Ask her out, if you like her, take the chance. The worst that could happen is that she tells you that she is lesbian and judging by the way she acts, its not like it's going to get awkward or anything
Ok guys, thanks for all of the advice. I've read through every post and I appreciate all of the feedback.
I'm going to call and ask her to go out this week. I'm going to ask in a way that implies more of a dating situation than a friendship sort of thing, such as "Hey I was thinking we should go out this weekend." which sounds more dating than "hey let's hang out." At that point, she might tell me "yeah so I have a gf"
but if not, then when we hang out, after we get comfortable, I will bring it up, "Okay, out of curiosity, what do you identify as?"
I don't want to come up with some elaborate plan to find out, so I'm going to be direct.
Before I ask, should I add a disclaimer like "Ok, so this might sound awkward but...."?
I dont' mean that in an aggressive or insulting way.
Just, really, if she's not out yet, for example, even asking her directly is forcing her to lie to you, and it's not your business.
If you're interested in going out with her, I'd suggest asking her out, then let her decide if she's going to say yes/no, and up to her if she wants to tell you why.
So it's completely outrageous that I want to know if a girl I want to date is gay, bisexual, or transgender? Don't you think that's a key detail to know?
I don't want to get emotionally invested in someone then later down the road "Oh, by the way, I'm _________"
Before I ask, should I add a disclaimer like "Ok, so this might sound awkward but...."?
I wouldn't. I teach art and when a student comes up to me and says, "I know this isn't very good, but..." My brain immediately goes to "this isn't very good." Let her come to the conclusion that it's awkward without your help. Maybe it won't be.
Ok guys, thanks for all of the advice. I've read through every post and I appreciate all of the feedback.
I'm going to call and ask her to go out this week. I'm going to ask in a way that implies more of a dating situation than a friendship sort of thing, such as "Hey I was thinking we should go out this weekend." which sounds more dating than "hey let's hang out." At that point, she might tell me "yeah so I have a gf"
but if not, then when we hang out, after we get comfortable, I will bring it up, "Okay, out of curiosity, what do you identify as?"
I don't want to come up with some elaborate plan to find out, so I'm going to be direct.
Before I ask, should I add a disclaimer like "Ok, so this might sound awkward but...."?
So it's completely outrageous that I want to know if a girl I want to date is gay, bisexual, or transgender? Don't you think that's a key detail to know?
I don't want to get emotionally invested in someone then later down the road "Oh, by the way, I'm _________"
You know that 'overanalyzing' thing you said you have a problem with in your original post? You're doing it right now.
I agree with the "So what do you identify as?" question, just say it casually, if you get a "huh? what?" (i actually think it very likely that she will not get the meaning even if she is bi/lesbian) just be casual and go "Yeah, like, democratic? republican? pro choice? pro-life? straigh? bi? you know stuff like that."
Thing is if she is really that nerdy she may not get what you are trying to ask and may get nervous and such, by giving her ample choices and making it casual you are giving her a choice of what to answer and what not to and then if you don't really get an answer you gotta respect that and consider "Are you really not gonna continue going out with a girl who is apparently into you, and already agreed to a date once, just because you aren't sure if she likes boys, girls, both?"
Honestly if she already agreed to a date chances are she is not a lesbian, and is dating a bi girl really that bad?
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So it's completely outrageous that I want to know if a girl I want to date is gay, bisexual, or transgender? Don't you think that's a key detail to know?
ask her on a date.
(1) she could say "sorry, no thank you" without being asked to reveal a secret to you that could get her beaten up or ostracized.
(2) she could say "yes" then on the date she could reveal to you that she's bi-, trans*, whatever. You play it by ear.
The point is that there is no reason that any guy who thinks she's cute is entitled to know her private information, especially if she's not out.
Your right to not be embarrassed by rejection is not sufficient a priority to override that.
I don't want to get emotionally invested in someone then later down the road "Oh, by the way, I'm _________"
you need to get over that. If you get that emotionally invested by a single date where you're holding back because you think she's a lesbian or bi-, or trans, then that's all just in your head.
