In kitis, the lands is ruled by lord Skrix, a vampire planeswalker. By his side is a vampire army and the Skrix honor guard (Black).living in the Felmis woods are the Rebels (white and red) and in the lakes are the Merfolk (blue and green), bounty hunters hired by Saude Nevdag, Bounty Master. This set takes place in a crucial part of the war between Iyo Gans (the leader of the resistance) and Skrix- The vampire monarchy is on the breaking point and the merfolk plan to switch sides soon. I haven’t come up with new mechanics except for one- bounties. This will mostly be used for the merfolk but will be for some vampires. Here’s a card that uses the new mechanic-
Torzat, Merfolk Bounty Hunter
When Torzat, Merfolk Bounty Hunter enters the battlefield, choose a creature an opponent controls. When that creature dies, gain 5 mana of any color.
So I'm not going to comment on the plot outline here but I have two notes. One is that your mechanic is interesting but should have both at least an ability word (that's an italicized reminder, like delirium or hellbent) and a memory aid of some kind, like maybe a counter (bountycounters already exist, although you'd need to tweak this exact effect to account for multiple cards giving bounty counters). Also, for flavor AND gameplay reasons you really shouldn't be able to choose Torzat for his own ability and maybe not even a creature you control.
The second note is you should format your cards in the accepted way so that they're more readable. You can actually make mana symbols using tags. [mana]1WUBRG[/mana] = 1WUBRG. Also, you should keep things in the order you see them on a real Magic card:
Name Mana Cost
Type - Subtype (Rarity)
Keywords
Other abilities Flavor text
Power/Toughness
Thanks for not commenting on the plot- I’ve probably done better before (can vampires be planes walkers)? As for the ability to choose your own creatures, I never really thought of that... oops Thanks!
Dude, you gotta reformat how you post your cards if you want good feedback. Void_nothing already gave you the structure so that its easy to read and in the same order as a regular card.
Name Mana Cost
Type - Subtype (Rarity)
Keywords
Other abilities
Flavor text
Power/Toughness
So you turn
Vampiric Execution-
Destroy target creature and gain five life. Give all creatures your opponent’s control -1/-1 until end of turn.
Sorcery
2 Swamp
4 Colorless Mana
Into
Vampiric Execution 4BB
Sorcery
Destroy target creature. You gain five life. Creatures your opponent’s control get -1/-1 until end of turn.
The way you have it now makes all the cards muddle together and they read like a list of lands and random abilities, so its not setup in a way for people to parse to tell you how to improve your designs.
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
To post a comment, please login or register a new account.
Torzat, Merfolk Bounty Hunter
When Torzat, Merfolk Bounty Hunter enters the battlefield, choose a creature an opponent controls. When that creature dies, gain 5 mana of any color.
Haste, Hexproof
5/5
Legendary Creature, Merfolk Hunter
2 Forest, 2 Island, 2 Colorless Mana
So I'm not going to comment on the plot outline here but I have two notes. One is that your mechanic is interesting but should have both at least an ability word (that's an italicized reminder, like delirium or hellbent) and a memory aid of some kind, like maybe a counter (bounty counters already exist, although you'd need to tweak this exact effect to account for multiple cards giving bounty counters). Also, for flavor AND gameplay reasons you really shouldn't be able to choose Torzat for his own ability and maybe not even a creature you control.
