FLASHY CONTEST BANNER ART HERE(It doesn't really exist, but I'll take submissions if you're feeling artsy)
INTRO:
I'm sure some of you have seen Chopped on the Food Network. Same deal. Four contestants call on their design skills as they face off against one another to prepare a spectacular three card design extravaganza consisting of Common, Uncommon and Rare/Mythic card. The catch? In each 24 hour round, they have to use all the ingredients I provide them, however unlikely they might be (Gummi Bears, anyone?). At the end of each round, I rate the cards and "chop" one contestant who fails to measure up in terms of flavor, balance and creativity. The last contestant standing takes home bragging rights and a cool $10,000.
Contestants:
First Come First Serve. First four people to sign up are the contestants
Yeah, I think 24 hours per round would work better. Based on when you posted this, though, the time zones seem to work out, so I'm in. (Although this just makes me want the Cutthroat Kitchen card design contest :p)
Yeah, I think 24 hours per round would work better. Based on when you posted this, though, the time zones seem to work out, so I'm in. (Although this just makes me want the Cutthroat Kitchen card design contest :p)
Yeah, I think 24 hours per round would work better. Based on when you posted this, though, the time zones seem to work out, so I'm in. (Although this just makes me want the Cutthroat Kitchen card design contest :p)
With hybrid mana and Merfolk as two key ingredients, Occam's Razor leads me to one place: Shadowmoor. Sure, there are Merfolk on Ravnica that I could have referenced, but the Simic don't seem like recreational drug users of any kind.
Tobacco's tricky to use in food and just as tricky to reference on a Magic card. Gotta think of the classic flavor influence here - J.R.R. Tolkien. His hobbits loved their pipeweed. Maybe I can capture some of that idyllic pastoral idea.
So I want to make a Shadowmoor Merfolk who's pretty chilled-out, which is the opposite of the Merrow of the first Shadowmoor mini-block set. Gotta go to Eventide... which is thankfully one of my favorite sets. The Selkies were sort of mellow to begin with. I have this image of the hookah-smoking caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland, offering guests a chance at brief respite and always down for a drag from the old pipe himself.
I think I need to go to a pretty fringe effect for both hybridized colors here - Defensive Stance and Alpha Kavu are my precedent.
Lounging Selkie2(G/U)(G/U)
Creature - Merfolk Rogue (C)
Flash
When Lounging Selkie enters the battlefield, creatures target player controls get -1/+1 until end of turn. (G/U): Lounging Selkie gets -1/+1 until end of turn. "Stay a while and smoke with me, won't you?"
2/2
Well, I admit I'm a little thrown, but that's okay. Tobacco takes my mind straight to trading, and with merfolk in the mix that means sea voyages. I'm looking at something like a W/U merfolk merchant, a U/R merfolk pirate, or maybe a W/U merchant ship that has to fend off merfolk pirates.
Of the three concepts, the pirate most appeals to me. I can talk about how lucrative tobacco trading routes mean heavily laden ships to plunder, and U/R merfolk is hopefully a bit novel. That also means my mechanical design is pretty free, provided I hit that merfolk pirate flavour. Merfolk pirates should probably be pretty small and cheap, so I jot down something like
Merfolk Pirate2(U/R)
Creature - Merfolk Pirate {C}
<some abilities>
2/1 The sea route for tobacco may be lucrative, but ships laden with profits make tempting targets for raiders.
I really want to get some mechanical zing here, and obviously I need a better name, but I'm pretty happy with this as a framework. Traditionally pirates loot on combat damage, and that does fit in blue/red, but I've got plenty of hours yet so I'm wondering if I can find something more exciting. Overlapping blue and red design space is infamously difficult to find, so maybe what I want to do is put some activated abilities on here, like so
Merfolk Pirate2(U/R)
Creature - Merfolk Pirate {C} 1U: Merfolk pirate can't be blocked this turn. 1R: <some ability>
2/1 The sea route for tobacco may be lucrative, but ships laden with profits make tempting targets for raiders.
I feel like this is coming together pretty nicely. The two activated abilities go well with the hybrid cost - you want to be in UR to play this, but you're not too sorry if you pick it in blue or red. Now I just need something for the red ability and we'll really be cooking. I could go with firebreathing, but that doesn't suit the flavour and it's risky to combine that with unblockable at common. I don't want to use a combat keyword like first strike because then it won't combo well with the blue ability. So I go and look through some cards, and 'switch this creature's power and toughness until end of turn' catches my eye. What if I give this pirate some more defensive stats with the ability to switch? That would go really well with the blue ability, too. Now we have something a little like this.
Merfolk Pirate2(U/R)
Creature - Merfolk Pirate {C} 1U: Merfolk pirate can't be blocked this turn. 1R: Switch Merfolk Pirate's power and toughness until end of turn.
1/3 The sea route for tobacco may be lucrative, but ships laden with profits make tempting targets for raiders.
Looking pretty okay - now I just need a name and then I can leave it to stew for a while before coming back to review. Let's go with Scurzan Marauder for now. And there it is, ready to go in the fridge to cool.
Scurzan Marauder2(U/R)
Creature - Merfolk Pirate {C} 1U: Scurzan Marauder can't be blocked this turn. 1R: Switch Scurzan Marauder's power and toughness until end of turn.
1/3 The sea route for tobacco may be lucrative, but ships laden with profits make tempting targets for raiders.
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Call me Fortuna, please. Ms. Imperatrix Mundi is the empress of the world.
Well, I admit I'm a little thrown, but that's okay. Tobacco takes my mind straight to trading, and with merfolk in the mix that means sea voyages. I'm looking at something like a W/U merfolk merchant, a U/R merfolk pirate, or maybe a W/U merchant ship that has to fend off merfolk pirates.
Of the three concepts, the pirate most appeals to me. I can talk about how lucrative tobacco trading routes mean heavily laden ships to plunder, and U/R merfolk is hopefully a bit novel. That also means my mechanical design is pretty free, provided I hit that merfolk pirate flavour. Merfolk pirates should probably be pretty small and cheap, so I jot down something like
Merfolk Pirate2(U/R)
Creature - Merfolk Pirate {C}
<some abilities>
2/1 The sea route for tobacco may be lucrative, but ships laden with profits make tempting targets for raiders.
I really want to get some mechanical zing here, and obviously I need a better name, but I'm pretty happy with this as a framework. Traditionally pirates loot on combat damage, and that does fit in blue/red, but I've got plenty of hours yet so I'm wondering if I can find something more exciting. Overlapping blue and red design space is infamously difficult to find, so maybe what I want to do is put some activated abilities on here, like so
Merfolk Pirate2(U/R)
Creature - Merfolk Pirate {C} 1U: Merfolk pirate can't be blocked this turn. 1R: <some ability>
2/1 The sea route for tobacco may be lucrative, but ships laden with profits make tempting targets for raiders.
