Probably not, dude. I find with girls it's usually 50% sexual attraction and 50% their own crap. I don't know this girl, obviously, but in most cases when I've been rejected it's either been because I wasn't her type physically (one really liked black guys, for instance. and i look like casper) or because they're just not ready for a relationship. Did you ever meet any of her friends? A girl's friends are like vultures, man. They will tear you apart and she will listen to every single word like it's the truth.
Or she could just be dumb and not realize youre a good guy. <= probably this.
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By: ol MISAKA lo
Cockatrice: Infallible
Mhjames: mtgsalvation: I DON'T SEE HOW THIS CARD IS GOOD. I KNOW PATRICK CHAPIN USED IT AND WENT 8-0, BUT THAT WAS A SMALL TOURNAMENT. THE CARD IS TOO SLOW. YOU NEED TO MAKE SURE THE OPPONENT HAS A SPELL IN THE GRAVEYARD
I don't know you, but considering you always manage to get a first date with your "prey" (:laugh:) your problem certainly isn't about looks.
There's something you do or say that is repeling the girls. Your last post seems a bit conceited so it may be it, girls doesn't like guys that have a big ego and stuff, the fact you think you are better than them also need to be concealed.
I'm not saying you are wrong or that theater is important stuff, but there's things you think you should really keep to yourself to get the gals. Saying her theater stuff is crap and you are a acomplished 24 year guy and she should be thankful for being with you will not win any hearts.
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The game is not being dumbed down. Control is doing fine; Draw-Go is not the only kind of control. Aggro is doing fine; Red Deck Wins is not the only kind of aggro. Creature combat is an important core concept and belongs in every color. Mythic rarity is not destroying the game. People whine too much for no good reason. Magic is more popular than ever, so keep calm, brew some decks and play some damn cards.
Yea, its just frustrating. I'm 24 and I think I've accomplished a lot for my age. I'm an Eagle Scout, graduated college in 4 years with 2 degrees, very successful finding work upon graduation. Produced and directed 5 documentary shorts which have publically screened in 10 different states and have profited from some of them.
Yet when it comes to meeting someone of the opposite sex and maintaining a relationship - it seems to me like an unattainable conquest. Seriously, what the ****?
We've all been there at some point.
Part of the problem is that you view it as unobtainable. What you think of yourself, even sub-consciously, is going to be reflected in how you act. Part of finding a companion is the failures along the way. You aren't going to know what to do immediately, especially if you don't have any real experience.
The best advice I can give you is to relax. Don't pin your hope and self-esteem on casual interests. A relationship isn't something you can force. If she isn't that interested, she isn't that interested. It's not a reflection on your worth as a human being, and you need to realize that.
I've probably done every embarassing or stupid thing you can do while dating, and I failed a lot. You have to fail in order to be better equipped in the future. It isn't even a matter of quantifying why you failed, but simply the experience of trying that will make you a little more confident next time.
Your age is irrelevant. Some people don't find a real relationship until their 40s, others go from one relationship to another from their teens. Just keep trying, and don't attach too much importance to every pretty girl who agrees to go out with you. I know each rejection can seem like a failed attempt at happiness, but I doubt I would have been happy long term with any of the girls I was rejected by (even if I could go back knowing what I know now). My biggest mistake was that I always built something up in my head that wasn't there, or overanalyzed things that really just boiled down to a lack of chemistry.
I discovered Dr. Nerdlove when looking for a good column for another real-life advice poster to read. I recommend you check out the website. This article in particular seems very relevant to you, and the site may help with some relationship nervousness you have. It's written specifically for people like us.
As for your sales pitch, that documentary thing is cool, but only really pursue it if she shows interest after you mention it. The same with being an Eagle Scout. Nerds have to be especially careful about not mentioning stereotyped interests that may be an instant turn-off. The best idea is to mention things casually, and if they show interest mention it a little more, but always keep it short unless they are as passionate about it as you are (which is unlikely, at least early on). If I had professed my love for Godzilla or MTG too early to my fiance, that might have been a dealbreaker.
