Fair warning: Semi-adult content here. Nothing forum rules-breaking, but if you don't care to think about it, leave now. Oh, and this one's a fairly long read, so short attention spans might want to leave as well. .
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So, from the title, I'm pretty sure it is obvious, but I'll give you a little background on me anyway. I am 20 years old and I'm a virgin. (Hey, I'm half-way to an awesome Steve Carrell movie, at least) Not a shocker, seeing as I'm a dork who plays video games and Magic, but I'm kind of getting old for not having any sexual experience to speak of. I haven't had a girlfriend in at least 3 years, and I don't really see any potential ones right now. I work 40 hours a week at a Wendy's, 4 pm-2 am, and the days I work each week alternate, so I have a hard time even hanging out with friends, let alone meeting new people. I live at home, partly because I don't want to be on my own, partly because I initially lived here for free, and partly now because my mom had a stroke recently and I need to help pay mortgage.
So, for the longest time I was merely content with my virginity. Just a fact to me, like a hair color or skin color, and not something I really cared much about working on. The people at work, however, know I'm a virgin, and I'm teased everyday about it. Now, I have no problem with any of that, and I'm not offended. But, they also frequently talk about their sex lives to or around me (yes, it's kind of strange). All that talk changed my mood on my virginity, from not caring to kind of actively resenting it.
Don't get me wrong, though. It's not the people at work that really made me change my mind so much. They just kind of brought it to my attention. I've been reflecting recently, and I really just don't want to be a virgin anymore. It kind of sucks.
"You're lucky. I wish I was a virgin." No, I'm not, and no, you don't. People used to say that your first time is supposed to be special, and you should wait until you find the right person, but frankly in today's world that is a faery tale. The only real difference between myself and my co-workers is that they get to have sex and I don't. Sex shouldn't be, and really isn't, a big deal, and on the surface I understand that. I just haven't had the opportunity.
But, here comes my problem. I believe I have that opportunity now. II may be rubbish at reading signals from girls, but one of my female co-workers asked me if I had a girlfriend, then if I was a virgin (managing to figure these out without asking anybody else). She then asked me about a dozen seemingly random questions throughout the night ("Are you an only child?" "Can you drive?"), told me I reminded her of her ex-boyfriend (which she said wasn't a bad thing), and offered to 'help' me with my problem. So yeah, ignoring the fact that the workplace is a terrible idea for relationships because I don't work with her a lot, I'd probably have that chance.
Buuuut....
You know how I said I know it isn't a big deal on the surface? Well, deeper down I'm not sure. Now, I'm not looking to wait for marriage, but I always thought that I'd be at least in a relationship for a while before I ever had sex. And I'm not sure if I'm really attracted to this girl (I mean, she has a nice body, but personality-wise I'm not really sold...that, and her direct approach kind of weirded me out). Should I settle? Yeah, yeah, I still have plenty of time to go before I need to get desperate, but I'm torn. On one hand, I'd like to retain some pride in myself, and at the very least wait until I'm in a real relationship. On the other, I'd like to get it over with and lift the cloud that's been bothering me for the past few years. I don't know. Logic tells me that waiting is silly, and that I'm being naive, but I don't think me just settling for what I can get is really what I imagine for myself.
Sorry for the length, just had more to say than I thought. So, what do you guys think? If your advice is "don't do it, its the workplace", the bigger point of this isn't in the specific case (although that is what the answer will be applied to), but more on what my philosophy should be. Hell, for all I know, I'm an idiot and this girl thinks nothing of me, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm not sure what my mentality on this subject is. Help is appreciated.
I really think a long term relationship is a better way to go about the whole sex thing, but even if that's not what you're really looking for, think of it this way:
Any sexual cravings you feel now will increase after you have sex. (For me, I didn't have an issue with this at all for about two weeks. Then I started to go a little crazy) Therefore, it makes a bit of sense to only put yourself in that situation if those cravings can be sated regularly.
Even if the whole emotional aspect doesn't matter to you, I wouldn't recommend going for the one time thing, because you'll just end up driving yourself crazy afterwards. And if it's not someone you can enjoy talking to or hanging out with, that makes things a lot less pleasant.
So the whole "wait for the right person" thing has some merits, even to people who think that's overrated: possible steady supply. Because sex, like most pleasures, is addicting.
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A card game about Presidents. Stabbing each other. With knives.