I feel like this is coming together pretty nicely. The two activated abilities go well with the hybrid cost - you want to be in UR to play this, but you're not too sorry if you pick it in blue or red. Now I just need something for the red ability and we'll really be cooking. I could go with firebreathing, but that doesn't suit the flavour and it's risky to combine that with unblockable at common. I don't want to use a combat keyword like first strike because then it won't combo well with the blue ability. So I go and look through some cards, and 'switch this creature's power and toughness until end of turn' catches my eye. What if I give this pirate some more defensive stats with the ability to switch? That would go really well with the blue ability, too. Now we have something a little like this.
Merfolk Pirate2(U/R)
Creature - Merfolk Pirate {C} 1U: Merfolk pirate can't be blocked this turn. 1R: Switch Merfolk Pirate's power and toughness until end of turn.
1/3 The sea route for tobacco may be lucrative, but ships laden with profits make tempting targets for raiders.
Looking pretty okay - now I just need a name and then I can leave it to stew for a while before coming back to review. Let's go with Scurzan Marauder for now. And there it is, ready to go in the fridge to cool.
Scurzan Marauder2(U/R)
Creature - Merfolk Pirate {C} 1U: Scurzan Marauder can't be blocked this turn. 1R: Switch Scurzan Marauder's power and toughness until end of turn.
1/3 The sea route for tobacco may be lucrative, but ships laden with profits make tempting targets for raiders.
Shoot maybe I should award extra points for narration. It's nice to read people's design-thought process. Maybe next competition.
Okay, let's consider what we have here. First association with tobacco in fantasy world? Pipe. Smoking merfolks? Easy - just use the bubbles instead of weed and no problems with underwater smoking. So name and creature type will be...
Bubblepipe Elder
Creature - Merfolk (C)
And next... I adore Lorwyn/Shadowmoor merfolks and remember they were in Esper colors, so...
Bubblepipe ElderU(W/B)
Creature - Merfolk (C)
What about abilities? What bubbles can be used to? Hmmm.
First: I don't like use complex and repeatable effects to commons (that's why MaRo says commons are hadrest cards to design, that's right).
Second: I used three colors for mana cost to create an unique combination - it should remind you about good old Alara times and Blade cycle. Remember? Good.
Third: this ability should fit Esper colors, without any artifacts but with BUBBLES! What comes to mind? Protection? Hexproof? Preventing damage? Flying? Hmmm.
Damn right. Blue: give flying to others. White: special condition and mass effect. Black? Small flyers. And remember? No repeats.
Bubblepipe ElderU(W/B)
Creature - Merfolk (C)
When Bubblepipe Elder enters the battlefield, any number of target creatures with total power 2 or less gain flying until end of turn.
Plus stats. No more than 1/2 for blue 2CMC common with ability. Even multicolored.
Bubblepipe ElderU(W/B)
Creature - Merfolk (C)
When Bubblepipe Elder enters the battlefield, any number of target creatures with total power 2 or less gain flying until end of turn.
1/2
Aaand flavor text. I really adore wordplay and use it every time I can not even being an English native.
So final solution is...
Bubblepipe ElderU(W/B)
Creature - Merfolk (C)
When Bubblepipe Elder enters the battlefield, any number of target creatures with total power 2 or less gain flying until end of turn. You should be this old to start babbling about others' weaknesses.
1/2
Well, I admit I'm a little thrown, but that's okay. Tobacco takes my mind straight to trading, and with merfolk in the mix that means sea voyages. I'm looking at something like a W/U merfolk merchant, a U/R merfolk pirate, or maybe a W/U merchant ship that has to fend off merfolk pirates.
Of the three concepts, the pirate most appeals to me. I can talk about how lucrative tobacco trading routes mean heavily laden ships to plunder, and U/R merfolk is hopefully a bit novel. That also means my mechanical design is pretty free, provided I hit that merfolk pirate flavour. Merfolk pirates should probably be pretty small and cheap, so I jot down something like
Merfolk Pirate2(U/R)
Creature - Merfolk Pirate {C}
<some abilities>
2/1 The sea route for tobacco may be lucrative, but ships laden with profits make tempting targets for raiders.
I really want to get some mechanical zing here, and obviously I need a better name, but I'm pretty happy with this as a framework. Traditionally pirates loot on combat damage, and that does fit in blue/red, but I've got plenty of hours yet so I'm wondering if I can find something more exciting. Overlapping blue and red design space is infamously difficult to find, so maybe what I want to do is put some activated abilities on here, like so
Merfolk Pirate2(U/R)
Creature - Merfolk Pirate {C} 1U: Merfolk pirate can't be blocked this turn. 1R: <some ability>
2/1 The sea route for tobacco may be lucrative, but ships laden with profits make tempting targets for raiders.
I feel like this is coming together pretty nicely. The two activated abilities go well with the hybrid cost - you want to be in UR to play this, but you're not too sorry if you pick it in blue or red. Now I just need something for the red ability and we'll really be cooking. I could go with firebreathing, but that doesn't suit the flavour and it's risky to combine that with unblockable at common. I don't want to use a combat keyword like first strike because then it won't combo well with the blue ability. So I go and look through some cards, and 'switch this creature's power and toughness until end of turn' catches my eye. What if I give this pirate some more defensive stats with the ability to switch? That would go really well with the blue ability, too. Now we have something a little like this.
Merfolk Pirate2(U/R)
Creature - Merfolk Pirate {C} 1U: Merfolk pirate can't be blocked this turn. 1R: Switch Merfolk Pirate's power and toughness until end of turn.
1/3 The sea route for tobacco may be lucrative, but ships laden with profits make tempting targets for raiders.
Looking pretty okay - now I just need a name and then I can leave it to stew for a while before coming back to review. Let's go with Scurzan Marauder for now. And there it is, ready to go in the fridge to cool.
Scurzan Marauder2(U/R)
Creature - Merfolk Pirate {C} 1U: Scurzan Marauder can't be blocked this turn. 1R: Switch Scurzan Marauder's power and toughness until end of turn.
1/3 The sea route for tobacco may be lucrative, but ships laden with profits make tempting targets for raiders.
Alright, so I come back the next day, less than an hour on the clock, and give it a once-over. There's two things that kind of stand out to me. First, this isn't a great card - people aren't going to be picking this too highly. It wants a small boost to really shine, so I tweak the power up to 2. Second, the flavour text is a little awkward, so I tidy that up some.
Scurzan Marauder2(U/R)
Creature - Merfolk Pirate {C} 1U: Scurzan Marauder can't be blocked this turn. 1R: Switch Scurzan Marauder's power and toughness until end of turn.
2/3 Trade ships heavy with tobacco profits make tempting targets for raiders.
I'm feeling pretty pleased with myself, except - oh dear. Now the power/toughness switch is just +1/-1. That's not super exciting. There's a couple of things I can do here, but the obvious one is just to bump the cost one and bump the toughness one. It might seem like not much has changed, but now it's potentially a 4/2 unblockable every turn in the late game - worth having for Limited, even if it's not good enough for Constructed. With that in mind I lay out my final presentation and stand away from the workbench.
Scurzan Marauder3(U/R)
Creature - Merfolk Pirate {C} 1U: Scurzan Marauder can't be blocked this turn. 1R: Switch Scurzan Marauder's power and toughness until end of turn.
