We hung out and it was great. I think this girl is really into me based on the date (we held hands, she's always touching me) and also, every sunday she talks to me for 2-3 hours, and makes any excuse to skip class and stay and talk with me.
Things are going great, and I would even say there's potential that she could be my girlfriend if things keep on going the way they are.
A happy ending to an anxiety ridden story.
This thread is over with as far I'm concerned, the girl is perfectly straight, but just has quirky interests.
Some do (for example, I prefer women, and I'm friends with someone who prefers men). Some don't. And some are what could in a more accurate sense be called panromantic demisexuals. Ultimately, the "you prefer one over the other" argument doesn't work. Saying you can't be attracted to multiple genders at once or that there's some other problem with that because you prefer one to the other is like saying there's a problem with attracted to blondes and brunettes at the same time because you prefer one or the other. I mean, so what if you prefer one? You still like and could be happy with the other.
maybe you are right, but my point is: if you prefer women, you will never be truly happy with men, you will always crave for women and dismiss boyfriends for girlfriends.
i think the issue is a bit deeper than blondes x brunettes...
@jdi and her roommate? have you discussed the things her friend has done to prevent your relationship?
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The game is not being dumbed down. Control is doing fine; Draw-Go is not the only kind of control. Aggro is doing fine; Red Deck Wins is not the only kind of aggro. Creature combat is an important core concept and belongs in every color. Mythic rarity is not destroying the game. People whine too much for no good reason. Magic is more popular than ever, so keep calm, brew some decks and play some damn cards.
maybe you are right, but my point is: if you prefer women, you will never be truly happy with men, you will always crave for women and dismiss boyfriends for girlfriends.
I had a boyfriend once pull this on me. It was as offensive then as it is now. I've had multiple relationships with men, and you know what? I've never once felt the need to leave any for a woman. Not everyone is a shallow twit whose commitments are as fleeting as their whims.
i think the issue is a bit deeper than blondes x brunettes...
You're making this claim because you're attracted to multiple genders yourself, see it differently than I do, and want to compare and contrast the ways we see things, right? I mean, that's about the only way you could possibly get away with trying to tell me how my sexual orientation works.
I don't tell straight people how to be attracted solely to one gender. Don't tell me how to be attracted to all of them.
I had a boyfriend once pull this on me. It was as offensive then as it is now. I've had multiple relationships with men, and you know what? I've never once felt the need to leave any for a woman. Not everyone is a shallow twit whose commitments are as fleeting as their whims.
huh? it was not my intention, i sincerely apologize. anyway i merely reported a study ive read before, a study i believe.
but i drop my case your life is your own, surely you know better than me.
You're making this claim because you're attracted to multiple genders yourself, see it differently than I do, and want to compare and contrast the ways we see things, right? I mean, that's about the only way you could possibly get away with trying to tell me how my sexual orientation works.
I don't tell straight people how to be attracted solely to one gender. Don't tell me how to be attracted to all of them.
huh, no? i really dont know how you reached that conclusion but no. my main point was not how you were attracted to multiple genders, in fact it was the contrary but i digress.
anyway why dont you come play mafia? its a fun game that i think you would enjoy as you like to be part of arguments.
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The game is not being dumbed down. Control is doing fine; Draw-Go is not the only kind of control. Aggro is doing fine; Red Deck Wins is not the only kind of aggro. Creature combat is an important core concept and belongs in every color. Mythic rarity is not destroying the game. People whine too much for no good reason. Magic is more popular than ever, so keep calm, brew some decks and play some damn cards.
This story has a tragic ending. The girl and I eventually went out as boyfriend and girlfriend for a couple of months. But then she had to move back home to her home state. This was over a year ago. We talked on and off since then, but last night something devastating happened.
I texted out of the blue that she was the woman I wanted to be with. She texts me back coldly. "I'm a man."
I ask - what do you mean? She says, "I don't feel feminine. I don't feel like a girl."
She won't answer my calls or anything.