I say go for it. This whole "it should be special" thing is BS. Your first time sucks, and it sucks for everyone. The whole romantic BS around it I believe is just a form of denial so people don't remember just HOW MUCH it sucked.
It's awkward, you don't know what the hell you're doing, you're so nervous you either shoot out in a minute or can't get it up... It doesn't really get interesting until the fourth or fifth try. Really, I suggest you get the practice now so that when you really are with someone special you don't screw it up. Especially if she knows what she's doing. Because the only thing worst than sex with a virgin is sex between *two* virgins.
(Incidently, this whole "suicide bombers get 72 virgins in heaven" thing sound like Hell to me. Give me six women with a decade of experience, I'll be happy.)
i'd go for it.. for guys it's not the same as for girls, meaning that we're not that sentimental and your first time is NOT the one time by which you'll compare all your other times. sex can be making love with a woman, even if all your past experiences have just been sex (with no love).. i don't know if i kinda messed up your mind, but all i'm saying is that your first time doesn't need to be special, you'll get special as long as you have a special relationship.
Don't have sex unless you're 100% sure you're ready for it. If you want it to be meaningful, then wait. there's honestly nothing wrong with being a virgin, and it says more about your character to discipline yourself to wait until sex isn't just sex.
In my eyes, it may just be a physical act, but it can easily be so much more and it should be. I waited until I was completely ready, and thoroughly in love with my partner before we took it to that level. It made it mean something more than simply a physical act, and it gave it a deeper meaning for the two of us. It is possible to wait. You're only twenty, and there's no need to rush everything for quick gratification.
waiting until your married is complete and utter ********, always has been in my opinion. simply put, the chances of rolling in the hay are far too great before you actually get tied down for the rest of your life.
there's a huge difference between sex and making love, however. sex can be mindless fun between to slightly intoxicated friends, something they painfully bring up years later much to the embarrassment of each other.
...*cough*
if you want it to actually MEAN something, however, I recommend waiting until you've got someone your attached to.
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Actual Truth:
"You heard it here folks:
Anyone who disagrees with "Jack from NC" is an idiot."-The Dead Weatherman
Having sex is great, and I wish you well in your quest, but I don't know how I'd feel if some random girl at Wendy's said she "will help me with my problem."
I'd probably keep looking. She might have asked that same question to a different guy everyday since she was 16.
(Incidently, this whole "suicide bombers get 72 virgins in heaven" thing sound like Hell to me. Give me six women with a decade of experience, I'll be happy.)
I love you muchly for this.
I'd go for it. It sounds like your desire to have sex, a perfectly natural urge btw, is stronger than your desire to have meaningful sex, which is also natural. You've got plenty of time to find someone you care about and explore a deep relationship that may one day include sex. In fact it'll probably be easier to wait once your itch gets scratched.
Do it with this women over and over again! Not many people get a chance to have unattached meaningless sex, and you do. I lost my virginity to a women that I was not in love with or even in a relationship with and it taught me alot about how to please a women and how to increase my endurance. See the thing about having sex with someone you are not in a relationship with is that you can be brutally honest and nobody really takes it personally. I say do it....you could learn a few things.
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Quote from TJ-Whoopy »
From TMD
Round One: Bill Copes playing Stax
Bill seems like a nice guy till I see that he's playing Stax and realize (by way of a concrete Magic formula I learned from my 4th grade math teacher) he has no soul.
Don't have sex unless you're 100% sure you're ready for it.
If you want it to be meaningful, then wait. there's honestly nothing wrong with being a virgin, and it says more about your character to discipline yourself to wait until sex isn't just sex.
In my eyes, it may just be a physical act, but it can easily be so much more and it should be. I waited until I was completely ready, and thoroughly in love with my partner before we took it to that level. It made it mean something more than simply a physical act, and it gave it a deeper meaning for the two of us. It is possible to wait. You're only twenty, and there's no need to rush everything for quick gratification.
Hear, hear.
Quote from Deaths Door »
"You're lucky. I wish I was a virgin." No, I'm not, and no, you don't. People used to say that your first time is supposed to be special, and you should wait until you find the right person, but frankly in today's world that is a faery tale. The only real difference between myself and my co-workers is that they get to have sex and I don't. Sex shouldn't be, and really isn't, a big deal, and on the surface I understand that. I just haven't had the opportunity.
Haha, how cynical!
