. Prophylaxis falls from the sky, frantically flapping his arms and cawing like a boss. He clearly believed he could fly, which is why he just jumped from a plane two thousand feet up.
An audible spine-breaking, organ-liquefying sound spurs the two duellists to action.
They reach for their weapons, Iso, a foot-long Magnum .44, and Artifice, a large eel.
Artifice hurls the eel at Iso, and at the same time iso fans the hammer, sending six bullets thudding into Artifice, who sings a single verse of a song, then, with a sigh of release, sinks to the ground, dead.
"When you're swimming in the creek, and an eel bites your cheek, THAT'S A MORAYYYY..."
The eel, meanwhile, latched onto Iso's cheek, eats him. Messily.
All contestants have DIED! NO POINTS!
NEXT ROUND, GO!
Random Mafia 2 Town MVP
'08 MTGS Fantasy Football Overall Champion
Best Non-SK Neutral Performance (Individual)
with your bullets
It was never written down
DOES NOT COUNT GG SON
...but srs. Please hit me up ASAP Wod or I'll stab you in the face with a llama.
...actually, I might do that anyways
Well, everyone except Wessel, who falls out of bed a bit too hard and snaps his collarbone. Then, an anvil falls on his head.
Meanwhile, the rest of the collective gets to the gym.
However, working out creates certain...unsavoury urges, in the RAFville community.
Iso and Artifice, jogging merrily away on a pair of treadmills next to each other, keep giving sidelong glances at the other.
"He's more fit then I'll ever be!" thinks Artifice, looking at Iso cruising along.
"Dammit. I'm burning alive trying to keep up with this machine of a man!" thinks Iso, looking at Artifice, taking long strides on his mill.
Then the two of them have the same idea at the same time.
Each one reaches over and subtly turns up the other person's speed from "4" to "607". A whirring sound is heard, as the two begin sprinting as fast as they can.
Artifice is the first to fail. The treadmill sends him flying off into the distance. You think you hear the melodius CLANG-SNAP of his spine breaking as he hits a large set of weights over the other side of the gym.
Iso, meanwhile, is sprinting as fast as he can, turning various shades of blue and purple as his heart prepares to self-destruct, but then Jobie walks by.
"Man, look at Iso! He's so fit, I can't even compare..." Jobie thinks, seeing Iso, long blonde hair flowing as he bounds effortlessly along.
"Well, screw him," Jobie thinks, not even pausing to look at Iso as he draws a 4 KG dumbell and pulps Iso's face with it. At the same time, his heart explodes in his chest as the exertion grows too much.
Jobie, meanwhile, flees, screaming incoherently, from the blue-purple corpse, looking at it for the first time. Turns out he's only afraid of two things - Barney the dinosaur and smurfs. And Iso's corpse is a horrifying conglomeration of both...
Wod and Kittycupcake, meanwhile, swinging a large, piano-wire skipping rope, in the middle of which Seppel jumps, reciting 12-year-old girl skipping lyrics, see Jobie heading straight toward them, arms and hands flailing above his head, as he screams politely at them.
Wod and KCC, sharing a mutually bloodthirsty glance, stop swinging.
"OHMYGODDINOSMURFSWE'REALLGONNADIE" Jobie says, in an erudite and pleasant manner.
WoD and KCC proceed to carefully wrap the piano wire around him, then proceed to tie each end to random treadmills (which happen to be set to speed "607").
With a horrific slicing-sucking sounds, Jobie is cut, quartered, eight'thd, and sixteenth in a fraction of a second.
"HAY! WHY YOU STOP SKIPPING *****!" screams Seppel, as he picks up the bloody, jobie-dripping piano wire and feeds it to WOD.
The piano wire slices up his lung, his kidneys, a third of his intestines, and seven small kittens secreted on his person. Wod gurgles and dies from massive kitten failure.
Meanwhile, in the kickboxing class, Tanarin and Prophylaxis have stunned, smashed, concussed, and brutalized their way through the rest of the class. Nobody told them this class was an EXERCISE class, rather than a BRUTAL, MANLY FIGHT TO THE DEATH.
Tanarin, seeing Prophylaxis beating the bejeezus out of what appears to be the remains of Chuck Norris, seizes his moment to strike.
He goes for the knee-to-the-groin. However, Prophylaxis, done beating the unlucky norris to death (although, death is too afraid to tell him he's dead), turns around, and the pinpoint timing of the deadly strike goes awry.
Prophylaxis then performs the forbidden Dragon-eats-cake-on-cloud maneouver, pulling out Tanarin's legbones and inserting them into his scrotum. Nobody knows who named this maneouver. Nobody ever will. That's why it's forbidden.
The living
SeppelProphylaxis
Kittycupcake
RAWR! I hope the long wait was worth it.