Ok, here is the situation: My girlfriend went away for 10 days to Greece on a trip with 20 other people. One night when she was drunk she was kissing with a guy she barely talked to all and there was some groping going on. She confessed this to me (although it was a little hard for her to do so) and said she regretted it. I forgave her because I love her. Would you do the same? Was this wise?
ages me: 23 her: 17
Europe
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Originally posted by mondu_the_fat: One minute you're arguing about meatlof and the next thing you know someone's sex life is being dredged up.
My playgroup: four people total.
We use the Legacy B&R list.
My meta consists of combo, control and some aggro / midrange decks.
My group uses proxies, so budget is not an issue. Because of this, things can get out of hand.
Alcohol was involved. But here's the thing with drinking. While it does impair your judgment and wreck your common sense, it gives you the courage to do things you wouldn't normally do. Which, by a longshot, doesn't mean you haven't considered it. In all honesty, 90% of people would/have taken that leap, so its not much to worry about. Just be keen on making sure you got across how you feel and that you dont want anything like that to happen again.
Not too on topic, Shes pretty young, I'm sure from what I can guess even though she may love/ you love each other, your 23, and...shes 17. Just be sure your moth looking for the same thing in the relationship. My last relationship was similar.
Of course, I just might be the worse advice you may get. wait for a couple replies.
It's understandable blue control players would be shocked and in denial at the notion of this card, since their decks have been dominating multiple formats for an eternity yet they've curiously never once had to deal with any counter-hosers that weren't ineffectual, narrow CRAP.
Alcohol was involved. But here's the thing with drinking. While it does impair your judgment and wreck your common sense, it gives you the courage to do things you wouldn't normally do. Which, by a longshot, doesn't mean you haven't considered it. In all honesty, 90% of people would/have taken that leap, so its not much to worry about. Just be keen on making sure you got across how you feel and that you dont want anything like that to happen again.
Not too on topic, Shes pretty young, I'm sure from what I can guess even though she may love/ you love each other, your 23, and...shes 17. Just be sure your both looking for the same thing in the relationship. My last relationship was similar.
Of course, I just might be the worse advice you may get. wait for a couple replies.
It's a relationship of 5 months, if that makes a difference. Yeah, I know she is young. We were talking, like if we'd go on trips alone, we'd give each other freedom to kiss if we're so curious. I don't know if was right to forgive her so easily because she has a different attitude about it. She wouldn't take it so lightly.
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Originally posted by mondu_the_fat: One minute you're arguing about meatlof and the next thing you know someone's sex life is being dredged up.
My playgroup: four people total.
We use the Legacy B&R list.
My meta consists of combo, control and some aggro / midrange decks.
My group uses proxies, so budget is not an issue. Because of this, things can get out of hand.
Hey, you were that guy who made that indecent thread about sex with your girlfriend. I'm glad to see an update!
So what's the other option? Resent her, turn your back to her and not replying to what she says? Mind over matter: if you don't mind, it doesn't matter. If she told the whole truth, then you should both just get over it and go on with your lives. What's the worst that could happen? You ask her to do things for you she wouldn't normally do as a means for compensation?XD That's what I'd do if someone cheated on me (:evil:).
Well, maybe it's because of my forgiving nature, but I think that when it comes down to it, the only logical course of action is to forgive. No other option is worth it. I never understood that "nevar forget!1!" attitude. We're supposed to live mainly in the present, aren't we?
Hey, you were that guy who made that indecent thread about sex with your girlfriend. I'm glad to see an update!
So what's the other option? Resent her, turn your back to her and not replying to what she says? Mind over matter: if you don't mind, it doesn't matter. If she told the whole truth, then you should both just get over it and go on with your lives. What's the worst that could happen? You ask her to do things for you she wouldn't normally do as a means for compensation?XD That's what I'd do if someone cheated on me (:evil:).
Well, maybe it's because of my forgiving nature, but I think that when it comes down to it, the only logical course of action is to forgive. No other option is worth it. I never understood that "nevar forget!1!" attitude. We're supposed to live mainly in the present, aren't we?