Yea, its just frustrating. I'm 24 and I think I've accomplished a lot for my age. I'm an Eagle Scout, graduated college in 4 years with 2 degrees, very successful finding work upon graduation. Produced and directed 5 documentary shorts which have publically screened in 10 different states and have profited from some of them.
Yet when it comes to meeting someone of the opposite sex and maintaining a relationship - it seems to me like an unattainable conquest. Seriously, what the ****?
Well, you do come off as a conceited and arrogant prick at times in your writings and seem at least relatively naive to how people perceive you. This is something that comes with being smart and successful, it's just learning to be a better listener, being supportive, and asking questions. When you ask people questions and let them talk a lot they feel more important and that you're listening to them.
Everyone's favorite subject is "me" with a noted self reference.
With that said, it's not a "conquest" or something you can ticker off a list. It's a relationship, and something that is complex, not about you a lot of the time (especially with children), and being welcoming without lying.
It's the small things that get people, whether you get that idiot that tailed you on the way to work or someone that randomly said "thank you" and smiled. Considering you're a teacher, ask your students if there's any issues with your teaching style. If you get feedback that says "he needs to listen more" or something, then that's more of a generalized personality trait that's creeping into your work.
You're not going to change your personality at 24, but you can change your habits and how you deal with persons. You studied English and communication, while mastering one form of communication does not necessarily lead towards a mastery of all forms of communication. Study it, look at your behaviors, get feedback, and change habits. Perhaps learning some body language and such?
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Ambition must be made to counteract ambition.
Individualities may form communities, but it is institutions alone that can create a nation.
Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.
Here is my principle: Taxes shall be levied according to ability to pay. That is the only American principle.
Duce, I don't mean to discourage you but I've read through here, and as a Senior in highschool who didn't date too much I can understand your apprehension. I think though you ask to much of the magic community, we are here to guide you with advice but you have to make the decisions yourself ultimately. By asking us what to do for everything you won't be able to handle the relationship if it blossoms into one, you will be too insecure. I believe that you are COMPLETELY correct when you say your only problem is you need to lighten up. If you lighten up and stop looking at her and thinking, "she's perfect so I have to be for her" then maybe it'll be easier to get to know her and be able to move this forward.
Good luck my friend
I just read your last comment about how she's "full of ****" I think that the problem isn't that you may be "nerdy" I think it may be your attitude honestly.. and you take it like she isn't going to call you back or anything, honestly I don't think you are ready for a relationship.
I think the phantom has something to say:
"Insolent boy, this slave of fashion. Basking in your glory. Ignorant fool, this brave young suitor."
Everyone's favorite subject is "me" with a noted self reference.
What is the expression? "It's better to keep your mouth shut and let everyone suspect you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."
Sometimes less is more is the best option. Especially early in a relationship, let the girl do the talking, and ask pointed questions about what she tells you. A conversation early on should be like getting lost surfing wikipedia or tvtropes, you ask your initial quesiton, and then you can mine it for all the connections for hours.
What is the expression? "It's better to keep your mouth shut and let everyone suspect you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."
Sometimes less is more is the best option. Especially early in a relationship, let the girl do the talking, and ask pointed questions about what she tells you. A conversation early on should be like getting lost surfing wikipedia or tvtropes, you ask your initial quesiton, and then you can mine it for all the connections for hours.
