So, theres this girl in my school, I've known her for a few years, and I've asked her out once, but I dont really think it worked, and I think I definately don't know how to talk to shy girls...
I would kind of like to get a date with her, but first things first, how the heck do you talk to a shy girl when you yourself are rather shy when it comes to girls...
I have a feeling that poking her on facebook is definately not going to do it.
(P.S, We're both 15, but I would rather appreciate any of the normal statements of "your too young for dating" or "Just live your life right now" because honestly, I think age certainly isn't a good factor for when you're ready to do anything... I know people way older than me who probably shouldn't be dating... and I've lived my life alone... some parts of it sucked, some parts of it were ok, and some were great, but I've definately lived my life alone enough to know that I'm ready to at least try and talk to her...)
So, basic situation is:
I kinda like this girl, and would at least get to know her better.
I am shy around women.
She's just shy in general.
How do I converse/communicate with her? Honestly, sign language has struck me as a plausible option... but seeming as the only sign language I know happens to be the middle finger, this seems like it would end badly... also, facebook poking is probably not going to get me a date, or even a conversation...
You definitely give a vibe of being an over-thinker. Don't. In your specific case, I've noticed that what works best can be to stop overthinking stuff and just act on it. You don't seem to be very impulsive, so doing stupid things doesn't seem like an issue to me... just don't think of what was and could be, and start living in the present. At your age and going by what you want, you might come off as awkward if you think too much, so just approach her and say the first concise silly thing that comes out of your mind. Since you've talked with her before, it won't be as weird... unless you mess it up by being too honest or not honest enough about your intentions with her.
Dude, that kind of confidence isn't going to get you anywhere.
In my opinion as a girl, all you gotta do is start talking to her. Become a friend. Get to know her a little bit and let her get to know you, then, when you feel there's enough knowledge between you for her to be comfortable with you, just ask her out. Don't wait too long to do this or you could very well get stuck in the friend zone.
It would also be very beneficial if you could find out if you have any common interests before you talk to her. This will give you something to talk about.
Above all else, though, you've got to exude confidence, or she will almost certainly not be interested in anything more than friendship with you. Confidence, NOT cockiness, is very appealing to girls.
Confidence? What is this "Confidence" you speak of? *Looks it up on Wikipedia* OOOOHHHH!!!! The thing that was stolen from me when I started public school!
Yeah... I dont have that anymore... *Goes and cries in the corner while cuddling stuffed Snow Leopard.*
1.) A lot of shy girls are ☺☺☺☺s, just wanna let you know that. I know a couple tehehe...but anyway;
I had trouble when i was 15 too, you'll grow out of it. But I'm a big 17 year old now and here is my advice/thoughts...
You have talked via email/facebook which is good because you have "gotten your name in there" with her even if it is just about school, doesnt matter...
If you have any classes together (which would be great) then start to ask her how to do homeworks on assignments then when you have a test/quiz for the assignment tell her you dont get it and ask her to study with you. Works every time. This way you can get to know her a little better. There's you date, but thats not all...BE FUN and/or FUNNY. DONT BE A SQUARE. If she has fun then she will probably want to hang out with you/ study with you again and then progress th relationship from there. Believe me and give it a shot.
Niw in steps, to break things down.
1.) Ask questions on how to do homework / assignments. (even if you know how to do it)
2.) When you have your next quiz/test on the assignments that you "needed help" on then ask her to help you and have a study period before the test/quiz.
3.) Be fun during the study period...which shouldnt be hard to do since studying sucks anyway. AND be funny; everyone likes funny.
4.) Engage. Gradually progress the relationship by talking to her in school. You arent gonna get anywhere with her unless you initiate the conversation (because she is seemingly EXTREMELY shy). You just have to grow some balls and do it ONCE. After that you should be fine because you broke the ice.
In this case, you want to focus on loosening her up, making her accessible and open. Basically, you need to introduce certain things into the environment that will influence her to be more receptive. Without that, trying to talk up a super shy girl (when you yourself are shy) would be like trying to break steel with your bare hands.
