My girlfriend also hates porn and so I just decided not to look at it, and it's definitely a decision I'm glad I made; her attitude towards me most certainly changed for the better once I stopped looking at it and we have pretty funny conversations about porn now.
My advice is to stop looking at porn, tell your girlfriend you've stopped, and every time you get the urge to look at it just look at pictures of her (not necessarily pornographic ones). That's what I do and it works perfectly.
Good luck!
Wonderfully Solved! Congratulations Metal_Militia!
My advice goes exacly same way:
Try your best at quiting it and whenever you feal like watching it, control yourself and maybe look, or even think of her, and how sad she would be by knowing what you're doing, and how happy she would be by knowing you dropped it thinking on her and how she would feal.
That's love man!
My advice is just to show her porn If she doesn't like it and think its sinful or whatever just make her like it too. It's not like porn is a male only thing
Hey, it worked for me
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My advice is just to show her porn If she doesn't like it and think its sinful or whatever just make her like it too. It's not like porn is a male only thing
Hey, it worked for me
Took the word right out of my mouth.
When it gets down to it, most girls find porn to be pretty hawt given the chance.
My girlfriend also hates porn and so I just decided not to look at it, and it's definitely a decision I'm glad I made; her attitude towards me most certainly changed for the better once I stopped looking at it and we have pretty funny conversations about porn now.
Yeah, same here. Ever since I've stopped my girlfriend has been much happier with me, and we've been happier as a couple. Any time/energy I would have put toward pornography I put toward her instead because she's my only outlet now. It's also great to be talked about, being the exception to the rule when people say "Guys look at porn. That's just what they do." or "All guys look at porn."
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Getting the last word does not mean that you win the argument.
Metal Militia, Sabbath Fiend, and Zyrakris: Indeed.
If your relationship is built on benevolent charity, there's no good reason for you to continue ogling at images of other women, especially if it makes her upset. Flush it from your system and go clean. You have nothing to lose but a useless, bad habit that's destructive to your relationship.
Quote:
People don't look at porn because their partner isn't fulfilling their expectations. It's not a 'necessary sexual release' either, because quite frankly a guy can survive ages without orgasming. For real.
You never ever had an orgasm with a girl? Otherwise you wouldn't say this.
What? Yes I have
Quote from "Mistress Yersinia" »
Quote:
No, porn is almost always about variety, about mixing up sexual encounters.
I see so you watch porn to see as many boobs as possible.
No, boobs aren't the most interesting thing.
But this is a largely true statement. Find me someone with a porn collection made up of ONE magazine, or ONE picture on their computer. Not likely.
Quote from "Mistress Yersinia" »
Quote:
Anyone who calls porn a mere sexual relief is lying to themselves. This could only apply if it was a specific fantasy you sought in porn that she didn't provide.
No it's not a lying to oneself. For god's sake you watch porn to relieve your sexual need=> this means to me to satisfy your need which might be also seen as sexual relief.
There is no such thing as a black and white sexual need. You never just go "Oh man now I need sex and if I don't get it I'll like blow up or something". That never happens. Yeah, you hear guys say stuff like this all the time - they are either lying to try to get sex or have convinced themselves they need it too badly.
I have a friend who has never had sex or masturbated, and that would be at least 8 years since he hit puberty? He's functioning fine.
Quote from "Mistress Yersinia" »
Quote:
That pain is the fault of those girls pandering to the media. There's no such thing as the perfect woman or perfect male fantasy
Actually no, girlfriends want to please their boyfriends this is the only idea behind this discussion. His girlfriend is upset because she might feel that she doesn't please him in a way so he satisfies his wants with porn. This is crystall clear to me.
I don't disagree with that. You are right she probably feels upset and that the reason is as you say. All I was doing was saying the concept of the "perfect fantasy" in fact does not exist, and so to aspire to it is not good.
Quote from "Mistress Yersinia" »
Quote:
hell guys are supposedly biologically programmed to seek out several partners, and how's that gel with a concept of perfection? It doesn't.
I feel pitty for your future girlfriend. So you think, that men are not more than hormone-controlled and the idea of sexual faithfullness is impossible? You have to grow up, it sounds all so imature to me.
WHAT?!
I've been happily monogamous with my girlfriend for three years now!
I've specifically been saying that I DON'T believe men are hormone controlled. That they AREN'T in fact prisoners to this BS concept of "sexual need". And that's an immature viewpoint?