2/4 Trade ships heavy with tobacco profits make tempting targets for raiders.
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Call me Fortuna, please. Ms. Imperatrix Mundi is the empress of the world.
Ok, for the first round we had Merfolk, Hybrid Mana and Tobacco.
Designer Void, you made a Lounging Selkie with flash and a targeted shape shift. Flavorfully you nailed it. You painted a vivid picture that I was able to imagine artwork for without even reading your design notes. I was a bit disappointed that the pipe smoking merfolk that I was envisioning wasn't quite as mysterious in the rules text as he could have been, but again it's a common level card so we can't get too complicated. I think you did an excellent job using the colors of the hybrid mana here, -1/+1 is just about the quintessential UG buff. The fact that it has flash, makes it flexible and double as a combat trick. The cost is spot on. Overall, very good job.
Next we have Designer F.I.M., who made us an interesting Scurzan Marauder. Functionally, it is a solid card, in fact maybe a bit too solid late game. I like it's flexibility and ability to adapt, but I was pretty disappointed with how tobacco was used in this card. Almost like an afterthought. I know you were worried about it's playability in constructed, but I think this is a solid solid limited playable, even with out swapping it's P/T.
Our third card is from Designer Stoner, an Oracle of Mystic Smoke. I love the concept behind this card, a merfolk, just blowing smoke... or fog... or vapor... UG is a great color for this effect, but I'm a bit worried that there aren't enough limitations on the activated ability and it could lock down things later. Most instances of that can target either the controller's or the opponent's creature only, but not both. Yes, there are universal damage nerfs like fog, but targeted could get dangerous with out a tap. That being said, I think the cost for the activated ability was high enough to keep it in check, but I might have liked it a bit better with a 3(U/G)(U/G) cost. Overall, good body and great job.
Our final card was from Designer Chan who gave us Bubble Pipe Elder. My first reaction to this card name was literally those plastic smoking pipes I had as kid that blew bubbles out of them while I wore over-sized tweed blazers. It's kind of tough to get that taste out of my mouth. Looking at the other aspects of this card, at first glance, the ETB ability is cool and a great effect for the colors you chose, but then I re-read it and realized it said total power of 2, which kind of disappointed me because for some reason I got in my head it was going to be any creatures with power two or less. I get that it should be targeted based on your flavor, but it's a bit underwhelming. The body size is good, but at that cost I think the ability could have been stronger or the CMC raised to make that ability a bit more tasty.
As you know, this is an elimination driven contest, so once the judge (me) makes their decision, we will have to politely walk one of you out of this contest. Thank you designers.
So I started off giving the designers some interesting ingredients. Merfolk are a magic staple, but still haven't seen a huge amount of design support. The most intensive approach to Merfolk, was in Lorwyn/Shadowmoor and naturally most of our designers used that for a bit of inspiration. As far as the Merfolk ingredient went, I really think each of the designers used merfolk well enough. Hybrid mana was used, but no one really innovated with it. It was interesting how the different designers utilized this challenging ingredient and some did it better than others. Most of the abilities were useful and playable, but really in the end there was one card that lacked the strength and flavor to move on to the next round.
Chef Chan. You are chopped. The card lacked flavor and playability. A multicolor common is allowed more benefits then was granted and it felt rushed. You just narrowly made the deadline and because of all these reasons, your card is chopped. Thanks for participating and best of luck to you in your future endeavors
You may say a few words to your competitors before you are escorted out.
Can't say I didn't see that coming.
I personally prefer Italian cooking, but whatever. Do your best and do it fast until the ingredients are fresh enough.
All right, Dinosaurs! This is my wheelhouse. I took paleontology courses, for cryin' out loud! Not that those much matter in fantasy, especially in Magic...
ETB effects are the easiest part of the challenge. I'll figure out the exact effect I need once I build the flavor of my card.
Anyway, Dinosaurs in Magic are usually Lizard or Lizard Beast on the typeline. Once upon a time Pygmy Allosaurus was a Dinosaur and there's Old Fogey, but that's about all. I'm not picturing a sapient being here; to really feel like a dino this has to be a feral creature. Which means no self-administered fantastickal-Alka-Seltzer; I'm more feeling a dino made of bubbles.
Alka-Seltzer's primary function is technically curing stomach ills, but I'm gonna go more for the physical properties of the stuff - it reacts with water to make an unpredictable mass of volatile bubbles. So red, with a splash of blue, should be my colors. And Elemental Lizard is the type.
What's a way to generate something unpredictable in Magic? Well, there's coin flips, or random discard... but the right choice here seems to be library shuffling. At uncommon, it's also easy to use more complex bases for potentially powerful effects like this.
The Kavu were kinda, well... Dinosaurian, right? Let's try to homage Flametongue Kavu a little.
Effervescent Deinonychus4R
Creature - Elemental Lizard (U)
When Effervescent Deinonychus enters the battlefield, shuffle your library, then reveal the top card. Effervescent Deinonychus deals damage equal to that card's converted mana cost to target creature. 4U: Return Effervecent Deinonychus to its owner's hand. It wants to make you go pop.
5/1
Unfortunately I don't have time to do a narration (or, honestly, much design work) today, so I'll just have to leave you with an entry.
Soothing Remedies4G
Enchantment {U}
Whenever a creature enters the battlefield under your control, target creature you control gains indestructible until end of turn. The saurian mystics understand that every being carries the balm for another's pain, whether an unsettled stomach or a heart-rending grief.
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Call me Fortuna, please. Ms. Imperatrix Mundi is the empress of the world.
