To say that a 14 year old can't fully love someone is crue, why don't you look at the history books and realize that 13 used to be the age females started looking for a family (well, maybe not looking)
You're taking history way out of context.
Marriages in that time had less to do with love so much as business ties. All marriages were arranged or at least had to be approved by the parents. A bride's price or dowry were often involved. Husbands and wives did not informally "date". People died in their 30s or 40s. It was a completely different time. People had far less control over who to spend their lives with: whether it was a Western, Eastern, or some Native American culture.
I'm not so certain history ever had 13 year old casually choosing their own partners.
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so you're gona wait a few more years till you do?
i havent read the past 10 pages but are you a virgin or not?
in which case im surprised you would be willing to wait that long (to have sex with her) if you are
you said you've wanted to do it, but dont because its a bad idea
its just that given u are an 18 year old senior with raging teenage guy hormones its surprising you arent focused on other things
you two are in love, which is great, more power to you two
and i dont think you're a bad person for doing what you are
maybe just... quick to jump to conclusions?
No I'm not. I'm not sure what you mean by quick to jump to conclusions, like that I'm a bad guy?
@Zananos: Thanx although my girlfriend and I's age is a little different than your parents.
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Many people have attempted to intelligently tell you why this is not such a good idea. The only people defending you seem to be presenting anecdotal evidence ("We did it and everything was OK") or simply legal statements about whether or not it is legal. I am aware that it is legal where you are and I am not going to namecall, but it seems apparent that this is likely to end badly for you.
1. You are at different stages of personal development - both emotionally and cerebrally, there's a lot of different things going on. I think a relationship with someone much older at that age will definitely change the way her high school life goes: she will miss out on some enjoyable milestones and feel emotionally disconnected from her peers, which is a sad thing to do in high school.
2. I am not sure what field you are pursuing but I work in social services... I know personally I would not like to have that type of thing as part of my reputation. The only way this looks good on you is if you guys get married in 6 years... and, while I know you guys are fond of each other now, that is highly unlikely. Are you planning on working in the public? I would not want people saying those things about me in my home town. I know that we shouldn't live according to what other people think, but there's no sense looking for trouble in life at the same time.
3. The longer this relationship goes on the more likely physical friction is going to develop. I would not want to feel rushed into a sexual relationship, and it is unlikely that this girl is going to feel safe waiting until she's your age to have sex with you. It is very difficult for any guy that age (myself included, 9 yrs ago obviously) to think rationally when it comes to sex... and your girlfriend is unlikely to feel safe waiting, as eventually she will probably create an ultimatum for herself, where she sees herself losing you if she doesn't put out.
Furthermore... if it's not about being physical... what would it hurt to keep your distance, end things now and attempt to remain friends? If your relationship is so great, waiting a few years would do a lot to a) maintain a relationship with her father who is understandably upset... nobody wants to watch their child turn into an adult too early and b) give you both an opportunity to live normal lives and enjoy being young instead of feeling physically frustrated and socially awkward?
Anyway, I'm not even sure why this thread exists, I've only repeated points that others have made. Just trying to give you my personal advice, I've worked with teenagers as a foster relief worker for the past 8 years, and everything I've learned in person tells me this is a terrible idea.
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I don't know...
Personally, I was kind of iffy about my cousin going out with this 19 year old guy and she's 15...I just don't seem to trust him too much.
Point drawn: I just don't want to see her get hurt.
In your case, she's young, she may dwindle off tangent. Be careful.
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The OP has time and time again posted that he is not having a sexual relationship with his girlfriend, so posts about the legality of the issue are obsolete. If you read his original post, he wanted to know if he was a bad person for dating a 14 year old when he is 18.
Name-calling isn't necessary, he is not a creep or a pedophile. Also, the girl is not a child, she is an adolescent; a teenager. Using age as a deterrant as it has been used for the sake of argument against the relationship, let me explain an example that makes that sound less appealing:
At one point in my relationship, I was 18 years old and my girlfriend was 17. I was an adult and she was a teenager, similar to the situation described. It sounds dumb to say that a 17 and an 18 year old can't be in a relationship. Without sex involved, why should a 14 year old and an 18 year old be any different. We aren't talking about marriage after all.
In this situation, age is just a number. I personally think everyone is blowing this way out of context. Oh well, BG, if I were you, I wouldn't worry about what the people who come on here just to flame have to say. I would be careful and heed the advice that others have posted, but don't take anyone's insults personal.
If you choose to enjoy the company of a 14 year old, so be it. You aren't harming her in any way, so just treat her and yourself well, be smart, and responsible.
Ah haaa Zach, doesn't this remind you of all those random things we used to bring up in High School. "Why are people so upset about her dating a college boy?" Ah good times, good times.
(As long as Pedo Bear doesn't show up, you are fine XD)
Anyway, excluding the father, if everyone else is okay with it, then ignore him. Being 18 I assume you have developed the ability to ignore a screaming out of context parent?
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Im 17 senior in highschool, hes 18 hes basically a senior in high school dating a freshman. it happens all the time. From being in highschool you notice how a girl changes from being the daddy girl into being a SL*T. If thats what you guys mean she hasnt "matured". I personally dont see any wrong doing in life most people grown up have 2 years in between each other age, but there is tons of others who are like 5+ years or 10. 4 years isn't that huge but it is something. I can see where people are coming from but she has a choice and hes not taking advantage of her.
Later on in life, sure.
However, at a younger age, 4 years does make a big difference.
Look at it this way. He's a senior and about to either go off to college or start his career, and she's either finishing middle school or just starting high school.