What I have offer isn't anything but holistic advice, if at all advice or anything in that vein; I'll just say that it's my belief that virginity is a social construct, I wouldn't be all that concerned with 'losing' it, and instead of living dogmatically, I'd choose to live pragmatically.
However, if you absolutely feel the need to have sex for the first time - be it in a one-night stand, a consummation of mutual romantic love, or otherwise - and you've though it through in large part, if not entirety, you should probably carry through with the act itself.
The people at work, however, know I'm a virgin, and I'm teased everyday about it. Now, I have no problem with any of that, and I'm not offended. But, they also frequently talk about their sex lives to or around me (yes, it's kind of strange). All that talk changed my mood on my virginity, from not caring to kind of actively resenting it.
Don't get me wrong, though. It's not the people at work that really made me change my mind so much. They just kind of brought it to my attention. I've been reflecting recently, and I really just don't want to be a virgin anymore. It kind of sucks.
I think the crux of issue here is belied by the guise of your virginity, and being teased as a result of it.
What's to like about virginity? What's not to like about it? Similarly, what's to like about not being a virgin, and what's to not like about not being a virgin?
If the teasing is getting to you, instead of capitulating to their all-in-good-fun jesting, you could perhaps approach them and have a talk, confronting them about their behaviour. (Though, this appears not to be the problem at all.)
If the matter is feeling left-out, then ... again, perhaps a transformation from within is needed, instead of losing your virginity; perhaps you could pride yourself on being a virgin, and holding out for the one, or something.
Again, this, to me, will simply lead to virginity means little more than a social construct, in part, originating from society's predisposition that sexual relations should between one man and one woman, and that, to lose one's virginity, is to signify one's transition into adulthood and to embrace one's sexuality and to relinquish one's (sexual) purity till that point.
I don't know what it's like for a guy to lose his virginity, but I notice among friends and peers, that most guys aren't actually that concerned about having a long, meaningful relationship; and, of those who are, they're rather hopeless romantics with admirable quantities of idealism and naivety.
I'd probably go for it. Best of luck in your decision-making and action-taking.
Basically, chillax if you're not losing it; act and think with your head; and if you do lose it, great!
Edit: The disclaimer really isn't needed, as this isn't really 'semi-adult content' (it either is, or isn't); simple user discretion, however, is.
We're not prudes, are we?
Do it with this woman over and over again! Not many people get a chance to have unattached meaningless sex, and you do. I lost my virginity to a woman that I was not in love with or even in a relationship with and it taught me alot about how to please a women and how to increase my endurance. See the thing about having sex with someone you are not in a relationship with is that you can be brutally honest and nobody really takes it personally. I say do it....you could learn a few things.
Um, more often than not, that's not going to happen.
Um, you're extremely lucky; that the relationship you had was (apparently) purely sexual, and there wasn't ruination brought to a friendship.
In my opinion, I wouldn't do something like that with much dignity; which is probably why I'd abstain from such a liaison, if you can even call it that.
I would avoid workplace sex. Even if you take precautions, things can still get emotional and therefore difficult around the workplace, even if you don't see her often. You can't control how she feels or is going to feel.
Workplace sex can be good on the other hand if you guys plan on a long term relationship and can withstand the close proximity to each other most of day, day in and day out, which it doesn't sound like your situation.
If you want sex and are shy in public, go ahead and try online dating. It's worked well for me (and now I'm getting married).
For me, I've experimented a lot and tried a lot of different sexual things. It's not for everyone either in my opinion. Not everyone wants to go on crazed sex benders, orgies, toys, fetishes, S&M etc... Everyone's advice is going to be personalized to their experience and tastes so all opinions cannot reflect what's going to happen to you exactly.
Main thing is just to be careful. Venereal disease is a concern as are the psycho-drama of ex-lovers in your life.
The only way for this to happen is if you stick to your gut morals and do whatever you feel is right.
If you need financial advice, you should ask someone who is more fiscally responsible than you are and do whatever they say. If you need advice on morality, you could ask around, but take whatever you hear with a grain of salt.
There is a ridiculously good chance that in such a large pool of people on these forums, there's bound to be a few with morals that you would find reprehensible. Just because a few of them come out of the wood works doesn't mean you should listen to them.
The moment you consciously act out of character and discard your prior beliefs with reckless abandon, you have lost your pride. After all, what else is there to be proud in but your morality?
Hello all. Just stopping in and letting you know what I decided.
Well, despite about everyone I know telling me I'm wrong, I am holding on to that virginity for at least a little while.