The second note is you should format your cards in the accepted way so that they're more readable. You can actually make mana symbols using tags. [mana]1WUBRG[/mana] = 1WUBRG. Also, you should keep things in the order you see them on a real Magic card:
Name Mana Cost
Type - Subtype (Rarity)
Keywords
Other abilities
Flavor text
Power/Toughness
I̟̥͍̠ͅn̩͉̣͍̬͚ͅ ̬̬͖t̯̹̞̺͖͓̯̤h̘͍̬e͙̯͈̖̼̮ ̭̬f̺̲̲̪i͙͉̟̩̰r̪̝͚͈̝̥͍̝̲s̼̻͇̘̳͔ͅt̲̺̳̗̜̪̙ ̳̺̥̻͚̗ͅm̜̜̟̰͈͓͎͇o̝̖̮̝͇m̯̻̞̼̫̗͓̤e̩̯̬̮̩n͎̱̪̲̹͖t͇̖s̰̮ͅ,̤̲͙̻̭̻̯̹̰ ̖t̫̙̺̯͖͚̯ͅh͙̯̦̳̗̰̟e͖̪͉̼̯ ̪͕g̞̣͔a̗̦t̬̬͓͙̫̖̭̻e̩̻̯ ̜̖̦̖̤̭͙̬t̞̹̥̪͎͉ͅo͕͚͍͇̲͇͓̺ ̭̬͙͈̣̻t͈͍͙͓̫̖͙̩h̪̬̖̙e̗͈ ̗̬̟̞̺̤͉̯ͅa̦̯͚̙̜̮f͉͙̲̣̞̼t̪̤̞̣͚e̲͉̳̥r͇̪̙͚͓l̥̞̞͎̹̯̹ͅi͓̬f̮̥̬̞͈ͅe͎ ̟̩̤̳̠̯̩̯o̮̘̲p̟͚̣̞͉͓e͍̩̣n͔̼͕͚̜e̬̱d̼̘͎̖̹͍̮̠,͖̺̭̱̮ ̣̲͖̬̪̭̥a̪͚n̟̲̝̤̤̞̗d̘̱̗͇̮͕̳͕͔ ͖̞͉͎t̹̙͎h̰̱͉̗e̪̞̱̝̹̩ͅ ̠̱̩̭̦p̯̙e͓o̳͚̰̯̺̱̰͔̘p̬͎̱̣̼̩͇l̗̟̖͚̠e̱͉͔̱̦̬̟̙ ̖͚̪͔̼̦w̺̖̤̱e͖̗̻̦͓̖̘̜r̭̥e͔̹̫̱͕̦̰͕ ̗͔̠p̠̗͍͍̱̳̠r̰͔͎̰o͉̥͓̰͚̥s̟͚̹̱͔̣t͉̙̳̖͖̪̮r̥̘̥͙̹a͉̟̫̟̳̠̟̭t͈̜̰͈͎e̞̣̭̲̬ ͚̗̯̟͙i͍͖̰̘̦͖͉ṇ̮̻̯̦̲̩͍ ̦̮͚̫̤t͉͖̫͕ͅͅh͙̮̻̘̣̮̼e͕̺ ͙l͕̠͎̰̥i̲͓͉̲g̫̳̟͈͇̖h̠̦̖t͓̯͎̗ ̳̪̘̟̙̩̦o̫̲f̙͔̰̙̠ ̹̪̗͇̯t͖̼̼͉͖̬h̹͇̩e͚̖̺̤͉̹͕̪ ͚͓̭̝̺G͎̗̯̩o̫̯̮̟̮̳̘d̜̲͙̠-̩̳̯̲̗̜P̹̘̥͉̝h͍͈̗̖̝ͅa͍̗̮̼̗r̜̖͇̙̺a̭̺͔̞̳͈o̪̣͓̯̬͙̯̰̗h̖̦͈̥̯͔.͇̣̙̝
I̟̥͍̠ͅn̩͉̣͍̬͚ͅ ̬̬͖t̯̹̞̺͖͓̯̤h̘͍̬e͙̯͈̖̼̮ ̭̬f̺̲̲̪i͙͉̟̩̰r̪̝͚͈̝̥͍̝̲s̼̻͇̘̳͔ͅt̲̺̳̗̜̪̙ ̳̺̥̻͚̗ͅm̜̜̟̰͈͓͎͇o̝̖̮̝͇m̯̻̞̼̫̗͓̤e̩̯̬̮̩n͎̱̪̲̹͖t͇̖s̰̮ͅ,̤̲͙̻̭̻̯̹̰ ̖t̫̙̺̯͖͚̯ͅh͙̯̦̳̗̰̟e͖̪͉̼̯ ̪͕g̞̣͔a̗̦t̬̬͓͙̫̖̭̻e̩̻̯ ̜̖̦̖̤̭͙̬t̞̹̥̪͎͉ͅo͕͚͍͇̲͇͓̺ ̭̬͙͈̣̻t͈͍͙͓̫̖͙̩h̪̬̖̙e̗͈ ̗̬̟̞̺̤͉̯ͅa̦̯͚̙̜̮f͉͙̲̣̞̼t̪̤̞̣͚e̲͉̳̥r͇̪̙͚͓l̥̞̞͎̹̯̹ͅi͓̬f̮̥̬̞͈ͅe͎ ̟̩̤̳̠̯̩̯o̮̘̲p̟͚̣̞͉͓e͍̩̣n͔̼͕͚̜e̬̱d̼̘͎̖̹͍̮̠,͖̺̭̱̮ ̣̲͖̬̪̭̥a̪͚n̟̲̝̤̤̞̗d̘̱̗͇̮͕̳͕͔ ͖̞͉͎t̹̙͎h̰̱͉̗e̪̞̱̝̹̩ͅ ̠̱̩̭̦p̯̙e͓o̳͚̰̯̺̱̰͔̘p̬͎̱̣̼̩͇l̗̟̖͚̠e̱͉͔̱̦̬̟̙ ̖͚̪͔̼̦w̺̖̤̱e͖̗̻̦͓̖̘̜r̭̥e͔̹̫̱͕̦̰͕ ̗͔̠p̠̗͍͍̱̳̠r̰͔͎̰o͉̥͓̰͚̥s̟͚̹̱͔̣t͉̙̳̖͖̪̮r̥̘̥͙̹a͉̟̫̟̳̠̟̭t͈̜̰͈͎e̞̣̭̲̬ ͚̗̯̟͙i͍͖̰̘̦͖͉ṇ̮̻̯̦̲̩͍ ̦̮͚̫̤t͉͖̫͕ͅͅh͙̮̻̘̣̮̼e͕̺ ͙l͕̠͎̰̥i̲͓͉̲g̫̳̟͈͇̖h̠̦̖t͓̯͎̗ ̳̪̘̟̙̩̦o̫̲f̙͔̰̙̠ ̹̪̗͇̯t͖̼̼͉͖̬h̹͇̩e͚̖̺̤͉̹͕̪ ͚͓̭̝̺G͎̗̯̩o̫̯̮̟̮̳̘d̜̲͙̠-̩̳̯̲̗̜P̹̘̥͉̝h͍͈̗̖̝ͅa͍̗̮̼̗r̜̖͇̙̺a̭̺͔̞̳͈o̪̣͓̯̬͙̯̰̗h̖̦͈̥̯͔.͇̣̙̝
