About 5 months ago I started dating one of my best friends little sister. There is a big age difference between us (she's 14 and I'm 18) but it doesn't change how I view her. I am in love with her and she with me. She tells me a lot of personal info. that she doesn't share with anyone and I give her advice. She may be young but she's very intelligent. I guess what I'm asking is, is this wrong?
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Age doesn't make a difference. If it's true love then go elope.
Also I'm assuming you waited the 5 months before telling us so that she could turn 14 and it would sound better than an 18 year old dating a 13 year old.
lol pedophile jokes aside....we're not sexually active. My friend has accepted it and so has her mother reluctantly, but her father has not. He hates my guts and has tried to talk me into breaking up with her several times. I try to be as polite as possible with him but the last time he saw me he screamed at me for being at her mothers house with her when their were no parents home even though her little brothers were
@skander: lol no but she was 13 when we first started dating but I was 17. she turned 14 before I turned 18.
The important issue here is that she's 14 and is still undergoing much development, brain and otherwise. No matter how smart you say she is now she is a child. What you are doing is wrong and you are a horrible person.
But why does it have to be damaging? Ok lets say it does end bad and it impacts her emotionally. How would that be different if she dated someone her own age and it ended bad? Couldn't that be just as damaging?
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14 year old children are not emotionally developed enough to understand and cope with a realistic relationship that will last. Usually in this kind of scenario the main defense is "Well he/she is mature for her age", which isn't necessarily true. Four years difference in teenagers is a world of difference physically and mentally. You say you're not sexually active, but things like this seldom end well despite a person's best intentions. People have desires and instincts and between peer pressure and the social side of things, teenagers aren't known for their self control.
Realistically? I don't think you'd be here seeking to get a sense of approval if you didn't think your current situation is questionable. Are you a bad person? No, but I'd have to question your personal maturity and reasoning if not because of being in a relationship with a girl thats barely into puberty, then for turning to an online community for approval to make yourself feel right about something you clearly know isn't right to end up with you coming here asking to begin with.
But why does it have to be damaging? Ok lets say it does end bad and it impacts her emotionally. How would that be different if she dated someone her own age and it ended bad? Couldn't that be just as damaging?
No. Though I don't expect you to understand the difference between her dating someone her age and her dating you. It's easier to take rejection from a peer than from somebody who is in her eyes an adult.
Well I asked not because I feel it isn't right but because I know I should feel like it's wrong. I guess my mind could be clouded because I love her but doesn't that play any importance at all? I wasn't saying she was mature because she's not more mature than she should be but I guess I'm immature.
@Phantoms: I guess you could be right........something to think about. I don't believe she views me as an adult
Well I asked not because I feel it isn't right but because I know I should feel like it's wrong. I guess my mind could be clouded because I love her but doesn't that play any importance at all? I wasn't saying she was mature because she's not more mature than she should be but I guess I'm immature.
It's really not fair for us to be a judge of what you are calling "love". I'm sure you feel like you're in love but I don't know if it's possible for a 14 year old to understand something like that, and I have no idea how you even define it.
Yes, you might be that one shining 1-in-a-Million situation where you both are completely mentally and emotionally prepared and both wait until you're legal to have consensual sex, become college sweethearts, graduate-school sweethearts, doctorate-sweethearts, manage to stay faithful, make millions, have a dozen perfect children, and cure cancer all before the age of 40.
OR.
You'll be one of the 999,999-in-a-Million for which this ends up being a terrible idea, she ends up emotionally scarred, her parents end up pressing charges, and you in jail.
No, you are not going to find anyone here (or anywhere outside of, perhaps, NAMBLA) to endorse this course of action because it is UNIVERSALLY understood to be a very very bad idea.
Yes, you might be that one shining 1-in-a-Million situation where you both are completely mentally and emotionally prepared and both wait until you're legal to have consensual sex, become college sweethearts, graduate-school sweethearts, doctorate-sweethearts, manage to stay faithful, make millions, have a dozen perfect children, and cure cancer all before the age of 40.
OR.
You'll be one of the 999,999-in-a-Million for which this ends up being a terrible idea, she ends up emotionally scarred, her parents end up pressing charges, and you in jail.
No, you are not going to find anyone here (or anywhere outside of, perhaps, NAMBLA) to endorse this course of action because it is UNIVERSALLY understood to be a very very bad idea.
Because it just is.
edit: who the ☺☺☺☺ is chris hanson anyway?
So according to you I should only date her if I'm 100% sure that this is going to be a perfect relationship? If that were the case I would never date anyone ever.
@PhantomS: how do you define it? I don't think it I can define it.
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@PhantomS: how do you define it? I don't think it I can define it.
Therein lies the problem. It's difficult to define which is what causes people to mistake it for something else. It's a balance of a lot of things. Love is in part two people both being happy with themselves and who the other person is, but also it is much more. A big problem that arises here is that your 14 year old lady will almost undoubtedly be a vastly different person in a matter of years.
Therein lies the problem. It's difficult to define which is what causes people to mistake it for something else. It's a balance of a lot of things. Love is in part two people both being happy with themselves and who the other person is, but also it is much more. A big problem that arises here is that your 14 year old lady will almost undoubtedly be a vastly different person in a matter of years.