No that you are being rash, you aren't a pretentious creeper, if you are over eager in a relationship it won't last. You have to take it slowly,, I can tell you are infatuated with this girl, I know what you are feeling. One day you'll look back and realizes that you are fretting too much over this, you just need to calm down, you're doing nothing wrong you just lack confidence. You say, "she has time to go on out for lunch with all her theatre crap but can't make time to have dinner" as though you are entitled to having dinner with her. She has a schedule to her life, and you are an intruder on that schedule, if you ever planned on making it work with her you need to be able to get a feel for her schedule, she's obviously busy, so busy yourself throughout the day, let her make the first move. You said you don't have experience in this situation and I believe that because of that you have a sort of "situational immaturity" if that makes sense? You just aren't used to the situation, in every aspect of life you might be mature, but due to lack of practice here you are just like the "little boy with his first girlfriend" you're worried about how to act like she wants you to, and what to do. When in reality you should try and be yourself, be open, maybe not get straight to the nerdy things, but just become comfortable with a person. Instead of pleasing them by being someone else, which is a common mistake for people when having a first time relationship, try and be yourself, if they like you great now you can just be yourself if not just move on. It's not the end of the world, You don't come off as "too creepy" but I can understand how people feel that, usually when one person has an instant infatuation with another and the other doesn't feel the same, or they want to take it slowly, it comes across as creepy to everyone but the infatuated person, I think when you find the right girl it will be someone you click with and don't yet realize you feel more than a platonic love for. Then you'll be relaxed and be able to go with the flow more.
Sorry if I came off as an ass I just felt something needed to be said.
Read through it all, and I have to say: bummer dude.
Her last response to you "I'm swamped, I'll let you know when my schedule clears up" is indeed a rather cliche 'nice' way of telling someone no. Not only does this text turn down your offer for dinner, but it also tells you that the next communication will be from her to you. There's also the fact that if a girl *really* wants to see you again, they'll make room in their busy schedule.
At the same time, I'm all for optimism. It isn't impossible that she is in fact super busy with evening commitments, or maybe even a casual dating relationship would be too hard to maintain and she can tell that that's what you were at least shooting for.
There is a bright side to the 'power' she now has -- if she does contact you again it means that either she really does want to see you or she'll be straight and offer an explanation as to why she turned you down (not feeling it, not interested in a relationship, etc.). While the latter may not feel great, at least it offers some confirmation and closure.
Finally, I would expect that considering you had a a coffee "date" and light text communication beforehand that she won't just leave you hanging. I think you've developed enough of an acquaintance, in addition to having the work relationship with her mother, that she really should send you some sort of follow up communication.
I hope it all works out.
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Waiting patiently for MTGO Leagues to become a priority again. It's been 4 years :sick:.
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Duce,
No matter how much you accomplish at a young age (trust me) it truly doesn't matter. You will find someone who appreciates you for you. Plain and simple. If it's hard to talk to someone, that means you guys don't have a lasting relationship which, for the most part, are based in communication. For me, at the end of the day, the thing I love to be able to do is digest the day with my girlfriend. Talk about everything, the cheers and jeers of the day. And that happened on the first date. We didn't stop talking unless to eat sushi (which is the perfect first date food, small bites, doesn't get cold if you want to talk). It's hard to take at face value that you will find someone who likes you for you, but it's very true. I got out of a 4 year relationship and thought it was over for me and relationships. But I learned, like in all of life, patience is your greatest ally. Be yourself, and be proud of that.
Hope that was helpful, but knowing myself, it probably wasn't
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Or she could just be dumb and not realize youre a good guy. <= probably this.
By: ol MISAKA lo
Cockatrice: Infallible
Format: Standard - NPH
Location: 2011 MMS Qualifier - Minneapolis, MN (6/4)
Players: 99
Finished: 2nd Place
TRADE THREAD
http://forums.mtgsalvation.com/showthread.php?t=347708
Get'r Dungrove (Friday July 6th - Friday September 21st)
TYPE 2: Best Builds
:symw::symg:Township Tokens 19-8-0 (ret. 2/24/12)
Mono Green Eldrazi 22-8-1 (ret. 10/1/10)
2012 Standard Platinum TCQ - Lowell, MA: Top 20
2012 MaxPoint TCG Open 5k - Providence: Top 35
There's something you do or say that is repeling the girls. Your last post seems a bit conceited so it may be it, girls doesn't like guys that have a big ego and stuff, the fact you think you are better than them also need to be concealed.
