For me, there would be two very different results depending on whether there was kissing or real cheating. Real cheating and it's over, that's it. Kissing, then it would be the "You ****ed up, if I hear about anything like this again it's over" conversation. I don't think either really apply to the TC, as it sounds like he gave her permission.
I would say since you already forgave her and it was really because she was under the influence. In that scenario, I would say you might want to talk to her about not drinking so much. Since now you know that if she intoxicated what would happen next. That and may you should talk to her friends. If none of her friends are looking out for her, then that could lead into more problems too.
You want make sure that the drinking does not become a problem where you will just forgive her whenever she's drunk.
Um, unless i misunderstood this, it sounds like you basically gave her permission?
We were talking about this after the trip. Not before she left. I didn't give her permission.
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Originally posted by mondu_the_fat: One minute you're arguing about meatlof and the next thing you know someone's sex life is being dredged up.
My playgroup: four people total.
We use the Legacy B&R list.
My meta consists of combo, control and some aggro / midrange decks.
My group uses proxies, so budget is not an issue. Because of this, things can get out of hand.
If I was dating someone for five months and they kissed somebody else, they would have cheated on me. Just because it isn't a full-blown affair doesn't mean it is passable. The difference between cheating extremes doesn't negate the fact that she willingly put her mouth on another guys after being loosened up by some alcohol.
This is an interesting way to look at it. You (being the OP) don't have to tell us, but think about how far you are in your relationship with her physically; how intimate you are with her. Now think about how far this random guy got as a percentage of that.
This is an interesting way to look at it. You (being the OP) don't have to tell us, but think about how far you are in your relationship with her physically; how intimate you are with her. Now think about how far this random guy got as a percentage of that.
So am I supposed to dump her because of this, no matter how good the relationship is? I understand what you're saying. But what's done is done. People are not perfect and I doubt there are perfect relationships.
This time it might slide, yes. If I see a pattern, then there is no doubt she is a cheater. but this is the first time she cheated on anyone.
I have an idea. I could give her an ultimatum: If she doesn't value the relationship for what it is and cheats again, we're through. Although I yet have to see a relationship where both or one partner is always faithful. People **** up all the time, don't they?
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Originally posted by mondu_the_fat: One minute you're arguing about meatlof and the next thing you know someone's sex life is being dredged up.
My playgroup: four people total.
We use the Legacy B&R list.
My meta consists of combo, control and some aggro / midrange decks.
My group uses proxies, so budget is not an issue. Because of this, things can get out of hand.
You can decide to do whatever you want, but you came on here looking for advice and different viewpoints. That is what we are offering. As someone said earlier, some people are perfectly content being in completely open relationships. A very close friend of mine is married, yet both spouses maintain happy relationships on the side. It works for them. I could never be in a relationship like that.
To me--and a lot of posters get the same impression--her age (very young) and the length of the relationship (not very long) are indicators that this is not worth the trouble. You can draw a different conclusion, particularly since it is your relationship.
What I would not recommend is ultimatums and emotional blackmail. If you forgive her, you must forgive her completely and pretty much never mention it again. Any other way and she will just resent you for bringing it up or using it against her to gain leverage.
I did some thinking and I think I'm taking this relationship too seriously. I shouldn't worry about it too much. She won't be my life partner and she is 17, she needs to live life. I'm just holding her back.
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Originally posted by mondu_the_fat: One minute you're arguing about meatlof and the next thing you know someone's sex life is being dredged up.
My playgroup: four people total.
We use the Legacy B&R list.
My meta consists of combo, control and some aggro / midrange decks.
My group uses proxies, so budget is not an issue. Because of this, things can get out of hand.
Yeah, being alcoholized isn't a reliable alibi. If she really wanted to cheat on you, she would do it, alcohol just accelerated the process.
... Oh wait, Three years ago, In a reveillon party on the Enseada beach, in company of our friends and alot of strangers/acquaintances I was there with my GF and I got trapped in a stupid bet that consisted in drinking bits and bits of vodka and absynthe. I emptied my vodka bottle (two days after I swore that I would never drink vodka again), and got ready for my worst nightmare of alcoholization. Things started to spin, my memory had many lapses, and people were saying that I was declaring myself to another girl that was in the party, saying lots of love promises, and they say that I ended up jumping at the raging sea and almost drowning myself. (I remember this) After throwing up my entire intestines, felt very bad, but still my memory got very few glimpses of that moment. My girlfriend? Turned her back to me and went back home. My best friend picked me up in a very embarassing situation and led me home, put me in the shower, and then, to bed. I have done this once for him, so in that day the debt was cleaned. Later, my Girlfriend (now ex-gf) had forgiven me, but she bite my arm with fury and left a scar before forgiving.