I forgave her because I think that she was honest and brave enough to tell me what she did and that life is too short for me to 'never forgive her' for this. I know she loves me and she regretted what she did. We're still in love and happy. So yeah I totally agree with your attitude. It's just not worth it and she was so happy when she heard I forgave her.
yeah, it's me. ^^ I usually post here when I need advice.
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Originally posted by mondu_the_fat: One minute you're arguing about meatlof and the next thing you know someone's sex life is being dredged up.
My playgroup: four people total.
We use the Legacy B&R list.
My meta consists of combo, control and some aggro / midrange decks.
My group uses proxies, so budget is not an issue. Because of this, things can get out of hand.
It's a relationship of 5 months, if that makes a difference.
IMHO, it does. If you've been together for a really long time, it's much easier to forgive, because
1. Over time you (should) have grown very close, and if you truly care for each other, making it easier to forgive a mistake
and
2. The longer you've been together, the longer you've been unable to be with other people, and it is more likely to have been a lapse in judgment than a generally unfaithful person.
Personally, I find 5 months to be a rather short period of time, but I believe it's really up to you to decide. I'm a guy who believes strongly in second chances, and as long as this looks like it was a genuine mistake, then there's no reason not to forgive her. Just stress how it made you feel, and that you don't want it to happen again.
If it should happen again, you may have to ask yourself if this is again just a mistake, or a pattern. But hopefully you won't have to worry about that.
I'd like to add that 17 and 23 sounds like a pretty big age difference to me... 6 years isn't too bad, honestly, but when the younger partner is under 21... Well, I find it weird, but that's probably cultural. No mean to offend, I also believe love is love, and if you do love each other, I have no right to question it. I agree with felecorr though, you may want to make sure "love" means the same thing to both of you. You being 23, I'm sure your concept of love is fully developed. But a 17 year old may not understand as well as she thinks she does. I can't count the number of times I've though I was "in love" and then looked back on it, and realized i had no idea what I was talking about.
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"I am confident that if anyone actually
penetrates our facades, even the most
perceptive would still be fundamentally
unprepared for the truth of House Dimir."
One night when she was drunk she was kissing with a guy she barely talked to all and there was some groping going on.
Meh :muh:.
Doesn't sound like much of a big deal to me. I would be mad, sure (well, probably...) but I wouldn't even consider not forgiving her.
As long as she knows you're upset, with any luck this whole thing will make her less likely to cheat on you properly in future. Which for the price of letting her have one drunken makeout with a guy she'll never see again, is a pretty good deal.
You can't not forgive her though. That is just plain unreasonable. You should remember it for later, don't discount it, but don't like her less because of it. If it happens again, you might have a problem. But she TOLD you about it, so I wouldn't fret.
Cheaters always cheat. If they don't, they wish they were. You are an adult dating a child -- I'd say she showed her true colors already. Do you really want to wait a couple years before she grows out of it?
Cheaters always cheat. If they don't, they wish they were. You are an adult dating a child -- I'd say she showed her true colors already. Do you really want to wait a couple years before she grows out of it?
Agree with this and with the above poster regarding alcohol. I compare it to hypnotic suggestion. They can make you act like a chicken because that is something you would be willing to do anyway. They can't make you go kill someone (unless you would anyway). The alocohol may have impaired her judgment, but cheating is something that is in her. If you can deal with that, and the future possibility of more cheating, then deal with it and move on.
Yeah, being alcoholized isn't a reliable alibi. If she really wanted to cheat on you, she would do it, alcohol just accelerated the process.
... Oh wait, Three years ago, In a reveillon party on the Enseada beach, in company of our friends and alot of strangers/acquaintances I was there with my GF and I got trapped in a stupid bet that consisted in drinking bits and bits of vodka and absynthe. I emptied my vodka bottle (two days after I swore that I would never drink vodka again), and got ready for my worst nightmare of alcoholization. Things started to spin, my memory had many lapses, and people were saying that I was declaring myself to another girl that was in the party, saying lots of love promises, and they say that I ended up jumping at the raging sea and almost drowning myself. (I remember this) After throwing up my entire intestines, felt very bad, but still my memory got very few glimpses of that moment. My girlfriend? Turned her back to me and went back home. My best friend picked me up in a very embarassing situation and led me home, put me in the shower, and then, to bed. I have done this once for him, so in that day the debt was cleaned. Later, my Girlfriend (now ex-gf) had forgiven me, but she bite my arm with fury and left a scar before forgiving.