INTRO:
I'm sure some of you have seen Chopped on the Food Network. Same deal. Four contestants call on their design skills as they face off against one another to prepare a spectacular three card design extravaganza consisting of Common, Uncommon and Rare/Mythic card. The catch? In each 24 hour round, they have to use all the ingredients I provide them, however unlikely they might be (Gummi Bears, anyone?). At the end of each round, I rate the cards and "chop" one contestant who fails to measure up in terms of flavor, balance and creativity. The last contestant standing takes home bragging rights
and a cool $10,000.Contestants:
First Come First Serve. First four people to sign up are the contestants
1. void_nothing
2. Raptorchan3. FortunaImperatrixMundi4. StonerOfKruphix
Ingredients:
Round 1:
Round 3:
Cards:
RESERVED
I̟̥͍̠ͅn̩͉̣͍̬͚ͅ ̬̬͖t̯̹̞̺͖͓̯̤h̘͍̬e͙̯͈̖̼̮ ̭̬f̺̲̲̪i͙͉̟̩̰r̪̝͚͈̝̥͍̝̲s̼̻͇̘̳͔ͅt̲̺̳̗̜̪̙ ̳̺̥̻͚̗ͅm̜̜̟̰͈͓͎͇o̝̖̮̝͇m̯̻̞̼̫̗͓̤e̩̯̬̮̩n͎̱̪̲̹͖t͇̖s̰̮ͅ,̤̲͙̻̭̻̯̹̰ ̖t̫̙̺̯͖͚̯ͅh͙̯̦̳̗̰̟e͖̪͉̼̯ ̪͕g̞̣͔a̗̦t̬̬͓͙̫̖̭̻e̩̻̯ ̜̖̦̖̤̭͙̬t̞̹̥̪͎͉ͅo͕͚͍͇̲͇͓̺ ̭̬͙͈̣̻t͈͍͙͓̫̖͙̩h̪̬̖̙e̗͈ ̗̬̟̞̺̤͉̯ͅa̦̯͚̙̜̮f͉͙̲̣̞̼t̪̤̞̣͚e̲͉̳̥r͇̪̙͚͓l̥̞̞͎̹̯̹ͅi͓̬f̮̥̬̞͈ͅe͎ ̟̩̤̳̠̯̩̯o̮̘̲p̟͚̣̞͉͓e͍̩̣n͔̼͕͚̜e̬̱d̼̘͎̖̹͍̮̠,͖̺̭̱̮ ̣̲͖̬̪̭̥a̪͚n̟̲̝̤̤̞̗d̘̱̗͇̮͕̳͕͔ ͖̞͉͎t̹̙͎h̰̱͉̗e̪̞̱̝̹̩ͅ ̠̱̩̭̦p̯̙e͓o̳͚̰̯̺̱̰͔̘p̬͎̱̣̼̩͇l̗̟̖͚̠e̱͉͔̱̦̬̟̙ ̖͚̪͔̼̦w̺̖̤̱e͖̗̻̦͓̖̘̜r̭̥e͔̹̫̱͕̦̰͕ ̗͔̠p̠̗͍͍̱̳̠r̰͔͎̰o͉̥͓̰͚̥s̟͚̹̱͔̣t͉̙̳̖͖̪̮r̥̘̥͙̹a͉̟̫̟̳̠̟̭t͈̜̰͈͎e̞̣̭̲̬ ͚̗̯̟͙i͍͖̰̘̦͖͉ṇ̮̻̯̦̲̩͍ ̦̮͚̫̤t͉͖̫͕ͅͅh͙̮̻̘̣̮̼e͕̺ ͙l͕̠͎̰̥i̲͓͉̲g̫̳̟͈͇̖h̠̦̖t͓̯͎̗ ̳̪̘̟̙̩̦o̫̲f̙͔̰̙̠ ̹̪̗͇̯t͖̼̼͉͖̬h̹͇̩e͚̖̺̤͉̹͕̪ ͚͓̭̝̺G͎̗̯̩o̫̯̮̟̮̳̘d̜̲͙̠-̩̳̯̲̗̜P̹̘̥͉̝h͍͈̗̖̝ͅa͍̗̮̼̗r̜̖͇̙̺a̭̺͔̞̳͈o̪̣͓̯̬͙̯̰̗h̖̦͈̥̯͔.͇̣̙̝
(though 12 hours per round may be tough due to different time zones, you know)
I'm definitely glad for 24 hour rounds as well.
I̟̥͍̠ͅn̩͉̣͍̬͚ͅ ̬̬͖t̯̹̞̺͖͓̯̤h̘͍̬e͙̯͈̖̼̮ ̭̬f̺̲̲̪i͙͉̟̩̰r̪̝͚͈̝̥͍̝̲s̼̻͇̘̳͔ͅt̲̺̳̗̜̪̙ ̳̺̥̻͚̗ͅm̜̜̟̰͈͓͎͇o̝̖̮̝͇m̯̻̞̼̫̗͓̤e̩̯̬̮̩n͎̱̪̲̹͖t͇̖s̰̮ͅ,̤̲͙̻̭̻̯̹̰ ̖t̫̙̺̯͖͚̯ͅh͙̯̦̳̗̰̟e͖̪͉̼̯ ̪͕g̞̣͔a̗̦t̬̬͓͙̫̖̭̻e̩̻̯ ̜̖̦̖̤̭͙̬t̞̹̥̪͎͉ͅo͕͚͍͇̲͇͓̺ ̭̬͙͈̣̻t͈͍͙͓̫̖͙̩h̪̬̖̙e̗͈ ̗̬̟̞̺̤͉̯ͅa̦̯͚̙̜̮f͉͙̲̣̞̼t̪̤̞̣͚e̲͉̳̥r͇̪̙͚͓l̥̞̞͎̹̯̹ͅi͓̬f̮̥̬̞͈ͅe͎ ̟̩̤̳̠̯̩̯o̮̘̲p̟͚̣̞͉͓e͍̩̣n͔̼͕͚̜e̬̱d̼̘͎̖̹͍̮̠,͖̺̭̱̮ ̣̲͖̬̪̭̥a̪͚n̟̲̝̤̤̞̗d̘̱̗͇̮͕̳͕͔ ͖̞͉͎t̹̙͎h̰̱͉̗e̪̞̱̝̹̩ͅ ̠̱̩̭̦p̯̙e͓o̳͚̰̯̺̱̰͔̘p̬͎̱̣̼̩͇l̗̟̖͚̠e̱͉͔̱̦̬̟̙ ̖͚̪͔̼̦w̺̖̤̱e͖̗̻̦͓̖̘̜r̭̥e͔̹̫̱͕̦̰͕ ̗͔̠p̠̗͍͍̱̳̠r̰͔͎̰o͉̥͓̰͚̥s̟͚̹̱͔̣t͉̙̳̖͖̪̮r̥̘̥͙̹a͉̟̫̟̳̠̟̭t͈̜̰͈͎e̞̣̭̲̬ ͚̗̯̟͙i͍͖̰̘̦͖͉ṇ̮̻̯̦̲̩͍ ̦̮͚̫̤t͉͖̫͕ͅͅh͙̮̻̘̣̮̼e͕̺ ͙l͕̠͎̰̥i̲͓͉̲g̫̳̟͈͇̖h̠̦̖t͓̯͎̗ ̳̪̘̟̙̩̦o̫̲f̙͔̰̙̠ ̹̪̗͇̯t͖̼̼͉͖̬h̹͇̩e͚̖̺̤͉̹͕̪ ͚͓̭̝̺G͎̗̯̩o̫̯̮̟̮̳̘d̜̲͙̠-̩̳̯̲̗̜P̹̘̥͉̝h͍͈̗̖̝ͅa͍̗̮̼̗r̜̖͇̙̺a̭̺͔̞̳͈o̪̣͓̯̬͙̯̰̗h̖̦͈̥̯͔.͇̣̙̝
The ingredients are:
Feel free to narrate your design process in Chopped fashion (not required at all and there will be no bonus points awarded for such narration)
GO!
It MUST be common. Merfolk, Hybrid and Tobacco must all be incorporated into the design. How you do that is up to you.
With hybrid mana and Merfolk as two key ingredients, Occam's Razor leads me to one place: Shadowmoor. Sure, there are Merfolk on Ravnica that I could have referenced, but the Simic don't seem like recreational drug users of any kind.
Tobacco's tricky to use in food and just as tricky to reference on a Magic card. Gotta think of the classic flavor influence here - J.R.R. Tolkien. His hobbits loved their pipeweed. Maybe I can capture some of that idyllic pastoral idea.
