MTG Salvation

A kiss is a smile shared
A smile is a happiness remembered
Happiness is the goal of life


Random scribble lol That said, I will help any of my friends with that goal

Was a really good weekend. I talked about it already in the 'House. I feel closer to my goal already.

I dragged Lilly onto IMVU, I figured being able to express who she is so graphically and openly would help her and I was right.

Lilly sweety, the pajama wrestling is a day closer with every sleep



I am starting to make an RPG based on the Coffeehouse. I will need some help, anyone willing to do so will be appreciated.

The games battlesystem is based around music, with the party functioning as a band. I am concidering a Secret of Mana/Chronotrigger interface.

So I had entered into a relationship with someone which required me to break some of my personal rules, and it backfired.

First Rule : Age

I still firmly believe Myta is mature enough for me, but her age still created a major issue. First, she still is not 100% sure of what she wants out of life, or who she is. Second, she is a differnet place in her life than I am. She has school to help her carve her future, and being with someone who is far beyond school adds an unseen pressure. It isn't her age so much, but the trappings of her age which caused an issue. She also has famililial influence as well, something which tends to less of an impact when someone doesn't still live with their parents.

Second Rule : Distance

I hate dating over the internet. I have done it a few times and always a disaster of great magnitudes. When you cannot see someones face, hear inflection in their voice, feel their touch.... Our mind plays tricks on us, as does our heart. We make false assumptions, in both directions. Sometimes we read to much into what people feel for us, sometimes too little. An internet relationship feeds heavilly off of our need to not be alone. We are still alone though, it is just we now have an excuse.


I got alot out of my short relationship with Myta, moreso than even my real relationships.

But there were missing parts.

Her life needs to grow in a certain direction, which is one which unfortunately I am not moving in. Perhaps victems of poor timing.

I am sad though that the end result is her not being able to post here anymore. I am sad she won't be able to see how much the people here love her so. But I am happy she has a chance to become more healthy and to move forward. She deserves all the good to come in her life, I just hope and dream she counts me as part of the good.




And now for something I have not mentioned yet.

To be with Myta I accidentally broke the heart of a close friend of mine. A beatiful heart of a person. We were seeing each other casually with no strings, and when I had mentioned the possibility of having something serious before she had blown it off and said no. When I started dating Myta she got really upset and stopped talking to me.

All I can think of today is two things;

1) I ruined Myta's chance to chat with her friends on MTGSally

2) I broke Elisha's heart.

I feel like such a bad person right now. Two special people in my life and I hurt them both. I love you both so much, I am sorry.

I am dragged kicking
Fingers entwined in my hair
From this quicksand life
Onto my own two feet
My saviour
Before myself I stand





Actually I came here to write some random thoughts and that came outa nowhere. I'm going to copy that into my project, it is awesome.

I do not know if I mentioned this before, so I will here. At the very least I will elaborate.

I really do not feel 32 anymore. Physically yes, I feel weary and tired. Emotionally and mentally I feel naked to the world. Alot of the strength I had as Scott was used to hold my life and identity together, and when Sakura came forth it just kind of all sloughed off. I feel like a kid again in alot of ways, experiencing things for the first time.

Alot of self loathing came out too, and I kind of splattered it all over my friends. My life relationships are kinda choppy at the moment as a result. A life worth of confusion and self hatred all spewed out all at once. It is like I vomited on them. Now all I need is a lamp shade to hide under.

I wish my wigs would come in, I really am looking forward to them. Shipping is going slowly though. What I get for ordering from overseas.

I hope to post some pics soon, but first I want to look a little better.

Decided I should try this blog thing. Never done one before.

I will probably move my poetry project here if this works out well.

For those who do not know me:

Full name: Sakura Patricia Anderson
You can call me: Sakura, Saki, Saki-chan, Sakura-chan, Trish
Gender: Female (Transwoman)
If I knew I would die tomorrow, I would;
*spend it with which person : mytymaimai
*listen to which band : Malice Mizer
*eat which food : Sushi
*ask which question : Did I make you happy?
Favorite People on the Forum; mytymaimai, Alacar, SoulGrind, wrathofron, Cecilia, Mamelon, Photon, Nontheroad, LunaSlave, Lilly, Tuatha, Kaylei (in no particular order, no fighting please )
Affiliation: Leader of [VOGUE]