The army has Skippy.
Tabletop RPGs have Mr. Welch.
But I haven't found an equivalent for Magic yet. So why not make one?
If you're familiar with the above lists, you know the drill. If you're not... well I can think of worse ways to waste a few hours. Basically, I'm looking for amusing house rules, crazy stories, or just stuff you made up off the top of your head.
1. I cannot use Death Wish to search for any of the following: The ace of spades, get out of jail free, Blue-Eyes White Dragon, Magikarp, a birthday card, a business card, my library card, my driver's license, anyone's credit card, an invisible Black Lotus, the Twilicane, or Mickey Mantle.
12. Just because I can play a flashback deck does not mean I need to start talking about my time in 'Nam. Especially since I never spent any time IN 'Nam.
13. It was humorous the first time I referred to Sol Ring as "my precious." Continuing to talk in the third person and claiming that the only way to destroy the precious was to throw it in a volcano wore the joke a little thin. Threatening others who played another Sol Ring for "trying to take the precious" wore the entire thing out.
14. Calling "dibs" on any mythics drafted doesn't entitle me to them.
15. Despite what I may have convinced the newbs of, Magic hasn't been played for ante in years. It was wrong of me, and I should return the cards. Even if one is a chase rare.
16. Claiming that the gods of Theros are "against my religion" does not, in fact, exile them when they come into play.
17. By the same token, the Theros gods are not pieces of Exodia, getting all of them into my hand will not win me the game immediately.
18. In magic, one is allowed to summon more than one creature a turn, and telling new players otherwise is unsportsmanlike, even if it is pretty funny.
19. I am no longer allowed to perform any combos that confuse a level 1 judge if that's all we have, even if they are entirely legal if the only purpose of performing said combo IS to confuse the level 1 judge.
20. If someone else is playing my commander, the proper response is to follow the new m14 rules. Not decry them as a "heretic" and demand the losing card be Burned at the Stake.
21. Saying pretty please does not negate a counterspell, even if it was nice of me.
22. Making slurping noises while Scavenging Ooze eats a graveyard is not necessary.
23. Naming my firstborn after a planeswalker does not confer "bonus loyalty."
24. Singing the theme to Flash Gordon every time I play Venser is not required.
25. Playing Form of the Dragon and Form of the Squirrel at the same time has only the affect printed on the cards. It does not make me a "super dragon squirrel" nor confer any additional powers. Even if I do scream for two minutes and my hair turns blonde.
29. I'm no longer allowed to look at my deck while I shuffle as it means I must be stacking my deck.
30. I'm no longer allowed to break my opponents wrist for snatching my cards off my mat, pretending to read them, then bending and thumbnail gouging my card as he puts it back down.... ya know what? F that, I'm breakin somethin if that sh** ever happens again.
44. Raise my middle finger while saying "in response, I flip the bird"
45. Comment on the sexual orientation of a Planeswalker controlled by an opponent.
46. Play Dredge against noobs.
47. Take free no-land mulligans if I insist on doing #46.
50. Climbing on the table and stomping like an elephant/rhinoceros/etc. whenever a creature I control with trample attacks through blockers is uncouth and must never be done again. Similar imitations of flying creatures are banned as well.
51. Maniacal laughter when playing my Nicol Bolas EDH deck must be kept below 100 decibels and not exceed 15 minutes in length.
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
A polite player might call my card choices "interesting." At my budget, "interesting" is the only option.
Tabletop RPGs have Mr. Welch.
But I haven't found an equivalent for Magic yet. So why not make one?
If you're familiar with the above lists, you know the drill. If you're not... well I can think of worse ways to waste a few hours. Basically, I'm looking for amusing house rules, crazy stories, or just stuff you made up off the top of your head.