So try doing it one of these two ways, 1) get in with her friends, 2) use common interests.
Even if you're shy, you tend to be looser around your friends. You know them, you know their attitudes and dispositions and so you have less anxiety around them. Hanging out with her while her friends are around will help place you in the "comfortable zone" rather than the "awkward zone".
The second item was common interests. Think about it, common hobbies and interests loosen people up.
For example when I went to college I was very shy myself. Didn't make any friends for a few weeks. The first time I made a friend in college it's because he was wearing a t-shirt of my favorite band, who isn't very mainstream. We instantly hit if off because we had the band in common, it's like knowing someone before you even know them! Naturally I felt much more comfortable talking about the band and their music, so that alleviated my shyness - and it works the other way around too.
As an ol' timer who's been through both high school, college, etc... I think you should stop, well... thinking. This may sound brash, but you seem to overthink the situation. If I was a shy person, and no... I'm not, I would use an old trick to get her interested and allow you to communicate without having to do much talking:
Be.... and this is going to sound weird.... nice, and polite. When you see her walk by just smile and say "hey" and move on. Don't attempt awkward contact, wait until you actually have something to talk about. As someone who tends to overthink, I myself have fallen into the trap of trying to talk, getting lost in words, and feeling pretty stupid. Don't do that, just be nice to her. A lot of people underestimate just being nice. Show her that you're a good person and possibly a good friend, then let things happen from there.
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What's your impression of her shyness? Is it that she tends to isolate herself physically, is okay with being around others but not speaking up, simply has a low self-esteem? Those sorts of things can change the approaches that might work.
I like what RWF Less said, and that can be a great way to open up a friendship between the two of you in person. Once that's settled, there might be different opportunities to press on, or greater comfort in doing so. Casual contact, just smiling and hello, maybe a bit more conversation if one falls on you - but not forcing any - can help her come out of her shyness a bit.
If you're not so patient, though, I'd just walk up to her and say hello, reminding myself constantly that it's really not that big of a deal, and eventually force the words out regardless of how bad it sounds. The more you do that, the easier it gets. My approach would be to self-deprecating, honest about my shyness and difficulty doing this, apologise for all that, and say that I'd really like to be "with" her. And if she didn't stop me at or before that point, I'd say it's just for, you know, hanging out and being supportive, but closer.
And yes, it'd probably take way too long, with a lot of stuttering and blushing. I don't think that hurts anything, though, and would try very hard to remind myself that I shouldn't be afraid of that response.
At least, that's most of how I actually did it back then. Or more recently, it was "so... I kinda like you..." - and that was with someone I was already friends with and had no issues talking to in more normal circumstances. It's very funny, was the source of much laughter throughout the relationship, but that didn't make it any less successful.
And, of course, you have a lot more knowledge about her than I do, or any of us, so whatever we say you have to consider in terms of you and her. Just try to really consider it and not dismiss something because of unfounded fears on your part.
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My anecdotal evidence disagrees with yours! EXPLAIN THAT!
I just got this scary vision of my girlfriend asking me what I'm doing and I would have to reply, "Helping this kid make some 15 year old girl loose." It just doesn't sound right so let's pretend that this conversation never happened.
I just got this scary vision of my girlfriend asking me what I'm doing and I would have to reply, "Helping this kid make some 15 year old girl loose." It just doesn't sound right so let's pretend that this conversation never happened.
In the future, the word is relaxed.
glad you could have a sense of humor about it haha ...and relaxed it is!
Confidence? What is this "Confidence" you speak of? *Looks it up on Wikipedia* OOOOHHHH!!!! The thing that was stolen from me when I started public school!
Yeah... I dont have that anymore... *Goes and cries in the corner while cuddling stuffed Snow Leopard.*
How do I fake it?
There's no reason you should have to fake it, if you're a decent person, imo. Do you think you would be a good boyfriend for her? Would you treat her with the love and respect she deserves? Would you value her opinions?