The same could be said for anyone. I could be a totally different person in a couple of years. Also, assume I agree with you, think it's a terrible idea, what should I do? the obvious answer would be to break it off but then its just going to hurt her. wasnt the problem that she would be rejected by someone she sees as an adult?
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well like I said before we've been dating for 5 months so should I just break up with her and say "it was just a bad idea"
If that's all the more elegant your speech is then I'm surprised you're dating anybody. I think you'd do best for her, and yourself, to end this relationship now, letting her understand that the principle of the matter is what's flawed and not her, before things get too serious.
I was being sarcastic. Things are already pretty serious (not like gonna get married serious but) and I don't really want to break up with her. I guess this is gonna go nowhere because I don't understand why it's wrong to date her and you don't think I should. I just don't think there is much of a difference between me dating her and me 4 years ago dating her.
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I was being sarcastic. Things are already pretty serious (not like gonna get married serious but) and I don't really want to break up with her. I guess this is gonna go nowhere because I don't understand why it's wrong to date her and you don't think I should. I just don't think there is much of a difference between me dating her and me 4 years ago dating her.
Do you think you are much different from who you were 4 years ago? Think in terms of both fundamental differences and in terms of improvements in similar qualities.
Yes I am a different person. I'm probably a better person now. Around that age all I wanted to do with every girl I dated was to have sex with them (having never had sex then). But what I mean to say is that she would not be hurt any less than if I were younger. I hope I don't come off as mad at you cause I'm not I just don't agree.
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In all seriousness, if you sleep with her you're committing a crime unless you live in certain states south of the Mason-Dixon line.
Also I'm assuming you waited the 5 months before telling us so that she could turn 14 and it would sound better than an 18 year old dating a 13 year old.
@skander: lol no but she was 13 when we first started dating but I was 17. she turned 14 before I turned 18.
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The important issue here is that she's 14 and is still undergoing much development, brain and otherwise. No matter how smart you say she is now she is a child. What you are doing is wrong and you are a horrible person.
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A relationship can be harmful even if sex isn't an issue.
There's a strong argument that the emotional impact this relationship could have on her may be damaging.
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Realistically? I don't think you'd be here seeking to get a sense of approval if you didn't think your current situation is questionable. Are you a bad person? No, but I'd have to question your personal maturity and reasoning if not because of being in a relationship with a girl thats barely into puberty, then for turning to an online community for approval to make yourself feel right about something you clearly know isn't right to end up with you coming here asking to begin with.
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No. Though I don't expect you to understand the difference between her dating someone her age and her dating you. It's easier to take rejection from a peer than from somebody who is in her eyes an adult.
@Phantoms: I guess you could be right........something to think about. I don't believe she views me as an adult
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It's really not fair for us to be a judge of what you are calling "love". I'm sure you feel like you're in love but I don't know if it's possible for a 14 year old to understand something like that, and I have no idea how you even define it.
Yes, you might be that one shining 1-in-a-Million situation where you both are completely mentally and emotionally prepared and both wait until you're legal to have consensual sex, become college sweethearts, graduate-school sweethearts, doctorate-sweethearts, manage to stay faithful, make millions, have a dozen perfect children, and cure cancer all before the age of 40.
OR.
You'll be one of the 999,999-in-a-Million for which this ends up being a terrible idea, she ends up emotionally scarred, her parents end up pressing charges, and you in jail.
No, you are not going to find anyone here (or anywhere outside of, perhaps, NAMBLA) to endorse this course of action because it is UNIVERSALLY understood to be a very very bad idea.
Because it just is.
edit: who the ☺☺☺☺ is chris hanson anyway?
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It's a bad idea though. That kind of age difference is never healthy and usually results in something not-so-hot, to put it nicely.
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Spiderboy4DarkNightCavalier and XenoNinja at Heroes of the Plane Studios for the AMAZING sig pic and avvy.So according to you I should only date her if I'm 100% sure that this is going to be a perfect relationship? If that were the case I would never date anyone ever.
@PhantomS: how do you define it? I don't think it I can define it.
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Therein lies the problem. It's difficult to define which is what causes people to mistake it for something else. It's a balance of a lot of things. Love is in part two people both being happy with themselves and who the other person is, but also it is much more. A big problem that arises here is that your 14 year old lady will almost undoubtedly be a vastly different person in a matter of years.
The same could be said for anyone. I could be a totally different person in a couple of years. Also, assume I agree with you, think it's a terrible idea, what should I do? the obvious answer would be to break it off but then its just going to hurt her. wasnt the problem that she would be rejected by someone she sees as an adult?
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well like I said before we've been dating for 5 months so should I just break up with her and say "it was just a bad idea"
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If that's all the more elegant your speech is then I'm surprised you're dating anybody. I think you'd do best for her, and yourself, to end this relationship now, letting her understand that the principle of the matter is what's flawed and not her, before things get too serious.
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Do you think you are much different from who you were 4 years ago? Think in terms of both fundamental differences and in terms of improvements in similar qualities.
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