Sounds like you had some guys lie to you and cant handle the truth.
Turbovolver: Humans are geneticly programmed to seek out multiple partners. What "prevents" us from doing it is cultural and social evolution.
Anyhow, I still stand by just letting her in on the fun. It could even reward the guy with more kinky sex
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Well, I've heard the porn can ruin your sex drive, as your unable to fully get aroused to an actual woman after years of pleasuring yourself looking at airbrushed, make-upped, ideal bodies.
Turbovolver: Humans are geneticly programmed to seek out multiple partners. What "prevents" us from doing it is cultural and social evolution.
Or humans are genetically programmed to seek out a single partner and stick with it for life, but what prevents many from doing that is cultural, socially Hellenistic/capitalistic programming from a very early age, combined with relative social tolerance of hedonism.
Erm, it's probably a little late to weigh in on this issue, but I think I will anyhow.
I've been in a happy, healthy relationship with my boyfriend for four years now. We're both guys, we both look at pornography, and we both had done so for years before we met each other. After four years, pornography has had no detrimental effects on our relationship; we're still passionate, vital, and very attracted to each other. So yeah...maybe the whole "porn ruins your relationship and/or love life" argument has some credibility, but certainly not for everyone.
Not to get too into this discussion, but basically I use porn as an outlet. Photon works from 6am Tuesday to 2pm Thursday and doesn't get to come home in between those times, so I have to...uhm...take care of some things on my own. Also, when it's just the two of us, we share the experience. It's a healthy way to include your partner in something you might feel bad for doing on your own. There's more than one way to look at the issue, as has been illustrated by everyone posting before me.
To the original poster: I do recommend being honest with your girl. Tell her why you look at pornography and see how she reacts. But make sure that you let her know it doesn't cause you to care any less for her. That's the important thing. I used to be incredibly sensitive to this issue because I thought looking at porn was basically cheating, but then I kind of grew up a bit and realized that was in no way true. It's biology, nothing more.
Turbovolver: Humans are geneticly programmed to seek out multiple partners. What "prevents" us from doing it is cultural and social evolution.
I don't necessary believe the biology thing, I was just presenting it as a possible explanation for why people look up porn. I mean biology gets cited all the time as explanations, with all the rubbish about how men were designed to sleep with as many people as possible and women were designed to be nuturing.
And somehow that became "OMG Turbo is a cheating man****!" T_T
Quote from "Mistress Yersinia" »
I don't see sexual release only as a relief because you didn't have sex for a long time or something. It may also be the case where you fulfill you deepest sexual phantasies with your partner which might be quite intriguing.
Well yes, it can be mentally fulfilling definitely. I just meant this concept of a physical need, one that does the body damage if not fulfilled, is rubbish. Does that really mean I cant ever have had sex? O.O
Movies like 40 days and 40 nights prove that society thinks the opposite, and it's just plain wrong.
Or humans are genetically programmed to seek out a single partner and stick with it for life, but what prevents many from doing that is cultural, socially Hellenistic/capitalistic programming from a very early age, combined with relative social tolerance of hedonism.
Either/or.
Biologically what makes us all that different from most other mammals? Not a lot.
Most other mammals have many partners. Correlation? Probably.
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This was in response to her possibly saying that looking at porn was the same thing as cheating, if she ever brought up that argument. I, like many others, don't see it as cheating, so thats what I meant by it, even though it almost certainly doesn't come across like that.
But psychologically we are superior. Most of us wouldn't mate to proliferate as quickly as possible because this is the case why animals do. The comparison of our sexual behaviour to that of animals is more than inadequate.I believe we are more than hormone-controlled animals we don't live to copulate and have as many offspring as possible.
That's the point though so do I
I still stand by the fact that pornography is not simply a tool of sexual release. It cannot be, or it would only find use by those who couldn't masturbate without it.
It does not automatically imply some sort of failure in the relationship, on anybody's part, though yes, care must be exercised.
No, porn is almost always about variety, about mixing up sexual encounters.
I've noticed this was true about yesterday. I got tempted to when I was watching some movie with this hispanic chick as the 'romantic interest' and I got this sudden urge/thought like "I'd like to see her naked." or see something explicit happen to her. And that's how it starts almost every time (except for those times when I used to do it just because I was bored and could do it). It's not necessarily triggered by TV or movies, it can be triggered by your own thoughts as well.