If the answers to these questions is yes, then you are a wonderful person for her and there's no reason she should say no once she gets to know you and knows this is what she would get from being with you.
If you do have to fake it, I'm not going to help you learn to do that because you probably don't deserve her, if she's a good person.
I just got this scary vision of my girlfriend asking me what I'm doing and I would have to reply, "Helping this kid make some 15 year old girl loose." It just doesn't sound right so let's pretend that this conversation never happened.
In the future, the word is relaxed.
Sigged
As said above, relax, stop thinking, and be a nice guy. Become actual friends with her and if you find you are still interested then act on it. My guess is that this is the first girl you will be asking out? The first time is always the hardest... everytime after that gets easier as you... hone your methods of seduction
Ummm... yeah... thanks for the advice... I should probably have made myself more clear when I said "talked" umm, this is embarrassing...
I kind of just Passed her notes ummm talked to her on the phone umm, no, we kind of just...
Emailed...
Mostly about school stuff...
Sad.
I think the only time I ever talked to her in person was when she told me my shoe was falling off...
great.
Sorry if I came across as less of a loser than I actually am...
sigh...
Haha, this made me laugh. Seems to me you're probably a pretty funny guy. Maybe you can use that! Everyone loves a good joke. Pickup lines are funny for a reason, and you don't need an excuse to say, "Hey, wanna hear a joke?"
Starting out is always the hardest. You aren't going to gain any confidence by over thinking things. Let me give you a good idea of how sad I was when I was your age:
I found out a girl liked me, we talked on instant messanger for about a week, when we found out we were actually in the same lunch period. She waved me over one day and I panicked and pretended like I didn't see her. Yeah, I know, Classy. She boldy followed me (knowing I had panicked) and confronted me, forcing me to pay attention to her. 10 years and 2 break-ups (while still in high school) later we are about to be engaged.
While I wasn't particularly confident then, learning from the experience set me right. By the end of high school it was relatively easy for me to get dates. At 25 there is relatively little of that gawky 15-year-old left (with the exception of years of finely honed twitch reflexes and a passion for nerdy stuff). What made the transformation? I forced myself out of my comfort zone. Before then, I was content to believe I was an outcast, that bullies had robbed me of my worth. It was stupid. The following year I made new friends - I found a group of confident nerds (mostly artists) and I made friends with them and learned that being a nerd does not equate being a social reject - only your attitude does that. If you have a group of friends who think like you do, find new friends. Having a friend circle of low self esteem nerds may make it easier to comiserate, but it makes it that much harder to break out of that self-perpetuating low self-esteem cycle. I joined my local volunteer fire department and I joined a law enforcement explorer post. I got life experience outside of the BS of high school life, and I realized high school kids were really nothing.
The key is, you have to get out of your comfort zone. The point of my story is that one of you has to be bold - in my case I was lucky and found someone who was a perfect compliment to my personality. You have literally nothing to lose and everything to gain. At your age, the chances of this being a lifelong relationship is minimal. The key to making it last beyond a few weeks, however, is to be friends first. You don't have to ask her out right away - just be the first one to strike up a real conversation. Ask her about her interests, and then listen. At the very least you will have gained a friend, and after a while if you still feel strongly let her know. The thing about nerdy guys is that we either go after the entirely wrong sort of woman (the 'pretty' girl without much else to her), or we assume that the girls that are perfect for us are just like the ones that are wrong for us. If she is as shy as you say, and you've had nice email conversations with her, at the very least she likes you as a friend. Remember she is just as nervous as you are, and until one of you breaks the ice that isn't going to change.
Dude, that kind of confidence isn't going to get you anywhere.
In my opinion as a girl, all you gotta do is start talking to her. Become a friend. Get to know her a little bit and let her get to know you, then, when you feel there's enough knowledge between you for her to be comfortable with you, just ask her out. Don't wait too long to do this or you could very well get stuck in the friend zone.
It would also be very beneficial if you could find out if you have any common interests before you talk to her. This will give you something to talk about.