So I want to make a Shadowmoor Merfolk who's pretty chilled-out, which is the opposite of the Merrow of the first Shadowmoor mini-block set. Gotta go to Eventide... which is thankfully one of my favorite sets. The Selkies were sort of mellow to begin with. I have this image of the hookah-smoking caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland, offering guests a chance at brief respite and always down for a drag from the old pipe himself.
I think I need to go to a pretty fringe effect for both hybridized colors here - Defensive Stance and Alpha Kavu are my precedent.
Creature - Merfolk Rogue (C)
Flash
When Lounging Selkie enters the battlefield, creatures target player controls get -1/+1 until end of turn.
(G/U): Lounging Selkie gets -1/+1 until end of turn.
"Stay a while and smoke with me, won't you?"
2/2
I̟̥͍̠ͅn̩͉̣͍̬͚ͅ ̬̬͖t̯̹̞̺͖͓̯̤h̘͍̬e͙̯͈̖̼̮ ̭̬f̺̲̲̪i͙͉̟̩̰r̪̝͚͈̝̥͍̝̲s̼̻͇̘̳͔ͅt̲̺̳̗̜̪̙ ̳̺̥̻͚̗ͅm̜̜̟̰͈͓͎͇o̝̖̮̝͇m̯̻̞̼̫̗͓̤e̩̯̬̮̩n͎̱̪̲̹͖t͇̖s̰̮ͅ,̤̲͙̻̭̻̯̹̰ ̖t̫̙̺̯͖͚̯ͅh͙̯̦̳̗̰̟e͖̪͉̼̯ ̪͕g̞̣͔a̗̦t̬̬͓͙̫̖̭̻e̩̻̯ ̜̖̦̖̤̭͙̬t̞̹̥̪͎͉ͅo͕͚͍͇̲͇͓̺ ̭̬͙͈̣̻t͈͍͙͓̫̖͙̩h̪̬̖̙e̗͈ ̗̬̟̞̺̤͉̯ͅa̦̯͚̙̜̮f͉͙̲̣̞̼t̪̤̞̣͚e̲͉̳̥r͇̪̙͚͓l̥̞̞͎̹̯̹ͅi͓̬f̮̥̬̞͈ͅe͎ ̟̩̤̳̠̯̩̯o̮̘̲p̟͚̣̞͉͓e͍̩̣n͔̼͕͚̜e̬̱d̼̘͎̖̹͍̮̠,͖̺̭̱̮ ̣̲͖̬̪̭̥a̪͚n̟̲̝̤̤̞̗d̘̱̗͇̮͕̳͕͔ ͖̞͉͎t̹̙͎h̰̱͉̗e̪̞̱̝̹̩ͅ ̠̱̩̭̦p̯̙e͓o̳͚̰̯̺̱̰͔̘p̬͎̱̣̼̩͇l̗̟̖͚̠e̱͉͔̱̦̬̟̙ ̖͚̪͔̼̦w̺̖̤̱e͖̗̻̦͓̖̘̜r̭̥e͔̹̫̱͕̦̰͕ ̗͔̠p̠̗͍͍̱̳̠r̰͔͎̰o͉̥͓̰͚̥s̟͚̹̱͔̣t͉̙̳̖͖̪̮r̥̘̥͙̹a͉̟̫̟̳̠̟̭t͈̜̰͈͎e̞̣̭̲̬ ͚̗̯̟͙i͍͖̰̘̦͖͉ṇ̮̻̯̦̲̩͍ ̦̮͚̫̤t͉͖̫͕ͅͅh͙̮̻̘̣̮̼e͕̺ ͙l͕̠͎̰̥i̲͓͉̲g̫̳̟͈͇̖h̠̦̖t͓̯͎̗ ̳̪̘̟̙̩̦o̫̲f̙͔̰̙̠ ̹̪̗͇̯t͖̼̼͉͖̬h̹͇̩e͚̖̺̤͉̹͕̪ ͚͓̭̝̺G͎̗̯̩o̫̯̮̟̮̳̘d̜̲͙̠-̩̳̯̲̗̜P̹̘̥͉̝h͍͈̗̖̝ͅa͍̗̮̼̗r̜̖͇̙̺a̭̺͔̞̳͈o̪̣͓̯̬͙̯̰̗h̖̦͈̥̯͔.͇̣̙̝
Of the three concepts, the pirate most appeals to me. I can talk about how lucrative tobacco trading routes mean heavily laden ships to plunder, and U/R merfolk is hopefully a bit novel. That also means my mechanical design is pretty free, provided I hit that merfolk pirate flavour. Merfolk pirates should probably be pretty small and cheap, so I jot down something like
Merfolk Pirate 2(U/R)
Creature - Merfolk Pirate {C}
<some abilities>
2/1
The sea route for tobacco may be lucrative, but ships laden with profits make tempting targets for raiders.
I really want to get some mechanical zing here, and obviously I need a better name, but I'm pretty happy with this as a framework. Traditionally pirates loot on combat damage, and that does fit in blue/red, but I've got plenty of hours yet so I'm wondering if I can find something more exciting. Overlapping blue and red design space is infamously difficult to find, so maybe what I want to do is put some activated abilities on here, like so
Merfolk Pirate 2(U/R)
Creature - Merfolk Pirate {C}
1U: Merfolk pirate can't be blocked this turn.
1R: <some ability>
2/1
The sea route for tobacco may be lucrative, but ships laden with profits make tempting targets for raiders.
I feel like this is coming together pretty nicely. The two activated abilities go well with the hybrid cost - you want to be in UR to play this, but you're not too sorry if you pick it in blue or red. Now I just need something for the red ability and we'll really be cooking. I could go with firebreathing, but that doesn't suit the flavour and it's risky to combine that with unblockable at common. I don't want to use a combat keyword like first strike because then it won't combo well with the blue ability. So I go and look through some cards, and 'switch this creature's power and toughness until end of turn' catches my eye. What if I give this pirate some more defensive stats with the ability to switch? That would go really well with the blue ability, too. Now we have something a little like this.
Merfolk Pirate 2(U/R)
Creature - Merfolk Pirate {C}
1U: Merfolk pirate can't be blocked this turn.
1R: Switch Merfolk Pirate's power and toughness until end of turn.
1/3
The sea route for tobacco may be lucrative, but ships laden with profits make tempting targets for raiders.
Looking pretty okay - now I just need a name and then I can leave it to stew for a while before coming back to review. Let's go with Scurzan Marauder for now. And there it is, ready to go in the fridge to cool.
Scurzan Marauder 2(U/R)
Creature - Merfolk Pirate {C}
1U: Scurzan Marauder can't be blocked this turn.
1R: Switch Scurzan Marauder's power and toughness until end of turn.
1/3
The sea route for tobacco may be lucrative, but ships laden with profits make tempting targets for raiders.
Okay, let's consider what we have here. First association with tobacco in fantasy world? Pipe. Smoking merfolks? Easy - just use the bubbles instead of weed and no problems with underwater smoking. So name and creature type will be...
Bubblepipe Elder
Creature - Merfolk (C)
And next... I adore Lorwyn/Shadowmoor merfolks and remember they were in Esper colors, so...