I forgot to mention this in the OP, but when I first met the girl, at the end of our first conversation, I suggested hanging out and asked for her number. She seemed interested and excited (my sister was watching and said she looked "down right giddy") The girl said she did not have a phone, but to contact her through her best friend's phone number, and gave it to me. Nothing wrong with that, I'm guessing she doesn't have a cell phone because she doesn't have a job and just moved here.
Later that week (last week), I texted and said "hey this is jdinatale, is this *the girl's name*?"
I got a text back "No this is *the friend's guy nick name in japanese*. Do you need to speak to *the girl's guy nickname in japanese*?"
I said "yeah I was just gonna say hey, she told me how she didn't have a phone and to just contact her through this number"
I never got a reply back from that. The following sunday, I mentioned it, and the girl seemed surprised and asked when did I text because her friend never mentioned it. That's weird.
I just called a few minutes ago and didn't get an answer either. I will text tomorrow with something like "Hey this is jdinatale, the guy *the girl's name* knows from church, is she there, I need to talk to her"
I'm going to be officially wierded out if the friend is censoring my contact with the girl.
Hey I just read the book Fight Club. What if the girl's friend isn't even real, and is just the girl's split personality? (not serious)
After reading all this again and looking at your "Threads started by" history, I think you need to just act. You overthink everything and paralyze yourself by thinking. You seem almost shameless - you posted pictures of your half naked self and mention your stretch marks, tell us everything about everything going on in your life, but somehow you are reserved when it comes to the real world. I get it. But, damn dude... instead of asking us why don't you just ask yourself, "What do I want from this situation?" Then, throw yourself face first into it. I can't help but think that you have missed out on a lot of happiness by wasting your time here when you clearly have all the answers right in front of you.
Yes, because bisexual people are incapable of monogamous relationships. [/sarcasm]
Please. If someone is looking to cheat, they can find that easily. They don't need "twice as many people" to easily find someone. That's pretty offensive.
Yes, because bisexual people are incapable of monogamous relationships. [/sarcasm]
I once had a boyfriend who was convinced that being bisexual means you want a partner of either sex at any given time... I was like, seriously now, that's just being biphobic.
Suffice to say: 1) He wasn't a keeper, 2) I'm actually very monogamous.
Edit: You know, I might as well say, yes, those kinds of "hurr durr twice as many people to cheat with lolololol" type jokes might seem funny when said by straight people to straight people, but to non-straight people, they're actually quite offensive. Like, seriously.
I once had a boyfriend who was convinced that being bisexual means you want a partner of either sex at any given time... I was like, seriously now, that's just being biphobic.
Suffice to say: 1) He wasn't a keeper, 2) I'm actually very monogamous.
Edit: You know, I might as well say, yes, those kinds of "hurr durr twice as many people to cheat with lolololol" type jokes might seem funny when said by straight people to straight people, but to non-straight people, they're actually quite offensive. Like, seriously.
Yeah. I'm actually pretty monogamous too, though I'm gay. In reality, sexual orientation has nothing to do with libido, wanting a relationship, and promiscuity. Not that that's what most people believe.
EDIT: Yes, it is really offensive.
DOUBLE EDIT: Literally, all you need to to is ask her out and be clear you mean on a date. It's that easy. If she's lesbian she'll say no, with or without explanation. If she's trans, she'll tell you before things get too serious, same with bi. So that's the best way to find out.
I once had a boyfriend who was convinced that being bisexual means you want a partner of either sex at any given time... I was like, seriously now, that's just being biphobic.
Suffice to say: 1) He wasn't a keeper, 2) I'm actually very monogamous.
Edit: You know, I might as well say, yes, those kinds of "hurr durr twice as many people to cheat with lolololol" type jokes might seem funny when said by straight people to straight people, but to non-straight people, they're actually quite offensive. Like, seriously.
I used to let stuff like that bother me, but I don't anymore. I got made fun of a lot when I was a kid for being bisexual, jokes like that don't bother me anymore. Mostly because I'm the coolest dude everyone knows. [/arrogance]
It is a little offensive still, but eh, people are ignorant, and I can't change their minds.
