I awaken from my slumber, with a thumping migrane, to my shock and horror the cheese is missing, spirited away even. I feel weak and hungry, I dunno when I've eaten last, and the cheese has yet to produce any nutrients for me during any period of worship I conducted. Stepping into the streets, I have a chill run down my spine, as if I'm being watched, stalked even, the gun is on the bed and lord knows if it's safe (if your wondering, I don't), I wander the streets, I haven't bathed since my journey throw the time machine and the thick stench of blood eminates from me and my tattered, torn and gore ridden clothes menace the eyes of onlookers, the streets part like the red sea before me as I prowl, looking for the cheese and avoiding the eyes of those who may be watching.
From the corner of my eye I see a shadow form in an alley, from that shadow I see the whites of two eyes staring at me. I quicken my pace and the eyes remain close, their gaze remaining on me, are they cops seeking revenge, guidos seeking vengence, I couldn't say, nor would I find out, I was weak for the cheese was not near, all I could do was hope my cheese-dar goes off and I can find it.
Days of cat and mouse pass, days of hiding and running and fear. I was one step ahead but they inched ever closer to me, then however, it hits me, strength rejuvinated, mental capacity restored, the ability to eat dozens of big macs..not quite, but getting there. I find myself in the backyard of some heathan, bent over secreting bile from his rectum and a small furry mouse struggling in a bile of remains, and I see the cheese, the precious holy cheese spoken of by the Prophet Claypool, it's boundless power eminates from the sewage, reaching over and discarding of the man with pretentions that he may hold it, I hold the cheese high in the sky, it is at this point that several days of hunger takes it's toll and find myself eating the brown sludge on the ground as if it were candy, while still keeping the cheese safely away.
In my dreams, I see figures of ill repute and domain walk into my hall of gore and heart disease, they are without form but move with defintition, bound to the chair and table by the souls of J-Wow and Snooki (vengeful guys, lemme tell ya...), I am motionless to stop them from taking my holy cheese, taken into a proverbial hell (no, not wisconsin ), I am subjected to images of my cheese being passed around like a used condom in a high school locker room, whilst I am bound in chain, chains that snarl at me, asking me questions I can't answer, telling me I have the right to remain silent, the right to an attorney (and one will be furnished for me) and to stop attempting to mate with Officer Margaret.
Lying still, cold and without hope, for the precious cheese is missing, I suddenly am overcome with strength, the cheese is near, it's power emanates even through cold wall (which I am slowly coming to realize is the wall in a prison of some repute), the officer is walking by, I reach out, go for the throat, taking the keys and what is left of the officers lungs with me. Running quickly, leaving behind a mesh of blood, gore, tattered clothing and human remains, I arm myself with a shotgun, running outside to find two vandals holding my cheese like a couple of school children holding pornographic material. Doing the sensible thing, I sneak up behind them knock them senseless with the shot gun, picking up the cheese.
I begin prowling through the streets, looking for a place to camp, a place to sleep, and I find a most peculiar villa. The insides is plain, but the bedroom is exotic, furnished with eastern floral designs and middle eastern instruments, the bed has a distinct french look. It's as if some amateur interior designer was trying to look ironic. Nonetheless, the bed was comfy, lying down, I plot to find this man known as Lord Grey and mercilessly Dismember him.
After escaping the hell hole that was the jersey shore house covered in J-Wow's blood and what was left of snooki's skin, wielding the situations pecs like a weapon, I sneak up on Lasersharp, I've been in stickier situations (the blood on me is a testament to that), and certainly have been in stranger, but this is a tad awkward, slowly, I manuver my hand in between Laser's buttocks, grabbing the cheese, escaping.
Walking back to the jersey shore house (that I've now converted into a house of gore and mayhem), I sit in the kitchen, with pauly d's skin being used as a table cloth for the table I cobbled together out of the bones of the cast, crew and local passerbys that looked at me funny. It is here the hours of sleeplessness kick in and I start drifting in and out of consciousnesses, I begin to see visious of the future, visions of the past and visions of the currently happening. I begin to think I am a god, one not unlike Dr. Manhatten and that the cheese is the vessel for my greatness, I strip naked and shave all the hair from my body, then put my clothes back on as the neighbors begin to complain that some slob is raving around the house like a lunatic. I then just sit down and stare at the cheese some more.
Bored, tired and in dire need of narcotics, I stumble into a telephone booth, but to my surprise, it's a time machine, I do the only sensible thing and travel to may 2009 and club some arse with an anvil that I found laying around. The cheese, in it's original unstained form, is now in my hands, it's beautiful aroma of cheesiness is maddening, almost captivating, I stumble back into said time machine, traveling to worlds and times unknown....new jersey circa jersey shore.