Whoo! Now I laugh with friends about that reveillon, ... about two years and a half ago It wasn't that funny...
And it wasn't my intention to declare myself to a complete stranger!
This strikes me as pretty hypocritical...
Your girlfriend forgave you (and you, obviously, let her forgive you) but you wouldn't forgive someone else in the same situation?
Also, the word "loyalty" kinda cuts both ways here. Sure it was disloyal of her to kiss the guy, but would also be disloyal of codename47 to dump her at the drop of a hat like so many of the above posters are inciting him to.
Flash forward a few months or years. Just because girlfriend cheated again (properly this time) doesn't mean it was wrong not to dump her. We all go into relationships knowing that they will end sometime. It's like life - many people live their lives knowing that they're predisposed to heart disease or lung cancer or breast cancer or that they're going to die to huntington's disease or whatever. Knowing that your relationship is more likely than the average one to end because of infidelity is no different - it had to end somehow, and you should still enjoy it while you can.
I did some thinking and I think I'm taking this relationship too seriously. I shouldn't worry about it too much. She won't be my life partner and she is 17, she needs to live life. I'm just holding her back.
This is very cryptically worded. What do you mean by it? At first I thought this meant you decided to dump her, but on second thoughts I guess you could have meant you should let her kiss random Greek guys because kissing random Greek guys is part of being 17. Which is it?
IMHO:
You like her, she likes you, you sound like you two are having a good time together. Happy happy happy. If you can forgive and forget this little episode (easier said than done, perhaps, but you shouldn't let that stop you) then that's as complicated as the whole situation needs to be :).
This is very cryptically worded. What do you mean by it? At first I thought this meant you decided to dump her, but on second thoughts I guess you could have meant you should let her kiss random Greek guys because kissing random Greek guys is part of being 17. Which is it?
I meant to say that people need freedom when they are younger. I think that she is not yet ready for a really serious relationship because of her age - a relationship I would like. Also, I think that sometimes she will just be curious and feels like she should kiss the guy. I realize that our relationship won't last forever, I think it'll last maybe another year.
The first 4 months were just beautiful, I'm having lots of fun with this girl and I'm happy. But she is more pessimistic about feelings and relationships than I am. Now I have a feeling that our relationship will be different, if we spend less time with each other. She asked me for some space, so she could breathe a little. Before, we used to see each other almost every day, except on saturdays/sundays when she is back in her hometown. It was amazing, I never felt happier before. I really love her, but relationships end, eventually.
Then you find someone else... *sigh*
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Originally posted by mondu_the_fat: One minute you're arguing about meatlof and the next thing you know someone's sex life is being dredged up.
My playgroup: four people total.
We use the Legacy B&R list.
My meta consists of combo, control and some aggro / midrange decks.
My group uses proxies, so budget is not an issue. Because of this, things can get out of hand.
I meant to say that people need freedom when they are younger. I think that she is not yet ready for a really serious relationship because of her age - a relationship I would like. Also, I think that sometimes she will just be curious and feels like she should kiss the guy. I realize that our relationship won't last forever, I think it'll last maybe another year.
The first 4 months were just beautiful, I'm having lots of fun with this girl and I'm happy. But she is more pessimistic about feelings and relationships than I am. Now I have a feeling that our relationship will be different, if we spend less time with each other. She asked me for some space, so she could breathe a little. Before, we used to see each other almost every day, except on saturdays/sundays when she is back in her hometown. It was amazing, I never felt happier before. I really love her, but relationships end, eventually.
Then you find someone else... *sigh*
Listen dude, I took a younger girl out yesterday on a date (she's 18, I'm 20) and afterwards we hooked up. She took this to mean that we were dating, which I had to make clear to her that we weren't. One date and a hookup doesn't make you boyfriend and girlfriend. Needless to say I realized she wasn't ready for an adult relationship, since she was very naive. Also it was creepy that she called me her boyfriend after one freakin date (I've learned that with women the first impressions are usually wrong, since this girl didn't seem so naive when we first met).