Why? A couple of reasons.
1) She isn't attracted to me personally so much as to my virginity, which means I'd feel used once she took it from me.
2) Although she is a relatively attractive girl, I'm not really into her personality (she's a little bit too 'ghetto' for my tastes), which brings the entire package down.
3, 4, and 5-10) This is the big reason. It just doesn't feel right. By nature I'm a logical person, yet I know logic is absolutely pointless in these types of scenarios. Logic tells me to go for it and it doesn't hurt. But my gut says otherwise. The problem with other people's opinions, oftentimes, is that they aren't me, and don't have the same emotions attached to their decisions as I do. Telling me that feeling crappy doesn't matter is only true from your perspective.
So I won't be getting any action anytime soon from this girl. Which is good, because I learned afterward that she has a boyfriend already (although they can't really be on good terms, all things considered). I suppose I'll just deal with the no-sex thing for a while longer. Maybe if I get off my rear and find myself a girlfriend I can have a better way to break my virginity, but for now, I'll be content in knowing that for once, it was by choice, not circumstance.
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[card]Pinpoint Avalanche
[/card]"Some solve problems by thinking and talking. Others use rocks." --Toggo, Goblin Weaponsmith
Fodder Cannon Step 1: Find your cousin. Step 2: Get your cousin in the cannon. Step 3: Find another cousin.
Great decision. I was never a popular guy myself. The women I dated were more into having sex than me (being Christian, I wanted to wait). I know it's not right, but I used other methods to please them (oral, hand, etc.). The first, and only woman I ever had sex with is my wife. It's amazing! Having that special feeling linked to only one person in the world. It truly helps me to control myself around other women. I would never cheat on my wife, and am proud of it. On the other hand, people who use sex losely will find no greater bond between themselves and the person that they're doing it with. My brother was married for 13 years and two kids when he cheated on his wife... just another woman caught his eye. My sister has four kids from four different men, was married, then divorced to the second one's father, and is currently married to the fourth. You all are right in saying that it isn't the "norm" saving yourself, however it is the right thing to do. Tossing around love and affection is very dangerous. Not to mention the STDs and pregnancy that can be involved. Save yourselves and it WILL be worth it! Ever hear of a person say, "I wish I waited." Why take that chance? Wouldn't you rather be able to say, "I'm so glad I waited for you." to your future spouse? DD, you're absolutely right that she had no interest in you. One runt can ruin the flock and I'm glad you didn't stray. When you do get married, having sex will be the most amazing feeling. I know some of these guys (assumes) say sex is amazing, however one night stands are not amazing. At least, feeling wise, it's clunky (so I've heard). Some guys want to say, "I've had sex with X number of women." That's why they like one night stands, not for the experience (they can say whatever they want, but it sure it a "pride" thing for them). Any of them would much rather be settled down in a one person relationship; and they'll realize this once they do.
P.S. I was 22 1/2 when I moved out of my parents house. I was 25 1/2 when I got married and first had sex. You're not behind in any ethical way. Also, kind of funny, but I worked in restaurants for 6 years (cooked at Fridays, Applebee's, managed a Quizno's and a Subway)... I was so glad when I was hired at a bank! Better hours, cleaner atmosphere (didn't come home with grease all over my body and smelling), better pay, better benefits. You're doing what you have to do right now, and helping your family is VERY admirable. The fact is the restaurant business will always be there, so it's kind of like easy money (that's how I always saw it). Just keep your eyes peeled that dream job because dreams can come true. I'll be praying for you.
I'd say that you shouldn't go for it just because you are sick of being a virgin. If it really matters to you that you have a real relationship with your first, then you may regret this.
oh man you got to get on that. seriously you need to work that out. the idea is not just to have sex, but to be good at sex. unfortunately its not like the movie where your going to be bad the first time and then five minutes later be amazing. so my recomendation to you is to get like 10 to 15 hood rats and just hammer them out back to back. get your chops up. sex is important in almost every realtionship, if youre bad at it...well girls talk.
oh man you got to get on that. seriously you need to work that out. the idea is not just to have sex, but to be good at sex. unfortunately its not like the movie where your going to be bad the first time and then five minutes later be amazing. so my recomendation to you is to get like 10 to 15 hood rats and just hammer them out back to back. get your chops up. sex is important in almost every realtionship, if youre bad at it...well girls talk.