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Getting the last word does not mean that you win the argument.
Biologically what makes us all that different from most other mammals? Not a lot.
Most other mammals have many partners. Correlation? Probably.
Partner selection is a genetic tendency entirely molded by an environmental selection in which that environment is a social one. If the impulse to seek multiple partners is a genetic trait, that trait can only be propagated if the social environment doesn't "kill" its carriers with social doctrine.
I been with my wife for 10 years and we watch porn together. I do also look at some for some solo action, but I try to keep it minimal as it does just slow down my actual sex time with my wife (which I find much more enjoyable). I also have some porn with my wife that is also good to look at. Porn is fine if used wisely, but as with most things they get abused. My wife even allows the occasional strip club, but I don't really find very fun, it more just something for the guys to do while out drinking once in while. We trust each other so there are no problems, but keep in mind this trust takes some time to build (possibly years).
it's all good
thanks and enjoy
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Personally, I'm not against porn. Nor do I particularly enjoy watching it anymore. *shrugs* I haven't for some time now.
Your(the OP of this thread) opinion differs from mine, in that if my significant other was truly opposed to something I did, I'd discuss it and come to an agreement of some kind. If we couldn't, I'd give up whatever it was.
For example, I enjoy drinking casually with friends but my g/f is opposed to drinking. I talked to her about it and came to an agreement; I wouldn't drink around her with the exceptions of New Years, Christmas etc and I wouldn't get truly tanked, lol. We're both happy with the arrangment and it took no more than 20 or so minutes to come to it.
Would it really be a big deal to give up watching porn? Would it upset you that much to give it up to make her happy?
The way I view this situtation of the girlfriend not appreciating porn and her request to cease the behavior is more broad.
I see it more as a 'my girlfriend is unhappy with behavior X, and I need t decide whether or not I should give it up'.
There are quite a few variables affecting the situation, including the strength/longevity of the relationship, the rate of porn watching, your girlfriend's views towards porn, your views towards porn, etc.
Pornography can really get in the middle of a relationship. I've witnessed two end because of it [one was about 3 months, the other about 6 months], and there's actually a situation where a guy and gal I know aren't together because she disagree with his porn watching. So it's not like I haven't seen it tear people apart.
If you're relationship is strong and you've been together through think and thin, then it shouldn't be hard to sit down and talk about it. Perhaps reach a compromise. Since you'd likely watch porn alone you'd have to be on some sort of honor system, so it's a test of faith/trustworthiness. This test really shouldn't be difficult, as if you have reached emotional heights with the gal then you have a lot to hold onto, and thusly a lot to lose.
so back to the original situation I'm addressing.....your girlfriend wants you stop a habit that you enjoy a lot and don't want to stop.
IMO, porn is a big enough issue that if she wants you to stop, then stop. She'll love you more for not only stopping the porn, but also because you stopped a habit she wanted you to stop. Above your heads you both see a plus sign, followed by a box with two people in it. You just got about 20 relationship points.
Now, I'm not saying you should be her *****. You shouldn't drop everything and cater to her needs all the time. However, dropping a habit such as porn, drugs, ciagarettes, drinking often, cursing excessively, etc. can score mucho brownie points.
However, there are some situations where the GF really needs to sit down and take a chill pill and realize that the guy's world doesn't revolve around her. If she starts telling you how to live your life, then that's something else.
Telling you to reduce video gaming at a whopping 4 hours a week so that you can call her on the phone more often [a problem i'm coping with right now ] is ridiculous.
Telling you who you can and can't hang out with is ridiculous [although I will agree that hanging out with exes when there are even remote feelings on either side is a bad idea].
Telling you what/where/with who you eat [unless you eat very unhealthily.....my gf has helped me lose about 20 pounds and slim up a bit. So now I look better AND I listened to her.....2x point value]
I could go on forever, but the #1 thing I want to drive home is this.
If she wants you to stop a habit that's really fruatrating her, then stop it, alright? Making the GF happy is a good thing. But don't cater to EVERYTHING she says.
-Tarbosh
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Now, I'm not saying you should be her *****. You shouldn't drop everything and cater to her needs all the time. However, dropping a habit such as porn, drugs, ciagarettes, drinking often, cursing excessively, etc. can score mucho brownie points.
So can dropping habits like "too much video games", "hanging out with certain people" or "eating choices", the other examples you list as "don't give up"s, score mucho brownie points.