I'm not saying you are wrong or that theater is important stuff, but there's things you think you should really keep to yourself to get the gals. Saying her theater stuff is crap and you are a acomplished 24 year guy and she should be thankful for being with you will not win any hearts.
Mythic rarity is not destroying the game. People whine too much for no good reason. Magic is more popular than ever, so keep calm, brew some decks and play some damn cards.
We've all been there at some point.
Part of the problem is that you view it as unobtainable. What you think of yourself, even sub-consciously, is going to be reflected in how you act. Part of finding a companion is the failures along the way. You aren't going to know what to do immediately, especially if you don't have any real experience.
The best advice I can give you is to relax. Don't pin your hope and self-esteem on casual interests. A relationship isn't something you can force. If she isn't that interested, she isn't that interested. It's not a reflection on your worth as a human being, and you need to realize that.
I've probably done every embarassing or stupid thing you can do while dating, and I failed a lot. You have to fail in order to be better equipped in the future. It isn't even a matter of quantifying why you failed, but simply the experience of trying that will make you a little more confident next time.
Your age is irrelevant. Some people don't find a real relationship until their 40s, others go from one relationship to another from their teens. Just keep trying, and don't attach too much importance to every pretty girl who agrees to go out with you. I know each rejection can seem like a failed attempt at happiness, but I doubt I would have been happy long term with any of the girls I was rejected by (even if I could go back knowing what I know now). My biggest mistake was that I always built something up in my head that wasn't there, or overanalyzed things that really just boiled down to a lack of chemistry.
I recommend you read this, on why women flake:
http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2012/04/why-women-flake/#more-1595
I discovered Dr. Nerdlove when looking for a good column for another real-life advice poster to read. I recommend you check out the website. This article in particular seems very relevant to you, and the site may help with some relationship nervousness you have. It's written specifically for people like us.
As for your sales pitch, that documentary thing is cool, but only really pursue it if she shows interest after you mention it. The same with being an Eagle Scout. Nerds have to be especially careful about not mentioning stereotyped interests that may be an instant turn-off. The best idea is to mention things casually, and if they show interest mention it a little more, but always keep it short unless they are as passionate about it as you are (which is unlikely, at least early on). If I had professed my love for Godzilla or MTG too early to my fiance, that might have been a dealbreaker.
TerribleBad at Magic since 1998.A Vorthos Guide to Magic Story | Twitter | Tumblr
[Primer] Krenko | Azor | Kess | Zacama | Kumena | Sram | The Ur-Dragon | Edgar Markov | Daretti | Marath
Well, you do come off as a conceited and arrogant prick at times in your writings and seem at least relatively naive to how people perceive you. This is something that comes with being smart and successful, it's just learning to be a better listener, being supportive, and asking questions. When you ask people questions and let them talk a lot they feel more important and that you're listening to them.
Everyone's favorite subject is "me" with a noted self reference.
With that said, it's not a "conquest" or something you can ticker off a list. It's a relationship, and something that is complex, not about you a lot of the time (especially with children), and being welcoming without lying.
It's the small things that get people, whether you get that idiot that tailed you on the way to work or someone that randomly said "thank you" and smiled. Considering you're a teacher, ask your students if there's any issues with your teaching style. If you get feedback that says "he needs to listen more" or something, then that's more of a generalized personality trait that's creeping into your work.
You're not going to change your personality at 24, but you can change your habits and how you deal with persons. You studied English and communication, while mastering one form of communication does not necessarily lead towards a mastery of all forms of communication. Study it, look at your behaviors, get feedback, and change habits. Perhaps learning some body language and such?
Ambition must be made to counteract ambition.
Individualities may form communities, but it is institutions alone that can create a nation.
Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.
Here is my principle: Taxes shall be levied according to ability to pay. That is the only American principle.