Uh...no. Just...no. If I wanted to be a playah, maybe, but come, now. I play MTG.
If I decide I need to be sexually active, sure, I'll lower my standards a bit for experience. But I'm in no rush right now. If a girl can't accept that I'm a virgin, and obviously have no practice, then she's dating me for the wrong reasons and best find herself another guy who will perform.
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A big thank you to Spiderboy4 at High~Light Studios for the awesome banner.
Favorite card quotes:
[card]Pinpoint Avalanche
[/card]"Some solve problems by thinking and talking. Others use rocks." --Toggo, Goblin Weaponsmith
Fodder Cannon Step 1: Find your cousin. Step 2: Get your cousin in the cannon. Step 3: Find another cousin.
The HPV drug for women is being tested for men under 26, testing takes a while though. Yet, it is showing promises in preventing genital warts in men the last thing I read. However, if you want less of a chance to get an STD it's another thing to consider waiting to have sex.
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Ambition must be made to counteract ambition.
Individualities may form communities, but it is institutions alone that can create a nation.
Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.
Here is my principle: Taxes shall be levied according to ability to pay. That is the only American principle.
You guys are thinking about this all wrong. Sex is like an MMORPG, you've gotta kill some gutter rats before you take on the dragon. Do you want to lose it to an awesome girl only to have her be repulsed by your lack of l337 skillz? No, you hone yourself on the rats so when someone cool does come along, you're ready. Also, post some pictures of you in your "street" clothes, so we can commence with Mage Eye for the Green Guy
Seriously though, I deflowered my girlfriend of sorts a while back and I'm a little worried we're anatomically mismatched as far as coitus goes, so try before you buy, kids...
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"The imagination is not a State: it is the Human existence itself." - William Blake
Go to a Strip Club and get a lap-dance.... cream your pants then go get a hooker and don't forget to double wrap your "Whopper" (I know you work at Wendy's but oh well). Bam you'll no longer be a virgin and maybe you'll actually have enough balls to grow a backbone and go and sweep some hottie off her feet.
That's my advice and it worked for my best friend who was a 22 year old virgin. I took him to "The Strip" and gave him the ability to step up and do what he had wanted to do for a long time but didn't have the balls to do on his own.
Pardon the Frankness but it seems at this point it's what you need.
I think you should go for it, because you obviously just wanna get rid of it. I personally prefer having sex with someone I'm attached to but I think everyone should have sex with someone they aren't attached to because you definently learn some stuff. If you find it as losing your pride or integrity then definently wait til your in a realationship.
I also lost my virginity to another virgin and it really wasn't so bad. She didn't mind it. Just wish I hadn't been so attached to her though, but this is another issue altogether(which interestingly ends with regretful sex).
Quite frankly, what he needs is to be comfortable with himself and his choices, not rushing into things he may not be ready for because he's unsure. He has to do what's right for him, be confident in whatever he decides. Because if it's a mistake (and for most people, their first time is), he has to be able to own that mistake and grow from it.
I honestly can't believe the crassness and sexual immaturity rampant in this thread. Some may say I shouldn't be and yet here we are. Some of the ignorant, immature and downright naive suggestions I've read make me embarrassed as a man.
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So, from the title, I'm pretty sure it is obvious, but I'll give you a little background on me anyway. I am 20 years old and I'm a virgin. (Hey, I'm half-way to an awesome Steve Carrell movie, at least) Not a shocker, seeing as I'm a dork who plays video games and Magic, but I'm kind of getting old for not having any sexual experience to speak of. I haven't had a girlfriend in at least 3 years, and I don't really see any potential ones right now. I work 40 hours a week at a Wendy's, 4 pm-2 am, and the days I work each week alternate, so I have a hard time even hanging out with friends, let alone meeting new people. I live at home, partly because I don't want to be on my own, partly because I initially lived here for free, and partly now because my mom had a stroke recently and I need to help pay mortgage.
So, for the longest time I was merely content with my virginity. Just a fact to me, like a hair color or skin color, and not something I really cared much about working on. The people at work, however, know I'm a virgin, and I'm teased everyday about it. Now, I have no problem with any of that, and I'm not offended. But, they also frequently talk about their sex lives to or around me (yes, it's kind of strange). All that talk changed my mood on my virginity, from not caring to kind of actively resenting it.
Don't get me wrong, though. It's not the people at work that really made me change my mind so much. They just kind of brought it to my attention. I've been reflecting recently, and I really just don't want to be a virgin anymore. It kind of sucks.
