Ok, I'll give this writing thing a shot, so here's two custom Magic-themed limericks to start things off:
Your journeys across the Multiverse have taken you to many strange and wondrous places, from the idyllic fairy tale land of Lorwyn, to the treacherous landscape of Zendikar. You have successfully survived many dangers that would have killed a lesser 'Walker.
However, on Earth, you've met your match. You begin a frantic search for the secret that will aid you in your quest.
Your first stop is at a place known as the Library of Alexandria, a wonder of the ancient world. No longer around in the Earth year 2010, you had to manipulate space/time to be able to return to the ancient past on Earth so you could learn the secret you've been searching for so long. As you glance around the rickety wooden shelves, one scroll in particular catches your eye.
An ancient, dilapidated scroll, written in a forgotten language, bound in dusty leather, almost seems to jump out at you. On the front cover, the title reads: Musings of the Ancients.
Since you're able to actually read this archaic dialect, you cautiously crack the scroll open, excitedly pondering what secrets lie within.
At the top of the scroll, you read the following:
1
There once was a planeswalker named Jace,
wore a hood so you couldn't see his face.
Aspiring to be a master of the mind,
forgetting what he had left behind,
set out on a journey through time and space.
2
An elf and a goblin once had a bout
to see who was the strongest young lout.
Midway through the epic fight,
as day turned into inevitable night,
a hungry dragon took them both out.
With a silent chuckle, you roll the scroll up and place it in repose on the shelf, wondering why the damn ancients had to guard their secrets so jealously. With a final sigh, you turn and walk towards the door, already plotting your next course of action.
As your hand reaches for the doorknob, you suddenly whirl around, swoop across the room and grab the text, stuffing it into your satchel, then run out the door, hoping no one saw you swipe a priceless treasure...
Hey all, here's some card ideas floating around in my head for your entertainment.
Note: Some cards in this thread are serious submissions, others are more humorous. Please keep that in mind if you critique any of them. Thanks!
==================Day One====================
I think I'll start with a few humorous cards that came to me in accordance with the prophesy:
Albert Einstein1WW
Legendary Creature - Human
When Albert Einstein enters the battlefield, search your library for any card and reveal it to all players, then shuffle your library and place it on top.
Explain the Theory of Relativity, Q: Take an extra turn before this one.
1/4
I'm On a Boat!1UUU
Enchantment - Aura
Enchant player
Enchanted player is on a boat. (Enchanted player’s creatures have Islandwalk and enchanted player can’t be attacked except by creatures with Islandwalk or flying.) “Hey ma, if you could see me now, arms spread wide on the starboard bow...”- The Lonely Island
(cheesiest rap song ever, but it's ridiculously funny!)
Snoop Dogg, Oldskool Rappa3BB
Legendizzle Creatizzle - Human Rappa “Bam, boom, watchoo gone do cuz? I’m still rockin on these beats, and got a bad rep on the streets...”
- Snoop
4/4
Sigil of the Crunk Rappers1WB
Enchantment - Aura
Enchanted creature gets +1/+1 for each freestyle Rap Battle that it's owner has won. "It's all up to you, you know what to do, DJ, spin that mess!- "The Future", 8 Mile
Ok, a few serious ones now:
Garruk Wildheart 2GG
Planeswalker - Garruk
+2: Target creature gets +2/+2 until the beginning of the end step.
-0: You may play an additional land from your hand this turn.
-3: Put target artifact, enchantment, or land on top of its owner's library.
-9: For the rest of the game, Forests you control are 2/2 Wolf creatures in addition to their other types.
<4>
(using Jace, the Mind Sculptor's templating for all new PW's)
Nassa, the Sky Seraph 1WWUU
Legendary Creature - Angel
Flash
Flying, shroud
When CARDNAME enters the battlefield, prevent all damage that would be dealt to you and creatures you control this turn.
2/5
Dark TidingsUUUBBB
Sorcery
Target player puts the top ten cards of their library to the graveyard. For each creature card sent to the graveyard this way, that player sacrifices a creature.
Probably OP, but a prohibitive mana cost should keep it in check...
I think I'd drop the Piranha Marshes, you don't want too many come-into-play-tapped lands, it slows you down WAY too much, and IMO the 1 life loss isn't really worth the trouble. I'd add 4 more Mountain instead for more consistent opening hands. Also, drop the Vampire Lacerators and move the last Anathemancer to the main deck and add a fourth Bloodghast (if you have it) as Lacerator can backfire on you if you leave it out too long. Also, might need more removal. Terminate? Nothing like destroying a $50 card with a $0.75 card...
Doomflame3BR
Legendary Creature - Gorgon Phoenix
Flying, deathtouch 2BBRR: Return Doomflame from your graveyard to the battlefield. Play this ability only during your turn.
If Doomflame enters the battlefield from the graveyard, destroy all other creatures. They can't be regenerated.
5/4
Next: Totally ridiculous, but Assembly-Worker + Phelddagrif = ?
