So my baby sister just turned 16. I'm 20. I've been the "Good Child" my whole life, not causing too much trouble or drama.
And let me say, my sister is gorgeous. Like, you can't even imagine. I've tried to fend off the wolves for years, but I'm finally losing the battle, an outcome i know to be inevitable.
I was working on her cell phone for her, trying to get picture messaging to work again since something was wrong with our service, and lets just say that i stumbled across some pictures can't really be discussed on this thread (I'm trying to keep it rated PG) both of her, and some she had received from a family friend her age. And lets just say the text message conversation involved activities certain moral codes (including mine) reserve for after marriage.
I told my dad, mainly because this family friend arrived via plane from out of state to stay with us for three weeks.
He is a good kid, and was at one time a close friend of mine. I taught him to play Magic, and I was looking forward to take him to FNM this week. I suppose it could be worse, as she could be fooling around with a gang member or drug dealer (lord knows we have enough of those in my neighborhood) rather than this good friend of ours.
It is consensual on their part. But i don't know how i can look him in the face knowing what he has done with my sister.
Have you ever gone through something like this? Am I just old fashioned? I know i can't force my morals on other people, and I love them both despite their actions. It's just hard, knowing what know about my little sis.
I'm really actually depressed. This all happened today, with the friend in the house. I didn't make a scene, and they don't know that i know. But it has really torn me up tonight. Please Help.
I would let it go, it's her choice if you like it or not, but it is still a shocking thing to see and it speaks for itself that it takes some time before you could look at your sister and friend on a less awkwar way for a unknown period of time.
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“I once had an entire race killed just to listen to the rattling of their dried bones as I waded through them.” —Volrath
I don't see anything wrong with what she's doing. I think you should just accept that your sister has grown up and is into adult "stuff". As long as she draws a line before pregnancy and drugs, I'd say it's fine. Though, personally, I would talk to her about sending "photos" of herself to her friends. I hear nasty things about how people post"photos" on social websites if their relationship with their boyfriend or girlfriend turns sour.
Just make sure she is educated about sex and safe. It is impossible to make her decisions for her, and we learn from our mistakes. She needs to stumble to learn to walk so to speak. Trying to stop her completely will likely just make her want it more. It is better to have a safe daughter/sister who is sexually active and honest about it than one who is evasive. Makes for a better life for her and a better relationship for the two of you.
You could run your friend out of town, but she will find someone else. Like you said, at least he is someone you kind of trust. All you do by breaking them apart is make her think her opinions and values don't mean anything to you and thus hurt her self esteem and alienate her from you.
You cannot force others to live your beliefs. And you never know, she may still adopt your ideals later on. Some people need to explore themselves alot more before truly finding their own set of ideals.
The relationships with boys she has now help shape the relationships she has as an adult. They help shape the judgement she will make of what is a good boyfriend or spouse. What she needs to be safe and happy. It is purely her discovery to make, not yours.
Though definately talk to her about sharing pornographic material about herself (pictures, the texts aren't so bad). I assume you are in the USA, they are technically illegal and whoever she sends them too could get in alot of trouble for even having them. This way you can say "I understand you need to grow and express yourself and that sex may be a part of that, but you need to draw some form of line at this point and sharing graphic pictures should be that limit."
My sister started this kind of activity around the age 12... it's a tough pill to swallow, but you have to. You can't control anybody's actions other than yourself. You can try to guide them, but forcing them into situations against their will normally just repels them further.
actually if she is 16 what they are doing is illegal. She is too young to know weither this is a good thing for her to be doing or not....i ould have an ntervention if i thought my sister was doing that type of thing at 16...18...whatever...but at 16 its a bad idea. I had a relationship in highschool that was mild compaired to this and i regret it. its something you shouldnt do this young...until you are 18 you dont know what you are actually likeyet...if you even know by then....you really arent the person you will be for the rest of your life until 21 IMHO
Actually they recently discovered the part of the brain which governs responsble decisions is not fully formed in most individuals until 25. That means technically we are not the person we are going to be until we are around 25.