He's about to live life as an adult, while she's just starting one of the most influential times in an young person's life.
I honestly don't think having a sexual relationship with an adult is in the best interest of a 14 year old., but hey, as long as the OP isn't crossing the line into illegal territory, then there's not much I can say against it. Personally I think they should both date people that are closer to where each individual is at in life, but if they're both happy, why not?
Like other people said, age differences aren't a big deal for older people but they are a huge deal for younger people. I'm 38 and my wife is 29. I wouldn't think about pursuing a 14-year-old when I was 23.
I think the one thing that you have going for you is that men tend to mentally mature slower than women. So you might physically have a 4 year age difference but your maturity levels might be less than 4 years apart.
Marriages in that time had less to do with love so much as business ties. All marriages were arranged or at least had to be approved by the parents. A bride's price or dowry were often involved. Husbands and wives did not informally "date". People died in their 30s or 40s. It was a completely different time. People had far less control over who to spend their lives with: whether it was a Western, Eastern, or some Native American culture.
I'm not so certain history ever had 13 year old casually choosing their own partners.
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No I'm not. I'm not sure what you mean by quick to jump to conclusions, like that I'm a bad guy?
@Zananos: Thanx although my girlfriend and I's age is a little different than your parents.
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Many people have attempted to intelligently tell you why this is not such a good idea. The only people defending you seem to be presenting anecdotal evidence ("We did it and everything was OK") or simply legal statements about whether or not it is legal. I am aware that it is legal where you are and I am not going to namecall, but it seems apparent that this is likely to end badly for you.
1. You are at different stages of personal development - both emotionally and cerebrally, there's a lot of different things going on. I think a relationship with someone much older at that age will definitely change the way her high school life goes: she will miss out on some enjoyable milestones and feel emotionally disconnected from her peers, which is a sad thing to do in high school.
2. I am not sure what field you are pursuing but I work in social services... I know personally I would not like to have that type of thing as part of my reputation. The only way this looks good on you is if you guys get married in 6 years... and, while I know you guys are fond of each other now, that is highly unlikely. Are you planning on working in the public? I would not want people saying those things about me in my home town. I know that we shouldn't live according to what other people think, but there's no sense looking for trouble in life at the same time.
3. The longer this relationship goes on the more likely physical friction is going to develop. I would not want to feel rushed into a sexual relationship, and it is unlikely that this girl is going to feel safe waiting until she's your age to have sex with you. It is very difficult for any guy that age (myself included, 9 yrs ago obviously) to think rationally when it comes to sex... and your girlfriend is unlikely to feel safe waiting, as eventually she will probably create an ultimatum for herself, where she sees herself losing you if she doesn't put out.
Furthermore... if it's not about being physical... what would it hurt to keep your distance, end things now and attempt to remain friends? If your relationship is so great, waiting a few years would do a lot to a) maintain a relationship with her father who is understandably upset... nobody wants to watch their child turn into an adult too early and b) give you both an opportunity to live normal lives and enjoy being young instead of feeling physically frustrated and socially awkward?
Anyway, I'm not even sure why this thread exists, I've only repeated points that others have made. Just trying to give you my personal advice, I've worked with teenagers as a foster relief worker for the past 8 years, and everything I've learned in person tells me this is a terrible idea.
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why? he hasn't had sex with her. he said so earlier. like if you red the rest of the thread.
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Personally, I was kind of iffy about my cousin going out with this 19 year old guy and she's 15...I just don't seem to trust him too much.
Point drawn: I just don't want to see her get hurt.
In your case, she's young, she may dwindle off tangent. Be careful.
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Look: Love knows many things but it does not know: Age, Gender, Race, Religion, or Ethnicity.
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Name-calling isn't necessary, he is not a creep or a pedophile. Also, the girl is not a child, she is an adolescent; a teenager. Using age as a deterrant as it has been used for the sake of argument against the relationship, let me explain an example that makes that sound less appealing:
At one point in my relationship, I was 18 years old and my girlfriend was 17. I was an adult and she was a teenager, similar to the situation described. It sounds dumb to say that a 17 and an 18 year old can't be in a relationship. Without sex involved, why should a 14 year old and an 18 year old be any different. We aren't talking about marriage after all.
In this situation, age is just a number. I personally think everyone is blowing this way out of context. Oh well, BG, if I were you, I wouldn't worry about what the people who come on here just to flame have to say. I would be careful and heed the advice that others have posted, but don't take anyone's insults personal.
If you choose to enjoy the company of a 14 year old, so be it. You aren't harming her in any way, so just treat her and yourself well, be smart, and responsible.
(As long as Pedo Bear doesn't show up, you are fine XD)
Anyway, excluding the father, if everyone else is okay with it, then ignore him. Being 18 I assume you have developed the ability to ignore a screaming out of context parent?
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Later on in life, sure.
However, at a younger age, 4 years does make a big difference.
Look at it this way. He's a senior and about to either go off to college or start his career, and she's either finishing middle school or just starting high school.
He's about to live life as an adult, while she's just starting one of the most influential times in an young person's life.
I honestly don't think having a sexual relationship with an adult is in the best interest of a 14 year old., but hey, as long as the OP isn't crossing the line into illegal territory, then there's not much I can say against it. Personally I think they should both date people that are closer to where each individual is at in life, but if they're both happy, why not?
I was 18 and she was 30
I win.
she was really hot to
Not really relevent but congrats.
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I think the one thing that you have going for you is that men tend to mentally mature slower than women. So you might physically have a 4 year age difference but your maturity levels might be less than 4 years apart.