I am in dismay and shocked. I feel like someone kicked me in the gut. Like somebody shot my dog.
I wanted to marry this girl. She was beautiful and feminine. Now she's a man? What the ****.
Here's a picture of us together. Does this look like a god **** man?
All of the warning signs were there. I guess I was right.
I used to be like a lot of people on here. Then I realized, f-it. Being cool isn't lame, isn't hard. Being confident isn't impossible. Basically, I grew a set. I ditched my glasses, became cooler, stuck up for nerds. By the end of hs, I was one of the "cool" kids. I still played magic, d and d. I balanced it though. Played sports and went to parties. Found an amazing gf and blah blah blah.
I think all of these things boil down to not being a p. You can figure out what that means. Be yourself, but be outgoing.
You'll find a new chick. One that's a real girl.
All jokes aside, maybe you were attracted to her, is b/c she was so manly? No offense, but the situation bares mentioning. Good luck.
Aurelias Fury is an insane card. Aurelias Fury will be at the Pro Tour in a few weeks. There will be copies in the top 8, and you can QUOTE me on that.
This ending is hardly tragic. A person that you care very deeply for was able to admit a very difficult thing to himself, and you got to experience what it is like to be in a relationship and break up.
From here, you have two choices: To go back to the way things were before, or to learn from this experience and move on. Either way there will be a lot of heartbreak, but you can still choose how to proceed from here.
first things first. i read everything and i don't agree with most of criticism OP received from the guys here, you are still young and have some problems, but from your responses you are intelligent and will learn from your mistakes.
Now i see the "happy ending" and i need to warn you some things before you proceed.
a long time ago i dated a girl that showed great interest on me, it was nice and all but after some time she told me her big "secret", before me she had a long time relationship with another girl, apparently she was trying to turn "heterosexual" with me (her parents were very religious and would never accept her being lesbian, so she hide from everyone).
i knew that was a terrible idea, but couldn't stop myself from liking her. sometime later obviously our relation crashed.
It's absolutely normal for young lesbian gals to be confused, try to force themselves onto things that are easier to be accepted by society. But that doesn't mean anyone can turn into something they aren't, none can.
of course im not saying your relationship with this girl is doomed. but if she's a lesbian ("bisexual" girls are just girls that haven't accepted themselves yet, flames away :p) it wont end well.
take care and good luck.
Quoting oneself wholesale with no attempt to add additional content is spam. Infraction issued.
- Teia
The game is not being dumbed down. Control is doing fine; Draw-Go is not the only kind of control. Aggro is doing fine; Red Deck Wins is not the only kind of aggro. Creature combat is an important core concept and belongs in every color. Mythic rarity is not destroying the game. People whine too much for no good reason. Magic is more popular than ever, so keep calm, brew some decks and play some damn cards.
This isn't tragic. This is a pretty good turn of events.
Yeah, sadness and some embarrassment will probably exist for a little bit, but that sure beats the alternative.
Try not to take it too hard, and try to be understanding in whatever contact you may have with your buddy in the future. I'd guess this isn't the easiest thing for either of you.
This story has a tragic ending. The girl and I eventually went out as boyfriend and girlfriend for a couple of months. But then she had to move back home to her home state. This was over a year ago. We talked on and off since then, but last night something devastating happened.
I have to ask the nagging question. How did you not know she was a man if you dated for a couple of months? You are either not giving enough info (post-op) or I have to guess you never had sex, or heck saw each other naked in that amount of time. Or that she's a girl to guy and that is just not clear from your information.
But I do commend you for posting an update to a thread after a year has gone by. Not many people would have the kohonas to continue on posting the story after the initial week.
Where is linvala when you need him?
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I have to ask the nagging question. How did you not know she was a man if you dated for a couple of months? You are either not giving enough info (post-op) or I have to guess you never had sex, or heck saw each other naked in that amount of time. Or that she's a girl to guy and that is just not clear from your information.
But I do commend you for posting an update to a thread after a year has gone by. Not many people would have the kohonas to continue on posting the story after the initial week.