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Originally Posted by Arcadic View Post
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Sorry guys. The "haha" was meant to say "I can't think of a real reason and this is what a dumbass would say." Stupid internet has failed me again. It drives me nuts when people assume that non-traditional-hetero people are somehow perverts because they don't like to do it the "normal way." And yes those quote are huge, my hands are making the gesture, and I am rolling my eyes when I make those quotes.
When guys are like "bi is awesome!" it always comes across like "this girl is chattle and will bring me more women, sweet!" Yeah, I don't get that. If I were dating a woman I don't think I would enjoy being cheated on regardless of sex or gender. But this all goes back to the distinction between reality and fantasy I suppose.
You really are just thinking about this too much, man. All you need to do is ask her out and play it by ear. I don't think you ever need to ask her "What do you identify as?" because, if she identifies as anything other than a straight anime girl, she'll tell you so. Just calm down, take a deep breath, and take your relationship one day at a time. I know you're scared you're going to be wasting your time with her, but that's part of finding your true mate.
Stop over-thinking. Honestly, overthinking will cause you more problems than not. Most men, by their mid-ish 20'ies have asked out dozens of girls that turned them down. I hear from my friends that, apparently, the couple of times a year I get black-out drunk, I tend to ask out just about every women I encounter. I know I've gone out on dates of women I've asked out while blacked out. Only reason I know is that I wake up the next day, knowing I blacked out, and recieve a text message later in the day going something along the lines of "This is blahblah from last night, blah". While I'm not suggesting you start relationships while you are too drunk to remember what happened, what I am saying is that it's not really that complicated to do. If blacked-out me can figure it out, it can't be. The absolute worst thing a girl can do is say no, you move on, and ask someone else out.
Side note: Food for thought- I have never been on more than 3 dates with someone I asked out while blacked out, so I wouldn't suggest that as a way to meet women.
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Odds of pulling a JtMS from a WWK pack: 1:80
Odds of pulling any specific rare in 5th Edition: 1:133
So, on average, 1 JtMS every 2.222 boxes or 1 Bird of Paradise every 3.694 boxes. Yeah, I'll take my odds with Mythics, they are easier to get than old rares.
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I'm officially wierded out. If you read my last post, you've seen how I've tried contacting the girl last night but didn't get an answer. Today I tried text.
(This was at 3 PM, aka middle of the day)
Me: "Hey *friend's name*, this is jdinatale, *the girls* friend from church. Is she around? I need to talk to her."
the friend: "she's sleeping right now"
me: "oh ok, hey will you tell her to shoot me a text when she wakes up?"
the friend: "Okay"
I waited all day and didn't get an answer. I mean, its weird enough sleeping until 3 in the afternoon, but what really bugs me is how the friend said she would do that, and then never did. (Read my last post, it happened last week).
I truly believe the girl is genuinely interested in me because she was touching me, talking to me for 2 hours on two different occasions (Even skipping her sunday school classes to talk to me), followed me whereever I went, she seemed "down right giddy" when I asked her to hang out, she then raved about me to my twin sister saying stuff like "Wow, why haven't you told me about your brother? Where has he been hiding all this time! I've never seen him before, he's so cool!"
All signs indicate she's at least interested in me. So why is the "friend" basically blocking me?
If I never get an answer by Sunday, I'm going to confront the situation in an appropriate way. I'm going to say something like "Hey *girl's name*, I need to talk to you about something. I've tried contacting you different times, but *the friend's name* never seems to relay the messages to you. Is something up?"
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I'm going to call and ask her to go out this week. I'm going to ask in a way that implies more of a dating situation than a friendship sort of thing, such as "Hey I was thinking we should go out this weekend." which sounds more dating than "hey let's hang out." At that point, she might tell me "yeah so I have a gf"
but if not, then when we hang out, after we get comfortable, I will bring it up, "Okay, out of curiosity, what do you identify as?"
I don't want to come up with some elaborate plan to find out, so I'm going to be direct.
Before I ask, should I add a disclaimer like "Ok, so this might sound awkward but...."?
So it's completely outrageous that I want to know if a girl I want to date is gay, bisexual, or transgender? Don't you think that's a key detail to know?
I don't want to get emotionally invested in someone then later down the road "Oh, by the way, I'm _________"
Or a bf.