Bubblepipe Elder U(W/B)
Creature - Merfolk (C)
What about abilities? What bubbles can be used to? Hmmm.
First: I don't like use complex and repeatable effects to commons (that's why MaRo says commons are hadrest cards to design, that's right).
Second: I used three colors for mana cost to create an unique combination - it should remind you about good old Alara times and Blade cycle. Remember? Good.
Third: this ability should fit Esper colors, without any artifacts but with BUBBLES! What comes to mind? Protection? Hexproof? Preventing damage? Flying? Hmmm.
Damn right. Blue: give flying to others. White: special condition and mass effect. Black? Small flyers. And remember? No repeats.
Bubblepipe Elder U(W/B)
Creature - Merfolk (C)
When Bubblepipe Elder enters the battlefield, any number of target creatures with total power 2 or less gain flying until end of turn.
Plus stats. No more than 1/2 for blue 2CMC common with ability. Even multicolored.
Bubblepipe Elder U(W/B)
Creature - Merfolk (C)
When Bubblepipe Elder enters the battlefield, any number of target creatures with total power 2 or less gain flying until end of turn.
1/2
Aaand flavor text. I really adore wordplay and use it every time I can not even being an English native.
So final solution is...
Creature - Merfolk (C)
When Bubblepipe Elder enters the battlefield, any number of target creatures with total power 2 or less gain flying until end of turn.
You should be this old to start babbling about others' weaknesses.
1/2
Scurzan Marauder 2(U/R)
Creature - Merfolk Pirate {C}
1U: Scurzan Marauder can't be blocked this turn.
1R: Switch Scurzan Marauder's power and toughness until end of turn.
2/3
Trade ships heavy with tobacco profits make tempting targets for raiders.
I'm feeling pretty pleased with myself, except - oh dear. Now the power/toughness switch is just +1/-1. That's not super exciting. There's a couple of things I can do here, but the obvious one is just to bump the cost one and bump the toughness one. It might seem like not much has changed, but now it's potentially a 4/2 unblockable every turn in the late game - worth having for Limited, even if it's not good enough for Constructed. With that in mind I lay out my final presentation and stand away from the workbench.
Scurzan Marauder 3(U/R)
Creature - Merfolk Pirate {C}
1U: Scurzan Marauder can't be blocked this turn.
1R: Switch Scurzan Marauder's power and toughness until end of turn.
2/4
Trade ships heavy with tobacco profits make tempting targets for raiders.
Judging commencing
Designer Void, you made a Lounging Selkie with flash and a targeted shape shift. Flavorfully you nailed it. You painted a vivid picture that I was able to imagine artwork for without even reading your design notes. I was a bit disappointed that the pipe smoking merfolk that I was envisioning wasn't quite as mysterious in the rules text as he could have been, but again it's a common level card so we can't get too complicated. I think you did an excellent job using the colors of the hybrid mana here, -1/+1 is just about the quintessential UG buff. The fact that it has flash, makes it flexible and double as a combat trick. The cost is spot on. Overall, very good job.
Next we have Designer F.I.M., who made us an interesting Scurzan Marauder. Functionally, it is a solid card, in fact maybe a bit too solid late game. I like it's flexibility and ability to adapt, but I was pretty disappointed with how tobacco was used in this card. Almost like an afterthought. I know you were worried about it's playability in constructed, but I think this is a solid solid limited playable, even with out swapping it's P/T.
Our third card is from Designer Stoner, an Oracle of Mystic Smoke. I love the concept behind this card, a merfolk, just blowing smoke... or fog... or vapor... UG is a great color for this effect, but I'm a bit worried that there aren't enough limitations on the activated ability and it could lock down things later. Most instances of that can target either the controller's or the opponent's creature only, but not both. Yes, there are universal damage nerfs like fog, but targeted could get dangerous with out a tap. That being said, I think the cost for the activated ability was high enough to keep it in check, but I might have liked it a bit better with a 3(U/G)(U/G) cost. Overall, good body and great job.
Our final card was from Designer Chan who gave us Bubble Pipe Elder. My first reaction to this card name was literally those plastic smoking pipes I had as kid that blew bubbles out of them while I wore over-sized tweed blazers. It's kind of tough to get that taste out of my mouth. Looking at the other aspects of this card, at first glance, the ETB ability is cool and a great effect for the colors you chose, but then I re-read it and realized it said total power of 2, which kind of disappointed me because for some reason I got in my head it was going to be any creatures with power two or less. I get that it should be targeted based on your flavor, but it's a bit underwhelming. The body size is good, but at that cost I think the ability could have been stronger or the CMC raised to make that ability a bit more tasty.
As you know, this is an elimination driven contest, so once the judge (me) makes their decision, we will have to politely walk one of you out of this contest. Thank you designers.
So I started off giving the designers some interesting ingredients. Merfolk are a magic staple, but still haven't seen a huge amount of design support. The most intensive approach to Merfolk, was in Lorwyn/Shadowmoor and naturally most of our designers used that for a bit of inspiration. As far as the Merfolk ingredient went, I really think each of the designers used merfolk well enough. Hybrid mana was used, but no one really innovated with it. It was interesting how the different designers utilized this challenging ingredient and some did it better than others. Most of the abilities were useful and playable, but really in the end there was one card that lacked the strength and flavor to move on to the next round.
You may say a few words to your competitors before you are escorted out.
I personally prefer Italian cooking, but whatever. Do your best and do it fast until the ingredients are fresh enough.