Most consent laws protect the minor from those over 18, but not those under 18. And even when they do, they are generally egnored otherwise alot of kids would be in jail/juvie.
I had some free time, for those who just want numbers and dont feel like reading through the finer details, here are the ages of consent in all of the USA States ;
Alabama, Alaska, Arkansas, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Carolina, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Washington 16 Colorado, Connecticut, Illinois, Missouri, New York, Texas 17 Arizona, California, Idaho, Oregon, Tennessee, Utah, Virginia, Wyoming 18
Most states also have allowance for underage people having sex together. This ranges from 12-16, but in most cases is 2 years less than whatever the usual age of consent is. Many states have "Position of Power" clauses protecting anyone under 18 regardless of the standard legal age.
So it is unlikely it is illegal for his sister to have sex at all.
How old is your friend? If he's a certain age or older, he could go up for statutory. But 16 is now the official Federal age isn't it?
Anyway, she's a grown up girl and unfortunately there's no law against stupidity. If you have a problem with it, and it's not against the law, grow a pair and clear the air. Tell this guy to steer clear of your sister. Have a talk with your sister - I don't know where your parents are at this point, but this is a talk you all should have had years ago - and make sure she understands what the consequences are. Set limits on how much you should be expected to intervene on her behalf if she gets burned.
I don't want him arrested, and frankly, i don't really mind so much if it is illegal or not. It's not that that sort of thing doesn't matter to me, quite the contrary actually. It's just that saying "OMG you two can't have sex that is illegal" isn't really going to help the situation much.
Child Pornography, however, is a big deal. My dad talked to them about it, and he pretty much hit that point home.
I guess my problem is not with their actions, or the potential repercussions of those actions. I am more concerned for my relationship with both of them, as well as my own personal sanity. Seems selfish, but I can't control them, as Sakura said. Speaking of Sakura, thanks for imput. You've said many of the things i wanted to say, but couldn't...
And to the silly folk: I'm not going to shoot him, no You aren't getting pics, and don't you even think about "Hitting That." Although humor certainly helps lighten the mood. Thanks, even though that was a little twisted.
Mods: Sorry...Thanks for moving it to the proper place...Won't happen again!!!
jesus why do you care so much, honestly set her straight briefly and then so be it, stop being a whiney (3 letter word) (female dog).
This is both a flame and censor evasion. Infraction for both
Look, i remember in high school my friends would get pictures from other girls theyre age in positions youd consider "pornography". Its really not a big deal jesus, its just another human being.
And if shes willingly taking the pictures, then so be it, who really cares. Just lay low and play it cool, that always is hte best approach
I think it's time for a cold shower, and a question;
"Am I in love with my sister?"
More seriously, my best friend Garrett was in the same situation. The best thing you can do is try and get to know the guy, which it sounds like you already do. It's time to let her grow up, and move from being overly protective to just being aware.
Why are you even getting involved in your sisters life this damn close. The more involved you get in this your gonna learn some really dirty nasty secrets that will more then likely corrupt your mind into some things.
It's hard to imagine your little sister being at that age. I remember when my sister got to the age where she started getting interested in sex and whatnot, and it wasn't an easy pill to swallow. Granted, I didn't stumble across any kind of picture of her in the act or anything, but the first guy she was active with was one of my buddies. I do agree with you in the fact that it's hard to look at them the same way again. However, if you truly care about the two of them, then it's the first of many bitter pills you'll have to swallow. Just think of it like this: when you were her age, if you were into stuff, did you want other people telling you what to do/interfering? The best thing you can do is let her know that you are there if she ever wants to talk about anything or if she needs guidance. Just give her room to grow. She 'll probably surprise you.
Please, don't listen to anything Sakura or Alacar says. The only reason Alacar said that Sakura knew what he was talking about was because he has some kind of man-crush on him. Alacar pretty much falls for everything that is either a girl or poses as a girl. Your best bet is to do what any smart person does and totally ignore anything they say. They should really just toke on each other's pipe and get it over with.