I AEther Vial in Kiki-Jiki, Mirror Breaker who makes a copy of of Siege Gang Commander, flinging ALL THE GOBLINS at his ninja/planeswalker posse, I loot the bodies (in more ways then one :unibrow:), for clues as to where the cheese is hidden, I than proceed to brainstorm a plan of attack, finally I summon a series of inter dimension traveling rats equipped with cheese detectors (stealing the secret forbidden techinique no jutsu scroll from this orange ninja in order to reverse engineer it), eventually finding it after thousands of rat hours (course given their were thousands of rats involved, this took maybe a hour), then I begin huffing it's intoxicating odor.....
It is on this notice that I track down the greatest physicist I know, unfortunately Stephen Hawking refused my request to aid me in my quest to obtain the holy cheese, so I grabbed the next best thing, Suri Cruise, using her psychic witch craft, she opens summons the cheese from the nether plane. I cradle the cheese in my arms, inhaling it's intoxicating aroma (no really, this stuff has to be toxic at this point)
It is here I make use of my connections in the federal government (the same ones that have allowed me to serve meat of questionable quality to all of my customers globally..yes even to china MUAHAHAHAHA), to gain access to fort knox, legally acquiring said cheese. COME AT ME BROS (and I guess teh womenz can as well)
I acquire the Grimace and the dinobots to fight pikachugundams gundam, whilst I climb my way to the cockpit, smack him with my hamburger hammer and run from whence I came..gangnam style.
So I put on my robe and my wizard hat to inform burger king they are in my mating grounds, stomping the floor until the cheese appears in my hand, I also spray paint crude phallic objects everywhere
Using my sport utility french fry, I lock pick my way into abby's office, stealing the cheese and proudly slapping guards silly, apparently their dads never hit them...
Private Mod Note
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From the corner of my eye I see a shadow form in an alley, from that shadow I see the whites of two eyes staring at me. I quicken my pace and the eyes remain close, their gaze remaining on me, are they cops seeking revenge, guidos seeking vengence, I couldn't say, nor would I find out, I was weak for the cheese was not near, all I could do was hope my cheese-dar goes off and I can find it.
Days of cat and mouse pass, days of hiding and running and fear. I was one step ahead but they inched ever closer to me, then however, it hits me, strength rejuvinated, mental capacity restored, the ability to eat dozens of big macs..not quite, but getting there. I find myself in the backyard of some heathan, bent over secreting bile from his rectum and a small furry mouse struggling in a bile of remains, and I see the cheese, the precious holy cheese spoken of by the Prophet Claypool, it's boundless power eminates from the sewage, reaching over and discarding of the man with pretentions that he may hold it, I hold the cheese high in the sky, it is at this point that several days of hunger takes it's toll and find myself eating the brown sludge on the ground as if it were candy, while still keeping the cheese safely away.
Lying still, cold and without hope, for the precious cheese is missing, I suddenly am overcome with strength, the cheese is near, it's power emanates even through cold wall (which I am slowly coming to realize is the wall in a prison of some repute), the officer is walking by, I reach out, go for the throat, taking the keys and what is left of the officers lungs with me. Running quickly, leaving behind a mesh of blood, gore, tattered clothing and human remains, I arm myself with a shotgun, running outside to find two vandals holding my cheese like a couple of school children holding pornographic material. Doing the sensible thing, I sneak up behind them knock them senseless with the shot gun, picking up the cheese.
I begin prowling through the streets, looking for a place to camp, a place to sleep, and I find a most peculiar villa. The insides is plain, but the bedroom is exotic, furnished with eastern floral designs and middle eastern instruments, the bed has a distinct french look. It's as if some amateur interior designer was trying to look ironic. Nonetheless, the bed was comfy, lying down, I plot to find this man known as Lord Grey and mercilessly Dismember him.
Walking back to the jersey shore house (that I've now converted into a house of gore and mayhem), I sit in the kitchen, with pauly d's skin being used as a table cloth for the table I cobbled together out of the bones of the cast, crew and local passerbys that looked at me funny. It is here the hours of sleeplessness kick in and I start drifting in and out of consciousnesses, I begin to see visious of the future, visions of the past and visions of the currently happening. I begin to think I am a god, one not unlike Dr. Manhatten and that the cheese is the vessel for my greatness, I strip naked and shave all the hair from my body, then put my clothes back on as the neighbors begin to complain that some slob is raving around the house like a lunatic. I then just sit down and stare at the cheese some more.