Where is linvala when you need him?
It's pretty obvious he turned out to be FtM from the post you responded to.
I don't get what the big deal is. Why is this embarrassing somehow? It isn't like you were, for lack of a better term, blowing on the 'ol skin whistle or anything. It isn't like it makes you gay, since that seems to be what you're worried about. Anyone who says otherwise is just trying to piss you off. Most guys in your situation would have 100% done the same thing, and they all know it.
It's a good thing that he came out though, man. Be supportive and maybe you won't lose what I can only assume was a good friend in the process of all of this. I've had some pretty rough breakups in my day, but once the dust cleared and the situation blew over, I've always done my best to at least go back and be like "Hey, it's cool, let's not waste all of those good times we had."
And most of all, you have to remember. Man or woman, they're a person, too. Treat them as such.
I find it strange that a year ago you were talking about thinking YOU might be transgender (might want to transition from male to female) and yet you make no mention of that in your post about how this girl you like turned out to be a transman (FTM) and don't react like someone who was questioning his own gender.
I find it strange that a year ago you were talking about thinking YOU might be transgender (might want to transition from male to female) and yet you make no mention of that in your post about how this girl you like turned out to be a transman (FTM) and don't react like someone who was questioning his own gender.
There are two things I'd like to say about how this turned out, or more accurately, about jdinatale's reactions.
The first is that gender perception is a powerful, powerful thing. Even if suspicion was there from the start that the person in question was a trans man, if one categorizes him as female in their minds and does so for an extended period of time, it's going to be very hard to change that perception at a later time. Not impossible, but it's often something that takes conscious effort, especially if you've never had any reason to do that before. Secondly, in response to this:
I find it strange that a year ago you were talking about thinking YOU might be transgender (might want to transition from male to female) and yet you make no mention of that in your post about how this girl you like turned out to be a transman (FTM) and don't react like someone who was questioning his own gender.
Just because someone questions their own gender doesn't mean they instantly become good at dealing with trans issues in other people. I see things like that all the time in the trans community. It's entirely plausible that jdinatale is having difficulty adjusting to the reality of the situation despite previous gender questioning.
Thanks for filling us in. I'm wondering how/what made her come to the conclusion that she wasn't a woman. We probably won't know.
For those of you more knowledgeable than I on these matters, I can understand why we would try to align the body to the brain of a person who desires what their brain is telling them, but what if she wanted to be female?
Was she dating him to test herself out? To determine if she was attracted to men or not?
I'm not trying to offend, so I hope I didn't, but I have only known/worked with a few trans people and they were all M->F.
I guess the big thing that keeps blurring in my mind is why trans vs just being gay?
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Out of the blackness and stench of the engulfing swamp emerged a shimmering figure. Only the splattered armor and ichor-stained sword hinted at the unfathomable evil the knight had just laid waste.
Thanks for filling us in. I'm wondering how/what made her come to the conclusion that she wasn't a woman. We probably won't know.
Probably something very similar to what made me come to the conclusion that I'm not a man. Outside of the direction one's going in, the differences between trans women and trans men are minimal.
As for the rest of your questions, we can only speculate. It's entirely possible that he was trying to be female, dating jdinatale as an attempt at validating that identity, only to find that it was futile... or he could have entirely different motivations. There simply isn't enough information to go on, so personally I'm just inclined to take it at face value and not try to dig deeper.
Also, gender identity is a completely independent variable from sexual orientation. Gender identity is "I am this," sexual orientation is "I am attracted to this." No intrinsic overlap between the two.
Go look up some ppl who had hormone therapy and gender reassignment surgery. Esp male to female. You'll quickly see that how the person looks doesn't matter, at all.
After reading the op, there are a couple of obvious "red flags" that she is strongly masculine. Virtually all of her interests are aligned with traditional male interests, and the way she identified herself with a male nickname is also very big.