The point of my story is that younger girls either don't have the same priorities as older guys like us, or are not at the same stage as us emotionally (this likely goes for younger boys dating older women as well). One hookup doesn't equal a serious relationship in my mind. Maybe I'm cad for saying that, but it's really true nowadays. Casual hookups are fine with me, as long as they aren't done when you're already dating someone else.
If this girl cheated on you once, she's probably not envisioning the same kind of relationship that you are. Maybe when she gets older her priorities wil fall in line with yours, but I wouldn't wait for that to happen.
Generally I prefer dating girls a year or two older than me since I don't have to have any pretenses around them about what I want. For the most part they realize sex is part of an adult relationship and don't give me that line about "waiting until I get married". Also they can teach you more.
I did some thinking and I think I'm taking this relationship too seriously. I shouldn't worry about it too much. She won't be my life partner and she is 17, she needs to live life. I'm just holding her back.
Same exact thing happened to me, except the offending gf was attending raves and using god knows what.
Your girlfriend forgave you (and you, obviously, let her forgive you) but you wouldn't forgive someone else in the same situation?
Also, the word "loyalty" kinda cuts both ways here. Sure it was disloyal of her to kiss the guy, but would also be disloyal of codename47 to dump her at the drop of a hat like so many of the above posters are inciting him to.
I wasn't talking about myself being loyal, I was just speaking of a possible event.
Wow. You have never seen a faithful relationship? Thats really sad. I have seen quite a few healthy faithful relationships, which I think has made it easier for me to have healthy faithful relationships.
According to one of my psych textbooks, 70% of all dating couples has had one or both of the partners cheat. I vaguely recall this statistic not including married couples (that number was significantly lower, if not still significant). As I recall this study was probably done in the US, and may have included emotional infidelity as well as sexual infidelity.
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While I don't personally think of cheating as an immediate cause to break up, I also think it's perfectly reasonable to feel that way
If you're unsure, the question is whether or not you can handle if it happened just once more. If so, I'd think it likely that the issue can be worked out over time. If not, it pushes things closer to breaking up. But you should always, always talk about it. Why it happened, their feelings towards the incident, whether they honestly feel it could happen again, what they'd be willing to do to ensure it doesn't happen again. These are all things you ought to understand when making up your mind.
Calmly explaining your own thoughts, and where they'd be if it happened again is also a good idea.
Oh and, should you choose to keep the relationship going, if the third party is someone you can expect your partner to have more contact with, be sure to work out what's to be done regarding their understanding of the situation.
And while kissing another person is still a form of infidelity, it should definitely not be equated with sex. Whether you think it's also severe is another matter, but don't think that the former must lead to the latter.
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My anecdotal evidence disagrees with yours! EXPLAIN THAT!
Alcohol may make people do only what they might have considered anyway, but it's hardly fair-especially when the lower your inhibitions get, the easier it is for base physical reactions ("he looks cute!") to win out over logical reasoning ("I have a boyfriend, I shouldn't.").
Cheaters always cheat. If they don't, they wish they were. You are an adult dating a child -- I'd say she showed her true colors already. Do you really want to wait a couple years before she grows out of it?
I would agree with that. Watch your back if you choose to stay. Just follow your heart man. Better to have loved and lost than to never loved at all.
I don't think kissing is a big deal. At least she didn't sleep with the guy.
Maybe I'm cynical but I wouldn't believe they stopped at kissing and groping. She is only 17, she has a LOT of life experiences ahead of her, and more boys/men in her future. I don't think she is a bad person, but I don't think she's ready for a serious committed relationship.
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"Right about now I am wondering if Fredy Montero needed a kidney, how many guys in Seattle would line up to oblige?"
-- David Falk, Seattle Soccer Examiner, March 2009
I'm surprised so many people here are claiming they would be unbothered by their girlfriend kissing another guy. I'm guessing these are people who have never been in a serious relationship or are cheaters themselves.
There's a difference between not being bothered by something and immediately dumping someone for an indiscretion. I've never cheated, and I'm in a happy long-term relationship, but I understand how this stuff happens and it doesn't reflect on a deep character flaw and render someone unsuitable for a relationship.