Whoo! Now I laugh with friends about that reveillon, ... about two years and a half ago It wasn't that funny...
And it wasn't my intention to declare myself to a complete stranger!
I thought you meant real cheating before I read the thread. Some drunken kissing...who cares. She's young and curious probably. Just let her know that there are ways to explore her curiosity...together
People don't change. A cheater will always be a cheater. Alcohol just gives them an excuse to get away with it, and in this case, it looked like it worked.
Kisses aren't cheating. I kiss my mom, it doesn't mean I want to procreate with her. Now, when the clothing comes off and it turns into light petting, your treading the line. If she went any further than a kiss I would dump her ass (make sure she didn't cause she could have and is only fessing up to the kiss to make less of a deal about it.)
Kisses aren't cheating. I kiss my mom, it doesn't mean I want to procreate with her. Now, when the clothing comes off and it turns into light petting, your treading the line. If she went any further than a kiss I would dump her ass (make sure she didn't cause she could have and is only fessing up to the kiss to make less of a deal about it.)
Just because one form of kissing is not a prelude to sexual relations doesn't mean that all forms of kissing are not a prelude. I think we can say that in the context given, this was not "mom kissing."
dude she just kissed some guy...
its not like she slept with him. you are on vacation and you will never see that guy again.
plus she came clean about it. she felt bad.
let it slide on the understanding it wont happen again.
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What kind of person are you? If this incident keeps weighing on your mind, or you can't sleep at night and start having revenge daydreams against the guy, then you should probably spilt. If you don't care, then don't worry about it. Some people have no problem whatsoever with an "open relationship" and I don't think I have the right to tell what they should believe in. Personally, I am very anti-cheating and I would count making out with some dude as cheating. If you don't, that's cool too.
One thing I would add, however, is that I will never count "I was drunk" as an excuse. If a person is willing to put themselves in a situation where they got drunk and cheated then that by itself is a problem to me. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that you shouldn't drink a 9 beers while at a frat house if your boyfriend isn't around.
It's a relationship of 5 months, if that makes a difference. Yeah, I know she is young. We were talking, like if we'd go on trips alone, we'd give each other freedom to kiss if we're so curious. I don't know if was right to forgive her so easily because she has a different attitude about it. She wouldn't take it so lightly.
Um, unless i misunderstood this, it sounds like you basically gave her permission?
I'm surprised so many people here are claiming they would be unbothered by their girlfriend kissing another guy. I'm guessing these are people who have never been in a serious relationship or are cheaters themselves.
No one was saying it's a cool thing to do, just that there's a pretty big difference between "cheating" in the commonly understood sense and drunkenly kissing someone at a party.
No one was saying it's a cool thing to do, just that there's a pretty big difference between "cheating" in the commonly understood sense and drunkenly kissing someone at a party.
If I was dating someone for five months and they kissed somebody else, they would have cheated on me. Just because it isn't a full-blown affair doesn't mean it is passable. The difference between cheating extremes doesn't negate the fact that she willingly put her mouth on another guys after being loosened up by some alcohol.
I have a lot more respect for myself than to make excuses for a girl who does crap like that. I dealt with it in high school, but I would never tolerate it as an adult. She wasn't too drunk to forget it by the morning, meaning she wasn't too drunk to not be responsible for her actions.
ages me: 23 her: 17
Europe
My playgroup: four people total.
We use the Legacy B&R list.
My meta consists of combo, control and some aggro / midrange decks.
My group uses proxies, so budget is not an issue. Because of this, things can get out of hand.
Not too on topic, Shes pretty young, I'm sure from what I can guess even though she may love/ you love each other, your 23, and...shes 17. Just be sure your moth looking for the same thing in the relationship. My last relationship was similar.
