MTG Salvation

(sings) "It's a whole new worl---holy moly, Jasmine, Ja'far has sent pirates after us!"

Next: Akroma's Vengeance

"Let birds join the Quidditch team, they said..."

Next: Quelch

"Behold my new invention - an umbrella that sends out Kamehamehas!

Next: Æther Charge

"Another Twilight book destroyed! I'm one step closer to turning every Stephenie Meyer book into black muck!"

Next: Hopping Automaton

"Someone get some help right away! This woman is dyin-"

*lays arm on woman's bosom*

"On second thought, take as long as you want! I'll try and help her by doing that thing where you feel-uh, I mean, push on the person's chest."

Next: Army of the Damned

"Never stand behind a Dimir guildmage. Their farts are so bad that they distort the very fabric of reality." - Agrus Kos

Next: Dead Weight

"您不會通過!" (Translation: "You shall not pass!")

Next: Village Cannibals

Never get a vampire to suck the poison out of you. They only makes things worse.

Next: Claustrophobia

"The inscription says 'Maya Buttreeks'. Hmm, I wonder what that means. Hey guys, Maya Buttreeks! It says Maya Buttreeks! Who would have thought?!"

Next: Goblin Cadets

"Lying toad.....he told me he'll turn into a prince if I slept with him."

Next: Teferi's Curse

"Oi, no upskirt photos!"

Next: Infest (Onslaught)

"Aww man, some stupid dog took my leg bones while I was unconscious!"

Next: Yavimaya Elder

"Imagine yourself, locked in a room with Justin Bieber, Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner. It's getting hot and sweaty, and they're all starting to take their clothes off..."

Next: Bone Mask

Ron: "Oh no, Dumbledore's dancing again! Someone stop him before he hurts himself!"

Next: Indestructible Aura

It's never a good idea to watch Dragon Ball Z marathons with your pet.

Next: Cunning Sparkmage