1. I cannot use Death Wish to search for any of the following: The ace of spades, get out of jail free, Blue-Eyes White Dragon, Magikarp, a birthday card, a business card, my library card, my driver's license, anyone's credit card, an invisible Black Lotus, the Twilicane, or Mickey Mantle.
ashnod's coupon
R&D's secret lair
Auriok salvagers
and an infinite mana combo(something like
sword of the meek
thopter foundry
ashnod's altar
phyrexian altar
This combo drains people's wallets as well as the store's drink supply.
EDIT: and for some reason, [cards] tag didn't work -.-
Thanks Argentleman;)
WB Teysa token aggroBW (retired)
MAKING (Onmath, Numot, maybe something in Esper)
-LEGACY-- RUR SpellDelver UWU Superfriends with Benefits
-MODERN- GBG B/G GoodGrief GRG R/G Go[o]dstuff
-CHROME- GGG Mean Green WUB Spirit Tribal
-PAUPER-- WBG Enchantments RUG RUG Delver
-1v1 EDH-- UB Lazav's Grindhouse BB Death by Sheoldred
If I had a dollar for every time I missed playing a Counterspell ...
I'd be missing my Mana Drain s instead.
-LEGACY-- RUR SpellDelver UWU Superfriends with Benefits
-MODERN- GBG B/G GoodGrief GRG R/G Go[o]dstuff
-CHROME- GGG Mean Green WUB Spirit Tribal
-PAUPER-- WBG Enchantments RUG RUG Delver
-1v1 EDH-- UB Lazav's Grindhouse BB Death by Sheoldred
If I had a dollar for every time I missed playing a Counterspell ...
I'd be missing my Mana Drain s instead.
13. It was humorous the first time I referred to Sol Ring as "my precious." Continuing to talk in the third person and claiming that the only way to destroy the precious was to throw it in a volcano wore the joke a little thin. Threatening others who played another Sol Ring for "trying to take the precious" wore the entire thing out.
14. Calling "dibs" on any mythics drafted doesn't entitle me to them.
15. Despite what I may have convinced the newbs of, Magic hasn't been played for ante in years. It was wrong of me, and I should return the cards. Even if one is a chase rare.
16. Claiming that the gods of Theros are "against my religion" does not, in fact, exile them when they come into play.
17. By the same token, the Theros gods are not pieces of Exodia, getting all of them into my hand will not win me the game immediately.
18. In magic, one is allowed to summon more than one creature a turn, and telling new players otherwise is unsportsmanlike, even if it is pretty funny.
19. I am no longer allowed to perform any combos that confuse a level 1 judge if that's all we have, even if they are entirely legal if the only purpose of performing said combo IS to confuse the level 1 judge.
20. If someone else is playing my commander, the proper response is to follow the new m14 rules. Not decry them as a "heretic" and demand the losing card be Burned at the Stake.
21. Saying pretty please does not negate a counterspell, even if it was nice of me.
22. Making slurping noises while Scavenging Ooze eats a graveyard is not necessary.
23. Naming my firstborn after a planeswalker does not confer "bonus loyalty."
24. Singing the theme to Flash Gordon every time I play Venser is not required.
25. Playing Form of the Dragon and Form of the Squirrel at the same time has only the affect printed on the cards. It does not make me a "super dragon squirrel" nor confer any additional powers. Even if I do scream for two minutes and my hair turns blonde.
Soldier Primer
Sig by ol MISAKA lo
My Trades
-LEGACY-- RUR SpellDelver UWU Superfriends with Benefits
-MODERN- GBG B/G GoodGrief GRG R/G Go[o]dstuff
-CHROME- GGG Mean Green WUB Spirit Tribal
-PAUPER-- WBG Enchantments RUG RUG Delver
-1v1 EDH-- UB Lazav's Grindhouse BB Death by Sheoldred
If I had a dollar for every time I missed playing a Counterspell ...
I'd be missing my Mana Drain s instead.
30. I'm no longer allowed to break my opponents wrist for snatching my cards off my mat, pretending to read them, then bending and thumbnail gouging my card as he puts it back down.... ya know what? F that, I'm breakin somethin if that sh** ever happens again.