People get drunk, they're in a highly charged atmosphere, far away from their loved one, and their resolve slips. How one infers all these character insights about how "SHE MUST ALWAYS BE A CHEATER" from that is beyond me, especially when she fesses up immediately even though he would never have known.
It's like liars in general. Oftentimes you don't know who is a true compulsive liar because they're GOOD at it. Same with cheaters- a girl who has one indiscretion and then regrets and apologizes for it immediately is not a compulsive cheater- if she was you wouldn't have found out in the first place.
I disagree completely with the above post. Cheating is never an "oops" situation. there are dozens of choices being made that lead up to it and people are DEFINED by the choices they make in life. she chose to go to the party, get drunk, talk to the guy even when she noticed developing attraction to him, then chose to be in a situation where kissing was a real possible outcome (its not like they just kissed standing up around the keg with 20 people beside them) and all of these choices definitely point to her character. As for the "only kissing" part alot of you are spouting, I would suggest that if it was only kissing its because she is 17 and nothing else. If she was 25 and comfortable with her sexuality then im sure if would have gone further because cheating is a mentality not an action. Its not like they kissed for half a second and then she stopped, she continued with the action and must have known it was wrong to do if she was in a committed relationship. If the thought that it was wrong didnt pop up into her mind when she had her tongue in another guys face then that ALSO speaks to her character.
Too many people make excuses for lack of integrity because it makes them less judgemental of their own character, but thats a falsehood as we are all responsible for our actions and choices and we are in fact giving up our humanity and relating more with animals if we accept that base impulses rule our decision making. stand up taller and expect more from yourself and those around you and you could be amazed on what your life may become. Developing a tolerance for disrespectful actions will only lead you into groups and situations that will hurt you. and make no mistake, kissing or touching or whatever someone else when you in a relationship is showing a complete lack of respect for your partner. in that moment she is only concerned with herself and its not like shes stupid, she knows it will hurt you and make you feel like ****, but she does it anyways, which shows a complete lack of respect for you as a person. why would you want to be with anyone who doesnt respect you?
Also, relationship theories abound that state that girls dont like guys who act like *******, and its no surprise that after she disrespects you and you just let it slide, that she suddenly doesnt want to be around you as much. all youve done is show her that she can disrespect you and you wont do anything about it which means you dont even respect yourself. why would she want to be with someone as pathetic as that? (im not actually being harsh to you, im just pointing out the subconscious thought process)
you have taught her 2 things in this situation. First that she can disrespect you and walk all over you and get away with it, and secondly that their are no real consequences to making decisions like the ones she made. You are in fact helping her become more of a cheater because their has been no consequence to her action. nice.
Now that some time has passed and I reflected on everything that has happened, here's the thing. My GF and I have been talking a lot and our situation is like this: she is in a dilemma because she is not sure if she wants to either 1) stay together, which she really wants, but also feels that she would commit herself too early 2) leave, and probably regret it because she wouldn't find someone like me. So it's like, she likes the stability, we're still in love.
But, right now our biggest problem is this guy who she kissed (no, he wasn't Greek). She told me she wasn't even attracted to this guy (I'm serious) and every time she sees him she is just disgusted and nervous. She wants to forget she ever made that mistake in the first place. Like last night we went out and bumped into him on the street, they started talking (there is another thing going on between them, it has nothing to do with us). So they are talking and I saw that he touched her lightly on the shoulder. After that she told me that it was awful because she is trying to forget him and now he is around in our city and this one physical contact is just making things worse. She gets upset every time she sees this guy.
She regretted everything and wants to stay with me. What could I do to make her forget?
PS.: I am not sure who mentioned that she doesn't want me around, but for the last 2 weeks we haven't been seeing each other much. Mostly because we live in different towns and she comes over for the weekend. We go out and stuff, but we actually spent maybe 2 days alone. So for now I see her like once or twice a week. I'm not annoying her!
Originally posted by mondu_the_fat: One minute you're arguing about meatlof and the next thing you know someone's sex life is being dredged up.
My playgroup: four people total.
We use the Legacy B&R list.
My meta consists of combo, control and some aggro / midrange decks.
My group uses proxies, so budget is not an issue. Because of this, things can get out of hand.