I̟̥͍̠ͅn̩͉̣͍̬͚ͅ ̬̬͖t̯̹̞̺͖͓̯̤h̘͍̬e͙̯͈̖̼̮ ̭̬f̺̲̲̪i͙͉̟̩̰r̪̝͚͈̝̥͍̝̲s̼̻͇̘̳͔ͅt̲̺̳̗̜̪̙ ̳̺̥̻͚̗ͅm̜̜̟̰͈͓͎͇o̝̖̮̝͇m̯̻̞̼̫̗͓̤e̩̯̬̮̩n͎̱̪̲̹͖t͇̖s̰̮ͅ,̤̲͙̻̭̻̯̹̰ ̖t̫̙̺̯͖͚̯ͅh͙̯̦̳̗̰̟e͖̪͉̼̯ ̪͕g̞̣͔a̗̦t̬̬͓͙̫̖̭̻e̩̻̯ ̜̖̦̖̤̭͙̬t̞̹̥̪͎͉ͅo͕͚͍͇̲͇͓̺ ̭̬͙͈̣̻t͈͍͙͓̫̖͙̩h̪̬̖̙e̗͈ ̗̬̟̞̺̤͉̯ͅa̦̯͚̙̜̮f͉͙̲̣̞̼t̪̤̞̣͚e̲͉̳̥r͇̪̙͚͓l̥̞̞͎̹̯̹ͅi͓̬f̮̥̬̞͈ͅe͎ ̟̩̤̳̠̯̩̯o̮̘̲p̟͚̣̞͉͓e͍̩̣n͔̼͕͚̜e̬̱d̼̘͎̖̹͍̮̠,͖̺̭̱̮ ̣̲͖̬̪̭̥a̪͚n̟̲̝̤̤̞̗d̘̱̗͇̮͕̳͕͔ ͖̞͉͎t̹̙͎h̰̱͉̗e̪̞̱̝̹̩ͅ ̠̱̩̭̦p̯̙e͓o̳͚̰̯̺̱̰͔̘p̬͎̱̣̼̩͇l̗̟̖͚̠e̱͉͔̱̦̬̟̙ ̖͚̪͔̼̦w̺̖̤̱e͖̗̻̦͓̖̘̜r̭̥e͔̹̫̱͕̦̰͕ ̗͔̠p̠̗͍͍̱̳̠r̰͔͎̰o͉̥͓̰͚̥s̟͚̹̱͔̣t͉̙̳̖͖̪̮r̥̘̥͙̹a͉̟̫̟̳̠̟̭t͈̜̰͈͎e̞̣̭̲̬ ͚̗̯̟͙i͍͖̰̘̦͖͉ṇ̮̻̯̦̲̩͍ ̦̮͚̫̤t͉͖̫͕ͅͅh͙̮̻̘̣̮̼e͕̺ ͙l͕̠͎̰̥i̲͓͉̲g̫̳̟͈͇̖h̠̦̖t͓̯͎̗ ̳̪̘̟̙̩̦o̫̲f̙͔̰̙̠ ̹̪̗͇̯t͖̼̼͉͖̬h̹͇̩e͚̖̺̤͉̹͕̪ ͚͓̭̝̺G͎̗̯̩o̫̯̮̟̮̳̘d̜̲͙̠-̩̳̯̲̗̜P̹̘̥͉̝h͍͈̗̖̝ͅa͍̗̮̼̗r̜̖͇̙̺a̭̺͔̞̳͈o̪̣͓̯̬͙̯̰̗h̖̦͈̥̯͔.͇̣̙̝
You have 24 hours.
GO!
All right, Dinosaurs! This is my wheelhouse. I took paleontology courses, for cryin' out loud! Not that those much matter in fantasy, especially in Magic...
ETB effects are the easiest part of the challenge. I'll figure out the exact effect I need once I build the flavor of my card.
Anyway, Dinosaurs in Magic are usually Lizard or Lizard Beast on the typeline. Once upon a time Pygmy Allosaurus was a Dinosaur and there's Old Fogey, but that's about all. I'm not picturing a sapient being here; to really feel like a dino this has to be a feral creature. Which means no self-administered fantastickal-Alka-Seltzer; I'm more feeling a dino made of bubbles.
Alka-Seltzer's primary function is technically curing stomach ills, but I'm gonna go more for the physical properties of the stuff - it reacts with water to make an unpredictable mass of volatile bubbles. So red, with a splash of blue, should be my colors. And Elemental Lizard is the type.
What's a way to generate something unpredictable in Magic? Well, there's coin flips, or random discard... but the right choice here seems to be library shuffling. At uncommon, it's also easy to use more complex bases for potentially powerful effects like this.
The Kavu were kinda, well... Dinosaurian, right? Let's try to homage Flametongue Kavu a little.
Creature - Elemental Lizard (U)
When Effervescent Deinonychus enters the battlefield, shuffle your library, then reveal the top card. Effervescent Deinonychus deals damage equal to that card's converted mana cost to target creature.
4U: Return Effervecent Deinonychus to its owner's hand.
It wants to make you go pop.
5/1
I̟̥͍̠ͅn̩͉̣͍̬͚ͅ ̬̬͖t̯̹̞̺͖͓̯̤h̘͍̬e͙̯͈̖̼̮ ̭̬f̺̲̲̪i͙͉̟̩̰r̪̝͚͈̝̥͍̝̲s̼̻͇̘̳͔ͅt̲̺̳̗̜̪̙ ̳̺̥̻͚̗ͅm̜̜̟̰͈͓͎͇o̝̖̮̝͇m̯̻̞̼̫̗͓̤e̩̯̬̮̩n͎̱̪̲̹͖t͇̖s̰̮ͅ,̤̲͙̻̭̻̯̹̰ ̖t̫̙̺̯͖͚̯ͅh͙̯̦̳̗̰̟e͖̪͉̼̯ ̪͕g̞̣͔a̗̦t̬̬͓͙̫̖̭̻e̩̻̯ ̜̖̦̖̤̭͙̬t̞̹̥̪͎͉ͅo͕͚͍͇̲͇͓̺ ̭̬͙͈̣̻t͈͍͙͓̫̖͙̩h̪̬̖̙e̗͈ ̗̬̟̞̺̤͉̯ͅa̦̯͚̙̜̮f͉͙̲̣̞̼t̪̤̞̣͚e̲͉̳̥r͇̪̙͚͓l̥̞̞͎̹̯̹ͅi͓̬f̮̥̬̞͈ͅe͎ ̟̩̤̳̠̯̩̯o̮̘̲p̟͚̣̞͉͓e͍̩̣n͔̼͕͚̜e̬̱d̼̘͎̖̹͍̮̠,͖̺̭̱̮ ̣̲͖̬̪̭̥a̪͚n̟̲̝̤̤̞̗d̘̱̗͇̮͕̳͕͔ ͖̞͉͎t̹̙͎h̰̱͉̗e̪̞̱̝̹̩ͅ ̠̱̩̭̦p̯̙e͓o̳͚̰̯̺̱̰͔̘p̬͎̱̣̼̩͇l̗̟̖͚̠e̱͉͔̱̦̬̟̙ ̖͚̪͔̼̦w̺̖̤̱e͖̗̻̦͓̖̘̜r̭̥e͔̹̫̱͕̦̰͕ ̗͔̠p̠̗͍͍̱̳̠r̰͔͎̰o͉̥͓̰͚̥s̟͚̹̱͔̣t͉̙̳̖͖̪̮r̥̘̥͙̹a͉̟̫̟̳̠̟̭t͈̜̰͈͎e̞̣̭̲̬ ͚̗̯̟͙i͍͖̰̘̦͖͉ṇ̮̻̯̦̲̩͍ ̦̮͚̫̤t͉͖̫͕ͅͅh͙̮̻̘̣̮̼e͕̺ ͙l͕̠͎̰̥i̲͓͉̲g̫̳̟͈͇̖h̠̦̖t͓̯͎̗ ̳̪̘̟̙̩̦o̫̲f̙͔̰̙̠ ̹̪̗͇̯t͖̼̼͉͖̬h̹͇̩e͚̖̺̤͉̹͕̪ ͚͓̭̝̺G͎̗̯̩o̫̯̮̟̮̳̘d̜̲͙̠-̩̳̯̲̗̜P̹̘̥͉̝h͍͈̗̖̝ͅa͍̗̮̼̗r̜̖͇̙̺a̭̺͔̞̳͈o̪̣͓̯̬͙̯̰̗h̖̦͈̥̯͔.͇̣̙̝
Soothing Remedies 4G
Enchantment {U}
Whenever a creature enters the battlefield under your control, target creature you control gains indestructible until end of turn.
The saurian mystics understand that every being carries the balm for another's pain, whether an unsettled stomach or a heart-rending grief.