-LEGACY-- RUR SpellDelver UWU Superfriends with Benefits
-MODERN- GBG B/G GoodGrief GRG R/G Go[o]dstuff
-CHROME- GGG Mean Green WUB Spirit Tribal
-PAUPER-- WBG Enchantments RUG RUG Delver
-1v1 EDH-- UB Lazav's Grindhouse BB Death by Sheoldred
If I had a dollar for every time I missed playing a Counterspell ...
I'd be missing my Mana Drain s instead.
33. I can't use the stack as a drinking coaster, even if I did figure out how.
34. Killing creatures happens. I am not allowed to scream "you killed fluffy!" every time one of my creatures dies to removal.
35. Band-aids do not fix everything. Especially combat damage.
36. Magic does not possess the heart of the cards, and attempting to use it will get me shot.
37. While people have been known to play chess blindfolded, doing the same for magic is just silly.
38. Asking new players "are you really sure?" every time they take an action is considered unsportsmanlike.
39. While turbo fog was a legitimate deck, everyone hated it. I am not allowed to bring it back. Ever.
40. Strip EDH isn't a thing. Nor will we make it one.
Soldier Primer
Sig by ol MISAKA lo
My Trades
42. When playing 5 player EDH in a Star format, not allowed to scoop just to make the Spike I'm allied with lose.
43. If at any point I Oblivion Ring my own Oblivion Ring, I lose.
45. Comment on the sexual orientation of a Planeswalker controlled by an opponent.
46. Play Dredge against noobs.
47. Take free no-land mulligans if I insist on doing #46.
Vintage: Dredge | Legacy: Burn, Goblins, Soldier | Standard: Mono-Red Aggro
Commander: Nicol Bolas, Sliver Overlord, Rafiq
Casual: Selesnya Saproling Smackdown, Izzet Labs, Rebel
Played since June 2004, mostly inactive June 2011 to March 2018
Other usernames include AlanFromRochester, homerthebeerbaron
MTG checklists from Alpha to Ravnica Allegiance - https://www.mtgsalvation.com/forums/magic-fundamentals/other-magic-products/third-party-products/805324-checklists-for-everything-from-alpha-to-ravnica
50. Climbing on the table and stomping like an elephant/rhinoceros/etc. whenever a creature I control with trample attacks through blockers is uncouth and must never be done again. Similar imitations of flying creatures are banned as well.
51. Maniacal laughter when playing my Nicol Bolas EDH deck must be kept below 100 decibels and not exceed 15 minutes in length.
54) Sleeve my entire deck with thick, plastic protective PSA Graded holders.
54.5) Have my basic lands PSA graded and placed in PSA Graded holders...
55) Use a D20 to determine how many times I'm going to pile shuffle my opponent's deck between games.
55.5) Roll a 20 and actually spend 9 minutes pile shuffling my opponent's deck over and over...
56) Complain about being mana screwed while playing manaless Dredge or 2-Land Belcher.
57) Complain about being mana flooded when playing Lands.dec or EDH Child of Alara.
Jalira, Master Polymorphist | Endrek Sahr, Master Breeder | Bosh, Iron Golem | Ezuri, Renegade Leader
Brago, King Eternal | Oona, Queen of the Fae | Wort, Boggart Auntie | Wort, the Raidmother
Captain Sisay | Rhys, the Redeemed | Trostani, Selesnya's Voice | Jarad, Golgari Lich Lord
Gisela, Blade of Goldnight | Obzedat, Ghost Council | Niv-Mizzet, the Firemind | Vorel of the Hull Clade
Uril, the Miststalker | Prossh, Skyraider of Kher | Nicol Bolas | Progenitus
Ghave, Guru of Spores | Zedruu the Greathearted | Damia, Sage of Stone | Riku of Two Reflections