After almost 6 months she said that she needs time alone. It's her longest relationship ever and feels a need for freedom. We might pick up later where we left off. Who knows? For now it's over.
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Originally posted by mondu_the_fat: One minute you're arguing about meatlof and the next thing you know someone's sex life is being dredged up.
My playgroup: four people total.
We use the Legacy B&R list.
My meta consists of combo, control and some aggro / midrange decks.
My group uses proxies, so budget is not an issue. Because of this, things can get out of hand.
After almost 6 months she said that she needs time alone. It's her longest relationship ever and feels a need for freedom. We might pick up later where we left off. Who knows? For now it's over.
That's how my last relationship ended. The good part about that scenario is that the future between you is still unknown, and you still have the past you shared.
That's how my last relationship ended. The good part about that scenario is that the future between you is still unknown, and you still have the past you shared.
How is a shared past so important down the road? But let's say that 10 years later we hear from each other, both of us are single... but what about the emotions? Wouldn't they fade?
I remember she said that we are great for each other. I think that because she is so young, she needs to do a lot of other stuff before she'd be ready for a relationship like this. What do you think?
Do you believe in couples coming back together years later?
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Originally posted by mondu_the_fat: One minute you're arguing about meatlof and the next thing you know someone's sex life is being dredged up.
My playgroup: four people total.
We use the Legacy B&R list.
My meta consists of combo, control and some aggro / midrange decks.
My group uses proxies, so budget is not an issue. Because of this, things can get out of hand.
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You want make sure that the drinking does not become a problem where you will just forgive her whenever she's drunk.
It'll happen again and you'll be sorry you didn't do it now.
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We were talking about this after the trip. Not before she left. I didn't give her permission.
My playgroup: four people total.
We use the Legacy B&R list.
My meta consists of combo, control and some aggro / midrange decks.
My group uses proxies, so budget is not an issue. Because of this, things can get out of hand.
This is an interesting way to look at it. You (being the OP) don't have to tell us, but think about how far you are in your relationship with her physically; how intimate you are with her. Now think about how far this random guy got as a percentage of that.
So am I supposed to dump her because of this, no matter how good the relationship is? I understand what you're saying. But what's done is done. People are not perfect and I doubt there are perfect relationships.
This time it might slide, yes. If I see a pattern, then there is no doubt she is a cheater. but this is the first time she cheated on anyone.
I have an idea. I could give her an ultimatum: If she doesn't value the relationship for what it is and cheats again, we're through. Although I yet have to see a relationship where both or one partner is always faithful. People **** up all the time, don't they?
My playgroup: four people total.
We use the Legacy B&R list.
My meta consists of combo, control and some aggro / midrange decks.
My group uses proxies, so budget is not an issue. Because of this, things can get out of hand.
To me--and a lot of posters get the same impression--her age (very young) and the length of the relationship (not very long) are indicators that this is not worth the trouble. You can draw a different conclusion, particularly since it is your relationship.
What I would not recommend is ultimatums and emotional blackmail. If you forgive her, you must forgive her completely and pretty much never mention it again. Any other way and she will just resent you for bringing it up or using it against her to gain leverage.
My playgroup: four people total.
We use the Legacy B&R list.
My meta consists of combo, control and some aggro / midrange decks.
My group uses proxies, so budget is not an issue. Because of this, things can get out of hand.
Your girlfriend forgave you (and you, obviously, let her forgive you) but you wouldn't forgive someone else in the same situation?
Also, the word "loyalty" kinda cuts both ways here. Sure it was disloyal of her to kiss the guy, but would also be disloyal of codename47 to dump her at the drop of a hat like so many of the above posters are inciting him to.
_________________________________________________________
It's far from certain, but it's possible...
Non sequiteur?
Flash forward a few months or years. Just because girlfriend cheated again (properly this time) doesn't mean it was wrong not to dump her. We all go into relationships knowing that they will end sometime. It's like life - many people live their lives knowing that they're predisposed to heart disease or lung cancer or breast cancer or that they're going to die to huntington's disease or whatever. Knowing that your relationship is more likely than the average one to end because of infidelity is no different - it had to end somehow, and you should still enjoy it while you can.