Superman 2UR
Creature - Superhero
Flying, haste, shroud, first strike, vigilance, defender
~ is indestructable.
4/4
Oh noes, he can't attack!
Next:
Avatar of Thunder5RRR
Creature - Avatar
Haste, trample, first strike
If an opponent was dealt 3 or more damage this turn by a noncreature source, Avatar of Thunder costs 5 less to cast.
12/1
Surging Kavu 2R
Creature - Kavu
Kicker- 1RR
First strike, haste
If Surging Kavu was kicked, it enters the battlefield with three +1/+1 counters and trample.
2/2
<Rare>
Myr Foundry 7
Artifact
At the end of your turn, if you have four or more cards in hand, put a 1/1 artifact Myr creature token into play.
Hellbent- At the end of your turn, if you have no cards in hand, put three 1/1 artifact Myr creature tokens into play.
Next, since mine was skipped earlier this month:
<<CARDNAME>> WWBB
Enchantment
All creatures on the battlefield lose all abilities.
Sculler's Scepter WB
Artifact
Discard a card, T: Target player removes a nonland card in his or her hand from the game. Activate this ability only during your turn.
<Rare>
Wow, March of the Machines 2.0! It maybe just a little OP, but fair for the cost and within specified parameters... Heck, I'd play it...9/10
Next: A recurring graveyard animator instant or sorcery that doesn't remove it from the game.
I take this to mean a card that revives a fallen monster and doesn't remove it from the game, and it's reusable. Hmm.....
Strands of Revival2WB:
Sorcery
Return target creature in your graveyard with converted mana cost X or less to the battlefield, where X is the number of land cards in your graveyard.
Retrace (You may cast this card from your graveyard by discarding a land card in addition to paying its other costs.)
Next: Another card with Retrace in Green or Red (or both)
Acid Touch
Cost: 3B
Instant
Target creautre gains deathtouch until the end of the turn.
Draw a card.
Next: (W/B)(W/B)(B/G)(B/G)
Aura of Reanimation(W/B)(W/B)(B/G)(B/G)
Enchantment- Aura
Enchant Player
Enchanted player's creatures have persist (When it's put into a graveyard from the battlefield, if it had no -1/-1 counters on it, return it to the battlefield under its owner's control with a -1/-1 counter on it.).
Moss Charm1G
Instant
Choose one- Target creature gets +2/+2 until end of turn, or destroy target artifact, or put a 1/1 Green Saproling creature token onto the battlefield.
Leonin Snare2
Artifact - Equipment
Equipped creature has +1/+1 and T: Tap target creature. It doesn't untap during its controllers next untap step.
Equip 2
@Little Money: First 2 abilities are OK, just LOL at the last ability, and starting loyalty? 5/10
Dragon Hatchling1RR
Creature - Dragon 5R, Sacrifice Dragon Hatchling: Search your library for a Dragon creature card and place it on the battlefield. Shuffle your library afterwards.
2/2 They grow up so quickly, don't they?
The Twilight Zone or The Outer Limits? (TV Shows)
Your journeys across the Multiverse have taken you to many strange and wondrous places, from the idyllic fairy tale land of Lorwyn, to the treacherous landscape of Zendikar. You have successfully survived many dangers that would have killed a lesser 'Walker.
However, on Earth, you've met your match. You begin a frantic search for the secret that will aid you in your quest.
Your first stop is at a place known as the Library of Alexandria, a wonder of the ancient world. No longer around in the Earth year 2010, you had to manipulate space/time to be able to return to the ancient past on Earth so you could learn the secret you've been searching for so long. As you glance around the rickety wooden shelves, one scroll in particular catches your eye.
An ancient, dilapidated scroll, written in a forgotten language, bound in dusty leather, almost seems to jump out at you. On the front cover, the title reads: Musings of the Ancients.
Since you're able to actually read this archaic dialect, you cautiously crack the scroll open, excitedly pondering what secrets lie within.
At the top of the scroll, you read the following:
There once was a planeswalker named Jace,
wore a hood so you couldn't see his face.
Aspiring to be a master of the mind,
forgetting what he had left behind,
set out on a journey through time and space.
2
An elf and a goblin once had a bout
to see who was the strongest young lout.
Midway through the epic fight,
as day turned into inevitable night,
a hungry dragon took them both out.
With a silent chuckle, you roll the scroll up and place it in repose on the shelf, wondering why the damn ancients had to guard their secrets so jealously. With a final sigh, you turn and walk towards the door, already plotting your next course of action.
As your hand reaches for the doorknob, you suddenly whirl around, swoop across the room and grab the text, stuffing it into your satchel, then run out the door, hoping no one saw you swipe a priceless treasure...
More to come later...
Note: Some cards in this thread are serious submissions, others are more humorous. Please keep that in mind if you critique any of them. Thanks!