Above all else, though, you've got to exude confidence, or she will almost certainly not be interested in anything more than friendship with you. Confidence, NOT cockiness, is very appealing to girls.
Very good advice here. Also, I'd like to add that within the first few times you talk to her, compliment her on her looks or something she is wearing. When you see her, before you say whatever you were going to say, just say "Oh, your hair looks nice like that." or "Hey, those earrings look really nice on you." or something like that. It'll make her happy to hear a compliment like that, and she'll probably associate that happiness with you. It's a good way to stay out of the "friend zone" as people call it. Complimenting looks is a good way to show interest.
As for confidence, yes MandersHex is right that you need to exude confidence. It really isn't anywhere as tough as you make it out to be though. It's all a state of mind, and do you know who has control over your state of mind? You do. If you really have trouble building up confidence, try dressing up nice, and going to the mall or somewhere and look random girls you don't know in the eye and smile at them as you walk past. I'll bet lots will smile back at you! Know why? Because a good-looking guy smiling at a girl will make her smile! I bet even pretty girls will smile at you.
That might help give you some confidence, if you need more (or if you need some just to start looking at girls and smiling at them) then fake it. To the rest of the world, faked confidence is indistinguishable from real confidence.
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"For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love." --Carl Sagan
So, theres this girl in my school, I've known her for a few years, and I've asked her out once, but I dont really think it worked, and I think I definately don't know how to talk to shy girls...
I would kind of like to get a date with her, but first things first, how the heck do you talk to a shy girl when you yourself are rather shy when it comes to girls...
I have a feeling that poking her on facebook is definately not going to do it.
(P.S, We're both 15, but I would rather appreciate any of the normal statements of "your too young for dating" or "Just live your life right now" because honestly, I think age certainly isn't a good factor for when you're ready to do anything... I know people way older than me who probably shouldn't be dating... and I've lived my life alone... some parts of it sucked, some parts of it were ok, and some were great, but I've definately lived my life alone enough to know that I'm ready to at least try and talk to her...)
So, basic situation is:
I kinda like this girl, and would at least get to know her better.
I am shy around women.
She's just shy in general.
How do I converse/communicate with her? Honestly, sign language has struck me as a plausible option... but seeming as the only sign language I know happens to be the middle finger, this seems like it would end badly... also, facebook poking is probably not going to get me a date, or even a conversation...
Thank you... I think.
If she's really shy, try the "taming the shy songbirds approach" which works for approaching songbirds in your backyard.
Just be friendly and say a soft "Hi" to her every time you see her and smile, without being creepy (no staredown. Just a quick "Hi", and a genuine smile, then look like you're off, happy, busy going somewhere). If she doesn't return it the first time, then next time give her the more sheepish version, where it looks like you're not necessarily expecting her to say "hi" back.
Eventually she will return the smile and say "hi" as she'll feel you're safe to initiate conversation with. Frankly, it usually only takes one or two times doing this most of the time, even for fairly shy kids, especially if you project mild shyness yourself.
After a while, she'll be comfortable enough to talk to you or say something, because it feels pretty "safe" to do so, even if it's just to ask you why you say "hi", and that is your opportunity to introduce yourself or say "I just noticed you just seem nice (insert specific reason here)."
Don't try to be fake, just be yourself, and whatever you try to project should be a reflection of how you actually feel, because "fake" feels really alarming and offputting to most people, especially shy people.
That's one approach to icebreaking the really shy kid.
To everyone who's replied you are aware this is like the third time he's made this thread right? He's not gonna talk to her, he just makes these threads for attention. I'm honestly surprised no one else has noticed that this OP makes a thread that reads "give me attention" about every 1-2 months.
To OP, if you are actually serious (lulz), maybe, just maybe if you talked to her instead of professing your love for her on a magic forum (this is what the third time since I started posting here you've made a thread of "how can I talk to this girl"), maybe, just maybe she'd be able to become friends with you, kinda hard to go out with a girl you don't talk to. There's a lot of good advice in this thread, maybe if you actually listen to it I won't have to read "I like this girl in one of my classes" in a month.
td;lr if you're serious good for you, jay13x and infinity alarm right above me gave great advice, if this is one of your normal "I need attention" threads stop, they annoy me.