____________________________________________________
This is very cryptically worded. What do you mean by it? At first I thought this meant you decided to dump her, but on second thoughts I guess you could have meant you should let her kiss random Greek guys because kissing random Greek guys is part of being 17. Which is it?
IMHO:
You like her, she likes you, you sound like you two are having a good time together. Happy happy happy. If you can forgive and forget this little episode (easier said than done, perhaps, but you shouldn't let that stop you) then that's as complicated as the whole situation needs to be :).
I meant to say that people need freedom when they are younger. I think that she is not yet ready for a really serious relationship because of her age - a relationship I would like. Also, I think that sometimes she will just be curious and feels like she should kiss the guy. I realize that our relationship won't last forever, I think it'll last maybe another year.
The first 4 months were just beautiful, I'm having lots of fun with this girl and I'm happy. But she is more pessimistic about feelings and relationships than I am. Now I have a feeling that our relationship will be different, if we spend less time with each other. She asked me for some space, so she could breathe a little. Before, we used to see each other almost every day, except on saturdays/sundays when she is back in her hometown. It was amazing, I never felt happier before. I really love her, but relationships end, eventually.
Then you find someone else... *sigh*
My playgroup: four people total.
We use the Legacy B&R list.
My meta consists of combo, control and some aggro / midrange decks.
My group uses proxies, so budget is not an issue. Because of this, things can get out of hand.
Listen dude, I took a younger girl out yesterday on a date (she's 18, I'm 20) and afterwards we hooked up. She took this to mean that we were dating, which I had to make clear to her that we weren't. One date and a hookup doesn't make you boyfriend and girlfriend. Needless to say I realized she wasn't ready for an adult relationship, since she was very naive. Also it was creepy that she called me her boyfriend after one freakin date (I've learned that with women the first impressions are usually wrong, since this girl didn't seem so naive when we first met).
The point of my story is that younger girls either don't have the same priorities as older guys like us, or are not at the same stage as us emotionally (this likely goes for younger boys dating older women as well). One hookup doesn't equal a serious relationship in my mind. Maybe I'm cad for saying that, but it's really true nowadays. Casual hookups are fine with me, as long as they aren't done when you're already dating someone else.
If this girl cheated on you once, she's probably not envisioning the same kind of relationship that you are. Maybe when she gets older her priorities wil fall in line with yours, but I wouldn't wait for that to happen.
Generally I prefer dating girls a year or two older than me since I don't have to have any pretenses around them about what I want. For the most part they realize sex is part of an adult relationship and don't give me that line about "waiting until I get married". Also they can teach you more.
Same exact thing happened to me, except the offending gf was attending raves and using god knows what.
I wasn't talking about myself being loyal, I was just speaking of a possible event.
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According to one of my psych textbooks, 70% of all dating couples has had one or both of the partners cheat. I vaguely recall this statistic not including married couples (that number was significantly lower, if not still significant). As I recall this study was probably done in the US, and may have included emotional infidelity as well as sexual infidelity.
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If you're unsure, the question is whether or not you can handle if it happened just once more. If so, I'd think it likely that the issue can be worked out over time. If not, it pushes things closer to breaking up. But you should always, always talk about it. Why it happened, their feelings towards the incident, whether they honestly feel it could happen again, what they'd be willing to do to ensure it doesn't happen again. These are all things you ought to understand when making up your mind.
Calmly explaining your own thoughts, and where they'd be if it happened again is also a good idea.
Oh and, should you choose to keep the relationship going, if the third party is someone you can expect your partner to have more contact with, be sure to work out what's to be done regarding their understanding of the situation.
And while kissing another person is still a form of infidelity, it should definitely not be equated with sex. Whether you think it's also severe is another matter, but don't think that the former must lead to the latter.
Alcohol may make people do only what they might have considered anyway, but it's hardly fair-especially when the lower your inhibitions get, the easier it is for base physical reactions ("he looks cute!") to win out over logical reasoning ("I have a boyfriend, I shouldn't.").
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I would agree with that. Watch your back if you choose to stay. Just follow your heart man. Better to have loved and lost than to never loved at all.
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My Trade Thread: http://forums.mtgsalvation.com/showthread.php?t=179137
"Wizards could put $100 bills in packs and people would complain about how they were folded."
In Memory of Dr. Jeebus. Banned, but not forgotten.
