MTG Salvation

If that is you inside the statue, then you have the cheese, but I have you so...

Someone else can figure out the technicalities. As far as I'm concerned, I have the cheese.

MUSEUM HEIST!

In the dead of night, I go all Mission Impossible and break into the museum and steal the statue, which I put in my garden (although, somehow mysteriously, the head got broken off). I protect said statue with rhino-proof fencing and electric fences and barbed wire and pixie-proof spells and laser turrets and lightsaber-wielding guards.

I like this statue.

I see that you have found four of the keys. Impressive. The rest are all pixie-proof (including the 2 protected in separate parts of the world by hexproof hippos).

My hippos wear Mask of Avacyns. Hexproof.

Pixies are easily led astray and/or eaten. Just sayin'...

And one or more of the keys may or may not be guarded by hungry hungry hippos.

There is no bridge over the moat (Jo's trampling caused it to fall into the moat, so you can blame him for that).

Once you get in and have all the keys (which are all over the world), it's pretty straightforward to get through the doors. Until the turrety bit. At the turrets, you have to move excruciatingly slow to get past them, because if you move too fast they will see you and shoot you with Nerf bullets, making you start back at the beginning of the level.

Aww, Jo woke up. I put the cheese back in the dungeon. 12 doors, 12 locks, CASTLE MADE OF RHINO-PROOF DARKSTEEL, laser turrets. Also, alligators in the moat.

Here's your map, get to it.

My Phelddagrif and I chase after Jo and steal the cheese from him, after subjecting him to a long boring lecture about making holograms of people without their permission. Very long. Very boring. Trust me on this. So long and boring, in fact, that Jo falls asleep in some tree somewhere so I take the cheese and fly away happily.

I put the cheese in the dungeon of my castle which is very large and surrounded by a moat filled with alligators. The dungeon is protected by laser turrets that will fire Nerf bullets at you. The only way to get through is to find the 12 keys for the doors leading to the dungeon. Each key is in a separate place, and all you have to find them is this map.

GO.

EDIT: Also, the alligators will eat you if you try to go swimming, so you might want to take that into consideration.

I do the straddle jump, just to prove that I can, then stand guard with Aurora.

It'll be a well-traveled cheese by the time you get it, Aurora.

Poor Stardust.

I break into the cage containing the locking mechanism because I am not a pixie! Also, I don't believe in beholders so they magically disappear at my disbelief. Unlock safe, acquire cheese, mail it to a friend in Canada. Cheese gets lost in Canadian mail. Good luck finding it.

I do the appropriate jumping and acquire the cheese. I take the cheese to the North Pole and have the elves wrap it up so it is disguised among the other presents.

*facepalm* We may never see that cheese again.

*applies for an audience with the Queen*
*wait years*
*audience granted, meet the Queen ask for cheese*
Cheese is found!
I am taking the cheese to Canadia, which is Canada with I in it. Somewhere up there in the arctic circle, I surround myself with polar bears and we wait for you to come and try and get the cheese.

Healed Cheese is in Mordor! Good luck! (remember, you can't just walk into Mordor)
(I could've done it, but I didn't wanna)

I felt like being invisible!

Um... quick cheese-related question: Should this piece of cheese have worms in it? Or is it time to replace the cheese with a new piece?