Dude, she is 16. Its time to let her go, she is an adult now. She is mature enough to make her own decisions. However, if you must, set her aside and give her good older brother advice, if does 'naughty' activities make sure she knows to do it safely, tell her to be responsible with drugs and alcohol (don't do it). I'm sure if my sister were concerned she would do the same, and I would listen and appreciate her concern and advice. If you are close with her I'm sure it will at least make her think carefully about her actions.
Also, I'm this exactly 16, so take my advice as its from a teenager's perspective.
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And let me say, my sister is gorgeous. Like, you can't even imagine. I've tried to fend off the wolves for years, but I'm finally losing the battle, an outcome i know to be inevitable.
I was working on her cell phone for her, trying to get picture messaging to work again since something was wrong with our service, and lets just say that i stumbled across some pictures can't really be discussed on this thread (I'm trying to keep it rated PG) both of her, and some she had received from a family friend her age. And lets just say the text message conversation involved activities certain moral codes (including mine) reserve for after marriage.
I told my dad, mainly because this family friend arrived via plane from out of state to stay with us for three weeks.
He is a good kid, and was at one time a close friend of mine. I taught him to play Magic, and I was looking forward to take him to FNM this week. I suppose it could be worse, as she could be fooling around with a gang member or drug dealer (lord knows we have enough of those in my neighborhood) rather than this good friend of ours.
It is consensual on their part. But i don't know how i can look him in the face knowing what he has done with my sister.
Have you ever gone through something like this? Am I just old fashioned? I know i can't force my morals on other people, and I love them both despite their actions. It's just hard, knowing what know about my little sis.
I'm really actually depressed. This all happened today, with the friend in the house. I didn't make a scene, and they don't know that i know. But it has really torn me up tonight. Please Help.
EDH: WEight-and-a-half-tailsW
EDH: U/ Dralnu, Lich Lord B/
Extended:U/ Fish U/
“I once had an entire race killed just to listen to the rattling of their dried bones as I waded through them.”
—Volrath
if its definitely bad (theres a litany) then step in, otherwise be cool
You could run your friend out of town, but she will find someone else. Like you said, at least he is someone you kind of trust. All you do by breaking them apart is make her think her opinions and values don't mean anything to you and thus hurt her self esteem and alienate her from you.
You cannot force others to live your beliefs. And you never know, she may still adopt your ideals later on. Some people need to explore themselves alot more before truly finding their own set of ideals.
The relationships with boys she has now help shape the relationships she has as an adult. They help shape the judgement she will make of what is a good boyfriend or spouse. What she needs to be safe and happy. It is purely her discovery to make, not yours.
Though definately talk to her about sharing pornographic material about herself (pictures, the texts aren't so bad). I assume you are in the USA, they are technically illegal and whoever she sends them too could get in alot of trouble for even having them. This way you can say "I understand you need to grow and express yourself and that sex may be a part of that, but you need to draw some form of line at this point and sharing graphic pictures should be that limit."
P.S. Pics plz!
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Dude, not helping.
Those kind answers are as useless as tits on a nun.
Next time, kindly just report the post. Warning for Backseat Moderation
“I once had an entire race killed just to listen to the rattling of their dried bones as I waded through them.”
—Volrath
Don't go around telling her it is illegal for her to have sex at 16, that won't go anywhere useful. Also, strictly saying its illegal for a 16 year old to have sex is not always accurate : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_North_America#United_States
Most consent laws protect the minor from those over 18, but not those under 18. And even when they do, they are generally egnored otherwise alot of kids would be in jail/juvie.
But honestly, I'd listen to Sakura--she knows what she's talking about
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I had some free time, for those who just want numbers and dont feel like reading through the finer details, here are the ages of consent in all of the USA States ;
Alabama, Alaska, Arkansas, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Carolina, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Washington 16
Colorado, Connecticut, Illinois, Missouri, New York, Texas 17
Arizona, California, Idaho, Oregon, Tennessee, Utah, Virginia, Wyoming 18
Most states also have allowance for underage people having sex together. This ranges from 12-16, but in most cases is 2 years less than whatever the usual age of consent is. Many states have "Position of Power" clauses protecting anyone under 18 regardless of the standard legal age.