Of course, I just might be the worse advice you may get. wait for a couple replies.
It's a relationship of 5 months, if that makes a difference. Yeah, I know she is young. We were talking, like if we'd go on trips alone, we'd give each other freedom to kiss if we're so curious. I don't know if was right to forgive her so easily because she has a different attitude about it. She wouldn't take it so lightly.
My playgroup: four people total.
We use the Legacy B&R list.
My meta consists of combo, control and some aggro / midrange decks.
My group uses proxies, so budget is not an issue. Because of this, things can get out of hand.
So what's the other option? Resent her, turn your back to her and not replying to what she says? Mind over matter: if you don't mind, it doesn't matter. If she told the whole truth, then you should both just get over it and go on with your lives. What's the worst that could happen? You ask her to do things for you she wouldn't normally do as a means for compensation?XD That's what I'd do if someone cheated on me (:evil:).
Well, maybe it's because of my forgiving nature, but I think that when it comes down to it, the only logical course of action is to forgive. No other option is worth it. I never understood that "nevar forget!1!" attitude. We're supposed to live mainly in the present, aren't we?
I like 4/4s for 7.
I forgave her because I think that she was honest and brave enough to tell me what she did and that life is too short for me to 'never forgive her' for this. I know she loves me and she regretted what she did. We're still in love and happy. So yeah I totally agree with your attitude. It's just not worth it and she was so happy when she heard I forgave her.
yeah, it's me. ^^ I usually post here when I need advice.
My playgroup: four people total.
We use the Legacy B&R list.
My meta consists of combo, control and some aggro / midrange decks.
My group uses proxies, so budget is not an issue. Because of this, things can get out of hand.
IMHO, it does. If you've been together for a really long time, it's much easier to forgive, because
1. Over time you (should) have grown very close, and if you truly care for each other, making it easier to forgive a mistake
and
2. The longer you've been together, the longer you've been unable to be with other people, and it is more likely to have been a lapse in judgment than a generally unfaithful person.
Personally, I find 5 months to be a rather short period of time, but I believe it's really up to you to decide. I'm a guy who believes strongly in second chances, and as long as this looks like it was a genuine mistake, then there's no reason not to forgive her. Just stress how it made you feel, and that you don't want it to happen again.
If it should happen again, you may have to ask yourself if this is again just a mistake, or a pattern. But hopefully you won't have to worry about that.
I'd like to add that 17 and 23 sounds like a pretty big age difference to me... 6 years isn't too bad, honestly, but when the younger partner is under 21... Well, I find it weird, but that's probably cultural. No mean to offend, I also believe love is love, and if you do love each other, I have no right to question it. I agree with felecorr though, you may want to make sure "love" means the same thing to both of you. You being 23, I'm sure your concept of love is fully developed. But a 17 year old may not understand as well as she thinks she does. I can't count the number of times I've though I was "in love" and then looked back on it, and realized i had no idea what I was talking about.
"I am confident that if anyone actually
penetrates our facades, even the most
perceptive would still be fundamentally
unprepared for the truth of House Dimir."
Doesn't sound like much of a big deal to me. I would be mad, sure (well, probably...) but I wouldn't even consider not forgiving her.
As long as she knows you're upset, with any luck this whole thing will make her less likely to cheat on you properly in future. Which for the price of letting her have one drunken makeout with a guy she'll never see again, is a pretty good deal.
It's not worth dumping her for.
Draft it on Cubetutor!
special thanks to sentimentgx4 for the sig
Pourquoi?
Draft it on Cubetutor!
Agree with this and with the above poster regarding alcohol. I compare it to hypnotic suggestion. They can make you act like a chicken because that is something you would be willing to do anyway. They can't make you go kill someone (unless you would anyway). The alocohol may have impaired her judgment, but cheating is something that is in her. If you can deal with that, and the future possibility of more cheating, then deal with it and move on.