I wouldn't. I teach art and when a student comes up to me and says, "I know this isn't very good, but..." My brain immediately goes to "this isn't very good." Let her come to the conclusion that it's awkward without your help. Maybe it won't be.
WUBRGPauper Battle BoxWUBRG ... and why I am not a fan of Wayne Reynolds' Illustrations.
Also, I don't recommend stalking somebody across the internet whom you've just met in person.
You should read more carefully. That isn't very close to what is going on here.
WUBRGPauper Battle BoxWUBRG ... and why I am not a fan of Wayne Reynolds' Illustrations.
You know that 'overanalyzing' thing you said you have a problem with in your original post? You're doing it right now.
Alright, on topic.
Just ask her out on a date. If you don't want to do that, ask her if she likes girls, it's as simple as that.
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There was nothing about her being transexual. That might seems like a small detail to some people, but to me that is pretty big.
How about:
WUBRGPauper Battle BoxWUBRG ... and why I am not a fan of Wayne Reynolds' Illustrations.
Thing is if she is really that nerdy she may not get what you are trying to ask and may get nervous and such, by giving her ample choices and making it casual you are giving her a choice of what to answer and what not to and then if you don't really get an answer you gotta respect that and consider "Are you really not gonna continue going out with a girl who is apparently into you, and already agreed to a date once, just because you aren't sure if she likes boys, girls, both?"
Honestly if she already agreed to a date chances are she is not a lesbian, and is dating a bi girl really that bad?
(1) she could say "sorry, no thank you" without being asked to reveal a secret to you that could get her beaten up or ostracized.
(2) she could say "yes" then on the date she could reveal to you that she's bi-, trans*, whatever. You play it by ear.
The point is that there is no reason that any guy who thinks she's cute is entitled to know her private information, especially if she's not out.
Your right to not be embarrassed by rejection is not sufficient a priority to override that.
you need to get over that. If you get that emotionally invested by a single date where you're holding back because you think she's a lesbian or bi-, or trans, then that's all just in your head.
Yes, actually it is.
Orlly?
You can always talk about how hot certain girls are. I enjoyed dating bisexual women.
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Hell no it is not.
To the op when is the big update boss? I hope it works out for you.
I stand 100% corrected. I wonder if he is misunderstanding what Transgendered means.
WUBRGPauper Battle BoxWUBRG ... and why I am not a fan of Wayne Reynolds' Illustrations.
I forgot to mention this in the OP, but when I first met the girl, at the end of our first conversation, I suggested hanging out and asked for her number. She seemed interested and excited (my sister was watching and said she looked "down right giddy") The girl said she did not have a phone, but to contact her through her best friend's phone number, and gave it to me. Nothing wrong with that, I'm guessing she doesn't have a cell phone because she doesn't have a job and just moved here.
Later that week (last week), I texted and said "hey this is jdinatale, is this *the girl's name*?"
I got a text back "No this is *the friend's guy nick name in japanese*. Do you need to speak to *the girl's guy nickname in japanese*?"
I said "yeah I was just gonna say hey, she told me how she didn't have a phone and to just contact her through this number"
I never got a reply back from that. The following sunday, I mentioned it, and the girl seemed surprised and asked when did I text because her friend never mentioned it. That's weird.
I just called a few minutes ago and didn't get an answer either. I will text tomorrow with something like "Hey this is jdinatale, the guy *the girl's name* knows from church, is she there, I need to talk to her"
I'm going to be officially wierded out if the friend is censoring my contact with the girl.
Hey I just read the book Fight Club. What if the girl's friend isn't even real, and is just the girl's split personality? (not serious)
See you guys tomorrow!
Really now? Being that I'm a woman who swings both ways, myself, why would this be?
Twice as many people to cheat with! Haha.
WUBRGPauper Battle BoxWUBRG ... and why I am not a fan of Wayne Reynolds' Illustrations.
Yes, because bisexual people are incapable of monogamous relationships. [/sarcasm]
Please. If someone is looking to cheat, they can find that easily. They don't need "twice as many people" to easily find someone. That's pretty offensive.