I've made this thread 3 times??? really? This is the first time I've heard of it...
I'm pretty sure I've made similar threads, but all different situations... and I'm pretty sure one of these "three" threads that you were talking about had nothing to do with girls at all...
I'm pretty sure if I was making these threads for attention, I would do it in a different matter...
Also, I get the feeling that it's not neccesarily the posts that tick you off... I think maybe you just don't like me, which I really couldn't care less about.
In this case, you want to focus on loosening her up, making her accessible and open. Basically, you need to introduce certain things into the environment that will influence her to be more receptive. Without that, trying to talk up a super shy girl (when you yourself are shy) would be like trying to break steel with your bare hands.
Wowz... that first sentence is... umm... wow...
Anyway, as to that last part... I suppose it isn't that hard then? I frequently break steel with my bare hands = ) it's not all that enjoyable, really.
linvala, you're a bully. This may be the third time he's crying for attention (if that is even the case, which I doubt based on a quick search of his past threads) but this is one of at least a dozen times you've come on here with nothing but negative words to say about whatever the topic. Next time, just keep it to yourself, okay? It's starting to piss people off.
@Stardust: lets not get our tempers up. I can see why Linvala might think I am "crying out for attention". Cant say im proud of all my posts...
However, I have noticed the same thing, Linvala. A quick search of your posts shows that you advised someone to "be normal" by hiding their geeky and "weird" traits. We're mtg players... We're not normal.
But lets just let this dissolve, I can see where Linvala might be coming from, and I can see they may not be the most gentle individual, but it seems like these types of threads dissolve into fighting.
Anyway, my overall problem is feeling odd... I havent asked thismgirl for hmwrk help yet this year, why should I now? I havent said hi at all this year, why would i start now.
I know a lot of people are saying I am overthinking. I agree. Is this a legit concern, or me overthinking?
I'm still really bad at this myself. I'm also almost 10 years older than you so I know what it's like to over think. I think my friends plan on installing some sort of on/off switch...or get me drunk.
Either way my suggestion to you is: When you go to talk to her; take a few deep breaths, ignore every silly thing your brain is trying to make you do, and just go up to her. Talk to her. It won't be the end of the world. Don't worry you haven't talked to her all year, just say hi, ask her how things are. Maybe eventually ask her if she wants to hang out sometime.
And I know you asked not to hear about it, but even if it doesn't work out, you are only 15, and life really does start in college. Though do work on not over thinking, I can tell you it's a burden. I'm still working things out.
Best of luck.
(now if only I could adhere to my own advice)
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You need a hook...a shared common interest that gets the two of you talking. From there you can take it as you will. Awkward's ok - if you're both shy then you can expect awkwardness, but at least it's progress.
I would kind of like to get a date with her, but first things first, how the heck do you talk to a shy girl when you yourself are rather shy when it comes to girls...
I have a feeling that poking her on facebook is definately not going to do it.
(P.S, We're both 15, but I would rather appreciate any of the normal statements of "your too young for dating" or "Just live your life right now" because honestly, I think age certainly isn't a good factor for when you're ready to do anything... I know people way older than me who probably shouldn't be dating... and I've lived my life alone... some parts of it sucked, some parts of it were ok, and some were great, but I've definately lived my life alone enough to know that I'm ready to at least try and talk to her...)
So, basic situation is:
I kinda like this girl, and would at least get to know her better.
I am shy around women.
She's just shy in general.
How do I converse/communicate with her? Honestly, sign language has struck me as a plausible option... but seeming as the only sign language I know happens to be the middle finger, this seems like it would end badly... also, facebook poking is probably not going to get me a date, or even a conversation...
Thank you... I think.
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I kind of just
Passed her notesummmtalked to her on the phoneumm, no, we kind of just...Emailed...
Mostly about school stuff...
Sad.
I think the only time I ever talked to her in person was when she told me my shoe was falling off...
great.