There is no distinction here except that the above behaviours are more widely acceptable as "bad". I would disagree that pornography is "bad", and so it actually belongs in the second category which you are keen to denounce as "unreasonable to give up".
Quote from "Tarbosh" »
IMO, porn is a big enough issue that if she wants you to stop, then stop. She'll love you more for not only stopping the porn, but also because you stopped a habit she wanted you to stop. Above your heads you both see a plus sign, followed by a box with two people in it. You just got about 20 relationship points.
He's just been forced to stop doing something he enjoys. Why would that necessarily give him a "plus sign above the head"?
That said, there is a secret lying in the fact that many describe it as a porn "habit". If you stop the behaviour even temporarily, and receive sincere positive feedback from your girlfriend in response, you'll probably find the behaviour easier to drop. It's not like you need to watch porn, you choose to. And being rewarded for not watching it is likely to make the choice here less automatic.
Quote from "Tarbosh" »
I could go on forever, but the #1 thing I want to drive home is this.
If she wants you to stop a habit that's really fruatrating her, then stop it, alright? Making the GF happy is a good thing. But don't cater to EVERYTHING she says.
It's not unlikely that after the porn habit goes, another issue will pop up that's "really frustrating her". If you show her she can change you, don't be surprised if she keeps trying in other ways.
If you don't want to end up in "*****" territory, you have to look at her intentions here, and decide if they are reasonable. It doesn't matter what she is asking of you, despite what Tarbosh says. What matters is why she is asking it.
You don't need to judge if it's a "BIG enough issue" (to use Tarbosh's words). You need to judge if it's a BIG enough issue to her.
I am sad to say that I am completely appalled with the continual support of pornography. Introducing it to his girlfriend may only alienate her further. Now she won't just break up, she will also slap him in the face.
I am sad to say that I am completely appalled with the continual support of pornography. Introducing it to his girlfriend may only alienate her further. Now she won't just break up, she will also slap him in the face.
Because all girls hate porn, amirite?
Here's a hint: No you are not right.
I'd love to argue this point, but debating whether or not pornography is inherently evil and immoral is a bit off-topic, I'd say.
So can dropping habits like "too much video games", "hanging out with certain people" or "eating choices", the other examples you list as "don't give up"s, score mucho brownie points.
Well, I thought this wouldn't get confusing, but I tend to not be clear with what I say.
I said in the line before giving those examples that there are exceptions to seriously consider dropping a 'habit'. These situations include outlandish things such as telling you to play less video games [when you hardly play at all], telling you who to hang out with [which is controlling, she shouldn't be asking this], and telling you how to eat [which she shouldn't unless you just need that extra kick in the pants to improve your eating habits]. I never meant to suggest that those are all 'habits' that should be stopped per the GFs wishes, but merely giving examples of situations where changing something you do/don't do when the GF is being overly demanding is unecessary.
Hope that's cleared up.
You don't need to judge if it's a "BIG enough issue" (to use Tarbosh's words). You need to judge if it's a BIG enough issue to her.
Again, I type too fast and am not clear. The bulk point of my entire post is in fact whether or not it's a big enough issue to her. I vaguly mentioned that in the beginning, where I said I tackled it more of a 'to what magnitude does this behavior matter to her', rather than 'how much does porn amtter to her'.
Again, hope something gets cleared up.
He's just been forced to stop doing something he enjoys. Why would that necessarily give him a "plus sign above the head"?
As for this comment, I don't think we know that much about the situation yet. He's not being *forced* to do anything, but it seems as though the GF would strongly prefer that his porn watching ceases. I can't imagine a break-up would necessarily occur if he continues, but it isn't going to help the relationship, that's for sure.
Oh, and the whole reference to a plus sign.....that's an allusion to The Sims. I couldn't resist.
I'm pretty sure we're on a similar or the same page, just speaking differently, and on my part, less clear.
That's what happens when I post in these in depth, non-magic threads .
Something I also just want to add.....
If the GF cares about the porn watching a lot and the BF doesn't stop, then the GF may break up with him. However, what if she doesn't, and the BF can't deal with the GF's dislike in his porn watching? I'd think anyone stupid to break up with their significant other because 'she wouldn't be okay with me watching porn'.
I guess this opinion is mostly coming from my own actions regarding the situation. I watch porn every now and again, and the GF knows that I do, but not how often [which is actually not very]. If she said she wanted me to stop, I would. The relationship is not worth an argument over porn.