I daresay you found yourself attracted to her because she was masculine. That doesnt mean you're gay. It merely means that you found a lot of things in common with her, far more than you might have with most other women. That and sexual attraction is sufficient.
I'd imagine her hostile response to you comes from the fact that your are trying to establish her as female when she has, after a long time of struggle and thinking, decided to identify herself as a male.
While I wouldn't go as far to call this a tragedy, I do give you my condolences. Must be a very difficult experience for you.
This story has a tragic ending. The girl and I eventually went out as boyfriend and girlfriend for a couple of months. But then she had to move back home to her home state. This was over a year ago. We talked on and off since then, but last night something devastating happened.
I texted out of the blue that she was the woman I wanted to be with. She texts me back coldly. "I'm a man."
I ask - what do you mean? She says, "I don't feel feminine. I don't feel like a girl."
She won't answer my calls or anything.
I am in dismay and shocked. I feel like someone kicked me in the gut. Like somebody shot my dog.
I wanted to marry this girl. She was beautiful and feminine. Now she's a man? What the ****.
Here's a picture of us together. Does this look like a god **** man?
All of the warning signs were there. I guess I was right.
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Things are going great, and I would even say there's potential that she could be my girlfriend if things keep on going the way they are.
A happy ending to an anxiety ridden story.
This thread is over with as far I'm concerned, the girl is perfectly straight, but just has quirky interests.
maybe you are right, but my point is: if you prefer women, you will never be truly happy with men, you will always crave for women and dismiss boyfriends for girlfriends.
i think the issue is a bit deeper than blondes x brunettes...
@jdi and her roommate? have you discussed the things her friend has done to prevent your relationship?
Mythic rarity is not destroying the game. People whine too much for no good reason. Magic is more popular than ever, so keep calm, brew some decks and play some damn cards.
I had a boyfriend once pull this on me. It was as offensive then as it is now. I've had multiple relationships with men, and you know what? I've never once felt the need to leave any for a woman. Not everyone is a shallow twit whose commitments are as fleeting as their whims.
You're making this claim because you're attracted to multiple genders yourself, see it differently than I do, and want to compare and contrast the ways we see things, right? I mean, that's about the only way you could possibly get away with trying to tell me how my sexual orientation works.
I don't tell straight people how to be attracted solely to one gender. Don't tell me how to be attracted to all of them.
huh? it was not my intention, i sincerely apologize. anyway i merely reported a study ive read before, a study i believe.
but i drop my case your life is your own, surely you know better than me.
huh, no? i really dont know how you reached that conclusion but no. my main point was not how you were attracted to multiple genders, in fact it was the contrary but i digress.
anyway why dont you come play mafia? its a fun game that i think you would enjoy as you like to be part of arguments.
Mythic rarity is not destroying the game. People whine too much for no good reason. Magic is more popular than ever, so keep calm, brew some decks and play some damn cards.
I was being sarcastic in the first paragraph of the second quote.
I texted out of the blue that she was the woman I wanted to be with. She texts me back coldly. "I'm a man."
I ask - what do you mean? She says, "I don't feel feminine. I don't feel like a girl."
She won't answer my calls or anything.
I am in dismay and shocked. I feel like someone kicked me in the gut. Like somebody shot my dog.
I wanted to marry this girl. She was beautiful and feminine. Now she's a man? What the ****.
Here's a picture of us together. Does this look like a god **** man?
All of the warning signs were there. I guess I was right.
In short, yeah bro. Sorry.
I used to be like a lot of people on here. Then I realized, f-it. Being cool isn't lame, isn't hard. Being confident isn't impossible. Basically, I grew a set. I ditched my glasses, became cooler, stuck up for nerds. By the end of hs, I was one of the "cool" kids. I still played magic, d and d. I balanced it though. Played sports and went to parties. Found an amazing gf and blah blah blah.
I think all of these things boil down to not being a p. You can figure out what that means. Be yourself, but be outgoing.
You'll find a new chick. One that's a real girl.
All jokes aside, maybe you were attracted to her, is b/c she was so manly? No offense, but the situation bares mentioning. Good luck.