Sorry if I came across as less of a loser than I actually am...
sigh...
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Sig Credit: Pegasus Bishop
In my opinion as a girl, all you gotta do is start talking to her. Become a friend. Get to know her a little bit and let her get to know you, then, when you feel there's enough knowledge between you for her to be comfortable with you, just ask her out. Don't wait too long to do this or you could very well get stuck in the friend zone.
It would also be very beneficial if you could find out if you have any common interests before you talk to her. This will give you something to talk about.
Above all else, though, you've got to exude confidence, or she will almost certainly not be interested in anything more than friendship with you. Confidence, NOT cockiness, is very appealing to girls.
Good luck!
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How do I fake it?
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I had trouble when i was 15 too, you'll grow out of it. But I'm a big 17 year old now and here is my advice/thoughts...
You have talked via email/facebook which is good because you have "gotten your name in there" with her even if it is just about school, doesnt matter...
If you have any classes together (which would be great) then start to ask her how to do homeworks on assignments then when you have a test/quiz for the assignment tell her you dont get it and ask her to study with you. Works every time. This way you can get to know her a little better. There's you date, but thats not all...BE FUN and/or FUNNY. DONT BE A SQUARE. If she has fun then she will probably want to hang out with you/ study with you again and then progress th relationship from there. Believe me and give it a shot.
Niw in steps, to break things down.
1.) Ask questions on how to do homework / assignments. (even if you know how to do it)
2.) When you have your next quiz/test on the assignments that you "needed help" on then ask her to help you and have a study period before the test/quiz.
3.) Be fun during the study period...which shouldnt be hard to do since studying sucks anyway. AND be funny; everyone likes funny.
4.) Engage. Gradually progress the relationship by talking to her in school. You arent gonna get anywhere with her unless you initiate the conversation (because she is seemingly EXTREMELY shy). You just have to grow some balls and do it ONCE. After that you should be fine because you broke the ice.
Hope I can help man!
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So try doing it one of these two ways, 1) get in with her friends, 2) use common interests.
Even if you're shy, you tend to be looser around your friends. You know them, you know their attitudes and dispositions and so you have less anxiety around them. Hanging out with her while her friends are around will help place you in the "comfortable zone" rather than the "awkward zone".
The second item was common interests. Think about it, common hobbies and interests loosen people up.
For example when I went to college I was very shy myself. Didn't make any friends for a few weeks. The first time I made a friend in college it's because he was wearing a t-shirt of my favorite band, who isn't very mainstream. We instantly hit if off because we had the band in common, it's like knowing someone before you even know them! Naturally I felt much more comfortable talking about the band and their music, so that alleviated my shyness - and it works the other way around too.
Be.... and this is going to sound weird.... nice, and polite. When you see her walk by just smile and say "hey" and move on. Don't attempt awkward contact, wait until you actually have something to talk about. As someone who tends to overthink, I myself have fallen into the trap of trying to talk, getting lost in words, and feeling pretty stupid. Don't do that, just be nice to her. A lot of people underestimate just being nice. Show her that you're a good person and possibly a good friend, then let things happen from there.
Not a great way to start a post, bud lol
still like my idea...but this may work too...
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I like what RWF Less said, and that can be a great way to open up a friendship between the two of you in person. Once that's settled, there might be different opportunities to press on, or greater comfort in doing so. Casual contact, just smiling and hello, maybe a bit more conversation if one falls on you - but not forcing any - can help her come out of her shyness a bit.
If you're not so patient, though, I'd just walk up to her and say hello, reminding myself constantly that it's really not that big of a deal, and eventually force the words out regardless of how bad it sounds. The more you do that, the easier it gets. My approach would be to self-deprecating, honest about my shyness and difficulty doing this, apologise for all that, and say that I'd really like to be "with" her. And if she didn't stop me at or before that point, I'd say it's just for, you know, hanging out and being supportive, but closer.
And yes, it'd probably take way too long, with a lot of stuttering and blushing. I don't think that hurts anything, though, and would try very hard to remind myself that I shouldn't be afraid of that response.