... Oh wait, Three years ago, In a reveillon party on the Enseada beach, in company of our friends and alot of strangers/acquaintances I was there with my GF and I got trapped in a stupid bet that consisted in drinking bits and bits of vodka and absynthe. I emptied my vodka bottle (two days after I swore that I would never drink vodka again), and got ready for my worst nightmare of alcoholization. Things started to spin, my memory had many lapses, and people were saying that I was declaring myself to another girl that was in the party, saying lots of love promises, and they say that I ended up jumping at the raging sea and almost drowning myself. (I remember this) After throwing up my entire intestines, felt very bad, but still my memory got very few glimpses of that moment. My girlfriend? Turned her back to me and went back home. My best friend picked me up in a very embarassing situation and led me home, put me in the shower, and then, to bed. I have done this once for him, so in that day the debt was cleaned. Later, my Girlfriend (now ex-gf) had forgiven me, but she bite my arm with fury and left a scar before forgiving.
Whoo! Now I laugh with friends about that reveillon, ... about two years and a half ago It wasn't that funny...
And it wasn't my intention to declare myself to a complete stranger!
special thanks to sentimentgx4 for the sig
Pourquoi?
You are making bit of an assumption here, aren't you?
@OP: I'd find a way out. She will just do it again. Many girls won't do it all. Find one of those.
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Trade Thread
Modern
RWGBurnGWR
GUInfectUG
GRTronRG
UWGifts TronWU
URBGrixis DelverBRU
RGWZooWGR
Legacy
BUWTinFinsWUB
UROmniTellRU
BURTESRUB
GElves!G
GBPSIBG
RGBelcherGR
UBRGWDredgeWGRBU
UBAffinityBU
RBurnR
Vintage
UBGDoomsdayGBU
0Martello Shops0
GElves!G
UBTPSBU
UBelcherU
0Dredge0
special thanks to sentimentgx4 for the sig
Pourquoi?
Thanks to syndarion of Aeternal Studios for the awesome Sig.
Standard: MWLC All-InFect Illusion Control(MTGO)
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Just because one form of kissing is not a prelude to sexual relations doesn't mean that all forms of kissing are not a prelude. I think we can say that in the context given, this was not "mom kissing."
its not like she slept with him. you are on vacation and you will never see that guy again.
plus she came clean about it. she felt bad.
let it slide on the understanding it wont happen again.
What kind of person are you? If this incident keeps weighing on your mind, or you can't sleep at night and start having revenge daydreams against the guy, then you should probably spilt. If you don't care, then don't worry about it. Some people have no problem whatsoever with an "open relationship" and I don't think I have the right to tell what they should believe in. Personally, I am very anti-cheating and I would count making out with some dude as cheating. If you don't, that's cool too.
One thing I would add, however, is that I will never count "I was drunk" as an excuse. If a person is willing to put themselves in a situation where they got drunk and cheated then that by itself is a problem to me. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that you shouldn't drink a 9 beers while at a frat house if your boyfriend isn't around.
Um, unless i misunderstood this, it sounds like you basically gave her permission?
No one was saying it's a cool thing to do, just that there's a pretty big difference between "cheating" in the commonly understood sense and drunkenly kissing someone at a party.
Trade Thread
Modern
RWGBurnGWR
GUInfectUG
GRTronRG
UWGifts TronWU
URBGrixis DelverBRU
RGWZooWGR
Legacy
BUWTinFinsWUB
UROmniTellRU
BURTESRUB
GElves!G
GBPSIBG
RGBelcherGR
UBRGWDredgeWGRBU
UBAffinityBU
RBurnR
Vintage
UBGDoomsdayGBU
0Martello Shops0
GElves!G
UBTPSBU
UBelcherU
0Dredge0
If I was dating someone for five months and they kissed somebody else, they would have cheated on me. Just because it isn't a full-blown affair doesn't mean it is passable. The difference between cheating extremes doesn't negate the fact that she willingly put her mouth on another guys after being loosened up by some alcohol.
I have a lot more respect for myself than to make excuses for a girl who does crap like that. I dealt with it in high school, but I would never tolerate it as an adult. She wasn't too drunk to forget it by the morning, meaning she wasn't too drunk to not be responsible for her actions.