Vampiric Execution-
Destroy target creature and gain five life. Give all creatures your opponent’s control -1/-1 until end of turn.
Sorcery
2 Swamp
4 Colorless Mana
Relentless Resistance-
Whenever an attacking creature you control dies, untap three lands you control.
Enchantment
2 Plains
3 Colorless Mana
Encaged Warbeast-
Sacrifice a creature: Encaged Warbeast gains +2/+2 and trample until end of turn.
2/2
Creature- Werewolf
1 Swamp
1 Colorless Mana
1 Mountain
Dauntless Rebel-
Last Stand
4/4
Creature- Human Rebel
3 Plains
Vampiric Ritual/Ritual of the Blood Lord-
Vampiric Ritual-
Tap, Pay 2 Swamp: Gain 4 Life
Once Vampiric Ritual generates 10 or more life, transform it into ritual of the Blood Lord.
Legendary Enchantment
2 Swamp
3 Colorless Mana
Is p
Ritual of the Blood Lord
Whenever you gain life, double the amount of life gained.
Legendary Enchantment
So you turn
Vampiric Execution-
Destroy target creature and gain five life. Give all creatures your opponent’s control -1/-1 until end of turn.
Sorcery
2 Swamp
4 Colorless Mana
Into
Vampiric Execution 4BB
Sorcery
Destroy target creature. You gain five life. Creatures your opponent’s control get -1/-1 until end of turn.
The way you have it now makes all the cards muddle together and they read like a list of lands and random abilities, so its not setup in a way for people to parse to tell you how to improve your designs.