At least, that's most of how I actually did it back then. Or more recently, it was "so... I kinda like you..." - and that was with someone I was already friends with and had no issues talking to in more normal circumstances. It's very funny, was the source of much laughter throughout the relationship, but that didn't make it any less successful.
And, of course, you have a lot more knowledge about her than I do, or any of us, so whatever we say you have to consider in terms of you and her. Just try to really consider it and not dismiss something because of unfounded fears on your part.
I just got this scary vision of my girlfriend asking me what I'm doing and I would have to reply, "Helping this kid make some 15 year old girl loose." It just doesn't sound right so let's pretend that this conversation never happened.
In the future, the word is relaxed.
glad you could have a sense of humor about it haha ...and relaxed it is!
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There's no reason you should have to fake it, if you're a decent person, imo. Do you think you would be a good boyfriend for her? Would you treat her with the love and respect she deserves? Would you value her opinions?
If the answers to these questions is yes, then you are a wonderful person for her and there's no reason she should say no once she gets to know you and knows this is what she would get from being with you.
If you do have to fake it, I'm not going to help you learn to do that because you probably don't deserve her, if she's a good person.
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As said above, relax, stop thinking, and be a nice guy. Become actual friends with her and if you find you are still interested then act on it. My guess is that this is the first girl you will be asking out? The first time is always the hardest... everytime after that gets easier as you... hone your methods of seduction
Haha, this made me laugh. Seems to me you're probably a pretty funny guy. Maybe you can use that! Everyone loves a good joke. Pickup lines are funny for a reason, and you don't need an excuse to say, "Hey, wanna hear a joke?"
I found out a girl liked me, we talked on instant messanger for about a week, when we found out we were actually in the same lunch period. She waved me over one day and I panicked and pretended like I didn't see her. Yeah, I know, Classy. She boldy followed me (knowing I had panicked) and confronted me, forcing me to pay attention to her. 10 years and 2 break-ups (while still in high school) later we are about to be engaged.
While I wasn't particularly confident then, learning from the experience set me right. By the end of high school it was relatively easy for me to get dates. At 25 there is relatively little of that gawky 15-year-old left (with the exception of years of finely honed twitch reflexes and a passion for nerdy stuff). What made the transformation? I forced myself out of my comfort zone. Before then, I was content to believe I was an outcast, that bullies had robbed me of my worth. It was stupid. The following year I made new friends - I found a group of confident nerds (mostly artists) and I made friends with them and learned that being a nerd does not equate being a social reject - only your attitude does that. If you have a group of friends who think like you do, find new friends. Having a friend circle of low self esteem nerds may make it easier to comiserate, but it makes it that much harder to break out of that self-perpetuating low self-esteem cycle. I joined my local volunteer fire department and I joined a law enforcement explorer post. I got life experience outside of the BS of high school life, and I realized high school kids were really nothing.
The key is, you have to get out of your comfort zone. The point of my story is that one of you has to be bold - in my case I was lucky and found someone who was a perfect compliment to my personality. You have literally nothing to lose and everything to gain. At your age, the chances of this being a lifelong relationship is minimal. The key to making it last beyond a few weeks, however, is to be friends first. You don't have to ask her out right away - just be the first one to strike up a real conversation. Ask her about her interests, and then listen. At the very least you will have gained a friend, and after a while if you still feel strongly let her know. The thing about nerdy guys is that we either go after the entirely wrong sort of woman (the 'pretty' girl without much else to her), or we assume that the girls that are perfect for us are just like the ones that are wrong for us. If she is as shy as you say, and you've had nice email conversations with her, at the very least she likes you as a friend. Remember she is just as nervous as you are, and until one of you breaks the ice that isn't going to change.
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Very good advice here. Also, I'd like to add that within the first few times you talk to her, compliment her on her looks or something she is wearing. When you see her, before you say whatever you were going to say, just say "Oh, your hair looks nice like that." or "Hey, those earrings look really nice on you." or something like that. It'll make her happy to hear a compliment like that, and she'll probably associate that happiness with you. It's a good way to stay out of the "friend zone" as people call it. Complimenting looks is a good way to show interest.