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BTraitor's GateB
:EDH:
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WRTrias, The Betrayer (Gisela)RW
BRWKaalia, of the VastWRB
Thanks to SushiOtter of Hakai Studios for the awesome banner, and Argetlam of Hakai Studios for the equally awesome avvie!
Generation 2556677: The first time you see this, add it to your sig, but add 1 to the number. Call it a social experiment.
I once had a boyfriend who was convinced that being bisexual means you want a partner of either sex at any given time... I was like, seriously now, that's just being biphobic.
Suffice to say: 1) He wasn't a keeper, 2) I'm actually very monogamous.
Edit: You know, I might as well say, yes, those kinds of "hurr durr twice as many people to cheat with lolololol" type jokes might seem funny when said by straight people to straight people, but to non-straight people, they're actually quite offensive. Like, seriously.
Yeah. I'm actually pretty monogamous too, though I'm gay. In reality, sexual orientation has nothing to do with libido, wanting a relationship, and promiscuity. Not that that's what most people believe.
EDIT: Yes, it is really offensive.
DOUBLE EDIT: Literally, all you need to to is ask her out and be clear you mean on a date. It's that easy. If she's lesbian she'll say no, with or without explanation. If she's trans, she'll tell you before things get too serious, same with bi. So that's the best way to find out.
:LEGACY:
XLEDed DredgeX
BTraitor's GateB
:EDH:
GMolimo, Maro-SorcererG
WRTrias, The Betrayer (Gisela)RW
BRWKaalia, of the VastWRB
Thanks to SushiOtter of Hakai Studios for the awesome banner, and Argetlam of Hakai Studios for the equally awesome avvie!
Generation 2556677: The first time you see this, add it to your sig, but add 1 to the number. Call it a social experiment.
I used to let stuff like that bother me, but I don't anymore. I got made fun of a lot when I was a kid for being bisexual, jokes like that don't bother me anymore. Mostly because I'm the coolest dude everyone knows. [/arrogance]
It is a little offensive still, but eh, people are ignorant, and I can't change their minds.
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When guys are like "bi is awesome!" it always comes across like "this girl is chattle and will bring me more women, sweet!" Yeah, I don't get that. If I were dating a woman I don't think I would enjoy being cheated on regardless of sex or gender. But this all goes back to the distinction between reality and fantasy I suppose.
WUBRGPauper Battle BoxWUBRG ... and why I am not a fan of Wayne Reynolds' Illustrations.
Gotta kiss a lot of frogs...
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Side note: Food for thought- I have never been on more than 3 dates with someone I asked out while blacked out, so I wouldn't suggest that as a way to meet women.
Odds of pulling any specific rare in 5th Edition: 1:133
So, on average, 1 JtMS every 2.222 boxes or 1 Bird of Paradise every 3.694 boxes. Yeah, I'll take my odds with Mythics, they are easier to get than old rares.
Want to support a LGS that finally branched into the selling online world? Send me a pm with your email for a $5 off coupon (usable on purchases of $10 or more) for a LGS that just recently got onto TCG player.
(This was at 3 PM, aka middle of the day)
Me: "Hey *friend's name*, this is jdinatale, *the girls* friend from church. Is she around? I need to talk to her."
the friend: "she's sleeping right now"
me: "oh ok, hey will you tell her to shoot me a text when she wakes up?"
the friend: "Okay"
I waited all day and didn't get an answer. I mean, its weird enough sleeping until 3 in the afternoon, but what really bugs me is how the friend said she would do that, and then never did. (Read my last post, it happened last week).
I truly believe the girl is genuinely interested in me because she was touching me, talking to me for 2 hours on two different occasions (Even skipping her sunday school classes to talk to me), followed me whereever I went, she seemed "down right giddy" when I asked her to hang out, she then raved about me to my twin sister saying stuff like "Wow, why haven't you told me about your brother? Where has he been hiding all this time! I've never seen him before, he's so cool!"
All signs indicate she's at least interested in me. So why is the "friend" basically blocking me?
If I never get an answer by Sunday, I'm going to confront the situation in an appropriate way. I'm going to say something like "Hey *girl's name*, I need to talk to you about something. I've tried contacting you different times, but *the friend's name* never seems to relay the messages to you. Is something up?"