Maybe I'm cynical but I wouldn't believe they stopped at kissing and groping. She is only 17, she has a LOT of life experiences ahead of her, and more boys/men in her future. I don't think she is a bad person, but I don't think she's ready for a serious committed relationship.
-- David Falk, Seattle Soccer Examiner, March 2009
There's a difference between not being bothered by something and immediately dumping someone for an indiscretion. I've never cheated, and I'm in a happy long-term relationship, but I understand how this stuff happens and it doesn't reflect on a deep character flaw and render someone unsuitable for a relationship.
People get drunk, they're in a highly charged atmosphere, far away from their loved one, and their resolve slips. How one infers all these character insights about how "SHE MUST ALWAYS BE A CHEATER" from that is beyond me, especially when she fesses up immediately even though he would never have known.
It's like liars in general. Oftentimes you don't know who is a true compulsive liar because they're GOOD at it. Same with cheaters- a girl who has one indiscretion and then regrets and apologizes for it immediately is not a compulsive cheater- if she was you wouldn't have found out in the first place.
Too many people make excuses for lack of integrity because it makes them less judgemental of their own character, but thats a falsehood as we are all responsible for our actions and choices and we are in fact giving up our humanity and relating more with animals if we accept that base impulses rule our decision making. stand up taller and expect more from yourself and those around you and you could be amazed on what your life may become. Developing a tolerance for disrespectful actions will only lead you into groups and situations that will hurt you. and make no mistake, kissing or touching or whatever someone else when you in a relationship is showing a complete lack of respect for your partner. in that moment she is only concerned with herself and its not like shes stupid, she knows it will hurt you and make you feel like ****, but she does it anyways, which shows a complete lack of respect for you as a person. why would you want to be with anyone who doesnt respect you?
Also, relationship theories abound that state that girls dont like guys who act like *******, and its no surprise that after she disrespects you and you just let it slide, that she suddenly doesnt want to be around you as much. all youve done is show her that she can disrespect you and you wont do anything about it which means you dont even respect yourself. why would she want to be with someone as pathetic as that? (im not actually being harsh to you, im just pointing out the subconscious thought process)
you have taught her 2 things in this situation. First that she can disrespect you and walk all over you and get away with it, and secondly that their are no real consequences to making decisions like the ones she made. You are in fact helping her become more of a cheater because their has been no consequence to her action. nice.
But, right now our biggest problem is this guy who she kissed (no, he wasn't Greek). She told me she wasn't even attracted to this guy (I'm serious) and every time she sees him she is just disgusted and nervous. She wants to forget she ever made that mistake in the first place. Like last night we went out and bumped into him on the street, they started talking (there is another thing going on between them, it has nothing to do with us). So they are talking and I saw that he touched her lightly on the shoulder. After that she told me that it was awful because she is trying to forget him and now he is around in our city and this one physical contact is just making things worse. She gets upset every time she sees this guy.
She regretted everything and wants to stay with me. What could I do to make her forget?
PS.: I am not sure who mentioned that she doesn't want me around, but for the last 2 weeks we haven't been seeing each other much. Mostly because we live in different towns and she comes over for the weekend. We go out and stuff, but we actually spent maybe 2 days alone. So for now I see her like once or twice a week. I'm not annoying her!
My playgroup: four people total.
We use the Legacy B&R list.
My meta consists of combo, control and some aggro / midrange decks.
My group uses proxies, so budget is not an issue. Because of this, things can get out of hand.
My playgroup: four people total.
We use the Legacy B&R list.
My meta consists of combo, control and some aggro / midrange decks.
My group uses proxies, so budget is not an issue. Because of this, things can get out of hand.
That's how my last relationship ended. The good part about that scenario is that the future between you is still unknown, and you still have the past you shared.
How is a shared past so important down the road? But let's say that 10 years later we hear from each other, both of us are single... but what about the emotions? Wouldn't they fade?
I remember she said that we are great for each other. I think that because she is so young, she needs to do a lot of other stuff before she'd be ready for a relationship like this. What do you think?
Do you believe in couples coming back together years later?
My playgroup: four people total.
We use the Legacy B&R list.
My meta consists of combo, control and some aggro / midrange decks.
My group uses proxies, so budget is not an issue. Because of this, things can get out of hand.