I said in the line before giving those examples that there are exceptions to seriously consider dropping a 'habit'. These situations include outlandish things such as telling you to play less video games [when you hardly play at all], telling you who to hang out with [which is controlling, she shouldn't be asking this], and telling you how to eat [which she shouldn't unless you just need that extra kick in the pants to improve your eating habits]. I never meant to suggest that those are all 'habits' that should be stopped per the GFs wishes, but merely giving examples of situations where changing something you do/don't do when the GF is being overly demanding is unecessary.
Hope that's cleared up.
I know, the whole point is who is to say those are unnecessary demands? Whether they are or not depends on her motivations, not on the demands themselves. You cant just say "her controlling video games is bad", you can only consider "how much a part of my life are video games, would I be willing to change that, and why does she want me to change?"
Quote from "Tarbosh" »
I'd think anyone stupid to break up with their significant other because 'she wouldn't be okay with me watching porn'.
Whaaat?
So she doesn't break up with you, just silently resents you. Sounds like a great relationship ^__^
You'd have to be stupid to break up with someone who hated something that was a big part of you ^__^
Wonderfully Solved! Congratulations Metal_Militia!
My advice goes exacly same way:
Try your best at quiting it and whenever you feal like watching it, control yourself and maybe look, or even think of her, and how sad she would be by knowing what you're doing, and how happy she would be by knowing you dropped it thinking on her and how she would feal.
That's love man!
Hey, it worked for me
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Took the word right out of my mouth.
When it gets down to it, most girls find porn to be pretty hawt given the chance.
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Yeah, same here. Ever since I've stopped my girlfriend has been much happier with me, and we've been happier as a couple. Any time/energy I would have put toward pornography I put toward her instead because she's my only outlet now. It's also great to be talked about, being the exception to the rule when people say "Guys look at porn. That's just what they do." or "All guys look at porn."
If your relationship is built on benevolent charity, there's no good reason for you to continue ogling at images of other women, especially if it makes her upset. Flush it from your system and go clean. You have nothing to lose but a useless, bad habit that's destructive to your relationship.
What? Yes I have
No, boobs aren't the most interesting thing.
But this is a largely true statement. Find me someone with a porn collection made up of ONE magazine, or ONE picture on their computer. Not likely.
There is no such thing as a black and white sexual need. You never just go "Oh man now I need sex and if I don't get it I'll like blow up or something". That never happens. Yeah, you hear guys say stuff like this all the time - they are either lying to try to get sex or have convinced themselves they need it too badly.
I have a friend who has never had sex or masturbated, and that would be at least 8 years since he hit puberty? He's functioning fine.
I don't disagree with that. You are right she probably feels upset and that the reason is as you say. All I was doing was saying the concept of the "perfect fantasy" in fact does not exist, and so to aspire to it is not good.
WHAT?!
I've been happily monogamous with my girlfriend for three years now!
I've specifically been saying that I DON'T believe men are hormone controlled. That they AREN'T in fact prisoners to this BS concept of "sexual need". And that's an immature viewpoint?
Sounds like you had some guys lie to you and cant handle the truth.
Anyhow, I still stand by just letting her in on the fun. It could even reward the guy with more kinky sex
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Or humans are genetically programmed to seek out a single partner and stick with it for life, but what prevents many from doing that is cultural, socially Hellenistic/capitalistic programming from a very early age, combined with relative social tolerance of hedonism.
Either/or.
I've been in a happy, healthy relationship with my boyfriend for four years now. We're both guys, we both look at pornography, and we both had done so for years before we met each other. After four years, pornography has had no detrimental effects on our relationship; we're still passionate, vital, and very attracted to each other. So yeah...maybe the whole "porn ruins your relationship and/or love life" argument has some credibility, but certainly not for everyone.
Not to get too into this discussion, but basically I use porn as an outlet. Photon works from 6am Tuesday to 2pm Thursday and doesn't get to come home in between those times, so I have to...uhm...take care of some things on my own. Also, when it's just the two of us, we share the experience. It's a healthy way to include your partner in something you might feel bad for doing on your own. There's more than one way to look at the issue, as has been illustrated by everyone posting before me.