Good luck my friend
I just read your last comment about how she's "full of ****" I think that the problem isn't that you may be "nerdy" I think it may be your attitude honestly.. and you take it like she isn't going to call you back or anything, honestly I don't think you are ready for a relationship.
I think the phantom has something to say:
"Insolent boy, this slave of fashion. Basking in your glory. Ignorant fool, this brave young suitor."
Sig and Avatar Credit: Heroes of the Plane Studios
What is the expression? "It's better to keep your mouth shut and let everyone suspect you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."
Sometimes less is more is the best option. Especially early in a relationship, let the girl do the talking, and ask pointed questions about what she tells you. A conversation early on should be like getting lost surfing wikipedia or tvtropes, you ask your initial quesiton, and then you can mine it for all the connections for hours.
TerribleBad at Magic since 1998.A Vorthos Guide to Magic Story | Twitter | Tumblr
[Primer] Krenko | Azor | Kess | Zacama | Kumena | Sram | The Ur-Dragon | Edgar Markov | Daretti | Marath
advice sought
Get'r Dungrove (Friday July 6th - Friday September 21st)
TYPE 2: Best Builds
:symw::symg:Township Tokens 19-8-0 (ret. 2/24/12)
Mono Green Eldrazi 22-8-1 (ret. 10/1/10)
2012 Standard Platinum TCQ - Lowell, MA: Top 20
2012 MaxPoint TCG Open 5k - Providence: Top 35
Sig and Avatar Credit: Heroes of the Plane Studios
advice sought
Get'r Dungrove (Friday July 6th - Friday September 21st)
TYPE 2: Best Builds
:symw::symg:Township Tokens 19-8-0 (ret. 2/24/12)
Mono Green Eldrazi 22-8-1 (ret. 10/1/10)
2012 Standard Platinum TCQ - Lowell, MA: Top 20
2012 MaxPoint TCG Open 5k - Providence: Top 35
Sorry if I came off as an ass I just felt something needed to be said.
Sig and Avatar Credit: Heroes of the Plane Studios
Her last response to you "I'm swamped, I'll let you know when my schedule clears up" is indeed a rather cliche 'nice' way of telling someone no. Not only does this text turn down your offer for dinner, but it also tells you that the next communication will be from her to you. There's also the fact that if a girl *really* wants to see you again, they'll make room in their busy schedule.
At the same time, I'm all for optimism. It isn't impossible that she is in fact super busy with evening commitments, or maybe even a casual dating relationship would be too hard to maintain and she can tell that that's what you were at least shooting for.
There is a bright side to the 'power' she now has -- if she does contact you again it means that either she really does want to see you or she'll be straight and offer an explanation as to why she turned you down (not feeling it, not interested in a relationship, etc.). While the latter may not feel great, at least it offers some confirmation and closure.
Finally, I would expect that considering you had a a coffee "date" and light text communication beforehand that she won't just leave you hanging. I think you've developed enough of an acquaintance, in addition to having the work relationship with her mother, that she really should send you some sort of follow up communication.
I hope it all works out.
Drop by my Helpdesk if you have any questions/concerns on the Limited forum.
Excited for M13 Limited? What do you think the format will look like? Head over to the limited forum and let us know what you think.
No matter how much you accomplish at a young age (trust me) it truly doesn't matter. You will find someone who appreciates you for you. Plain and simple. If it's hard to talk to someone, that means you guys don't have a lasting relationship which, for the most part, are based in communication. For me, at the end of the day, the thing I love to be able to do is digest the day with my girlfriend. Talk about everything, the cheers and jeers of the day. And that happened on the first date. We didn't stop talking unless to eat sushi (which is the perfect first date food, small bites, doesn't get cold if you want to talk). It's hard to take at face value that you will find someone who likes you for you, but it's very true. I got out of a 4 year relationship and thought it was over for me and relationships. But I learned, like in all of life, patience is your greatest ally. Be yourself, and be proud of that.
Hope that was helpful, but knowing myself, it probably wasn't