"You're lucky. I wish I was a virgin." No, I'm not, and no, you don't. People used to say that your first time is supposed to be special, and you should wait until you find the right person, but frankly in today's world that is a faery tale. The only real difference between myself and my co-workers is that they get to have sex and I don't. Sex shouldn't be, and really isn't, a big deal, and on the surface I understand that. I just haven't had the opportunity.
But, here comes my problem. I believe I have that opportunity now. II may be rubbish at reading signals from girls, but one of my female co-workers asked me if I had a girlfriend, then if I was a virgin (managing to figure these out without asking anybody else). She then asked me about a dozen seemingly random questions throughout the night ("Are you an only child?" "Can you drive?"), told me I reminded her of her ex-boyfriend (which she said wasn't a bad thing), and offered to 'help' me with my problem. So yeah, ignoring the fact that the workplace is a terrible idea for relationships because I don't work with her a lot, I'd probably have that chance.
Buuuut....
You know how I said I know it isn't a big deal on the surface? Well, deeper down I'm not sure. Now, I'm not looking to wait for marriage, but I always thought that I'd be at least in a relationship for a while before I ever had sex. And I'm not sure if I'm really attracted to this girl (I mean, she has a nice body, but personality-wise I'm not really sold...that, and her direct approach kind of weirded me out). Should I settle? Yeah, yeah, I still have plenty of time to go before I need to get desperate, but I'm torn. On one hand, I'd like to retain some pride in myself, and at the very least wait until I'm in a real relationship. On the other, I'd like to get it over with and lift the cloud that's been bothering me for the past few years. I don't know. Logic tells me that waiting is silly, and that I'm being naive, but I don't think me just settling for what I can get is really what I imagine for myself.
Sorry for the length, just had more to say than I thought. So, what do you guys think? If your advice is "don't do it, its the workplace", the bigger point of this isn't in the specific case (although that is what the answer will be applied to), but more on what my philosophy should be. Hell, for all I know, I'm an idiot and this girl thinks nothing of me, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm not sure what my mentality on this subject is. Help is appreciated.
A big thank you to Spiderboy4 at High~Light Studios for the awesome banner.
Favorite card quotes:
[card]Pinpoint Avalanche
[/card]"Some solve problems by thinking and talking. Others use rocks." --Toggo, Goblin Weaponsmith
Fodder Cannon
Step 1: Find your cousin.
Step 2: Get your cousin in the cannon.
Step 3: Find another cousin.
Any sexual cravings you feel now will increase after you have sex. (For me, I didn't have an issue with this at all for about two weeks. Then I started to go a little crazy) Therefore, it makes a bit of sense to only put yourself in that situation if those cravings can be sated regularly.
Even if the whole emotional aspect doesn't matter to you, I wouldn't recommend going for the one time thing, because you'll just end up driving yourself crazy afterwards. And if it's not someone you can enjoy talking to or hanging out with, that makes things a lot less pleasant.
So the whole "wait for the right person" thing has some merits, even to people who think that's overrated: possible steady supply. Because sex, like most pleasures, is addicting.
A card game about Presidents. Stabbing each other. With knives.
It's awkward, you don't know what the hell you're doing, you're so nervous you either shoot out in a minute or can't get it up... It doesn't really get interesting until the fourth or fifth try. Really, I suggest you get the practice now so that when you really are with someone special you don't screw it up. Especially if she knows what she's doing. Because the only thing worst than sex with a virgin is sex between *two* virgins.
(Incidently, this whole "suicide bombers get 72 virgins in heaven" thing sound like Hell to me. Give me six women with a decade of experience, I'll be happy.)
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(TLDR: Analysis of the Valakut matchups. UB rising in the rankings. Aggro correspondingly taking a dive.)
In my eyes, it may just be a physical act, but it can easily be so much more and it should be. I waited until I was completely ready, and thoroughly in love with my partner before we took it to that level. It made it mean something more than simply a physical act, and it gave it a deeper meaning for the two of us. It is possible to wait. You're only twenty, and there's no need to rush everything for quick gratification.
there's a huge difference between sex and making love, however. sex can be mindless fun between to slightly intoxicated friends, something they painfully bring up years later much to the embarrassment of each other.
...*cough*
if you want it to actually MEAN something, however, I recommend waiting until you've got someone your attached to.
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Actual Truth:
I'd probably keep looking. She might have asked that same question to a different guy everyday since she was 16.