To the original poster: I do recommend being honest with your girl. Tell her why you look at pornography and see how she reacts. But make sure that you let her know it doesn't cause you to care any less for her. That's the important thing. I used to be incredibly sensitive to this issue because I thought looking at porn was basically cheating, but then I kind of grew up a bit and realized that was in no way true. It's biology, nothing more.
I don't necessary believe the biology thing, I was just presenting it as a possible explanation for why people look up porn. I mean biology gets cited all the time as explanations, with all the rubbish about how men were designed to sleep with as many people as possible and women were designed to be nuturing.
And somehow that became "OMG Turbo is a cheating man****!" T_T
Well yes, it can be mentally fulfilling definitely. I just meant this concept of a physical need, one that does the body damage if not fulfilled, is rubbish. Does that really mean I cant ever have had sex? O.O
Movies like 40 days and 40 nights prove that society thinks the opposite, and it's just plain wrong.
Biologically what makes us all that different from most other mammals? Not a lot.
Most other mammals have many partners. Correlation? Probably.
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This was in response to her possibly saying that looking at porn was the same thing as cheating, if she ever brought up that argument. I, like many others, don't see it as cheating, so thats what I meant by it, even though it almost certainly doesn't come across like that.
That's the point though so do I
I still stand by the fact that pornography is not simply a tool of sexual release. It cannot be, or it would only find use by those who couldn't masturbate without it.
It does not automatically imply some sort of failure in the relationship, on anybody's part, though yes, care must be exercised.
I've noticed this was true about yesterday. I got tempted to when I was watching some movie with this hispanic chick as the 'romantic interest' and I got this sudden urge/thought like "I'd like to see her naked." or see something explicit happen to her. And that's how it starts almost every time (except for those times when I used to do it just because I was bored and could do it). It's not necessarily triggered by TV or movies, it can be triggered by your own thoughts as well.
Partner selection is a genetic tendency entirely molded by an environmental selection in which that environment is a social one. If the impulse to seek multiple partners is a genetic trait, that trait can only be propagated if the social environment doesn't "kill" its carriers with social doctrine.
it's all good
thanks and enjoy
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Your(the OP of this thread) opinion differs from mine, in that if my significant other was truly opposed to something I did, I'd discuss it and come to an agreement of some kind. If we couldn't, I'd give up whatever it was.
For example, I enjoy drinking casually with friends but my g/f is opposed to drinking. I talked to her about it and came to an agreement; I wouldn't drink around her with the exceptions of New Years, Christmas etc and I wouldn't get truly tanked, lol. We're both happy with the arrangment and it took no more than 20 or so minutes to come to it.
Would it really be a big deal to give up watching porn? Would it upset you that much to give it up to make her happy?
The way I view this situtation of the girlfriend not appreciating porn and her request to cease the behavior is more broad.
I see it more as a 'my girlfriend is unhappy with behavior X, and I need t decide whether or not I should give it up'.
There are quite a few variables affecting the situation, including the strength/longevity of the relationship, the rate of porn watching, your girlfriend's views towards porn, your views towards porn, etc.
Pornography can really get in the middle of a relationship. I've witnessed two end because of it [one was about 3 months, the other about 6 months], and there's actually a situation where a guy and gal I know aren't together because she disagree with his porn watching. So it's not like I haven't seen it tear people apart.
If you're relationship is strong and you've been together through think and thin, then it shouldn't be hard to sit down and talk about it. Perhaps reach a compromise. Since you'd likely watch porn alone you'd have to be on some sort of honor system, so it's a test of faith/trustworthiness. This test really shouldn't be difficult, as if you have reached emotional heights with the gal then you have a lot to hold onto, and thusly a lot to lose.
so back to the original situation I'm addressing.....your girlfriend wants you stop a habit that you enjoy a lot and don't want to stop.
IMO, porn is a big enough issue that if she wants you to stop, then stop. She'll love you more for not only stopping the porn, but also because you stopped a habit she wanted you to stop. Above your heads you both see a plus sign, followed by a box with two people in it. You just got about 20 relationship points.
Now, I'm not saying you should be her *****. You shouldn't drop everything and cater to her needs all the time. However, dropping a habit such as porn, drugs, ciagarettes, drinking often, cursing excessively, etc. can score mucho brownie points.
However, there are some situations where the GF really needs to sit down and take a chill pill and realize that the guy's world doesn't revolve around her. If she starts telling you how to live your life, then that's something else.
Telling you to reduce video gaming at a whopping 4 hours a week so that you can call her on the phone more often [a problem i'm coping with right now ] is ridiculous.