As for confidence, yes MandersHex is right that you need to exude confidence. It really isn't anywhere as tough as you make it out to be though. It's all a state of mind, and do you know who has control over your state of mind? You do. If you really have trouble building up confidence, try dressing up nice, and going to the mall or somewhere and look random girls you don't know in the eye and smile at them as you walk past. I'll bet lots will smile back at you! Know why? Because a good-looking guy smiling at a girl will make her smile! I bet even pretty girls will smile at you.
That might help give you some confidence, if you need more (or if you need some just to start looking at girls and smiling at them) then fake it. To the rest of the world, faked confidence is indistinguishable from real confidence.
Just be friendly and say a soft "Hi" to her every time you see her and smile, without being creepy (no staredown. Just a quick "Hi", and a genuine smile, then look like you're off, happy, busy going somewhere). If she doesn't return it the first time, then next time give her the more sheepish version, where it looks like you're not necessarily expecting her to say "hi" back.
Eventually she will return the smile and say "hi" as she'll feel you're safe to initiate conversation with. Frankly, it usually only takes one or two times doing this most of the time, even for fairly shy kids, especially if you project mild shyness yourself.
After a while, she'll be comfortable enough to talk to you or say something, because it feels pretty "safe" to do so, even if it's just to ask you why you say "hi", and that is your opportunity to introduce yourself or say "I just noticed you just seem nice (insert specific reason here)."
Don't try to be fake, just be yourself, and whatever you try to project should be a reflection of how you actually feel, because "fake" feels really alarming and offputting to most people, especially shy people.
That's one approach to icebreaking the really shy kid.
To OP, if you are actually serious (lulz), maybe, just maybe if you talked to her instead of professing your love for her on a magic forum (this is what the third time since I started posting here you've made a thread of "how can I talk to this girl"), maybe, just maybe she'd be able to become friends with you, kinda hard to go out with a girl you don't talk to. There's a lot of good advice in this thread, maybe if you actually listen to it I won't have to read "I like this girl in one of my classes" in a month.
td;lr if you're serious good for you, jay13x and infinity alarm right above me gave great advice, if this is one of your normal "I need attention" threads stop, they annoy me.
I'm pretty sure I've made similar threads, but all different situations... and I'm pretty sure one of these "three" threads that you were talking about had nothing to do with girls at all...
I'm pretty sure if I was making these threads for attention, I would do it in a different matter...
Also, I get the feeling that it's not neccesarily the posts that tick you off... I think maybe you just don't like me, which I really couldn't care less about.
Wowz... that first sentence is... umm... wow...
Anyway, as to that last part... I suppose it isn't that hard then? I frequently break steel with my bare hands = ) it's not all that enjoyable, really.
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However, I have noticed the same thing, Linvala. A quick search of your posts shows that you advised someone to "be normal" by hiding their geeky and "weird" traits. We're mtg players... We're not normal.
But lets just let this dissolve, I can see where Linvala might be coming from, and I can see they may not be the most gentle individual, but it seems like these types of threads dissolve into fighting.
Anyway, my overall problem is feeling odd... I havent asked thismgirl for hmwrk help yet this year, why should I now? I havent said hi at all this year, why would i start now.
I know a lot of people are saying I am overthinking. I agree. Is this a legit concern, or me overthinking?
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Either way my suggestion to you is: When you go to talk to her; take a few deep breaths, ignore every silly thing your brain is trying to make you do, and just go up to her. Talk to her. It won't be the end of the world. Don't worry you haven't talked to her all year, just say hi, ask her how things are. Maybe eventually ask her if she wants to hang out sometime.
And I know you asked not to hear about it, but even if it doesn't work out, you are only 15, and life really does start in college. Though do work on not over thinking, I can tell you it's a burden. I'm still working things out.
Best of luck.
(now if only I could adhere to my own advice)
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