So it is unlikely it is illegal for his sister to have sex at all.
How old is your friend? If he's a certain age or older, he could go up for statutory. But 16 is now the official Federal age isn't it?
Anyway, she's a grown up girl and unfortunately there's no law against stupidity. If you have a problem with it, and it's not against the law, grow a pair and clear the air. Tell this guy to steer clear of your sister. Have a talk with your sister - I don't know where your parents are at this point, but this is a talk you all should have had years ago - and make sure she understands what the consequences are. Set limits on how much you should be expected to intervene on her behalf if she gets burned.
I don't want him arrested, and frankly, i don't really mind so much if it is illegal or not. It's not that that sort of thing doesn't matter to me, quite the contrary actually. It's just that saying "OMG you two can't have sex that is illegal" isn't really going to help the situation much.
Child Pornography, however, is a big deal. My dad talked to them about it, and he pretty much hit that point home.
I guess my problem is not with their actions, or the potential repercussions of those actions. I am more concerned for my relationship with both of them, as well as my own personal sanity. Seems selfish, but I can't control them, as Sakura said. Speaking of Sakura, thanks for imput. You've said many of the things i wanted to say, but couldn't...
And to the silly folk: I'm not going to shoot him, no You aren't getting pics, and don't you even think about "Hitting That." Although humor certainly helps lighten the mood. Thanks, even though that was a little twisted.
Mods: Sorry...Thanks for moving it to the proper place...Won't happen again!!!
EDH: WEight-and-a-half-tailsW
EDH: U/ Dralnu, Lich Lord B/
Extended:U/ Fish U/
This is both a flame and censor evasion. Infraction for both
Look, i remember in high school my friends would get pictures from other girls theyre age in positions youd consider "pornography". Its really not a big deal jesus, its just another human being.
And if shes willingly taking the pictures, then so be it, who really cares. Just lay low and play it cool, that always is hte best approach
but srsly, PICS or it DIDNT HAPPEN!
....jk
EDIT:
Er... I hope that wasn't in effect when I was in high school... I could've sworn it was 16. Oh well.
on the ball
just because shes your sister doesnt mean her personal life is YOUR business...which it isnt
Infraction for Spamming
"Am I in love with my sister?"
More seriously, my best friend Garrett was in the same situation. The best thing you can do is try and get to know the guy, which it sounds like you already do. It's time to let her grow up, and move from being overly protective to just being aware.
You don't want to push her away.
Why are you even getting involved in your sisters life this damn close. The more involved you get in this your gonna learn some really dirty nasty secrets that will more then likely corrupt your mind into some things.
It's hard to imagine your little sister being at that age. I remember when my sister got to the age where she started getting interested in sex and whatnot, and it wasn't an easy pill to swallow. Granted, I didn't stumble across any kind of picture of her in the act or anything, but the first guy she was active with was one of my buddies. I do agree with you in the fact that it's hard to look at them the same way again. However, if you truly care about the two of them, then it's the first of many bitter pills you'll have to swallow. Just think of it like this: when you were her age, if you were into stuff, did you want other people telling you what to do/interfering? The best thing you can do is let her know that you are there if she ever wants to talk about anything or if she needs guidance. Just give her room to grow. She 'll probably surprise you.
Please, don't listen to anything Sakura or Alacar says. The only reason Alacar said that Sakura knew what he was talking about was because he has some kind of man-crush on him. Alacar pretty much falls for everything that is either a girl or poses as a girl. Your best bet is to do what any smart person does and totally ignore anything they say. They should really just toke on each other's pipe and get it over with.
And that's an infraction for trolling
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Didnt see that one coming....
x123456789
god just dont get into her life
Infraction for Spam. Be happy it's just one, I'm deleting the rest of your spammy posts in this thread.
Also, I'm this exactly 16, so take my advice as its from a teenager's perspective.