From here, you have two choices: To go back to the way things were before, or to learn from this experience and move on. Either way there will be a lot of heartbreak, but you can still choose how to proceed from here.
Good luck to you, and you have my condolences.
Quoting oneself wholesale with no attempt to add additional content is spam. Infraction issued.
- Teia
Mythic rarity is not destroying the game. People whine too much for no good reason. Magic is more popular than ever, so keep calm, brew some decks and play some damn cards.
So Pro I have an alpha Volcanic Island
Yeah, sadness and some embarrassment will probably exist for a little bit, but that sure beats the alternative.
Try not to take it too hard, and try to be understanding in whatever contact you may have with your buddy in the future. I'd guess this isn't the easiest thing for either of you.
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I have to ask the nagging question. How did you not know she was a man if you dated for a couple of months? You are either not giving enough info (post-op) or I have to guess you never had sex, or heck saw each other naked in that amount of time. Or that she's a girl to guy and that is just not clear from your information.
But I do commend you for posting an update to a thread after a year has gone by. Not many people would have the kohonas to continue on posting the story after the initial week.
Where is linvala when you need him?
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It's pretty obvious he turned out to be FtM from the post you responded to.
I don't understand
so
she was a man the whole time?
It's a good thing that he came out though, man. Be supportive and maybe you won't lose what I can only assume was a good friend in the process of all of this. I've had some pretty rough breakups in my day, but once the dust cleared and the situation blew over, I've always done my best to at least go back and be like "Hey, it's cool, let's not waste all of those good times we had."
And most of all, you have to remember. Man or woman, they're a person, too. Treat them as such.
Because we care about facts.
And people say vaginas don't have magical powers?
Because we care about facts.
The first is that gender perception is a powerful, powerful thing. Even if suspicion was there from the start that the person in question was a trans man, if one categorizes him as female in their minds and does so for an extended period of time, it's going to be very hard to change that perception at a later time. Not impossible, but it's often something that takes conscious effort, especially if you've never had any reason to do that before. Secondly, in response to this:
Just because someone questions their own gender doesn't mean they instantly become good at dealing with trans issues in other people. I see things like that all the time in the trans community. It's entirely plausible that jdinatale is having difficulty adjusting to the reality of the situation despite previous gender questioning.
For those of you more knowledgeable than I on these matters, I can understand why we would try to align the body to the brain of a person who desires what their brain is telling them, but what if she wanted to be female?
Was she dating him to test herself out? To determine if she was attracted to men or not?
I'm not trying to offend, so I hope I didn't, but I have only known/worked with a few trans people and they were all M->F.
I guess the big thing that keeps blurring in my mind is why trans vs just being gay?
Trans people also believe they were not born the correct sex.
Probably something very similar to what made me come to the conclusion that I'm not a man. Outside of the direction one's going in, the differences between trans women and trans men are minimal.
As for the rest of your questions, we can only speculate. It's entirely possible that he was trying to be female, dating jdinatale as an attempt at validating that identity, only to find that it was futile... or he could have entirely different motivations. There simply isn't enough information to go on, so personally I'm just inclined to take it at face value and not try to dig deeper.
Also, gender identity is a completely independent variable from sexual orientation. Gender identity is "I am this," sexual orientation is "I am attracted to this." No intrinsic overlap between the two.
After reading the op, there are a couple of obvious "red flags" that she is strongly masculine. Virtually all of her interests are aligned with traditional male interests, and the way she identified herself with a male nickname is also very big.
I daresay you found yourself attracted to her because she was masculine. That doesnt mean you're gay. It merely means that you found a lot of things in common with her, far more than you might have with most other women. That and sexual attraction is sufficient.
I'd imagine her hostile response to you comes from the fact that your are trying to establish her as female when she has, after a long time of struggle and thinking, decided to identify herself as a male.
While I wouldn't go as far to call this a tragedy, I do give you my condolences. Must be a very difficult experience for you.