He does love animals! That's a great idea, though I worry for the animal because of his irresponsibility. But that's definitely something we'll consider moving forward. A dog would definitely get him out of the house!
I think this sort of mental illness is becoming more common and I like to think that it's specific to an age group...particularly the ones that grew up in the time of social media where they don't form real relationships or communicate in person and everything they see in their digital worlds seems much better than it really is. And probably also partly due to the "everyone's a winner" and "everything is OKAY" attitude that coddles people and let's society build a protective narrative of equality around them so that they can't handle disappointment or inadequacy. It all sort of messes up their social skills and ability to cope with the regular ups and downs of life.
As for getting him involved in something like sports, that would be a great answer. Really, getting him involved in anything. He loves (or at least used to love) tennis, but he's so inept at making friends, bad in social situations, and stubbornly against hanging out with his sisters and me (also, leaving the comfort of his apartment) that its impossible to get him into that kind of setting. It's so bad now that his sisters have given up on trying to get him out and socialized.
For example, my wife and sister in law told him he had to come over once a week to play video games and just hang out. His response was "fine, but I'm just going to sit there and ignore you and be on my phone." Another example, it was the night before my wedding and he came out with us (it was a pretty small group...maybe 10 people or less) to get a few drinks. Nothing special, nothing truly intimidating, and all people he had known for years. He just stood with his back to the bar, staring at the ceiling with his arms crossed all night, never having a drink and not having a single real conversation besides maybe uttering a "yes" or "no" occasionally when a question was tossed his way. On this particular night, my friend (tried to have a conversation with him and he blew her off. She told me later that he seemed like an ***hole and that he was very rude to her. First of all, he was deluded into thinking I invited this friend (who is admittedly a very attractive girl) to try to hook them up and he was pissed about that. When we told him what she said, he went ballistic. He was crushed that she thought he was a jerk. He couldn't cope with the idea that someone thought poorly of him and that it was his fault.
I'm at a loss for what to do with this kid short of putting him on a shuttle to Mars. Every attempt at socializing him fails. Every attempt at getting him help fails. He doesn't listen to logic. He's completely deluded, thinking that he is literally the smartest and most creative person on Earth and that no one can understand him because they're so far below him (his excuse for sucking at social endeavors). He thinks he's experienced everything there is to experience in life and so he's just passing the time now until he dies in utter boredom because there's nothing left for him (despite having never traveled anywhere or done anything). He lives entirely for and within himself.
So much truth in that post. It's like you know him! haha
I've told his sisters to stop acknowledging his tantrums at all since they usually respond and end up getting into a massive pissing match. He always leaves thinking less of them and more highly of himself, and they always leave thinking less of him and no one is the better for it. I imagine its kinda hard though being that he is their brother after all.
I keep hoping that because he's 22, he'll grow out of it someday soon (or at least in a couple years), but the trajectory of his illness/attitude doesn't look promising. The most frustrating thing is having to listen to him spew such hateful criticism at everyone he knows and meets from seat of undeserved arrogance.
I definitely agree with all you've said. I've actually looked into the involuntary committal thing and it seems to only make things worse for everyone involved, so I've sort of ruled that out.
Really, I'm hoping someone has some advice like "I was there once and this is what helped me get out of my depression" or maybe some insight into his thought process coming frmo someone with depression. It's so painfully obvious that he's lashing out because of his depression and his hateful words all come from feeling vulnerable. He's just so GD stubborn that I don't know how to help.
Hey community, I'm not sure why I feel compelled to write about this, I guess I figure some of you may have had some experience with this and can offer advice.
Here's the picture...I've been with my wife for 10 years (since we were teens), so I've known her little brother (let's call him Jason) since he was a pre-teen. When he was a kid, he was the happiest, goofiest, funniest kid I'd ever met. Puberty hit him hard and he got to be an obnoxious, ostentation teenage boy. He never had a girlfriend through high school or his many failed attempts at college. Now, he holds a borderline-homocidal grudge against women and society. (When that kid in Santa Barbara shot all those random people and posted his video manifesto, Jason actually sympathized with him and said it was a good thing that all those innocent people were killed).
He's incredibly misogynistic (i can't even comprehend the things he says), he has no college degree, can barely hold a job serving tables, has no friends, and barely leaves his bedroom. All he does is smoke weed, play video games, and go to work. He regularly lashes out at his sisters and calls them horrible names and says how stupid they are (because they're women). The second a girl gives him any notion of disinterest she's a "******" and a "stupid ****" and she deserves to die....his tantrums are him spouting the most hateful garbage I've ever heard anyone utter. I honestly think Hitler would be impressed. On top of all that, he thinks that he's so incredibly intelligent and clever that the rest of the world can't comprehend his thoughts. He thinks he is a god. Truly.
Rewind about 2 years and he was living with his dad in rural PA. He was so miserable that we invited him to live with us in Boston. We could only bear it for a year and then I had enough when we had to start locking our bedroom door at night because we thought he might try to kill us in our sleep in one of his rages. So we kicked him out and he moved to CA where he lived with his other sister for about two weeks before he got an apt. Now, my wife and I, him, and his other sister all live within about 5 miles of each other in LA.
He's the same incredibly angry, hateful, depressed, pile of garbage human he ever was. We won't hear from him for months and then he'll suddenly text one of his sisters about how stupid they are and how he hates them and all women and how he's so depressed, wishes he was dead and hates their mother for bringing him into this world. He's insane.