I love you muchly for this.
I'd go for it. It sounds like your desire to have sex, a perfectly natural urge btw, is stronger than your desire to have meaningful sex, which is also natural. You've got plenty of time to find someone you care about and explore a deep relationship that may one day include sex. In fact it'll probably be easier to wait once your itch gets scratched.
Haha, how cynical!
What I have offer isn't anything but holistic advice, if at all advice or anything in that vein; I'll just say that it's my belief that virginity is a social construct, I wouldn't be all that concerned with 'losing' it, and instead of living dogmatically, I'd choose to live pragmatically.
However, if you absolutely feel the need to have sex for the first time - be it in a one-night stand, a consummation of mutual romantic love, or otherwise - and you've though it through in large part, if not entirety, you should probably carry through with the act itself.
I think the crux of issue here is belied by the guise of your virginity, and being teased as a result of it.
What's to like about virginity? What's not to like about it? Similarly, what's to like about not being a virgin, and what's to not like about not being a virgin?
If the teasing is getting to you, instead of capitulating to their all-in-good-fun jesting, you could perhaps approach them and have a talk, confronting them about their behaviour. (Though, this appears not to be the problem at all.)
If the matter is feeling left-out, then ... again, perhaps a transformation from within is needed, instead of losing your virginity; perhaps you could pride yourself on being a virgin, and holding out for the one, or something.
Again, this, to me, will simply lead to virginity means little more than a social construct, in part, originating from society's predisposition that sexual relations should between one man and one woman, and that, to lose one's virginity, is to signify one's transition into adulthood and to embrace one's sexuality and to relinquish one's (sexual) purity till that point.
I don't know what it's like for a guy to lose his virginity, but I notice among friends and peers, that most guys aren't actually that concerned about having a long, meaningful relationship; and, of those who are, they're rather hopeless romantics with admirable quantities of idealism and naivety.
I'd probably go for it. Best of luck in your decision-making and action-taking.
Basically, chillax if you're not losing it; act and think with your head; and if you do lose it, great!
Edit: The disclaimer really isn't needed, as this isn't really 'semi-adult content' (it either is, or isn't); simple user discretion, however, is.
We're not prudes, are we?
Um, more often than not, that's not going to happen.
Um, you're extremely lucky; that the relationship you had was (apparently) purely sexual, and there wasn't ruination brought to a friendship.
In my opinion, I wouldn't do something like that with much dignity; which is probably why I'd abstain from such a liaison, if you can even call it that.
Workplace sex can be good on the other hand if you guys plan on a long term relationship and can withstand the close proximity to each other most of day, day in and day out, which it doesn't sound like your situation.
If you want sex and are shy in public, go ahead and try online dating. It's worked well for me (and now I'm getting married).
For me, I've experimented a lot and tried a lot of different sexual things. It's not for everyone either in my opinion. Not everyone wants to go on crazed sex benders, orgies, toys, fetishes, S&M etc... Everyone's advice is going to be personalized to their experience and tastes so all opinions cannot reflect what's going to happen to you exactly.
Main thing is just to be careful. Venereal disease is a concern as are the psycho-drama of ex-lovers in your life.
Don't get your hopes up too much, I'm in a relationship.
BTW, scratch that. Make it 4 women, 2 men (to proportionally fit with my position on the Kinsley scale). Though I don't think Allah would approve...
Netdecking is Rightdecking
My latest data-driven Magic the Gathering strategy article
(TLDR: Analysis of the Valakut matchups. UB rising in the rankings. Aggro correspondingly taking a dive.)
If you need financial advice, you should ask someone who is more fiscally responsible than you are and do whatever they say. If you need advice on morality, you could ask around, but take whatever you hear with a grain of salt.
There is a ridiculously good chance that in such a large pool of people on these forums, there's bound to be a few with morals that you would find reprehensible. Just because a few of them come out of the wood works doesn't mean you should listen to them.
The moment you consciously act out of character and discard your prior beliefs with reckless abandon, you have lost your pride. After all, what else is there to be proud in but your morality?
Though I'll put it in a small font.
Please stop hijacking my reply box.
Well, despite about everyone I know telling me I'm wrong, I am holding on to that virginity for at least a little while.
Why? A couple of reasons.
1) She isn't attracted to me personally so much as to my virginity, which means I'd feel used once she took it from me.