Telling you who you can and can't hang out with is ridiculous [although I will agree that hanging out with exes when there are even remote feelings on either side is a bad idea].
Telling you what/where/with who you eat [unless you eat very unhealthily.....my gf has helped me lose about 20 pounds and slim up a bit. So now I look better AND I listened to her.....2x point value]
I could go on forever, but the #1 thing I want to drive home is this.
If she wants you to stop a habit that's really fruatrating her, then stop it, alright? Making the GF happy is a good thing. But don't cater to EVERYTHING she says.
-Tarbosh
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So can dropping habits like "too much video games", "hanging out with certain people" or "eating choices", the other examples you list as "don't give up"s, score mucho brownie points.
There is no distinction here except that the above behaviours are more widely acceptable as "bad". I would disagree that pornography is "bad", and so it actually belongs in the second category which you are keen to denounce as "unreasonable to give up".
He's just been forced to stop doing something he enjoys. Why would that necessarily give him a "plus sign above the head"?
That said, there is a secret lying in the fact that many describe it as a porn "habit". If you stop the behaviour even temporarily, and receive sincere positive feedback from your girlfriend in response, you'll probably find the behaviour easier to drop. It's not like you need to watch porn, you choose to. And being rewarded for not watching it is likely to make the choice here less automatic.
It's not unlikely that after the porn habit goes, another issue will pop up that's "really frustrating her". If you show her she can change you, don't be surprised if she keeps trying in other ways.
If you don't want to end up in "*****" territory, you have to look at her intentions here, and decide if they are reasonable. It doesn't matter what she is asking of you, despite what Tarbosh says. What matters is why she is asking it.
You don't need to judge if it's a "BIG enough issue" (to use Tarbosh's words). You need to judge if it's a BIG enough issue to her.
Because all girls hate porn, amirite?
Here's a hint: No you are not right.
I'd love to argue this point, but debating whether or not pornography is inherently evil and immoral is a bit off-topic, I'd say.
Well, I thought this wouldn't get confusing, but I tend to not be clear with what I say.
I said in the line before giving those examples that there are exceptions to seriously consider dropping a 'habit'. These situations include outlandish things such as telling you to play less video games [when you hardly play at all], telling you who to hang out with [which is controlling, she shouldn't be asking this], and telling you how to eat [which she shouldn't unless you just need that extra kick in the pants to improve your eating habits]. I never meant to suggest that those are all 'habits' that should be stopped per the GFs wishes, but merely giving examples of situations where changing something you do/don't do when the GF is being overly demanding is unecessary.
Hope that's cleared up.
Again, I type too fast and am not clear. The bulk point of my entire post is in fact whether or not it's a big enough issue to her. I vaguly mentioned that in the beginning, where I said I tackled it more of a 'to what magnitude does this behavior matter to her', rather than 'how much does porn amtter to her'.
Again, hope something gets cleared up.
As for this comment, I don't think we know that much about the situation yet. He's not being *forced* to do anything, but it seems as though the GF would strongly prefer that his porn watching ceases. I can't imagine a break-up would necessarily occur if he continues, but it isn't going to help the relationship, that's for sure.
Oh, and the whole reference to a plus sign.....that's an allusion to The Sims. I couldn't resist.
I'm pretty sure we're on a similar or the same page, just speaking differently, and on my part, less clear.
That's what happens when I post in these in depth, non-magic threads .
Something I also just want to add.....
If the GF cares about the porn watching a lot and the BF doesn't stop, then the GF may break up with him. However, what if she doesn't, and the BF can't deal with the GF's dislike in his porn watching? I'd think anyone stupid to break up with their significant other because 'she wouldn't be okay with me watching porn'.
I guess this opinion is mostly coming from my own actions regarding the situation. I watch porn every now and again, and the GF knows that I do, but not how often [which is actually not very]. If she said she wanted me to stop, I would. The relationship is not worth an argument over porn.
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I know, the whole point is who is to say those are unnecessary demands? Whether they are or not depends on her motivations, not on the demands themselves. You cant just say "her controlling video games is bad", you can only consider "how much a part of my life are video games, would I be willing to change that, and why does she want me to change?"
Whaaat?
So she doesn't break up with you, just silently resents you. Sounds like a great relationship ^__^
You'd have to be stupid to break up with someone who hated something that was a big part of you ^__^