Anyway, despite many MANY attempts at getting him professional help, he never goes through with it and he just keeps getting worse. Honestly, *prepare for shocking confession?* I hate him and don't care what he does to himself as long as he doesn't hurt anyone else. But I'm not certain he won't hurt anyone else, his sisters and me included. And I'm not unrealistic, I know if he kills himself, his sisters and family would be devastated (I would be happy his reign of terror is over, but sorry for his family). I'm just at the end of my rope with him and I don't know how to approach the situation.
Does anyone have any advice based on real-life experience with something like this?
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As for getting him involved in something like sports, that would be a great answer. Really, getting him involved in anything. He loves (or at least used to love) tennis, but he's so inept at making friends, bad in social situations, and stubbornly against hanging out with his sisters and me (also, leaving the comfort of his apartment) that its impossible to get him into that kind of setting. It's so bad now that his sisters have given up on trying to get him out and socialized.
For example, my wife and sister in law told him he had to come over once a week to play video games and just hang out. His response was "fine, but I'm just going to sit there and ignore you and be on my phone." Another example, it was the night before my wedding and he came out with us (it was a pretty small group...maybe 10 people or less) to get a few drinks. Nothing special, nothing truly intimidating, and all people he had known for years. He just stood with his back to the bar, staring at the ceiling with his arms crossed all night, never having a drink and not having a single real conversation besides maybe uttering a "yes" or "no" occasionally when a question was tossed his way. On this particular night, my friend (tried to have a conversation with him and he blew her off. She told me later that he seemed like an ***hole and that he was very rude to her. First of all, he was deluded into thinking I invited this friend (who is admittedly a very attractive girl) to try to hook them up and he was pissed about that. When we told him what she said, he went ballistic. He was crushed that she thought he was a jerk. He couldn't cope with the idea that someone thought poorly of him and that it was his fault.
I'm at a loss for what to do with this kid short of putting him on a shuttle to Mars. Every attempt at socializing him fails. Every attempt at getting him help fails. He doesn't listen to logic. He's completely deluded, thinking that he is literally the smartest and most creative person on Earth and that no one can understand him because they're so far below him (his excuse for sucking at social endeavors). He thinks he's experienced everything there is to experience in life and so he's just passing the time now until he dies in utter boredom because there's nothing left for him (despite having never traveled anywhere or done anything). He lives entirely for and within himself.
I've told his sisters to stop acknowledging his tantrums at all since they usually respond and end up getting into a massive pissing match. He always leaves thinking less of them and more highly of himself, and they always leave thinking less of him and no one is the better for it. I imagine its kinda hard though being that he is their brother after all.
I keep hoping that because he's 22, he'll grow out of it someday soon (or at least in a couple years), but the trajectory of his illness/attitude doesn't look promising. The most frustrating thing is having to listen to him spew such hateful criticism at everyone he knows and meets from seat of undeserved arrogance.
Really, I'm hoping someone has some advice like "I was there once and this is what helped me get out of my depression" or maybe some insight into his thought process coming frmo someone with depression. It's so painfully obvious that he's lashing out because of his depression and his hateful words all come from feeling vulnerable. He's just so GD stubborn that I don't know how to help.
Here's the picture...I've been with my wife for 10 years (since we were teens), so I've known her little brother (let's call him Jason) since he was a pre-teen. When he was a kid, he was the happiest, goofiest, funniest kid I'd ever met. Puberty hit him hard and he got to be an obnoxious, ostentation teenage boy. He never had a girlfriend through high school or his many failed attempts at college. Now, he holds a borderline-homocidal grudge against women and society. (When that kid in Santa Barbara shot all those random people and posted his video manifesto, Jason actually sympathized with him and said it was a good thing that all those innocent people were killed).
He's incredibly misogynistic (i can't even comprehend the things he says), he has no college degree, can barely hold a job serving tables, has no friends, and barely leaves his bedroom. All he does is smoke weed, play video games, and go to work. He regularly lashes out at his sisters and calls them horrible names and says how stupid they are (because they're women). The second a girl gives him any notion of disinterest she's a "******" and a "stupid ****" and she deserves to die....his tantrums are him spouting the most hateful garbage I've ever heard anyone utter. I honestly think Hitler would be impressed. On top of all that, he thinks that he's so incredibly intelligent and clever that the rest of the world can't comprehend his thoughts. He thinks he is a god. Truly.
Rewind about 2 years and he was living with his dad in rural PA. He was so miserable that we invited him to live with us in Boston. We could only bear it for a year and then I had enough when we had to start locking our bedroom door at night because we thought he might try to kill us in our sleep in one of his rages. So we kicked him out and he moved to CA where he lived with his other sister for about two weeks before he got an apt. Now, my wife and I, him, and his other sister all live within about 5 miles of each other in LA.
He's the same incredibly angry, hateful, depressed, pile of garbage human he ever was. We won't hear from him for months and then he'll suddenly text one of his sisters about how stupid they are and how he hates them and all women and how he's so depressed, wishes he was dead and hates their mother for bringing him into this world. He's insane.
Anyway, despite many MANY attempts at getting him professional help, he never goes through with it and he just keeps getting worse. Honestly, *prepare for shocking confession?* I hate him and don't care what he does to himself as long as he doesn't hurt anyone else. But I'm not certain he won't hurt anyone else, his sisters and me included. And I'm not unrealistic, I know if he kills himself, his sisters and family would be devastated (I would be happy his reign of terror is over, but sorry for his family). I'm just at the end of my rope with him and I don't know how to approach the situation.
Does anyone have any advice based on real-life experience with something like this?