2) Although she is a relatively attractive girl, I'm not really into her personality (she's a little bit too 'ghetto' for my tastes), which brings the entire package down.
3, 4, and 5-10) This is the big reason. It just doesn't feel right. By nature I'm a logical person, yet I know logic is absolutely pointless in these types of scenarios. Logic tells me to go for it and it doesn't hurt. But my gut says otherwise. The problem with other people's opinions, oftentimes, is that they aren't me, and don't have the same emotions attached to their decisions as I do. Telling me that feeling crappy doesn't matter is only true from your perspective.
So I won't be getting any action anytime soon from this girl. Which is good, because I learned afterward that she has a boyfriend already (although they can't really be on good terms, all things considered). I suppose I'll just deal with the no-sex thing for a while longer. Maybe if I get off my rear and find myself a girlfriend I can have a better way to break my virginity, but for now, I'll be content in knowing that for once, it was by choice, not circumstance.
A big thank you to Spiderboy4 at High~Light Studios for the awesome banner.
Favorite card quotes:
[card]Pinpoint Avalanche
[/card]"Some solve problems by thinking and talking. Others use rocks." --Toggo, Goblin Weaponsmith
Fodder Cannon
Step 1: Find your cousin.
Step 2: Get your cousin in the cannon.
Step 3: Find another cousin.
P.S. I was 22 1/2 when I moved out of my parents house. I was 25 1/2 when I got married and first had sex. You're not behind in any ethical way. Also, kind of funny, but I worked in restaurants for 6 years (cooked at Fridays, Applebee's, managed a Quizno's and a Subway)... I was so glad when I was hired at a bank! Better hours, cleaner atmosphere (didn't come home with grease all over my body and smelling), better pay, better benefits. You're doing what you have to do right now, and helping your family is VERY admirable. The fact is the restaurant business will always be there, so it's kind of like easy money (that's how I always saw it). Just keep your eyes peeled that dream job because dreams can come true. I'll be praying for you.
-Joe
*Mayreturn*
I have some EDH cards and rare Magic basic lands (APAC, EURO, ARENA, etc) so message me if you're looking.
Number of members banned after I posted a BTR: 7
Looking for honest buyers, sellers, and traders.
And if it helps you, you can always lie about it.
Thanks to the [Æther] shop for the sig!
Uh...no. Just...no. If I wanted to be a playah, maybe, but come, now. I play MTG.
If I decide I need to be sexually active, sure, I'll lower my standards a bit for experience. But I'm in no rush right now. If a girl can't accept that I'm a virgin, and obviously have no practice, then she's dating me for the wrong reasons and best find herself another guy who will perform.
A big thank you to Spiderboy4 at High~Light Studios for the awesome banner.
Favorite card quotes:
[card]Pinpoint Avalanche
[/card]"Some solve problems by thinking and talking. Others use rocks." --Toggo, Goblin Weaponsmith
Fodder Cannon
Step 1: Find your cousin.
Step 2: Get your cousin in the cannon.
Step 3: Find another cousin.
Ambition must be made to counteract ambition.
Individualities may form communities, but it is institutions alone that can create a nation.
Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.
Here is my principle: Taxes shall be levied according to ability to pay. That is the only American principle.
Seriously though, I deflowered my girlfriend of sorts a while back and I'm a little worried we're anatomically mismatched as far as coitus goes, so try before you buy, kids...
"Stoned players can't attack, block, or play spells or abilities."
That's my advice and it worked for my best friend who was a 22 year old virgin. I took him to "The Strip" and gave him the ability to step up and do what he had wanted to do for a long time but didn't have the balls to do on his own.
Pardon the Frankness but it seems at this point it's what you need.
http://forums.mtgsalvation.com/showthread.php?p=5401186#post5401186
I also lost my virginity to another virgin and it really wasn't so bad. She didn't mind it. Just wish I hadn't been so attached to her though, but this is another issue altogether(which interestingly ends with regretful sex).
I honestly can't believe the crassness and sexual immaturity rampant in this thread. Some may say I shouldn't be and yet here we are. Some of the ignorant, immature and downright naive suggestions I've read make me embarrassed as a man.
Archatmos
Excellion
Fracture: Israfiel (WBR), Wujal (URG), Valedon (GUB), Amduat (BGW), Paladris (RWU)
Collision (Set Two of the Fracture Block)
Quest for the Forsaken (Set Two of the Excellion Block)
Katingal: Plane of Chains