I think I'll start with a few humorous cards that came to me in accordance with the prophesy:
Albert Einstein 1WW
Legendary Creature - Human
When Albert Einstein enters the battlefield, search your library for any card and reveal it to all players, then shuffle your library and place it on top.
Explain the Theory of Relativity, Q: Take an extra turn before this one.
1/4
I'm On a Boat! 1UUU
Enchantment - Aura
Enchant player
Enchanted player is on a boat. (Enchanted player’s creatures have Islandwalk and enchanted player can’t be attacked except by creatures with Islandwalk or flying.)
“Hey ma, if you could see me now, arms spread wide on the starboard bow...”- The Lonely Island
(cheesiest rap song ever, but it's ridiculously funny!)
Snoop Dogg, Oldskool Rappa 3BB
Legendizzle Creatizzle - Human Rappa
“Bam, boom, watchoo gone do cuz? I’m still rockin on these beats, and got a bad rep on the streets...”
- Snoop
4/4
Sigil of the Crunk Rappers 1WB
Enchantment - Aura
Enchanted creature gets +1/+1 for each freestyle Rap Battle that it's owner has won.
"It's all up to you, you know what to do, DJ, spin that mess!- "The Future", 8 Mile
Ok, a few serious ones now:
Garruk Wildheart 2GG
Planeswalker - Garruk
+2: Target creature gets +2/+2 until the beginning of the end step.
-0: You may play an additional land from your hand this turn.
-3: Put target artifact, enchantment, or land on top of its owner's library.
-9: For the rest of the game, Forests you control are 2/2 Wolf creatures in addition to their other types.
<4>
(using Jace, the Mind Sculptor's templating for all new PW's)
Nassa, the Sky Seraph 1WWUU
Legendary Creature - Angel
Flash
Flying, shroud
When CARDNAME enters the battlefield, prevent all damage that would be dealt to you and creatures you control this turn.
2/5
Dark Tidings UUUBBB
Sorcery
Target player puts the top ten cards of their library to the graveyard. For each creature card sent to the graveyard this way, that player sacrifices a creature.
Probably OP, but a prohibitive mana cost should keep it in check...
I guess that's it for now... tune in next time!
Legendary Creature - Gorgon Phoenix
Flying, deathtouch
2BBRR: Return Doomflame from your graveyard to the battlefield. Play this ability only during your turn.
If Doomflame enters the battlefield from the graveyard, destroy all other creatures. They can't be regenerated.
5/4
Next: Totally ridiculous, but Assembly-Worker + Phelddagrif = ?
Creature - Superhero
Flying, haste, shroud, first strike, vigilance, defender
~ is indestructable.
4/4
Oh noes, he can't attack!
Next:
Avatar of Thunder 5RRR
Creature - Avatar
Haste, trample, first strike
If an opponent was dealt 3 or more damage this turn by a noncreature source, Avatar of Thunder costs 5 less to cast.
12/1
Seems WAY overpowered to me...
Creature - Kavu
Kicker- 1RR
First strike, haste
If Surging Kavu was kicked, it enters the battlefield with three +1/+1 counters and trample.
2/2
<Rare>
Next: Agony Warp
Next, since mine was skipped earlier this month:
<<CARDNAME>> WWBB
Enchantment
All creatures on the battlefield lose all abilities.
Artifact
Discard a card, T: Target player removes a nonland card in his or her hand from the game. Activate this ability only during your turn.
<Rare>
I take this to mean a card that revives a fallen monster and doesn't remove it from the game, and it's reusable. Hmm.....
Strands of Revival 2WB:
Sorcery
Return target creature in your graveyard with converted mana cost X or less to the battlefield, where X is the number of land cards in your graveyard.
Retrace (You may cast this card from your graveyard by discarding a land card in addition to paying its other costs.)
Next: Another card with Retrace in Green or Red (or both)
Aura of Reanimation (W/B)(W/B)(B/G)(B/G)
Enchantment- Aura
Enchant Player
Enchanted player's creatures have persist (When it's put into a graveyard from the battlefield, if it had no -1/-1 counters on it, return it to the battlefield under its owner's control with a -1/-1 counter on it.).
Next: (2/W)(2/U) with a kicker cost of WU
Instant
Choose one- Target creature gets +2/+2 until end of turn, or destroy target artifact, or put a 1/1 Green Saproling creature token onto the battlefield.
Artifact - Equipment
Equipped creature has +1/+1 and T: Tap target creature. It doesn't untap during its controllers next untap step.
Equip 2
Next: Putrid Leech
Dragon Hatchling 1RR
Creature - Dragon
5R, Sacrifice Dragon Hatchling: Search your library for a Dragon creature card and place it on the battlefield. Shuffle your library afterwards.
2/2
They grow up so quickly, don't they?
Next: Another dragon please!
Creature - Insect
Flying
When Marsh Dragonfly enters the battlefield, destroy target Spider.
3/2
Next up is:
CARDNAME WWBB
Enchantment
All creatures on the battlefield lose all abilities.