MTG Salvation

Granted, but you'll never win another game again.

I wish for my next wish to be granted without a twist.

Granted. She's glued to your back.

I wish for you to not grant me this wish

Granted, but suddenly you have this headache...

I wish I had a mad scientist's laboratory

Granted. It kills you.

I wish to be funny

Granted. Now we have zombies to deal with

I wish Superman was real

Granted. The world ends.

I wish I had a flyswatter to kill this damn bug that's buzzing around me!!!

Granted. General Motors needs a crash test dummy.

WW group to have a mascot

Granted. Uh... where are you?

I wish having to go to the bathroom wasn't necessary

Granted. I hid one nickel in every sofa in North America. Good luck finding them all.

I wish to quit eating junk food

Granted. They're still on the potatoes, though.

I wish for some potato chips

Granted. Jau kills you instead.

I wish people would stop killing each other.

Granted, but it's been folded, spindled and mutilated

I wish the weather was nice

Granted, only to find you're in a bigger storage cube.

I wish to be a plumber

Granted. It's Einstein's theory of relativity

I wish I could think of something funnier than that

Granted, but it was so bad, no one was willing to distribute it.

I wish for more cowbell