I̟̥͍̠ͅn̩͉̣͍̬͚ͅ ̬̬͖t̯̹̞̺͖͓̯̤h̘͍̬e͙̯͈̖̼̮ ̭̬f̺̲̲̪i͙͉̟̩̰r̪̝͚͈̝̥͍̝̲s̼̻͇̘̳͔ͅt̲̺̳̗̜̪̙ ̳̺̥̻͚̗ͅm̜̜̟̰͈͓͎͇o̝̖̮̝͇m̯̻̞̼̫̗͓̤e̩̯̬̮̩n͎̱̪̲̹͖t͇̖s̰̮ͅ,̤̲͙̻̭̻̯̹̰ ̖t̫̙̺̯͖͚̯ͅh͙̯̦̳̗̰̟e͖̪͉̼̯ ̪͕g̞̣͔a̗̦t̬̬͓͙̫̖̭̻e̩̻̯ ̜̖̦̖̤̭͙̬t̞̹̥̪͎͉ͅo͕͚͍͇̲͇͓̺ ̭̬͙͈̣̻t͈͍͙͓̫̖͙̩h̪̬̖̙e̗͈ ̗̬̟̞̺̤͉̯ͅa̦̯͚̙̜̮f͉͙̲̣̞̼t̪̤̞̣͚e̲͉̳̥r͇̪̙͚͓l̥̞̞͎̹̯̹ͅi͓̬f̮̥̬̞͈ͅe͎ ̟̩̤̳̠̯̩̯o̮̘̲p̟͚̣̞͉͓e͍̩̣n͔̼͕͚̜e̬̱d̼̘͎̖̹͍̮̠,͖̺̭̱̮ ̣̲͖̬̪̭̥a̪͚n̟̲̝̤̤̞̗d̘̱̗͇̮͕̳͕͔ ͖̞͉͎t̹̙͎h̰̱͉̗e̪̞̱̝̹̩ͅ ̠̱̩̭̦p̯̙e͓o̳͚̰̯̺̱̰͔̘p̬͎̱̣̼̩͇l̗̟̖͚̠e̱͉͔̱̦̬̟̙ ̖͚̪͔̼̦w̺̖̤̱e͖̗̻̦͓̖̘̜r̭̥e͔̹̫̱͕̦̰͕ ̗͔̠p̠̗͍͍̱̳̠r̰͔͎̰o͉̥͓̰͚̥s̟͚̹̱͔̣t͉̙̳̖͖̪̮r̥̘̥͙̹a͉̟̫̟̳̠̟̭t͈̜̰͈͎e̞̣̭̲̬ ͚̗̯̟͙i͍͖̰̘̦͖͉ṇ̮̻̯̦̲̩͍ ̦̮͚̫̤t͉͖̫͕ͅͅh͙̮̻̘̣̮̼e͕̺ ͙l͕̠͎̰̥i̲͓͉̲g̫̳̟͈͇̖h̠̦̖t͓̯͎̗ ̳̪̘̟̙̩̦o̫̲f̙͔̰̙̠ ̹̪̗͇̯t͖̼̼͉͖̬h̹͇̩e͚̖̺̤͉̹͕̪ ͚͓̭̝̺G͎̗̯̩o̫̯̮̟̮̳̘d̜̲͙̠-̩̳̯̲̗̜P̹̘̥͉̝h͍͈̗̖̝ͅa͍̗̮̼̗r̜̖͇̙̺a̭̺͔̞̳͈o̪̣͓̯̬͙̯̰̗h̖̦͈̥̯͔.͇̣̙̝
I̟̥͍̠ͅn̩͉̣͍̬͚ͅ ̬̬͖t̯̹̞̺͖͓̯̤h̘͍̬e͙̯͈̖̼̮ ̭̬f̺̲̲̪i͙͉̟̩̰r̪̝͚͈̝̥͍̝̲s̼̻͇̘̳͔ͅt̲̺̳̗̜̪̙ ̳̺̥̻͚̗ͅm̜̜̟̰͈͓͎͇o̝̖̮̝͇m̯̻̞̼̫̗͓̤e̩̯̬̮̩n͎̱̪̲̹͖t͇̖s̰̮ͅ,̤̲͙̻̭̻̯̹̰ ̖t̫̙̺̯͖͚̯ͅh͙̯̦̳̗̰̟e͖̪͉̼̯ ̪͕g̞̣͔a̗̦t̬̬͓͙̫̖̭̻e̩̻̯ ̜̖̦̖̤̭͙̬t̞̹̥̪͎͉ͅo͕͚͍͇̲͇͓̺ ̭̬͙͈̣̻t͈͍͙͓̫̖͙̩h̪̬̖̙e̗͈ ̗̬̟̞̺̤͉̯ͅa̦̯͚̙̜̮f͉͙̲̣̞̼t̪̤̞̣͚e̲͉̳̥r͇̪̙͚͓l̥̞̞͎̹̯̹ͅi͓̬f̮̥̬̞͈ͅe͎ ̟̩̤̳̠̯̩̯o̮̘̲p̟͚̣̞͉͓e͍̩̣n͔̼͕͚̜e̬̱d̼̘͎̖̹͍̮̠,͖̺̭̱̮ ̣̲͖̬̪̭̥a̪͚n̟̲̝̤̤̞̗d̘̱̗͇̮͕̳͕͔ ͖̞͉͎t̹̙͎h̰̱͉̗e̪̞̱̝̹̩ͅ ̠̱̩̭̦p̯̙e͓o̳͚̰̯̺̱̰͔̘p̬͎̱̣̼̩͇l̗̟̖͚̠e̱͉͔̱̦̬̟̙ ̖͚̪͔̼̦w̺̖̤̱e͖̗̻̦͓̖̘̜r̭̥e͔̹̫̱͕̦̰͕ ̗͔̠p̠̗͍͍̱̳̠r̰͔͎̰o͉̥͓̰͚̥s̟͚̹̱͔̣t͉̙̳̖͖̪̮r̥̘̥͙̹a͉̟̫̟̳̠̟̭t͈̜̰͈͎e̞̣̭̲̬ ͚̗̯̟͙i͍͖̰̘̦͖͉ṇ̮̻̯̦̲̩͍ ̦̮͚̫̤t͉͖̫͕ͅͅh͙̮̻̘̣̮̼e͕̺ ͙l͕̠͎̰̥i̲͓͉̲g̫̳̟͈͇̖h̠̦̖t͓̯͎̗ ̳̪̘̟̙̩̦o̫̲f̙͔̰̙̠ ̹̪̗͇̯t͖̼̼͉͖̬h̹͇̩e͚̖̺̤͉̹͕̪ ͚͓̭̝̺G͎̗̯̩o̫̯̮̟̮̳̘d̜̲͙̠-̩̳̯̲̗̜P̹̘̥͉̝h͍͈̗̖̝ͅa͍̗̮̼̗r̜̖͇̙̺a̭̺͔̞̳͈o̪̣͓̯̬͙̯̰̗h̖̦͈̥̯͔.͇̣̙̝
I just realized, guys. All this contest was made only to CHOP me! And you know... It worked.